help me please

Rebecca - posted on 09/26/2010

Im coming up on my sons one year birthday and although he is not here in person he is still here with us everyday. I think you should still celebrate the birthday. I have two other children and they cant wait to celebrate there brothers birthday.

Joey - posted on 09/23/2010

No body can tell you what to do or how to act just do what ever feels right for you I am coming up to what would be my first daughters birthday last year i let loose it was so hard and I really dont see it getting any easier this year either, just be yourself and go with what ever feels right for you, just be strong and remember they are in our hearts forever. x

Teresa - posted on 09/22/2010

I celebrate my son's birthday every year Nov.12 and mourn his day of death Oct 1. I have other children and even though they are grown, I will never forget Brad's special day, nor will I allow them to forget him.

Carolina - posted on 09/15/2010

Celebrate both! It's important to remember your daughter's birthday and death anniversary and it will be good for your other child(ren) to know about their big sister. I lost my daughter over a year ago and I now have a 4-1/2 month old baby boy. We celebrate both her days and we plan to teach our son when he's older about his big sister in Heaven. Good luck with your pregnancy!

Cyndi - posted on 09/15/2010

Hi Sarah! So sorry to hear of your loss. Also congratulations on your new baby! I personally would celebrate both your daughter's bday and her angel day. I don't think it would take away from your new baby at all. Even though your daughter is no longer with you, she was still born and here, even if only for a short time, and celebrating her arrival would be good for you and your family, and eventually her new sibling. You don't have to do anything extravagant, something simple would be just fine, just as long as you acknowledge the day. Obviously you will be busy with the new baby, but I really don't think ignoring the day is going to be a good thing down the road. You may later feel bad about it, thus making the situation for yourself worse. Hope this helped! Good luck!

Melissa - posted on 09/09/2010

I lost my daughter in May of 1990 and in April of 1991 my beautiful son was born. At that moment, all I could think about was how relieved I was that he was healthy. I was stil emotionly distrought over losing Katie, but at the same time thankful that God blessed me with another chance of being a mom. Two years after my son was born, I had another son,who was also healty. At 5 months old, I almost lost him to phemonia and RSV. But thank God he made it. Katie would be 20 now, and every year we celebrate her birthday together. It took me 12 years to actually let her go and give her back to the ONE who gave her to me. I would suggest that you celebrate your daughter's birthday with the joy of your new baby. This child cant replace the one you lost, but God has given you this for a reason, and maybe that reason is to fill the emptiness that you hold in your heart. God bless you and I will continue to pray that God gives you peace and understanding.

Nikki - posted on 09/08/2010

i avoided it for years my son was born 11 months after my daughter died i finally accepted it and bought her balloons that said happy birthday and put them at her site and told her i missed her. and how wonderful her brother and sister are. it helps and its kind of easing with the pain, sorry thats all i have

Kisha - posted on 09/07/2010

Celebrate your child whenever you feel to in your heart! Whenever you feel that feeling. It doesnt have to be a special date

Jennifer - posted on 09/06/2010

My daughter Avery was born one day before the birthday of my daughter Bella (2/25/04-06/09/04). It was really hard to have both of their birthdays back to back. But I still celebrate Bella's birthdays and acknowledge her "Angel Days" (her death date) on their dates. Make sure to make the new baby's birthday a happy one, and celebrate your other child's birthday (visiting gravesite, lighting candles...I even take balloons up to the gravesite, as strange as it sounds.)

Sharon - posted on 09/06/2010

hi sarah i lost my son 15 yrs ago on his birthday i let hellum ballons go for what age he was this yr it will be 20 and on the day he died i found somewhere on the net that do a we love you ballon i let one of those go and on both days iandle i hope this might help hun xx

Jennifer - posted on 09/06/2010

Do what you feel is right. there is no right and wrong thing to do if it helps you get through the tough moments by doing something in remembrance then I say do it. You just have to remember that your really live relationships can't suffer to do it when it does then you need to just do it another time or another way. even though they are with God they will always be yours.

Lizzette - posted on 09/06/2010

Hey hun. It really just depends on you. I can't tell you what to do...but I can tell you about my past experience. I had my son,and he passed away in June, of 2007. We celebrated his short lived life, the first two years he was gone...but I realized getting him a cake, sending him up baloons and decorating, was making me depressed. This year we did nothing like that. I cried...but It wasn't nearly as bad as "celebrating" his death, or short life. I hope this helps. Everyone grieves differently, so idk how you'd feel about celebrating. After all.........there is not much to celebrate- my baby is gone. forever. But...that's my way of looking at it.

Alex - posted on 08/08/2010

I had twins in 2009 and one was stillborn. We celebrated for both children in special ways. As it was their first birthday it was particularly hard but also very special. I feel the need to celebrate both of them in different ways from now on. after all it is still his birthday.
I hope you find the answer and it feels right.

Theresa - posted on 08/07/2010

I had my daughter Avarie in July of 2009, and my son Skyler passed away two days after he was born in November of 2007. He was supposed to be our last child as he made child number three, but then we had Avarie. Nothing has really changed we still every holiday and birthday bring our two oldest girls and now Avarie to the graveyard to put flowers and gifts. Still celebrate because in the long run your new baby will grow up and be curious about the older sister. Besides your daughter is still part of your family, and your new daughter will grow up never forgetting how special her older sister is.

Eliz - posted on 08/07/2010

I personally celebrated my son's birthday. I tried to make it a time of happiness because his birth was the first time I met him and trully fell in love with him. I bring him a card and a small gift. On the day he passed away I bring him flowers and let the bad feelings out. Do whatever makes you feel ok at the time.

Jenni - posted on 08/06/2010

I agree with the previous advice, you need to do what feels right for you. My situation is similar to Samantha's as I am raising a surviving twin. My son lived for 1 hour. My husband supported whatever I decided. Each year, we celebrate our daughter's birthday on a different day and on their birthday/anniversary of his death, we spend the day together as a family, privately. We start the day at the cemetery and then do something together. This may change in the future as our daughter gets older but at 3, it's not like she really has a preference.
The important thing, is that you do what feels right for you and don't back down. Right now, it's important to me to spend the day with my husband and my daughter. And until my heart feels differently, I will not let anyone else decide differently for me.

I'm so sorry for the loss of your daughter!

Lizzette - posted on 08/04/2010

hun, do what you feel is right. my son died soon after he was born and i did celebrate his bday every year until this year. i cried less, not focusing on his death.

Samantha - posted on 08/04/2010

I would celebrate. I have twins and one passed away. I am going to celebrate them both. I will try to make my surviving son's bday a bigger priority and not let my emotions get the best of me, but I am still going to have a cake for my other twin.

Michelle - posted on 08/03/2010

I would suggest since this one is due the same month as your previous that perhaps you make or have something special made for this one. A shirt, a hat, something that will help you to think of both your angels. I have not reached the date of my baby's passing or birthday yet, but I will celebrate both as her birthday this year and then on the date of her passing after. The reason I will do this is because I had a labor induction after my baby passed so in reality (to me) that is the day she was born. I wish you all strength as you come to each of these milestones.

Rachel - posted on 08/01/2010

Celebrate! I know it's hard to think of it as a happy time, but it's still the birthday of one of your children. I'm not saying go out & buy cake & ice cream or anything, but something to honor her. My 1st baby was stillborn, Aug.9th, 2005, every yr on that day I go to the cemetary where she's barried & let off a single helium balloon. I watch it float away & imagine she gets it. I know she wasn't born alive, but I treat that as her birthday & it's always a happy birthday balloon. It's emotional & sad, but it helps me to cope. I think you having your next baby around her birthday can make it not so sad in away. You will always love & miss her, but you also will have somthing to look forward to. Give yourself time to cry for her, but let your new baby get to have a happy day. I just had my 1st baby after losing Mariah (almost 5yrs ago) & I find that I love him more & am more greatful, because I know what it feels like to have lost. When you have your new baby you will go throug a whole range of crazy emotions. Overwelming, guilt for feeling like you shouldn't be as happy as you are, then over joyed, I had them all,& am still dealing with them. Good luck with your new bundle, everything will work itself out.

Ramy - posted on 08/01/2010

You need to cut yourself some slack and do what works for you. Don't worry about what anyone else thinks is right, or ok, or "normal". Take it one day at a time and be aware that hormones are making what would otherwise have been a difficult time even worse.
My second daughter's official due date was the day of the one year anniversary of the accident that killed my first daughter. Fortunately we scheduled a c-section almost 2 weeks prior to that. It will always be an emotional time for me, especially since it is just before Christmas.
Hang in there and take one day (or even one moment) at a time. Grieve when you need to in whatever way you need to, and rejoice whenever possible.

Heather - posted on 07/29/2010

Celebrate and do something special. I lost my daughter Angelica 20 yrs ago and my other children send "balloons to heaven" both on her birthday and her anniversary. I found healing is easier if you dont pretend it never happened. Celebrate the moments you had. They will always be your angels.

Grace - posted on 07/23/2010

you have the right to celebrate whatever day you want. celebrate her birthday get a cake and some balloons have a rememberance party go to where she rests and read her a book your her mother do what you do best theres no wrong wayto do things who cares what others think i just lost my baby boy Jordan Tyler on june 30th 2010 i go everyday and read him a book and let balloons go i talk about how im going to have his 1st rememberance party it helps good luck with the new one god bless

Linda - posted on 07/23/2010

I think you should celebrate it is her day after all birthdays are the best it's the day of life it's a happy day if it makes you feel close to her why not after all it is her day. My daughters birthday is on Jan 2 and i celebrate and it has been 30 years.

Jennifer - posted on 07/21/2010

I agree with Stacey! I think....if you want to celebrate it then do so! If you want to just take your second baby to her grave site and have a few moments with the both of them...do so! You just do whatever your little heart desires and don't worry about "what's acceptable" Acceptable: worthy of being accepted... BY YOU!!!!! p.s. CONGRATS ON YOUR NEW BABY! You are a great mother!!!!!

Stacey - posted on 07/21/2010

still celebrate, she is still your daughter and one day your other daughter will know about her and will want to celebrate with her, i have also lost a daughter and now have another wee baby girl who was born 3 days after my first daughters one year anniversary of her death and we still celebrated/grieved for her. she will always be with you never be ashamed of it and always remember her and love her as if she were still here :) hope this helps :)