How did the 'Grandparents' cope with your Loss?

Natalie - posted on 01/21/2009 ( 8 moms have responded )

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It's not an easy time for expectant Grandparents after a loss of a pregnancy, baby or child.



Was just wondering how the 'Grandparents' coped with your loss?

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Pamela - posted on 04/02/2009

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My mom was sure I'd done something wrong to cause the miscarriage. She couldn't relate, as she'd never had one. I find that a lot with friends and acquaintances.

In fairness, I can't relate to friends who have had perfect pregnancies and super-easy labors...

We adjust to what we have to.

Angela - posted on 04/02/2009

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My mom is having a hard time as well. She had just seen Angel the day before. We went home to spend Valentine's day with my mom and enjoyed the whole weekend with her. When I got the call from the babysitter that Angel had stopped breathing my first instinct was to call my mom. I quickly changed my mind because I knew she would be devestated. I called my brother and he broke the news to her in person. We buried Angel in the cemetary where my father was buried in 1997 back home. My mom use to visit her grave everyday but had to stp because she was affriad she would have a heart attack. I talk to her 3-4 times per day. It's just as hard for her as it is for me. Angel's paternal grandparents didn't seem like it bothered them that their granddaughter passed away. I didn't see any emotion from them. In fact, her grandfather was at the funeral but didn't even speak to me. I know we have different ways of greiving but i just found it odd that they didn't cry at all.

Kerri - posted on 04/02/2009

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I lost our little boy Dylan on 11th July 2008. My mother great she was there when we needed to talk or cry. My mother-in-law was great as well but my father-in-law just doesnt seem to care even today if say Dylans name he either changes the subject or walks out the room he just dosent seem to know that we all loved Dylan who was born asleep at 22+2 weeks.My mother has a picture of Dylan up next to a picture of my father who past away in 2006 so that dad can look after him until we can all be together. He also has 1 brother and 6 sisters who all love to talk about he we think that that is great as he will always be remembered and by us all.

Mandy - posted on 04/02/2009

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Hi All



My inlaws was very supporting always there if we needed to cry, needed to talk. My mom drew back and made it her loss, think she thought if she did that it would help me trying to take all the pain away from me. My father was my rock, he was with me when my son's accident happend we both did the cpr and everything. He was in hospital with me everyday for 6 days when my son was in icu. And then when we had to turn of the life support he was right there beside me.... This was the first time ever in my hole life i saw him cry, and that broke my hart even more. Today i'm missing my son and my dad so much.

Libby - posted on 01/25/2009

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Well, my mom and my mother in law both coped or reacted differently.  My mom definetly showed signs of grieving and loss and love for me and my family.  She expressed how thankful she was that my husband has been there to support emotionally.  My mother in law really didn't show much of any signs of grief.  She did fly in to attend our daughter's memorial, but she did not even talk to me or hug me or try to console me at the church during the memorial.  I'm not sure how she treated my husband, hopefully better than she treated me.  Her and I don't get along, and we didn't really involve her too much during the pregnancy because she was trying to create drama prior to that and my husband was getting fed up.  So, I guess she came to make an appearance, but I don't really know why else she came.  Luckily my mother is such a blessing to our family.  My two boys love her so much.  She is a great support to both my husband and I because she is very involved in our family.  I guess some people just react and respond differently.

Erica - posted on 01/25/2009

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We had two very different responses to our loss. My pregnancy was complicated since I broke my water early. My husband's grandmother led the family in believing that I should just end it then instead of continuing, which flabergasted me. I still would have endured a still birth at that time. And our baby was fighting to live.

My side of the family was very supportive and came for the birth. Three days later, during the night, we had to call everyone and let them know we were removing him from life support as his oxygen was now down to 20%. We wanted to hold him as he died. My mother and father cried all night long and were very heartbroken. They describe it as the worst grief.

My husband's grandmother was cold and his father didn't even come to the viewing, but when he saw Jaren in the casket at the funeral, he totally lost it and couldn't quit sobbing. Since then, his family is very quiet about the experience and noticably changes the subject when we bring it up. My mother still supports us.

Anita - posted on 01/21/2009

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i still cant forget the look on my daughters face when she was told 2 push her 20 week dead baby elouise out of her. she was so scared and didnt want to do it. i gently told her she has to.we were all crying,even the midwife. it was the hardest thing i have ever done.i still can picture the event with much detail. still makes me cry as i am doing right now writing this. both my daughter and myself have been on anti-depressants since.it has scared us so much. we still care for the grave of elouise.it is the birth/death day on jan 26th and we will be going as a family to her grave and spend a few minutes with her. she would be 7 yrs old. my daughter has gone on to have 2 beautiful daughters since altho she has also lost another baby for each live baby she has had. we will be telling them about their older sister when the time is right.

Staci - posted on 01/21/2009

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The thing most people don't realize is that yes, they have suffered the loss of their grandchild, but they are also watching their child go through a very heart-wrenching event, knowing there is nothing they can do to make it better. (Like when you were little and they could kiss your boo-boos:) My mom wrote poems, and posts often to the care page we still have active for Skye. We talk about her often, and always remember her on her birthday, her angel day, and holidays. Since her grave is in the town where my parents live, and we are 35 min away, they have become her "caretakers", decorating every month, and taking care of her planters.

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