How do you cope with your children moving away?

Cindy - posted on 05/29/2009 ( 20 moms have responded )

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My daughter's husband is a marine and she is moving out of state. How do you hold it together while you watch her and your grandson board a plane? I don't want to lose it in front of her. I have lost a child to SIDS and this just feels like another loss.

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Marian - posted on 12/28/2012

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my daughter her husband and my only grandsons age 6 and 4 are emigrating to australia how do i cope when they go

Jaynebhughes - posted on 06/22/2014

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Hi Diane
My daughter emigrates to Australia in 4 wks with her husband and my only grandson I am absolutely devastated my whole life has been turned upside down ,I can't function or focus on anything and feel life's not worth living any more , I am at logger heads with her all the time and some days I can't look her in the face because of how she has made me feel, she is having a fare well party and I don't even know if i can go . I know we have Skype and emails and face book but it's not the same .this build up to her leaving is the worst so I know exactly what your feeling let me know how it all goes for you my thoughts are with you . X

Eva - posted on 06/03/2014

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When my one and only son announced that he'll be moving to the states to get married to a woman he'd met on the internet 4 years ago I thought my whole world collapsed. I've been crying ever since I even thought of taking an overdose as I cannot live without my son. He is my world the reason for living, we always been very close. First I wished and wished that they break-up and they did for a while but then seeing my son so unhappy made me think, we cried together for hours. Then I wished they'll get back together just to see him happy again & they did, now they planning to get married & he'll be moving to the Sates in 5 month time. I so want him to be happy but the thought of losing him and maybe not being able to see my future grand children is extremely hard. I have my husband for company however he is not well (cancer). I feel so lonely and nothing to look forward to. I don't know how to cope with the pain, I cannot sleep and cannot think and failing to give my son support which he really expect from me, I try I try but not easy. I even try to be nice to the American lady whom he will marry, but she can't imagine how I feel, as she has all her family nearby, and I have no one.

Lisa - posted on 06/01/2009

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Hi Cindy,

I don't know how you would cope with your daughter moving away, but thought I would answer anyway from the daughter whos moved away's perspective.

I moved to Australia from the UK in November 2008, my mum was my best friend, & my son was her only grandchild, so I have been consumed with guilt since then. My mum hasn't helped the situation either, & had pretty much told me I've ruined her life.

It has been just as hard for me moving to a new country, where I don't know anybody, & my own mum won't support me either.

So I would just say, its ok to cry & be upset in front of your daughter, but please don't put any pressure of any sort on her, or make her feel guilty in anyway. She is probably like me, doing what she feels is best for her family, but it will be breaking her heart too. I miss my mum everyday, its so hard.

& you never know, she may come back one day!!

Good luck with it all

Julie - posted on 06/09/2014

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I am dealing with the same situation right now. My kids are 8 and 13 and will be moving about 9 hours away shortly. I feel emotionally lost right now because I don't want to give into the heavy feelings of sadness and grief, but trying to have positive thoughts seems impossible. I am sorry you are going through this, but it's nice to know I am not alone. I feel like I can't talk about it with anyone because they just don't understand. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

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Natali - posted on 07/28/2014

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My oldest moved this morning to Florida with his wife from Pennsylvania, where I am. I know it's a wonderful opportunity for them and as a mom you want for your children what they want. But that doesn't make it any easier. My son has type 1 diabetes and I worry about that all the time. I've got to stop thinking about the what ifs and try to be positive. But I can't. They only left 8 hours ago and I can't stop crying. I can literally feel my heart breaking. I know all the cliches about time healing everything but that's not comforting. I think it's like a mourning process and uou just have to go through it. It helps to talk about it and put your feelings to words, but all I can really do is pray and hope the good Lord watches over them. I wish you all peace of mind and your children the best at their endeavors and like I told my son, my door and heart are always open for you! This is what we raised them to do. Amen

Eva - posted on 06/27/2014

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I have never experienced such pain, & I cannot bear the thought of seeing him pass those gates at the airport. I know for sure that I'll be making a fool of myself as I know I'll not be able to control myself. He is in the USA right now, but visiting only (I hope they won't get married without me being there). The photos they're sending me via Facebook & Skype are happy ones they all have big smiles on their faces. I wish them joy and happiness but at the same time I feel my life has ended, my life has no meaning anymore & there is nothing to look forward to. When you hear other people talking about spending the day with their children and talking about their grand children, and there is me who will not be able to cuddle them or take them to the zoo or playground. I imagined my later years in my life when those little ones pop over to my house & jump on my lap then I can bake them cakes etc...Silly this might seems to others, but I also imagined going shopping with my daughter-in-law, spending x'mas, birthdays together. This is not just about losing your child it is a feeling of losing your entire life everything you lived for.He is my life and always will be. I pray for you thank you for listening. Eva

Eva - posted on 06/26/2014

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I have never experienced such pain, & I cannot bear the thought of seeing him pass those gates at the airport. I know for sure that I'll be making a fool of myself as I know I'll not be able to control myself. He is in the USA right now, but visiting only (I hope they won't get married without me being there). The photos they're sending me via Facebook & Skype are happy ones they all have big smiles on their faces. I wish them joy and happiness but at the same time I feel my life has ended, my life has no meaning anymore & there is nothing to look forward to. When you hear other people talking about spending the day with their children and talking about their grand children, and there is me who will not be able to cuddle them or take them to the zoo or playground. I imagined my later years in my life when those little ones pop over to my house & jump on my lap then I can bake them cakes etc...Silly this might seems to others, but I also imagined going shopping with my daughter-in-law, spending x'mas, birthdays together. This is not just about losing your child it is a feeling of losing your entire life everything you lived for.He is my life and always will be.I also pray for you thank you for listening.

Diane - posted on 06/24/2014

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Hi Jane,
it`s been so hard, she left yesterday..my heart stopped when I saw her cross those gates at the airport.........although I spoke to her when she landed and again this morning....I just can`t stop worrying if she`s ok. I put on the supermom outfit so she feels reassured, because it`s just as much a difficult transition for her arriving in a new place all alone. I need to make her safe, I need to make sure whe doesn`t hurt. but she`s far and I have no control...the sadness has turned to worry and the worry to fear.
I try to tell myself nothing will happen she will be fine...but I guess our maternal instinct are just too strong in these suituations. I know eventually it will get easier.....it has to, but at the present moment it`s the hardest thing to go thru. Even with my friends offering support, I just want to curl up into a ball and die

Diane - posted on 06/16/2014

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it's conforting to know you're not alone.........
I haven't stopped crying since I found out my 19 yrs daughter (my only child) is moving to join a traveling show to take care of horses........her lifes passion. Althought I know it's a great opportunity and the dream of a lifetime for her ....it's the feeling that my little bird has gotten her wings and is flying on her own. I have all the confidence she will be ok, and with internet I know we have so much ease of cummunication we;ll be in touch on daily basis if need be.
...but it's the feeling that my role as a mother is over....it leaves such an emptyness and feeling of despair. I am dredding the drive to the airport in 5days where I need to let my baby go......I don't know how I will handle it. I am a single mom and have friends to support me but she is my everything......How do I stand alone now.

Eva - posted on 06/03/2014

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When my one and only son announced that he'll be moving to the states to get married to a woman he'd met on the internet 4 years ago I thought my whole world collapsed. I've been crying ever since I even thought of taking an overdose as I cannot live without my son. He is my world the reason for living, we always been very close. First I wished and wished that they break-up and they did for a while but then seeing my son so unhappy made me think, we cried together for hours. Then I wished they'll get back together just to see him happy again & they did, now they planning to get married & he'll be moving to the Sates in 5 month time. I so want him to be happy but the thought of losing him and maybe not being able to see my future grand children is extremely hard. I have my husband for company however he is not well (cancer). I feel so lonely and nothing to look forward to. I don't know how to cope with the pain, I cannot sleep and cannot think and failing to give my son support which he really expect from me, I try I try but not easy. I even try to be nice to the American lady whom he will marry, but she can't imagine how I feel, as she has all her family nearby, and I have no one.

Susan - posted on 05/25/2014

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I only have one daughter and she to just just got married and moved to N.C. to join her new husband. I'm truly happy for them yet it hurts that she's so far away. Almost 3000 miles. I'm in Ca. My husband is actually having a worse time than I am. Previously before I met my husband I to lost a child to sids. that's something I keep to my self. It is kinda like you are loosing another child. I truly believe if they lived closer it wouldn't be so hard. She's so happy and excited to start this new life while we are here crying our hearts out. I know it's part of growing up. However no one ever prepares you on how to handle this step in life.

Sheri - posted on 03/11/2014

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I also lost my first daughter to SIDS and now my 2nd and only daughter just recently got engaged and informed me she is moving about 900 miles away and only gave me about 3 weeks notice. Losing her is the absolute hardest thing I have ever experienced in my life. Keeping it together is simply not an option... I feel like I am losing a part of my soul...

Vannessa - posted on 02/23/2014

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My children are 7 and 10. They currently live with their father. He is getting a job in Florida. Which we currently live in Arkansas. I live just down the street from them so I can see the When I want. But When he gets the job they will leave with him. I need some advice on keeping it together and being strong I really don't know how to tell my two teenagers either. They are 14 and 15. Which will be living with me from a previous relationship. I'm sad I don't know how to handle it.

Melissa - posted on 01/05/2014

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focus every moment you can on a positive thought, its ok to cry & feel all the emotions that we do as mommys, pray for your sons & for all that may come in contact with them. I WILL PRAY FOR YOU.

Cassie - posted on 10/28/2012

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How can I cope better since my sons father moved him to Vegas without my permission, and my son is my whole world?

Crystal - posted on 10/15/2012

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I feel sad reading all these post, but It helps to know I'm not the only one. My oldest son just moved out a week ago, and I don't know how to get over it. He is 18 and has been home schooled most of his life, so we are very close. I also have another son that was born mod/severe deaf, and it has been hard not be able to have the son around that was easy to talk to. I love both of my son's, but I do miss the dynamic of them two together, boys being boys. You miss seeing them sleepy in the morning, their voice, even the little annoying things they use to do. You do regret all the arguements, over small things. How he always left the milk out, or used too many Q-tips,lol. Or how he would sing opera when he was in the restroom. He played the guitar for us, and just loved to talk, now the sounds are all gone. We are a family of 7, and it seems only me and the baby and the cat miss him, or is showing it. So I cry to the cat,lol. I feel bad that I want things to not work out so he has to come back home. I don't think I will ever get use to this. My husband is quiet, my oldest daughter is quiet like him, my middle child is at gymnastics most of the week and she is only 10, and the Baby and my deaf son don't talk much, so I feel lonely in some ways. Cindy, I also lost a baby at five months along, and yes it does feel like a death, or like someone kidnapped him. Please pray for me if you believe in God.

VK - posted on 08/13/2012

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My daughter moved to another state 1 day after she turned 20....she dated a guy for 2 years before that who refused to let her have a relationship with me(and she even lived in my house)...after she broke up with him ...she met her now husband and she moved and got married....and has a step son.....I see her several time in the summer....i am not a winter driver ....so there is like 5 months that I dont see her....My question is....Everytime we leave each other I cry the entire day.....My heart aches like it did the first day she left....when I watched this little girl had become a young woman pack her clothes an pull away from the house....now i regret everytime I didnt play with her...everytime she wanted to go somewhere and I didnt take her because I wasted those moments,,,,(I am crying my eyes out as I am typing this,,,,,,)....I so want her to be happy....But I want to be a part of her life..... made her a promise that day 6 years ago when she left ...she said....Mom promise me you wont be 7 hours away forever.....and I did...it kills me that I dont see her......someone plese tell me what to do

Karen - posted on 05/30/2009

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My daughter moved to a different state on her wedding day. I was happy for her because she seemed so happy, but inside I was crying. She had a baby 10months ago and I dearly wish they were close by so I could really be a grandma to her son. Like anything else us moms have to do, you smile at them, hug them, and when they aren't looking you cry your heart out. Or at least that's what I do.



One good thing is the internet, I keep in touch daily with facebook and she emails me pictures of my grandson every week so I can see how much he is changing. It's a poor substitute, but at least we can stay in each others lives that way. Good luck.

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