How do I breathe again?

Sophie - posted on 10/07/2010

i had two sons already at the time when i was pregnant with my third one.. i was into my 6 months when i realized i wasnt feeling my son move in my stomach and then my belly look like it wasnt "hard" like a balloon slowly deflating.. ( sorry this is difficult to type).. i really dont talk much about him.. so everyone kept telling me everything is all good.. no worries.. but i knew.. so i made an appointment and my mother in law came with me. doctor after doctor kept coming in and checking the sono burt not saying a word... ( but i KNEW. a mother knows) fianlly after the third doctor they told me . he was gone.. then they asked if i wanted to wait till i go through natural labor ( where my body would know something not right and start getting ready to reject it or they would admit me and induce it. which i wanted them to do it because i didnt want to go home with my baby in me that had already died.. and tryin to explain to my little ones . they couldnt feel for the movement ( my other boyes were 3 and 2. and always had their head and hands on my stomach. ) .. anyway, they induced me and within a few hours i was in labor and delivered my son.. i couldnt look at him or pick him up because i was sooo scared. which i regret now because i feel i failed him as a mom. till this day i dont know whathe died from. the doctor said it was the cord. but i dont understand how. but this was back in 1993. and it still affects me..because i was 6 months and in a catholic church i had to have a funeral for him. i thought they would take care of him for me but we had to do it.. it was very difficult. i had another child in 1996 ( boy of course) but all pregnanices are different and each child is different. .. whats worse is .. it took years for me to go visit him in the cemetery. ( and the cemetry is across the street from my job) it wasnt at the time when we buried him. ( relocated year later) the boys are aware of the brother they didnt have. and we are blessed to have that moment with him together as a whole family. god bless to all the mothers here who have lost children...AUTUMN. hold on to your daughter to fill your empty arms and just know your son is an angel watching over you and your daughter. and i can honestly say it takes time and prayer to get through it.. you dont ever forget him, you just deal with it better.

Heidi - posted on 10/06/2010

I lost my daughter at 32 weeks, she was also born still. We lost her due to my crazy pregnancy high blood pressure. I ask myself this all the time. Something a friend of mine told me that I really liked was, Jesus has a rocking chair, he is the best parent the baby can have until you join him. I was lucky enough to find a support group in my local area, that also helped a lot. I am so sorry, I really do understand.