how do i cope,lost my baby

Jess - posted on 01/19/2011 ( 8 moms have responded )

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i had a miscarriage on the 31 of December 2009,2 days b4 my first son's 1 year old baby,so i was in the hospital on his birthday. 3 months later i was pregnant again due to give birth on the 5th of Jan 2011,i had a Cesarean section in the 17 of Dec but my son died on the 18th.A month later it still hurts terribly,and no one understands because i try to b upbeat because of my son Benji but its so hard.i see a new baby and i cry,it hurts to see a pregnant woman,please please how do i cope.

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Christy - posted on 02/09/2011

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first of all i would like to say im so sorry for your losses ,and the people around you if they havent had to endure the loss that you have really dont understand that doesnt mean they dont care they just dont undestand ,after we lost our oldest son in 2007 he was sixteen everyone wanted me to go into counceling but i refused and then in 2008 our baby was still born, I still felt as though counceling was not for me so i just poured myself into my work and didnt tke time for myself to grieve ,so in october of 2010 i found myself in an unfamiliar place in the er haveing a total breakdown ,my point is you have to take time to grieve no matter how long it takes you ,i thought being strong for my other kds was best and i found out its not the hard way ..my advice to you would be find a local support group or groups that you can be apart of because i have found surrounding myself with people who truly understand my loss has been a blessing to me ..my hopes for you is that you will find your peace ..

Teresa - posted on 01/21/2011

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I made it a point to surround myself with people who were super-supportive. I had 2 miscarriages and my family & my in-laws weren't the best supporters. Just remember, it is okay to be upset by these things- take a few minutes to yourself (like after your son goes to bed) to grieve. Cry if you need to, scream into a pillow- whatever you need to do to get through. Remind yourself that heaven is much less painful than earth. Don't hide sadness from Benji- show him how to deal with it. My living children all know about Peter & Kellyn and that it makes me sad and sometimes I just need to cry. If you are never upset in front of him, he will never learn how to deal with sadness. This is probably why most adults don't know how to grieve well. =) Good luck and I will be praying for peace for you and your family. Big hugs! Oh!- I wrote letters to my lost and that really helped me get closure.

Lolita - posted on 01/21/2011

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You have to make sure you take the time to grieve to heal yourself. You have lost two wee angels in a short amount of time and of course that is very traumatic, seeing new babies and pregnant woman will feel like a smack in the face. When I lost my son I could even go grocery shopping as it seemed everyone had babies that would be the same age as my son would have been (he died at 11 days). I had to wear an ipod and zone out just to get around the supermarket, beating hasty retreats from any aisles that had babies in them. It seems hard to believe but it will get easier one day at time and you will still have bad days and these are the days you need to put yourself first,

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Mariluz - posted on 07/19/2013

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I Had A Miscarriage Yesterday It Would have been my 1st baby i was so excited n now im so torn up My Heart Hurts It Feels its been ripped out .....How Can i Get Throw This Im All Alone And Young ...Advise needed plz

Dumase - posted on 02/05/2011

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Hi Jess, i know what you are feeling, beleive me its not a feeling that goes away overnight. Its been 3 months since my twin son died and it feels like just yesterday. People do understand, its just that no one has the right words to tell you to make you feel better. I feel that if you need to cry, Cry, dont hold back the tears, then start to tell yourself that everything happens for a reason. God can give you and take away. Our lives are in his hands. Be strong Jess, its not your fault, and i beleive it will be well. Take care

Pamela - posted on 02/05/2011

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Remember your son is in Gods hands. My son Joseph was born on Dec 30, 1978 he died on Jan 14 1979. It's been over thirty years .I had three other children who needed me as your Benji.Live for the chil still here and pray for the son you'll one day see again. From a mother who has lived it.

Amie - posted on 01/21/2011

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Im so sorry for your losses. What happened to your son? Its an awful situation to be in, my daughter was stillborn so I never got to see her eyes, hear her etc and that upsets me to this day. Its still very raw for you, my daughter was stillborn July 2009, it still hurts and i will always miss her but i recommend councelling, i thought i didnt need it but i found it extremely helpful. Im now expecting a daughter in may and just want her to be here now and know everything is okay. I think my 4 year old daughter at the time was very influencial in how i moved forward as i couldnt lock myself in the house for the rest of my life.

Oksana - posted on 01/19/2011

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sorry you lost your baby (hugs)
i lost my first baby 12 years ago. than it was like world fell apart and i didn't want to live. Worst - dad of the baby left me 3 months before she was born and i was the one who had to say to doctors ok you can turn her off. I hated myself and i hated everyone and everything. I learn how to live with only 3 month later. Even now as soon as someone saying about infant death im crying non stop.
Now i have a great family and 2 kids but its still hurts.
Its notmal that you cant cope. it will come with time - it will take as long as its take.
Sorry couldn't help you more but this might help more - http://www.healingheart.net/infantloss.h...

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