Angela - posted on 03/22/2009 ( 4 moms have responded )
My daughter Angel Iyanna Dixon had just turned 8 months old that day when passed away on 2/17/09 of SIDS. I keep replaying those last days in my head. We had went home to visit my mom on Valentine's day and spent the weekend there. She enjoyed being with her g-ma. We came back to Jacksonville on Monday the 16th. That was the last day I held my baby. On the morning of the 17th I got up a little late. I was so tired and really didn't want to go to work. I started to call in but I forced myself to go because I knew my boss would be upset if I didn't show up the day after a holiday. So I got ready and kissed Angel on the forehead and told her that I loved her and would see her tonight as she slept in her bassinet next to our bed. That was the last time I saw my baby alive.
Her father dropped her off at daycare and she was perfectly fine. She looked at him and smiled as he walked out the door. At noon her babysitter placed her on a King sized bed on her back playing with some toy. She left her there for 45 minutes and when she went back to check on her, she had flipped onto her stomach and passed away.
I am so angry I don't know what to do. The doctor's put me on an antidepressant but it doesn't help. I think about Angel almost every minute of everyday. I sit and I think about what she would be doing now. At the time she passed she was almost crawling. I imagine her laying in her bassinet and looking up at me with her beautiful brown eyes. My heart is completely broken. She is my first and only child. She was born at 27 weeks, only weighed 2lbs 1 oz and was only given a 50% chance of making it. They said even if she lived she would have some health problems. She proved them wrong. She was perfectly healthy. She was just a little small. There was nothing wrong with her. She shouldn't have died. She should still be here with us. I just don't know how to go on without her. I believe in God and know that he is here but it doesn't seem fair for us to have to go through this when we went through so much. Angel spent 99 days in the NICU and overcame so much and for her to pass away like that is wrong.
Sorry for rambling but I can't really talk to anyone else about it. Angel's father is emotionless and my mother is handling it really bad too. She has a heart issue and I don't want to add any more stress to her. Thanks for listening(reading)
(RIP my sweet Angel 6/17/08-2/17/09)