how can you get over the death of your child

Cloteal - posted on 01/06/2010 ( 55 moms have responded )

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how can you get pass a child that die

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Carol - posted on 11/19/2012

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There is no way, we can never get past it, we think of them always and wish to see his or her face, even in a dream, but we can't, read notes that he sent to you, relive every horrible moment of accident.

You want them always, but can't touch or feel or see them any longer. The books say you recover in time, but, I never want to forget him or recover, I miss him every day, as we all do, and will carry the sorrow always. My son was 29, he had a fall and traumatic brain injury, he was in college in NYC, and died in a city that was not his own, but that he truly loved.I am sorry for all moms and dads that lost their darling children. We are a group of people that no one should belong to.

Helen - posted on 05/14/2013

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Hi Marilyn, I am sorry for your loss..I lost my son, Christopher almost 3 years ago, he was 17 1/2,a month before his high school graduation. My husband and I visit Christopher every single day. Every holiday, including St. Patricks day, I decorate his "sleeping place", he loved Halloween and vampires, loved Christmas, he loved every single thing and everybody. He was my little buddy, we went fishing, rode on rides at the state fair and also at a lake where they had an area for rides and games. He had no fear, and there were times he would get mad if I beat him at a board game. he would go with my husband and hit golf balls, since the age of 4. The only thing I can do,is to share with you about Christopher. For you, do something that you and your son shared or something you know he enjoyed. That's why Christopher's sleeping place is always busy, not just because of the way we take care of it, he also has many visitors....Christopher had such good friends, and he was kind enough to make sure a small circle is always checking on his father and I.. By the way, I am also on anti-depressants, but my heart still bleeds and I will not find happiness , nor my husband, until the day Christopher comes to get us..:)

Helen - posted on 05/14/2013

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Hello, Cloteal..I am so sorry for your loss, I know exactly how you feel. My son was in a car accident 5/22/. My Prince fought so hard for 3 days, and on the 25th his temperature rose to 106, then down to 93. The doctors finally got his temp. up to 95 and remained steady through the who day. On the 22nd of may, my son was home with a few of his friends, they played x-box and I made them something to eat. (he was our only child). at about 9:45 pm, he and his friends left, but not before he hugged and kissed his father and I, he came back in the kitchen, he picked me up, hugged me so hard, set me down and kissed me on the top of my head. He always did this when he got older and taller (6' tall and he was a weight lifter). I followed him out the door and I told him to call if he needs a ride (his car was in the driveway, couldn't drive after dark, new york state law), he yelled out "I love you mommy, I yelled back, "love you more" he said I love you infinity". Those were the last words he spoke, 45 minutes later we got that dreadful call, my husband and I thought he broke his leg,wish he had. My son, Christopher was a 1/2 mile away from home, driving a person's car he had just met, there were 5 total passengers, why the owner wasn't driving his car..I don't know. Christopher hit a tree at 30mph, and the air bag did not work. I will tell you that for my husband and I we wish every single day that we die, only then will we finally be happy, because we are with Christopher. We will be buried on either side of him, my husband is 74 and I just turned 54, on the 9th of may. We do not celebrate any holidays, Christopher was the love and still is of our lives. My baby had over 3,000 people at his wake..he had many friends and he always told us, "You wait, you guys will see how many friends I have", we smiled and said at your "graduation party". that party never happened, he passed away and at his graduation, his friends pleaded for my husband and I to come; we did, I walked across the stage, tears running down my cheeks, a standing ovation, and walking back to my husband I received a beautiful boquet of flowers from the senior class., his diploma in my hand. We have not missed a day visiting our son, every holiday i decorate his "sleeping place" and there are his friends who visit Christopher and leave him roses, rosaries and other gifts, that eventually end up in his bedroom when winter comes. So, Cloteal; You never will get over the death of your child, time does not heal and the stabbing that occurs in your heart from the heartache you carry every day, only grows deeper..and continues to bleed. So when someone tells you I know how you must feel; They don't and God forbid you never want them to feel it either. I cry every single day, I sit in my baby's room at night and cry and in the morning when his father goes to get the paper and grabs coffee, I cry and at certain times I scream, I scream along with the crying, I tell my husband my eyes are red from hay fever, but he knows. Don't let any one tell you it's time to move on, it isn't. So cry, scream let it out, but my new friend, you feel better by screaming, but slowly the pain will come back and then it starts all over again. Please take car, I hope my honesty does not upset you, but I tell the truth, and at times that is my pitfall; so I will apologize ahead of time. I would love to hear from you if you need me, I will be here to answer you..♥ hold your baby tight in your heart.

[deleted account]

Connie, couldn't have said it better. My daughter Olivia was 14 years old when she died from sudden cardiac arrest. It has now been five years. Yes, I still grieve. I no longer have the life I once had but, God has Blessed me with a beautiful friendship with him. I am closer to him than I ever thought possible. I have found healing in gardening. I started gardening about one year after Olivia's death. When I look at my backyard, I still can't believe I did it all by myself. That's when I look up to the sky and feel my Olivia. It's such a wonderful feeling. When the wind blows, the chimes play their beautiful music, I wrap my arms around myself because I feel Olivia. All of our children are our Angels in Heaven smiling down on us.

Leslie Marie - posted on 01/08/2014

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I feel like that everyday. Nothing in this world holds value or worth to me. There is no sunshine. Its been almost 5 years and I feel it happened yesterday. I quit working and I have pushed everyone out of my life.

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Katie - posted on 01/23/2014

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My beautiful son Rob or "Robby" was killed in a fatal car accident on Sept 10, 2011 he was 18. Rob was my only child whom I raised myself with a little help from my mom when needed.

Rob was born on July 4, 1993 weighing in at 9lbs. 1 oz. I (Kate) Rob's mom was 22 years old and only weighed 115lbs prior to pregnancy and gained 25lbs during pregnancy, but some how managed to have a very very big boy naturally. During my labor of 27 hours and 3 hours of pushing I finally had my beautiful boy,

Rob was the type of kid that made friends easily. He was funny, witty, smart, gentle and kind. He wore his heart on his sleeve. Rob cared about other peoples feelings before his, he was also very polite. My sons friends say Rob had an "ole soul", wisdom beyond his age and I would have to agree. As Rob was growing up he just knew things that at his age he shouldn't have known. He got life early and was very mature gentleman by the time he graduated. My son planned on becoming a Nutritionist and was heading to college the summer he died.

Rob stood at 6'0 tall and had the most beautiful eyes and skin. Never had a blemish and boy what a tan. The girls from High School called Rob the "Italian Stallion" that didn't sit well with me, but he sure was beautiful inside and out During his four years in high school I don't think I saw one book come home. I would ask Rob don't you have homework and he would "I did it in study hall mom". He never asked for help with school work and managed to graduate with a "B" average. With all the looks, charm and smarts he needed for life my son was the most modust kid. He never judged people and had friend from every group in school. He had nerdy, athletic, grunge, skateboarders, not popular, popular. Rob saw everyone as the same and treated people how he wanted to be treated. Right after my son died one of the his friends wrote in the newspaper. Robby was the life of the party with the biggest heart. He stated if you knew Robby for 5 minutes it felt like you knew him for five years. Another friend wrote "if it wasn't for Robby I wouldn't have any friends. He loved life. His motto Live life to the fullest with no regrets and that he did. Some times I would just marvel at him, amazed that I had made such a wonderful human being. With his out going personality and numerous friends my sons death emptied his high school and many other friends from other schools. At his funeral kids, parents and teachers got up and spoke about what a wonderful person Rob was. I was proud, but so distraught that nothing sank in at the time.

To this day almost three years later I cry everyday. Rob is the first thing I think about and the last thing I think about daily. I long to see his fave and smile. I just want to hug my son. I can no longer listen to music. I can no longer work. I look outside in the morning and wish the day would hurry up and be over. I hate living and nothing makes me happy. The love of my life my son is gone forever. My heart aches and hurts every moment of every day. I Dont sleep well. The pain never gets easier it only gets harder. Living without my boy doesn't feel right. I beg god to take me every day so that I can be with my son. Rob was my entire world and purpose in life so why am I still here and he's not.

When was was just a toddler he loved me to read this one particular book to him it's called " I'll love you forever. His favorite part of the book goes like this I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, as long as I'm living my baby you'll be. I put this message on his headstone. My dear son not a day goes by that I don't long to see your beautiful face. I yearn to hug you and hold you tight. When you died so did I. Soon enough I will see you again and never leave. I love you son. Mama

Diane - posted on 01/21/2014

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My son Eric shot hisself October 3 2013. He would have turn 17 October 28. I never seen this coming it was over his girlfriend which was his first love cheating on him. The day this happen he came home from school I was home everything seemed fine he worked at a local grocery store got his uniform on walked out the door took a gun from my car went to his favorite place the park and shot hisself. I hurt everyday so bad. I look for an answer and can't find one. Can someone please tell me if this hurt gets any easier.

[deleted account]

me too!
I want to go with him/ I dont seem to care for my other two kids. I see them stronger than me. They are doing better than me. I feel like there is nothing up in my head just a cloud. My body cant seem to fight this flue that I have! I dont even care for medication I have to do this on my own. No alcohol nothing. I dont care for my properties my cars my possetions i am ready to go!

Kelynn - posted on 06/01/2013

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I don't think we ever get over the death of a child.
We just learn to live on. Miss my child every day.
praising my Savior saves and one day I will hold all of mine together in heaven.

Yvette - posted on 04/11/2013

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...losing a 23 year old or losing a 4 yr old .. doesn't matter... pain is the same..
bless you

Molly B - posted on 04/07/2013

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I lost my son zac on 8/10/12 he was twenty and he was on his job when he was in a wreck he was coming home from being on the job for a week he had text me around noon and at two he was gone I miss him so much daily he was still living at home and he was becoming a great man some days the pain is so hard to deal with I loved him so much he made me laugh everyday of his life

Kari - posted on 02/05/2013

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Thank you for responding back it means so much. I am trying to find meaning to all of this but having a hard time. I lost my parents 10 days apart not to long ago. I took care of my dad who had cancer til he passed and found my mother 10 days later. I want to believe that she could not go on living without my dad, but have never got over her death and now my son.

Cute - posted on 02/05/2013

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kari
im so sorry. no words justa few tears is what i can share with u. hope ur son is in a better place just like my own lil bo, who left his mamma and papa to go to a better place.

Kari - posted on 02/05/2013

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My son who was 24 passed away on 1/26/13. We had a bond that no one could ever understand or break. I don't know where to go from here. Justin was my first born and only son. We use to always say I love you no matter what, but I never got to say it before he passed. I am not sure I can or want to go on he was my world. The cause of death is still undetermined until all the reports come back and the autopsy. On Friday will be the funeral and I know I have to do it for myself and my son (he deserves nothing but the best). I went and seen him yesterday and he was so swollen and I begged him to wake up, and to hold my hand but he didn't. My son I will forever love you and you will forever be in my heart. You were taken to soon

Marilyn - posted on 02/03/2013

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I'm not sure of anything right now. I lost my son, Adam , April 21, 2012. He was 26 years 10 months and 28 days young. He had been ill since he was five but with one that you don't hear much about mental illness. He was born with a birth defect, had to have surgery, the swelling caused brain damage. He was normal in many ways, but he had a number of issues socially etc. at any rate, he's gone and it has been the most difficult thing in my life to deal with. I have been to a therapist, I'm on anti depressants, I'm trying to get busy, pray continually, but I lost a piece of my heart that I never imagined such pain, I'm crying as I write this. What can I say? I want what I can never have, my child back. My husband has been wonderful and supportive, I'm lucky in that way. Just don't know if this empty feeling will ever leave. All I can ask if anyone has a suggestion of how this can get any easier, tolerable, I would love to hear it. May you all have a blessed day!

Mita - posted on 12/03/2012

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Hi Dywanna,

I am also new to this site. My 23 year-old-son was taken by our Lord on Nov. 17th, that's two weeks and two days ago in a motorbike accident. Like you, I am shell-shocked and find it hard to move forward. We had our son cremated and in two weeks we will be returning him to the earth on a mountain somewhere. He is graduating in two weeks with a posthumous honorary degree and has lived wonderful life full of joy and love towards the end of his life. He was a man bursting with energy and wrote so many poems in a dozen journals. I feel your pain as they just left us only weeks ago. My husband is devastated as my son was his best friend. We take comfort in knowing that one day we will join our loved ones. I am so sorry for your loss.



Please feel free to email me.

Mita

Cute - posted on 12/02/2012

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dearest cloteal... i cannot even imagine how hard it must hav been for u, coz losing a 23 year old child is like losing oneself, dying along with him. i ask the same thing from our lord, what wrong hav i done? but i guess there is no use luking for answers... i wish all the PEACE in the world for you ma'am.

Cloteal - posted on 12/02/2012

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I would like to thank everyone that has post their stores I had a son how died at 23 and a daughter how die right after she was born my husband will not talk about my daughter at all and don't want me to talk about her. I do ask what did I do wrong for God to take them a way from me

Cute - posted on 12/02/2012

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it is very difficult, it will not happen. we will never get past, we will just take him along......... My little boy AADIT left us suddenly when he was two months old. he was an extremely beautiful child....my husband had prayed so hard for him, and we were so blessed! His elder sister ANANYA would just not leave him alone... And now this whole place is just a void, a pit of darkness, we are able to avoid at times and fall into its depths at other times. We would never be able to go ahead and replace him, jus carry him in our arms as we move ahead, and make our lives around his untouchable presence...his lovely silken dark hair, his tiny hands and feet, his eyes looking ast us and trying to make sense of relationships, his sweet lips,just learnt to curve into a smile! I MISS HIM, LOVE HIM, PRAY FOR HIM TO BE HAPPY AND TO COME BACK.

DYWANNA - posted on 11/29/2012

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WELL I AM NEW HERE BUT MY SON DIED ON 11/21/2012 I AM STILL IN SHOCK, I FEEL SO MAD,SAD AND CONFUSED. MY BIRHTDAY IS TODAY AND TODAY THE FUNERAL HOME IS PICKING HIM UP FOR HIS CREMATION TO BE DONE. I DONT BLAME GOD BUT I DONT UNDERSTAND WHY I HAVE BEEN PRAYING AND CRYING BUT IT IS STILL SO FRESH I FEEL LIKE I AM HAVING A HORRIBLE DREAM AND DREAD GETTING OUT O BED. I HAVE 2 SMALL CHILDREN I KNOW I HAVE TO BE STRONG FOR BUT TIME WILL HAVE TO HEAL ME AND WHAT I AM FEELING. I FIND COMFORT IN READING OTHER PEOPLE STORIES AND HAVE BEEN ON THE INTERNET SURFING EVERY TOPIC I CAN ABOUT DEALING WITH THIS. BUT I DO KNOW HE IS WITH GOD AND I WILL NEVER FORGET HIM I JUST HAVE TO LEARN TO LIVE WITHOUT HIM PHYSICALLY BUT HE WILL BE WITH ME UNTIL MY LAST BREATH. PRAYER AND WRITING IN A JOURNAL I HAVE WORKS TO, GOD MAKES NO MISTAKES AND THAT IS WHAT I KEEP TELLING MYSELF NOW I AM IN THE STATE OF MIND TO JUST GET MY BABY BOYS ASHES AND BRING HIM BACK HOME WITH US WERE HE BELONGS. CARDEA YOU WILL NEVER BE FORGOTTEN MY FOREVER BABY BOY LOVE YOUR MOMMY TIGHT HUGS AND PLENTY KISSES SENT UP TO YOU BEAUTIFUL I LOVE YOU

Kim - posted on 10/10/2012

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My son was killed by a drunk driver Feb 17, 2007...he was 19 years old and had his whole life ahead of him. Almost 6 years later I still cry almost everyday, I miss him so very much. My other children, he was the middle child of 3, seem to have 'gotten on with their lives' but I'm in this 'rut'...any words of encouragement?

Theresa - posted on 09/10/2012

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my heart is so broken ,i miss my daughter sissy who was brutally murdered in NYC 07/05/2012.

Carol - posted on 01/17/2010

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you never get over losing a child my son was murdered 28th april 2007 he was only 27years old and was my only son i nearly lost him at birth because he was born 5 weeks early and had breathing problems but he pulled through and was a great kid we had a special bond i would have done anything for him and then a piece of scum who had only been in this country for 5years slashed my sons throut literally ripping his throut out my son diddnt stand a chance as the person who did this came from behind my son diddnt even see him comming it,s been nearly 3years but it only seems like yesterday i have good days and bad days but you have to carry on i have 2 daughters who have helped me get through the bad times and my son,s daughter who is now 7 years old is so much like her daddy my son lives on in her you just have to take one day at a time we all talk about barry all the time he will never be forgotten he will always be in our hearts.

Karline - posted on 01/16/2010

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you dont really ever ''get over'' your loss of a child...time helps to heal but ''really'' the pain of it is always there...keep busy ...accept hugs and ''i cares'' talk about it ...dont let it fester....and remember, they are with our Lord and have no more pain...and are waiting for us. when it is time...i am ok with that.

Bonnie - posted on 01/16/2010

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I don't think that you ever get over it. The pain eases but never goes away, it just becomes a part of you. I try to live each day doing things that would honor Justin, even if it is something stupid that I know he would have enjoyed. He isn't here to do it now so I have to do it for him. He may have been 22, 3 years ago when he was killed but he was still my baby and had a lot more living to do.

Somer - posted on 01/16/2010

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my son Camron was still born a year ago on Jan 8th and like you I have a hard time most days but I have two older children that I have to go on for and I think that is the only reason that I have made it this far. I agree with all of you thou you never get over loosing a child which I learned from watching my best friend struggle with the loss of her son but you just have to take it day by day, step by step, and even sometimes breath by breath. My biggest struggle has been that no one (most of all my husband) wants to talk about him its like everyone wants to forget that he exists but even thou I was only 16 weeks pregnant he is my son and I held him and have pictures of him and most of all I love him and I will never forget. So dont let anyone tell you that you cant grieve or talk about you baby or do what ever you need to do to make you feel even just a little bit better.
I wish you the very best
I am so very sorry for your loss
Somer

[deleted account]

You don't ever get over the death of your child. I can't even tell you that it gets easier. What seems to happen is life! It moves forward and you do too. If you have other children, then you live for them; if you don't then you move forward. You will get stronger with the help of your mate and you will find yourself time to time even feeling guilty for feeling so happy.
I just tell myself; "if it was me would I want the ones I left behind sad? or moving on and being happy?" You will do great!! You all ready have done the first step.. You are talking about it..:)

[deleted account]

Cloteal, I don't believe we every get over the death of our child. We just learn to live life in a different way. What was once normal no longer exist. In the first year, I felt I would and couldn't survive. There was no way that I could live without my daughter. I felt as though it was all a bad dream and I would wake up and my Olivia would be in my arms. It was five years April 22. I did survive by the Grace of God. My relationship with God is one that I never knew before. I've gotten involved with various causes such as Parent Heart Watch, SADS and The Compassionate Friends. I have found that when I work towards raising awareness about this silent killer of young adults and children, I keep Olivia's memory alive. I can hear her say "Mom, you can do it. You go, Mom!" Her death will not be in vain and she will never be forgotten. Cloteal, it does take time. One day, one minute at a time. You will find a strength deep within you that you never knew you had. When you feel like crying, cry. When you feel like screaming, SCREAM. If you're mad at God, that's okay because he knows your pain. Olivia is always with me...our children are forever in our hearts. God Bless you.

Angela - posted on 01/14/2010

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You don't ever get over a loss of a child. My daughter Angelica would be 13yrs old in Feb. and still to this day when her birthday comes around I go thru a real sad and angry period. I just have to stay busy, cry often and try to rememeber that God had a different plan for her. I just hope that when the time comes she will be waiting for me at the gates above.

Connie - posted on 01/14/2010

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Hi Cloteal, I agree with everyone below that you don't get over the death of a child. My son was 12, and it's been 14 years since he went to heaven. I went on a bibical study on Heaven and what my son was doing there. It is what kept me sane... the fact that I will run to him again one day and put that bear hug on him.... can't wait! In Revelation the saints in heaven were crying concerning the people on earth and when would God take care of those who are evil, well that tells me that my son can see what's going on here on earth. So I talk to him, and try to make him proud. I know he would not care for me to get depressed but to continue to serve our Lord. So I do what makes Christ and my son happy. That gives me joy, and also tells him how very much alive I know he is.

Sharon - posted on 01/14/2010

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honey, you never get over the death of a child and don't let anyone tell you different. You learn to go on but let yourself grieve....it's ok. I lost my son 16yrs. ago and I still have times when I lock myself away from everyone and everything. It's healthy and makes you feel like moving forward again. One day at a time, one step at a time.

Mary - posted on 01/13/2010

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My 23 yr.old son passed away a year ago on Dec 27th..
He had only been home from Iraq for 2 weeks...He was there for 6 mths.
His marriage of 6 mths failed, and he came home hopeless, and tormented.....
It was a HORRIBLE 2 weeks. He was living with me..
He accidently overdosed after partying heavily with some friends...
My life will NEVER be the same, and some days I do not want to wake up...
It's been a year now, and I still cannot believe it has happened ...
I have not been to his grave since the day of....I cannot bare the pain....
He was an American Hero..Arkansas Army Ntl. Guard, Combat Engineer...
PFC Chad Josef McGehee...

Lisa - posted on 01/13/2010

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I dont think you will ever get over it but as time goes by it does get easier to deal with. I lost my baby 12yrs ago. I read books there is a good one called broke heart empty cradle. On my babies birthday I bake a cake and celebrate his life I had with him. Im sorry you have to go through this. Do you have a support system? I didn't. I found going to a grieving class helped. Maybe try that. I wish you all the luck in the world. Very hard thing to go through.....

Veronica - posted on 01/13/2010

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I would like to start by saying how deeply sorry I am for your loss. As a mother you will never get over the loss of your child, however speaking from experience I have learned that if you don't let your emotions come out naturally mourn it makes the process alot more dificult. It has been four years since my daughter passed away and I tried to keep busy never really dealing with the pain of her loss. Keeping busy is good as long as you still find the time to grieve when you need to....cry, get angry, talk about it, and share all the good times you had with your child as much as you can. The pain never goes away but you learn to accept with time....

Kelly - posted on 01/13/2010

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Its never really about getting over the death of your child, its finding the way to keep living your life after the death of your child... Its not the same. It will never be the same. But it is the life that we have and it is our choice on what to do about it from each moment on... Because better than many, us mom's who can't hold our children in our arms know, that it is even the shortest of moments that can count the most...

Elizabeth - posted on 01/13/2010

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You will never get over losing a baby, I delivered stillborn twins at 20 weeks nearly 3 years ago, and I am still not over it. I look at all the things the hospital gave me and I think about how life would be with them here. It will get easier as time goes by, but it will never totally be gone from your mind. I have a daughter who was born almost exactly a year after I lost the twins and we talk to her about her big brother and sister and hope that someday she will understand and appreciate them the way we do! I have pictures of the twins everywhere in the house and i talk about them, they're still my babies whether they're here or not! Just continue to love them no matter what, you'll slowly ease into their loss and it won't hurt nearly as much as it does now.

Emer - posted on 01/12/2010

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im still in as much pain 2day as i was d moment i discovered my baby girl died 3years ago im just good at hiding it now, its not natural r babys should not go b4 us i wish u all the best hun xxx

Amy - posted on 01/12/2010

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I am so sorry for your loss.

I don't think you ever get over the death of your child. As time passes though, it does become bearable. My son Lucas died 15 1/2 yrs. ago and I still think about him everyday. Keeping a journal helps to give you an outlet for your emotions. I found that in my situation ( Lucas was 2 weeks old when he died) people didn't know what to say, so they said nothing. A grieving parent makes people very uncomfortable and they don't want to talk about your child. They don't understand that you need to talk about your child. I agree with Amanda that a good cry helps. I'm not sure where you're located, but Compassionate Friends is an amazing support group for people who've lost children, when you're ready. They have chapters world wide.

Jamie - posted on 01/12/2010

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You don't, but it will get easier. One day you will be able to say there name and smile instead of cry. It has been 3 years since my son died and my heart doesn't hurt as much.

Holly - posted on 01/12/2010

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My son Skylar died Jan.16, 2009. I had him at 17 weeks. I was hoping the doctors could do something to save him. But I was told that they wouldn't even try to save, them, because of the cost and effort to try to save him, they rather help a baby that has a better chance of living. I was and still am heart broken that my son died. And I was hoping they would do something, because I have a son who's 16 now, and I had him at 22 weeks. Well take care.
Holly
http://www.skylarslove.com

Kim - posted on 01/12/2010

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Sorry to say it is just something we learn to deal with day to day. Even 10 years later I still have that hole in my heart.

Noeletta - posted on 01/11/2010

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Hi I don't think we ever ever get over the death of our children dear. But time heals wounds. You live life but with major changes now. I guess what helped me was to not hold on too my son's death. He drowned at the age of three it was my first day back at work after Xmas and New Years. It happened in a public place and we were ridiculed and blamed by many in the public arena! but we struggled through it all. I find it hard to cry, he has been gone for 9 years now. I guess do what makes you feel right. Don't let anyone tell you not to grieve and most of all seek support from people you trust. God Bless You xxxxxx

Michelle - posted on 01/10/2010

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You never get over it but eventually you learn to with with it being part of you. Just like life WITH your child was part of your life, life WITHOUT your child becomes part of your life. Some days you will be able to talk freely, share memories and yes even laugh about your child but some days you will cry your eyes out, even years later, but you WILL learn how to incorporate the death into your life because that's where it will be, everyday.

Sue - posted on 01/10/2010

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First of all, you will never get over the death of your child, so stop trying. I was in denial for several years and taking care of two babies 24 mos. apart at the same time after remarrying when she was 7 yrs. old, and somehow I managed to do it. However, once we moved and my boys were in school & I was working part-time, one day I was at home cleaning out one of our bedrooms which had become a storage room, and I ran across her baby book. I sat down on the floor and looked through it savoring all the things I had written when she was a baby - and it even had a lock of her hair in it. The thought quickly crossed my mind that once I was no longer on this earth, no one would even know who she was as her dad had been killed 3 yrs. after her tragic accident at 10 1/2 yrs. old - so I tossed it in the big black trash bag of stuff I was getting rid of. I don't remember now if it was seconds or minutes, but a rush of emotion consumed me and I just cried and cried reaching into the bag and getting her baby book, and fell into a deep, dark depression. I eventually went to a therapist - for a whole year - and he put me on anti-depressants. During that time we slowly worked through my feelings. But the most important thing he said to me one day was for me NOT to try and get OVER her death but rather learn to ACCEPT it and LIVE with it, and hopefully I would be somewhat better eventually - but never think that I would get OVER her but instead hopefully just learn to live WITH her death, and if I could accomplish that, that would be the BEST thing that could probably happen.

My sons are 32 & 34 now and have grown up to be fine, upstanding men. If anything good at all came out of my daughter's death, it was to make me a better parent to my sons. My husband & I did everything with them & were very active with school activities, etc.

Unfortunately, I am still on anti-depressants after all these years, as when I try & go off of them I have mood swings so badly. I am almost 63 yrs. old and still cry on occasions, which I've been told is normal. Her birthday is Halloween & I always cry, but also I somehow managed to keep a smiling face when my sons were small enough to go out trick or treating because that was a special day for them. At Christmas, I almost have to have at least one good cry - even now - the years going by doesn't take the sadness & hurt away, but it helps ease the pain. And a good cry never hurt anyone!

If you haven't seen a therapist, please go to one, and get on anti-depressants too, even if you too have to live on them for the rest of your life. Many people have to be on medication for things and it's no shame in taking something that will help you, and possibly keep your family together. If you are very young, have another child - but not to replace the one you lost - just because you want another child. I could have had more children, but after a really bad pregnancy and a baby just 6 mos. old, I really wasn't ready to go through it all again. And by the time he was about 2 yrs., he was so hyper, truthfully I didn't think I could handle another child. Two turned out to be enough for us!

Best of luck & don't let this destroy your life,

Sue

Chanel - posted on 01/10/2010

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It's really hard but u just have to pray and pray and keep on prying because you never get passed it

Skylar's - posted on 01/10/2010

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http://www.skylarslove.com

Hi it's Holly from Skylar's Love,

I'm offering to mail anyone who's interested a Free Skylar's Love magnet. It's great to place a magnet on your fridge, so if you ever need to talk or e-mail for support, I'm always here. Or if you know someone who has gone through a loss, and you would like to be supportive, the magnet is a great tool, so when a parent is ready or needs comfort, they can e-mail me or call me. So if you do.... just e-mail me your address, and I'll send you out one. If you need any extras, just let me know.

Love,

Holly

Karin - posted on 01/08/2010

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You don't. It is as simple as that.
Talk about your child, everytime I talk about my passed son, he becomes a little more real again. At the begining I made the effort of finding something nice and beautiful everyday, this helped me focus on positive things. Our children will always be in our hearts.

Pam - posted on 01/08/2010

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There is no way to get over a death of a child ..you will learn to how to deal with the pain and the lost but it will be always be there the rest of your life ..you will have good days an bad days ..i still do and my son was 19 when he was killed in a car accident with his best friend on Sept 13 ,20008 and there are days when it feels like it was yesterday .and the pain is still raw ...and then there are days that are good ...like amanda said i good cry helps and it does help some i have them at least once a week ...my prayers are with you to....

Roxanne - posted on 01/08/2010

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I am sorry for your lose. For me I feel blessed for my child. I remember everything and as the mother I feel I have even more than anyone. I remember from the minute I could feel them inside me all the life comes to mind. I remember how happy it made me I know my child would not want to be the source of pain for me. I will pray you can feel the love.

KAREN - posted on 01/07/2010

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I agree with Amanda. You dont ever get over a death of a child, and I suspect nor would you want to. You learn to adapt your life around this huge trauma. Some days are easy, other days are as hard as the day you lost your sweet angel. My daughter Jessica passed away nearly 3 years ago due to stillbirth, and sometimes the pain is almost unbearable, even though I since gone on to have a boy and another girl.I now have 4 children at home but think of and miss Jessica always. My prayers are with you . xxxxx

Amanda - posted on 01/07/2010

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I wish we could. I don't think its anything you get over, just something you learn to deal with. I find that keeping busy helps. I make time to look through photos and have a good cry. A good cry can help, it just lets all the things you've been bottling up come out! I wish you all the best xoxox

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