Holding another baby.

Jessica - posted on 11/28/2010 ( 11 moms have responded )

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I just lost my son in June. He was 10 days old. It took the whole family completely by surprise. His autopsy hasnt come back yet which is still got all of us in a state of confusion. 1 of my many cousins just had a baby girl and was at the families thanksgiving dinner. I hadnt held another baby since my son. My family understands and has been a great support for me and my husband and son in this. My cousin asked me if I would like to try to hold her daughter. I was a bit hesitant but I went ahead and held her. I was doing ok till something broke inside of me. I handed her back and had to go calm down. I felt like I was being ripped apart at the seams. My family understood, for that I am extremely grateful. But how long is it going to take before I no longer fall to pieces when I see or hold anothers baby? Has anyone else had this problem?

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Anne - posted on 11/30/2010

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I am so sorry for your loss, I hope for gentle days ahead for you and your family.

My husband and I lost our son in October 2008, it wasn't until the following October when my nephew was born that I held a baby. Even then I'd have my moments where I'd fall apart, it happens and that is completely normal. My nephew is a year old, it has been a few months now where I can comfortably hold him without falling apart.

Time will heal and comfort you

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11 Comments

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Donna - posted on 01/08/2011

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My love goes out to you what you have been through must be awful. I was 22 and a half weeks when I lost my child. I didn't know the sex and didn't hold a funeral. I chose not to know and distanced myself. At the time of losing a friend of mine had a 2month old and I spent a lot of time around my friend and her children and of course caring for my two older children. One thing I do regret is not talking about it more, both to friends and my husband. I hope things get a little easier for you. Xx

Jamie - posted on 12/14/2010

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I am so sorry for your loss. My daughter Sarah was due Oct 5, 2010 but was born stillborn on May 29, 2010. My brother in laws gf was due Thanksgiving day but gave birth to my nephew Nov 9, 2010 and when I went to the hospital to see him I stood in the hallway crying until I couldn't cry anymore then worked up enough courage to go in and hold him for about 2-3 mins. That night I cried myself to sleep. I have only seen him one other time since then and didn't hold him for long. The wound will heal but there will always be a scar. I hope for the best for you and that the pain eases some. God bless you and your family.

Victoria - posted on 12/13/2010

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you have my love and thoughts ,
my son died when he was 14 days old he never made it home. i did not have a supportive family they all said get overit they still do to this day 6 years later. but whe my girlfrinds baby was born i heldhim right away it was very hard but i mad it. went home and balled my eyes out and drank nearly a whole bottle of red wine. my girlfriend told me that i should look at it as ive had 14 hard but wonderful days with Tihy. and that he is watching over me and giving me the strength to hold another baby.now when i do hold babies boys are harder to hold because of him but theyare just so sweet and loveabul. only you can be the one to know when you are ready but when you are you will be ok with it.

Courtney - posted on 12/10/2010

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I lost my son, Logan 6 years ago on this coming Jan 12. He was a twin, so obviously I had to hold his brother, but I was not capable of holdyn another child until my nephew was born 2.5 years later. I actually was the first to hold him becuase the nurses handed him to me when my sister started bleeding bad. I now have quite a bond with him to this day.

Everyone grieves differently.

Zakhele - posted on 12/09/2010

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It is too soon I lost my son on march this year attended counselling but still I feel empty but as they say time heels all wounds, one day we will get through stay strong and pray hader.be blessed.

Julia - posted on 12/07/2010

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I'm deeply sorry for your loss....My sister and I had babies 2 days apart.. my beautiful daughter was very ill when she was born (all prenatal tests came back normal so I wasn't expecting this) and spent the short 7 months of her life in hospital before she passed away... still to this day (now 10 years) I have times I get sad around my niece.. it has pulled at my heart strings every time i've held her... I have now been blessed with 2 boys (2 1/2 and 1) who I am greatful are both happy and healthy.... It was hard for me while pregnant as well as straight after their births worried that something would be wrong...

Kelly - posted on 12/05/2010

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i couldnt imagin holding another baby right now i think i would just start balling. as far as i can imagin i dont think i will ever hold a baby again unless it is my own or my grandchild.

Angela - posted on 12/02/2010

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I didn't hold another baby until my own was born almost three years later. It's too much when you remember so clearly how it felt to hold the baby you lost. For the longest time I could still feel my daughters fuzzy little head cradled in my arms. I grieved long and hard, but didn't hold another baby. It was thanksgiving weekend that my baby girl went to the er 9 years ago. All in all, grieving was the most difficult thing to do. We all do it differently and its important to accept the way that you grieve and the way your husband grieves. I wish you the best, the pain does lessen.

Cyndie - posted on 11/30/2010

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Everyone heals in their own time, and way. My SS passed 2 1/2 months before I had my son. I was overjoyed to have him here, but heartbroken thinking of his brother. Of course, there was the factor, that this was my child, and he needed me. He needed me to hold him and comfort him, just as I did for his brother.

[deleted account]

First and foremost, may you please accept my deepest condolences.

In response, I have the exact same problem. My son, Cory, passed from a congenital anomilie of his diaphragm, on August 16 2009. I have not held another baby since. Two very close friends, whom I visited with after their littles ones were born, offered to let me hold their babies and I have refused. And I am still not ready.

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