how do i cope with newborn babies the same age

Reinett - posted on 09/28/2009

they will understand if you ignore them.i felt so jealous and outraged.but when i saw their babies i crumbled

Becky - posted on 09/16/2009

yes, so true.

Natalie - posted on 09/16/2009

One of my friends told me that it is like losing your mother. You still mourn her loss but doesn't mean you are content with only your father. Okay maybe I didn't write it well. But hopefully you get the point.

Becky - posted on 09/16/2009

Natalie..

wow we really are at the same place. thats what my partner used to say that i should be grateful and just concentrate on our daughter Paige that we do have, but it simply doesn't make the pain, suffering and loss of my other two babies any easier. I had a big cry (well lots of times) today because my neighbour had her baby this morning :( It mkes me really angry and I find it really unfair. I can't stop myself thinking about her up at the hospital with her healthy newborn, the same place I was meant to be going to have mine in 2 weeks, but instead my baby was dying there when I had my miscarraige, many months ago. her baby will be crying and feeding, mine is dead.

Natalie - posted on 09/14/2009

I am where you are. I had a miscarriage at 12 weeks in March and now we are trying again. It is hard with some people. A girl I go to church with has the exact same due date I did. It doesn't help that nobody at church knew I was even pregnant. Her kids are the same age and gender as mine. I have a hard time even looking at her.

Here is what I have had decided: Don't do anything you don't want to do. If you want to take a break from playgroup then do it. If you cry when you see their babies that is okay. Here is what I have found, it is far easier for me to deal with some people's babies. I did great with my college room mate it is her first. Anybody that is having their third or more I find myself getting a little bitter. Why do they get have more and we don't? We have healthy kids and I am happy about that but still that doesn't make the pain of the other child go away.

Tiffany - posted on 09/14/2009

you take it little by little and you love them. even more so because you know what it feels like to lose such a precious angel. it will take a while but you get to knwo them for them and give them the love you would have given your own child. and you ask them to pass on a message for you because babies see all and they are so close to god the can talk to him. god bless you. talk to me anytime

Heather - posted on 09/14/2009

My husband is in the army so I am surrounded by women having babies. When I miscarried and the due date came around it was painful...even though I was very pregnant again. Then when I had my son just over a month later he was over 38 weeks and stillborn. I left the hospital with no baby while dozens of my friends had theirs. It broke my heart to look at them or to hear their moms talk about their 'stress' that I so badly wish I had! After a couple months I finally just realized they could never replace him...and came to terms with it. I still breakdown after spending time with them...but at least now I can hold and be around them.



Talking about the smoking...makes me smile. I do everything 'right' no caffinee or anything...and my friends have wine, smoke, and pump mt dew and have healthy babies. It is so hard to understand why things happen....I dont think I will ever completely understand.

Becky - posted on 09/13/2009

yea its not an easy thing to deal with.what happened with your daughter, thats awful.I don't htink theres really any right or wrong way to feel. when i lost our 1st baby i couldn't get past the grief and saddness until i had our daughter, lots of guilt tho. my neighbour is due today i made i couldn't exactly ignore her when she saw me haning out the washing, i pretended that i didn't care in the slightest about her big pregnant belly, but i did.she was outside having a smoke!!! the injustices are hard to bear, i stopped smoking and drinking the minute we thought about trying for a baby.

Brooke - posted on 09/12/2009

This is a good question. I know exactly what you mean. My daughter recently passed away this year. My sister-in-law is pregnant and due on my daughters birthday.
I am not sure if i want to be happy about it or upset. I really just feel mad, i suppose. Either i look at it as being "bs" or i look at it as...maybe there is a reason for it. But what could be the reason?

Becky - posted on 09/12/2009

Oh that would've been awful, a lady I know just had an abortion too, I kept telling her partner (hes friends with my man) that she would regret it, but she did it anyway. this world is very messed up!Thanks for your words, I can't wait to hold our second HEALTHY baby!Will keep you posted

Cristain - posted on 09/11/2009

With our first loose my husband did not know how to react to it. We spent a lot of time not talking about it(which was not good). I thought the same way you did. My sister had just had my niece when I lost our little boy. I just knew that I was not going to be able to look at her, but to my surprise, if it was not for her I don't know if we would have been able to get through it. The worse thing was right after my second one, a girl that was working for me went and had an abortion.....I could have killed her when she asked me for time off so she could go do that, knowing what I was going through. You just need to find that thing that will help you get through it. For me and my husband it was my niece. For you it could be something so different. Just hang in there and remember when your holding your second child it will all be worth it.

Becky - posted on 09/11/2009

Thanx Christain I'm sorry for your losses.I try not to wonder what they would be like because its too painful, instead I try to think that they were never going to be here longer than they were (not that easy either!) so why give myself the grief. I tryed to tell my partner what I'm going thru, he really doesn't understand.I told him I didn't want to see those babys but that I didn't want them to lose them either I wouldn't will anyone to go thru that, and he said that was exactly what I was saying, I got angry and tried to explain that it didn't change the fact I didn't want to see them.Can't win either way.It's just making it way worse, and I keep being in a bad mood with him and my daughter and I hate it, but I'm just so worked up about it all.I got depressed when I just lost this baby and then pulled myself out of it but I'm afraid about the due date because when I lost Conner our 1st baby at 20 weeks I was O.k. until the due date and then I went off the rails till we had Paige our daughter. I don't want that to happen again. I'm just so sick of trying to be strong when I'm a mess.

Cristain - posted on 09/10/2009

I understand completly......I have a 6 month old little girl, but it took us for ever and a lot of hart brake to get her here. I had my first miscarriages 4 years ago a little boy at 18 weeks, than 2 years latter I had another one at 9 weeks. It seamed like everyone around me was pregnant at the same time with both of them. Every time I saw a baby who is the same age as my two baby's would be it makes me wounder, what would they be like, what color hair and eyes would they have. This year when my due date for the first loss came around I had my daughter but I looked at her and would wounder if her brother or the other baby would have looked like her. But I told my self that my little girl is going to be special, she was the one that was meant to be here. We want another baby in about 2 or 3 years, but I have prepared my self that if it don't happen, at least I have my baby girl. Good luck and just hang in there, and remember its not the other women and there baby's fault what your going through. Having my niece around who was born around the time I miscarried with my first one helped me out a lot.