how do i deal with three teenagers that lost thier father

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SAMANTHA - posted on 06/01/2009

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I LOST MY FATHER WHEN I WAS A TEENAGER. I FELT LIKE IT WAS THE BIGGEST LOSS THAT I HAD AT THAT TIME AND IT WAS UNTIL MY DAUGHTER DIED. I WOULD JUST KEEP TRYING. TEENAGERS ARE TOUGH THEY FEEL ALONE ANY WAY AND LOOSING A FATHER AT THAT AGE IS HORRIBLE. TALK A LOT, NEVER FORGET, ALWAYS FIND WAYS TO REMEMBER HIM. DO THINGS WITH THEM THAT HE WOULD HAVE DONE WITH THEM BY THEIR SELVES.

Pamela - posted on 05/05/2009

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Winnie, I'm so sorry for your loss. My first suggestion is to make sure you are O.K. because they need you and will look to you for how to respond to this. Get therapy if you need it. Your will role model to your children how to deal with loss.

When kids (or anyone) lose a parent they are also afraid of losing the other so they may not be verbalizing this, but it may be there for them. Reassure them as best you can. Talk about dad often and have lots of pictures and write down as many stories about dad as you can. Maybe your kids can make a book or books of stories or pictures. They each have special memories of their dad and their own relationship with him as well.

Therapy is also a good suggestion if they are willing to go. It also helps if they have others they can relate to who have lost a person close them - group therapy or check if they are talking with any friends who have also suffered a loss. I

If you are religious, access your pastor or religious leader or groups that can help.

Hopefully you have someone in your current life who can serve as a role model without seeming to be trying to take dad's place - an uncle or cousin who can be there to talk with or help out.

Finally, check out the library. There are a lot of books written that can help you through this and will give suggestions on how to support your children through this.

All my best.

Trish - posted on 05/05/2009

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hi, winnie. i am very sorry your loss. though different its different from mine, it is still a great loss. my advise on how to deal with your children, would be to just listen, even though u are grieving they still need they're mom reasure them that u will all ways be there for them. and maybe u can go to family therepy to help all of u come to terms, i hope everything works out for u if u need someone to talk to,i am here take care. u are all in my prays. trish

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