How can I include my son in my wedding without him being here?

Ericka - posted on 03/18/2010 ( 28 moms have responded )

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I'm getting married on Oct 23,2010 and would like to some how include my son Elias in our wedding. It's been almost 2 yrs since he passed away and I always imagined that when his daddy and I got married he would be our ring bear. Does anyone have any special ideas on how we can include him?

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Jesse - posted on 03/19/2010

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hey sweetheart, my baby boy will be gone two years in april it still so hard i know. since you wanted him to be a ring bearer what you could do is if you saved any of his clothes you could take something like your favorite shirt or pajamas or maybe like a couple things and if you know how to sow or know some one that does you could sow the clothes into a little pillow for the ring....

[deleted account]

Hi ericka congratulations on your wedding , I had mt twins on 28/1/04 Alex passed away on 30/1/04 and my partner proposed on mothers day that year, and I also wanted my son included in the wedding . My original plan was to have a camelia flower in my bouquet ,Alex's ashes were planted under a camelia bush, but the flourist couldnt get one as it was the wrong time of year instead we had a little picture of a camelia sown to the ribbon . My cake also had a camelia on it ,they were little touches that meant a lot to me and I knew they were there even if no one else noticed them.

how about putting him on your ring cushion find someone who could embroider your names and his name on the cushion ,sorry I dont know how old your son was do you have any pictures ? you could have his picture printed on the cushion . Theres also the saying something old something new something borrowed something blue , do you have any blue keepsakes from him, that you could have with you as your something blue.

Hope you have a wonderfull wedding and find a way you feel happy with to include your son.

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Taylor - posted on 03/10/2014

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Maybe tie a photo of him around your bouquet so he can walk you down the aisle? And possibly a slide show, or a photo on the tables?
Sorry for your loss :( x

Ingrid - posted on 04/15/2010

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We placed a little angel at each table for our wedding as part of the decoration..

[deleted account]

Dear Ericka,
I am sorry about your loss. I had been married for two years prior to the pasing of my son; therefore I am not sure if I will be much help. Yet, I still have a few suggestions: 1) If you have kept a few clothing items, you can make a pillow. 2) For your unity candle, maybe you can have a blue ribbon on it 3) You could incoporate a slideshow of yours and future husbands child/teenage years, picture of both of you and finally your son's pictures....as for the music for the slideshow you could start of with a love song that you both like and splice the music so that when your son's pictures cme up you can have a song like: Unity by Kelly Rowland or Precious Child by Karen Taylor. (I am definetly doing this when we renew our vows in a few years)
4) You can have your son's name etched on your glasses, rings, etc.
Hope this helps. Yet in the end, just remember that your wedding is your special day, and you should do whatever you like. Good luck with all your wedding planning.... :)
Congratulations on your upcomming marriage and best of wishes for many, many years to come.

Ashley - posted on 04/14/2010

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Hi and congrats on your wedding. I am getting married in about 2 years or so and my fiance is not the birth father of my son that passed away or my daughter. but he is very supportive and I want to include Sean in the wedding because if he was alive he would be our ring bearer..my idea was for my daughter Shyanne to pull a little wagon she has with Sean's teddy bear and a picture of him in it. and we plan on attatching our rings to the bear some how. so if this idea sounds good feel free to use it. I know its hard to celebrate important events with the loss of a baby in your heart and mind. it has been 4 years since my son passed and it still feels like yesterday.

Tammy - posted on 04/14/2010

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I lost my oldest son 5 years ago, he was 24 years old. I often think about what if I were to get remarried and what I might do to make sure that my son was included. So here is what I came up, a few ideas that might work.
1. have a small picture made up of him and have it penned to my dress or maybe each of the wedding party can wear it with a ribbon.
2. Have a small table set up near the groom's men to show that he is still present and not forgotten.
3. At the reception, I would leave a place setting and chair empty with a small picture of him. I do this at holidays at home, its my way of keeping him with us.
4. After the ceremony, you can let some doves lose in his memory.

But I think the most important thing to do, is to be happy on that day. Much happiness on your wedding day and know that you have a very special angel watching over you on that day.

Jessica - posted on 04/11/2010

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I will be getting married soon and we lost our little girl in May. I will have emeralds in my wedding band to remember her. Best of luck figuring out a special way to remember your angel.

Rosita - posted on 04/08/2010

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Congrats Ericka on the wedding and im sorry for ur loss. I have been married now for almost 9 years and we are planning on gettin remarried in the near future my daughter whom I lost was going to be my flower girl. I also want to have her apart of my big day :) I have came across a couple of ideas one was this website that sells candles, u can either have a wedding candle or u can have a candle made with ur son picture on it and they even give out a good price for child angel candles here is that link to that website http://www.franscandles.com/memorialvers...

You can also add things to ur wedding that ur son Elias like, im not sure how old he was when he received his wings, but u can put up a table with the candle and maybe a toy he liked. Butterfly's always remind me of my princess so I thought another good thing to do is the butterfly release after we say our I do's. let the butterflys all go at once. Those are just some ideas I have. I hope all goes well with the planning and ur going to be a beautiful bride :) again congrats. ♥ Rosie

Jo - posted on 04/08/2010

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hi, i had the same dilemma about our son Ryan, i have decided to have a yellow lilly in my boquet - we put him to bed with a yellow rose, & i've also bought a locket to put a picture of him in which i will be wearing on the big day....we always thought he'd be there with us on our big day as i was pregnant when we booked the reception venue but i know he'll be there in his own little way...& i'm hoping he sends mummy sunshine. We had the song ''the rose'' at his funeral for coming out of church & we have decided to have that as our first dance as it's a special song & means so much to us.

Angela - posted on 04/03/2010

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When my husband and I got married last year, my husband was heartbroken that his father and much loved grandma couldnt be there. I couldnt imagine letting our wedding come and go without them being involved somehow. We were married outdoors in June in an outdoor amphitheater. There was a large wood sided electrical box in the center of the seating area that I had decorated up with artificial flowers and ribbons and such. I arranged to have my hubby's only sister by his dad carry in their fathers urn which is positioned in a bald eagle statue and a picture of their grandma. she walked them in almost as an usher and placed his urn and her picture on that decorated box next to our good wishes vase where the rest of our guests placed polished glass stones like the ones youd put in a fish tank. It was a way to help them be there for the wedding and imitate them offering their good wishes.

If you choose to share your special day with your son, then offer him a place to "attend" and also be remembered. After the wedding, the decorated urn and photo were moved to a small table at our reception so they could be there for that too.

I love many of the ideas above and please remember it is your day and no matter how many days have passed or YEARS....you have EVERY RIGHT to miss your child and to include him in ANY way that you see fit. Many of the above ideas are GREAT!

Personally, if I were going to be doing something like this, I would want to do something holding him close to my heart like wearing a locket unseen but I would also want something visible to the rest of the world to allow them to know I am remembering and to also remember in their own if they like....like the candle lighting or placing a photo somewhere visible with flowers.

I will be remembering our baby that I was carrying when we married on our anniversary on June 5th. We lost him/her very early July at 6 weeks. We had an angel attend our wedding because they returned to heaven shortly after we married.

Make your day SPECIAL no matter what anyone thinks. Its about you and your husband after all and no one else. I look forward to finding out what you decide to do.

Angela

Wendy - posted on 03/31/2010

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Hi Ericka. I lost my son 24th January 2010. A few days after he passed away, my Mum gave me a locket with his name engraved on the front. On the inside is a picture of him and the other side some of his hair. You may like to wear a locket around your neck with your son's picture inside, or you could sew the locket to your garter if you are wearing one. I sewed a lucky old Australian coin (old currency which we no longer use) to my garter which was the year of my husbands birth. It was very sentimental and special to me. Having your son's picture on your or your dress maybe a way of him still being there with the two of you on your special day.



I believe your son will be there in spirit watching and smiling at the two of you, no matter what! Have a wonderful wedding.

Samantha Lyndsay - posted on 03/30/2010

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pictures inside of garders, symbolic flowers, maybe a song that reminds you of him. if some dont understand,or even think its too "morbid", then its a good thing its not their wedding.

Trish - posted on 03/29/2010

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hi ericka, my daughter raichel was to stand beside me at my wedding, three days after my boyfriend of 10yrs, proposed, my daughter was killed in a car accident she was eleven. when we married the following year, we did everything to include her. we had her photo and a lite three teer candle on the table where we signed our marriage certifcate. the minister spoke of my child, our song going back up the aisle was i hope you dance which has significate meaning to both myself and my daughter all the speeches at the reception included her, and our first dance which my niece sang, was here without you by three doors down, the words were change to include my daugters name. now almost 7 yrs later my niece is getting married and in honour of her cousin she is donating to cheo hospital, instead of the little take home gifts that people get on the tables, there will be a card stating what she has decided to do. hope i have given u a few helpful ideas. doing all what we did helped me feel that she was right there standing beside me. take care and congradulations on your big day.

Kaye - posted on 03/27/2010

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A friend of mine had a photo of her son at the alter and also had a photo taken afterwards holding the photo so he was with her on the special dayxx

Jodi - posted on 03/26/2010

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You can get a memory candle with his name on it and when you light you candle you can light his as well.

Angie - posted on 03/25/2010

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Well, I don't exactly know about your specific situation, but here is what I did. My son passed away from cancer when he was just 4 years old 11/09/2000. My fiancee and I had planned our wedding for September 28, 2002. My fiancee was not my son's dad, but I would have loved for his to have been because he was amazing during all the hard times.
So, September is child cancer awareness month and I set a picture out of my son in the entry way of the church with a basket of childhood cancer awareness pins. I attached a small card to each one informing everyone to take and wear a pin during the ceremony in Kevin's memory and I put a few facts on the card related to childhood cancer, etc.. It's awesome to look back at the pictures and see so many people wearing gold ribbon pins in Kevin's memory. Our photographer was not informed about any of this but surprised me with a picture of me with my husband in the front of the church and he was able to impose Kevin's picture right about us as if he was looking down on us that day. I had a large one made up and it's beautiful. I hope this helps. Best Wishes.

Karen - posted on 03/25/2010

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When my daughter got married we had a small table at the alter. On it sat a candle with his name on it and a bud vase with a single red rose in it. It sat next to the unity candle. We then took it to the reception and had a small table with those 2 items and a picture of him there. It was very touching. Everyone loved it. We also did a toast in his honor. Good luck. Karen

Kris - posted on 03/25/2010

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There were two special people that could not be at my wedding. It was not a child but it was my grandmother and my husbands mother. At the alter we put pictures of them, one on each side with flowers and it was a nice way to include them. Your son will be there in spirit and in your heart so if you have a picture it is a way for you to celebrate him as being there physically too. I lost my son in Sept 2007 in a car accident so I was already married but I would have done the same with his picture had he not been here.

Shelagh - posted on 03/24/2010

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I have the same problem - I will be getting married in May, and want to include my son in some way. It's many year (24) since he died, and most of our friends know nothing about him - I don't want to go into long explanations, but equally I don't want to have the day pass without some mention of him. I don't know where you're writing from Ericka, but in the UK it's common practice to have a 'toast to absent friends' at some point in the meal - we will include my partner's parents, a much-loved aunt, and my son in this toast. I feel this is enough - bearing in mind it's so long since it happened.

Sneaky - posted on 03/22/2010

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You could do something as simple as lighting a candle as part of your ceremony, or having a balloon release or releasing butterflies after the ceremony.

You could have your priest (or celebrant) mention your son during the ceremony - I did this at my daughters naming ceremony, having the celebrant thank all our family and friends for supporting us through the loss of ~Ben~ who now watches over his sisters from heaven.

It is your day, so I think you should include your son in any way YOU want to - if some of your guests do not understand then that is THEIR problem, not yours :o)

I also LOVE Jesse's suggestion about making a piece of his clothing (or maybe a baby blanket?) into the ring cushion.

Whatever you choose to do I hope you have a wonderful day, and that it is extra special because you have included your son :o)

Sara - posted on 03/21/2010

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We lost our son right before a wedding I was going to be in. They did a bouquet of flowers to remember their grandparents they had lost and included James along with them in the bulletin. I thought it was a very nice gesture for them to do that even though I didn't ask them to. You could maybe get his name engraved on the rings, or a special ring that has his birthstone, since he was going to be ring bearer. Best of luck to you on your upcoming special day!

Sherri - posted on 03/20/2010

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My daughters girlfriend was married last July and she always wanted her to be in the wedding. But my daughter passed away from cancer the year before. Her friend carried a picture of my daughter in a locket attached to her bouquet. during the wedding the locket fell off and they stated that Heatehr was there with them. I thnk something like that would be real nice and a wonderful memory for you and your husband.

Sherri

Caroline - posted on 03/19/2010

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Congratulations! I would have his name etched in the glasses or the cake server...something that you will hold forever, let’s say.
I planted a weeping willow and named it Jakob.
However, Lesley’s idea is simply amazing as well.

Abbie - posted on 03/19/2010

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I would do something simple and personal!! Nothing that others can see, because many will NOT understand it. So i would put a bold flower in your flowers for him, or wear a special piece of jewerly for him.

[deleted account]

Hi ericka congratulations on your wedding , I had mt twins on 28/1/04 Alex passed away on 30/1/04 and my partner proposed on mothers day that year, and I also wanted my son included in the wedding . My original plan was to have a camelia flower in my bouquet ,Alex's ashes were planted under a camelia bush, but the flourist couldnt get one as it was the wrong time of year instead we had a little picture of a camelia sown to the ribbon . My cake also had a camelia on it ,they were little touches that meant a lot to me and I knew they were there even if no one else noticed them.

how about putting him on your ring cushion find someone who could embroider your names and his name on the cushion ,sorry I dont know how old your son was do you have any pictures ? you could have his picture printed on the cushion . Theres also the saying something old something new something borrowed something blue , do you have any blue keepsakes from him, that you could have with you as your something blue.

Hope you have a wonderfull wedding and find a way you feel happy with to include your son.

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