Christina - posted on 02/14/2009 ( 9 moms have responded )
I lost my son 1 1/2 months ago now and I feel as if people are just over it... So I keep most of my feelings inside and whenever I am alone I cry... I am already back in school and at work and my life, excluding the loss of my son, is back at it's fast pace and I feel such incredible guilt for it.. When people tell me I'm so strong, i dont take that as a compliment because I feel as if I shouldnt be... My bestfriend lost her daughter more than 7 years ago and I was pregnant with my second child,I was so scared and told myself I could never live with the pain...Now the unimaginable has happened to me as well and I feel like a horrible person for being able to laugh at jokes and play with children mine or other peoples, even eating or getting a good nights sleep and especially when I have a good day when I only cry once or twice... I dont know how I should feel because I have 3 older Children so I have to move forward for them but I also feel in a lot of ways that to move on from this I have to block a lot of it out and the times that it becomes too real for me to handle I end up crying uncontrollably... This pain is the worst feeling ever and really I dont know what I am asking except, how did other women who have lost their children deal with the pain without going insane and how did you move forward from it without feeling like a heartless person?