How do you deal with a SIDS death???
Joan - posted on 07/12/2009
My daughter has been gone 30years now and I will never forget. I did not deal well, I tried to block out the pain with overworking and a type "A" personality until I broke down 4 years later. Had anxiety attacks and major depression. I went to nursing school. I went on to have 4 sons who are my world and each one had a monitor on until age 12 months or greater. I wasn;t taking any chances. I would allow myself the happy memories of the short time Jennifer was with us and share those with her brothers who felt like they had known her. I felt like I had the grief part taken care of until I lost Jacob last October to a fall from a roof, he was 18 years old and my "baby". And the pain returned and I try to go on day by day, I try to get comfort from knowing they are together and watching over us. Jacob asked me once "if jennifer grew up in heaven or was still a baby" Now he knows. I spend alot of time with family and Jacobs friends and it is useful to be in a helping profession to take the focus off me. I have my momments but when I do, I just let it happen, I may cry in the store, driving down the road,or in bed but I feel the pain and move on. I attended a grief recovery group that was wonderful and more helpful than any of the well meaning people that had words of wisdom. I would highly reccommend it. I learned that I can say goodby to the pain of the loss but not to the children I am missing.
Ida - posted on 07/07/2009
My son has been dead for almost 18 years now. There is not a day go by that I don't think about him in some way. I will say most times it is just a fleeting thought but someday I think about him a lot mostly around his birthday on the day he died on. My Dad gave a good advice at the time of the death and that was to use the words he is dead not passed away or any of the other not as hurting phrases. My step mom gave me good advise a few months latter now you have to understand that at that point of my life I did not get along with her. she said as she was leaving I came by to tell you Don't stop living. That hit me so hard and the timing was everything. I have learned that everything happens for a reason even when we don't like it. I hate to say it but I don't think I would still be married today to my husband if he had not died. we were going down bad roads and we choice to fight for us just to prove everyone wrong that we could make it past his death. I find sometimes going to the hospital and reading to the babies help me get out of a slump. and with time the days to get easier. but you will always have times that sneak up on you and pull the sprits down. I let it happen but I tell myself it can only happen till x time and then I have to do something for my children that are living. and If you can do it don't get pregnant right afterwards that was one of the worse things I did.
Leanna - posted on 07/07/2009
Personally I did not deal with it for about 12 years. I shut down and became a shell. The first week I do not remember anything at all I was drunk. I know now I should not have but I could not handle all the people saying sorry and they know what I am going through even though they had no clue...
SAMANTHA - posted on 06/01/2009
I WISH I COULD TELL YOU THAT ITS EASY BUT IT IS THE MOST PAINFUL THING THAT YOU WILL EVER ENDURE IN YOUR LIFE. I GOT INVOLVED WITH A SUDDEN INFANT DEATH SYNDROME SUPPORT GROUP IN MY AREA, I TALKED TO OTHER MOMS THAT HAVE BEEN THROUGH THE SAME THING, I STARTED DOING RESEARCH, I STARTED FUND RAISERS FOR RESEARCH, I HELP OTHER PARENTS NOW. IF YOU EVER JUST WANT TO TALK FEEL FREE TO EMAIL ME AT SAMANTHATREHY@MSN.COM I AM AVAILABLE AT JUST ABOUT ANY PART OF THE DAY. I AM A STAY AT HOME MOM.
Trisha - posted on 05/27/2009
I don't think we ever really heal, I think we just learn to cope. I lost my son 9 months ago, and although life has become easier and the grief isn't as overwhelming, I still have any bad days. I am so sorry that you have to go through this, it is truly unbelievable! If you need someone, feel free to message me. I will have you and your family in my prayers. xo
Allisha - posted on 05/27/2009
When the death happens like that there is know way you can deal with it because you are always gonna wanna know what happened are did your baby suffer are what did the sitter do that is gonna always be on your mind .All you can do sweetie is pray ,prayer is the key believe me God will show you and image of what happened if you pray for him to show you what happened,but never ask him why it happened never uestioned God work but you can ask him to show you and he will.I dont know if you believe me but Im just trying to ease your mind Im sorry about your lost.God Bless.
Gina - posted on 05/25/2009
It will be the most difficult thing to deal with ever!!! My son, Adrian would be 3 this September. I lost him to SIDS when he was only 9 weeks old. I still deal with it on a day to day basis. I now have another little boy who is 18 mos. old, he also helps me get through my days. Some days are harder than others, but what seemed to help me, before I had my second baby, was getting as much information as I could. Where I live, when a baby passes away from SIDS the local hospital has visiting nurses that come and explain, listen, and make you understand what happened and that it is not your fault. Its beyond hard but just talk to people, get information, and don't deprive yourself of motherhood again when it's right for you.
Angela - posted on 05/23/2009
It's really hard dealing with a SIDS death. My daughter passed in Feb. from SIDS. She was a happy and healthy baby and was perfectly fine when her dad dropped her off at the babysitters house. Less than 5 hours later she was gone and no one can tell us why. If she would have had some underlining health condition that we didn't know about I think her passing would have been a little easier to deal with. But not knowing what caused my baby to die is haunting me. I often find myself wondering if she suffered or did she just pass away in her sleep. No one was there for her, she was left alone on a king sized bed for 45 minutes and when the babysitter checked on her she wasn't breathing. It's a horrible thing to have to deal with.
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