How long did it take you to hold a baby after the loss of your own?

Latrice - posted on 06/26/2010 ( 82 moms have responded )

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For those of you that dont know I lost my beautiful baby girl Amyah March 2010. I feel like I'm doing very good in dealing with her death. Dont get me wrong Im not fully recovered but I'm doing a lot better then I expected. The 1 thing I cant bring myself to do is hold a baby. I havent held one since I last held Amyah, how long did it take some of you before you could hold a child?

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Denise - posted on 07/08/2010

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I didn't hold one till 3 months before I had another one.My my best friend had her baby 3 months before I was due with my second.My firstI baby died due to a molar pregnancy.I bled for 3 months and during my sixth month,I told the DR. that I felt like the baby was dead-never got to feel the baby move or anything.At that time(1976)they didn't use Ultrasounds where I lived,so I had to have a D&C).The bad thing was,they put me on the maternity ward,and when it was over,they kept me a week.But I remember asking the nurse what it was-boy or girl-and she said they couldn't tell because the took it out in pieces.But anyway,I didn't know anyone who had babies and didn't grow up around anyone with babies.So my girlfriend's baby was actually the first baby I ever held.But knowing how I feel about things,even back then,I would've had no trouble holding another baby-even if it was soon after losing mine.People don't understand that as cruel as it may sound,God didn't take my baby away,but I believ He allows things to happen the way they do for reasons that we could never understand.It doesn't always have anything to do whther we're a good person or an unfit person to have a child.but He shows us that He is not showing favoritism-'it rains on the just and the unjust.'The bad things that happen aren't punishment for something we might have done wrong,but because man,in the beginning,because of his disobedience allowed sin to come into the world.We all suffer because of that-even the innocent ones.So,when you look at it from that perspective,it helps a little,I think,because it lets us know that it's not our fault that we lost our baby unless we did do something we shouldn't have-like took drugs,or lived a lifestyle that was unhealthy for an unborn baby.Sorry to be preachy,but I try to help others to not blame themselves or God for the loss.Sometimes,when you think of how this world is and how it's getting hardert and hareder to protect our kids from the growing evil in this world,they're in a better place-even though we think they should be with us.And I believe they know how much their parents loved them even if they never experienced it for themselves here.I hope this helps someone.

Sonya - posted on 07/04/2010

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Maybe I'm the odd one. My hands felt so empty after losing my sweet baby girl that I wanted to hold anyone's baby who would let me. I signed up for Child Development classes at the college, to get my degree and had so much fun watching other kids playing and doing activities with them. It did hurt my heart to watch them knowing I would never be able to watch my own little girl play, but what hurt even more was being around other moms yelling, screaming and bad-mouthing their children treating them like the total scum of the earth, like their children are such an inconvenience to them when I had to refrain from saying what I really felt, which was, "Looks like you have your hands full, but better full than EMPTY!"

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Paula - posted on 03/21/2011

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hello, am sorry for your loss. I lost my little girl and was not able to hold a baby untill two years later. I could not even attend baby showers or shop in baby stores....it was too hard. I now have a son and its a blessing. I hold him and then I look at her picture and see some resemblance....it is sad sometimes. he brings me joy but there is always a longing for her.

Xiomara - posted on 02/09/2011

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Oct. 20, 2007, I lost my son Julian, due to an incompetant cervix. I was only 18wks pregnant. It was exactly 1month & 1day after my nephew was born. Holding my nephew made me feel better although i cried every night for my baby. I couldnt be around pregnant women, or see women with their newborns, other then my sister's. My cousin & I were due around the same time, so I was filled with envy, jealousy, & anger b/c everytime I seen her, I thought to myself "Tht could've been me".. I dealt with alot of depression, but started back working to keep my mind off things.. I have a memory box w/pictures of him, his blanket, hat, footprints, handprints, etc...I go thru it once in awhile to smell it n bring me back to the time I was pregnant with him. I now have an 8month old daughter, which I was truly blessed with. And although I have my blessing, I still think about my son & cry. Esp when I pass the cemetary & his birthday. I have 2Angels now. 1 watching over my Daughter & I, & the 2nd 1 tht I get to hold in my arms everyday...Going thru a loss is hard, but when it's the loss of ur own child, it can be even more devastating. God has his reasons, & I tried not to question it soo much. I knew tht when it was my time, he'd bless me with a baby. You will have tht chance to hold another baby. It just takes time, & people will need to understand that.

Gillian - posted on 02/09/2011

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My daughter was stillborn almost 3 months ago. I just held a baby last weekend. The fact that he was an older baby (6 months) vs. a newborn and boy vs. girl made it easier. I don't know if I could handle holding a newborn yet.

Jessica - posted on 01/15/2011

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My son passed away in June. He was 10 days old. ! of my cousins had a baby in September. The 1st time I seen her baby I was reluctant to try and hold her but after a few hours I tried and couldnt. 5 months after my son passed and it is still hrd to look at another mothers baby much less hold them. I was told to take my time not to push myself to hard. 7 months later and I still cant hold another baby. But I do know that God and Time will heal me. I just have to be patient.

Amber - posted on 10/23/2010

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one of my very good friend & i were pregnant at the exact same time, we were a couple weeks apart in gestation...i lost my baby to placental abruption @ 5 months, and her daughter is 8 months old. i couldn't be around her when she was pregnant after she lost the baby, and i still have a very hard time not resenting her for having this beautiful little girl while i have my babys ashes...it never goes away, your heart will always ache when you see a baby. hopefully having another will help with the pain, i am so anxious to be pregnant again :) i am so jealous of pregnant women & women with newborns! just try to find an outlet for your maternal instincts, that is what you crave most likely. i got a kitten :)

Theresa - posted on 10/15/2010

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A lady I worked with was pregnant the same time as me and her little girl was born exactly 2 weeks before Anke. She was so kind to bring Layla to me and leave. I held that little girl in my arm (this was about 6 weeks after the death of my little girl) and I cried and held her so tight. It helped I know Layla is not Anke but I will never be able to hold or look at Layla without thinking of Anke. It is nice to have such a dear friend that understands and who was so kind to let me cry my eyes and heart out. Knowing Layla is nice because via her I will be able to always imagine exactly how big or at what stage Anke would have been. It helped me alot to hold a baby so quickly after. It filled the my empty arms, although only for a very little while at a time. I try to visit them often and she is really such a dear friend, because when I am there I get Layla all to myself. It was hard to hold a baby so quick after, but in all honesty I say that it helped me to fill an emptyness.

Rachel - posted on 07/27/2010

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Aug. 9th, 2005 I delivered a stillborn baby girl, Mariah Astra. I was 7 1/2 months pregnant & had tried for 3yrs to have a baby when we found out we were pregnant with her. My cousin found out she was pregnant about 2-3 weeks before we lost Mariah, it was difficult for me to even be around her while she was pregnant. The first time I held a baby after Mariah was October. My best friend had her baby in May of 2005. I was really depressed not having a baby to hold & love on so I called her up & asked if her daughter could come stay the night with me to see if it would help. She brought her over & at first it was difficult, in my mind I knew she wasn't my baby, but my heart wanted to pretend for at least that one night. I cried & held her alot, but it really did help me. I have a bond with that little girl that is so strong to this day. I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I, after almost 5yrs of losing Mariah, this past March, welcomed my son, Christopher Daniel II. I miss not having my daughter, but it has made me so much more greatful to have him in my life, because I know what it feels like to have lost. Take your time healing, don't rush yourself into doing what you don't feel ready to do. I hope that you find some ease in your pain soon.

Soibon - posted on 07/27/2010

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it took me about two or three months and i think dat i do a good job cuz when my son went 2 heaven in september 20, 2009 just 4 days before he was 7months i couldnt even go 2 a party where there was gonna b babies or even toddlers! but the day after we found him i had 2 take my other child 2 da E.R. 4 a fever and i was crying in da waiting rm of da same hospital we brought my son 2 dat was da hardest ever!!

Shelagh - posted on 07/26/2010

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For a while I couldn't even look at a very young baby. I spent a lot of time avoiding friends who had just given birth. Once the babies were about 3 months old and less 'new born' looking, I found I could cope with them.

Tamara - posted on 07/26/2010

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I held a baby 3 months after i lost my son in march of 2010. my baby niece, i was very nervous to hold her but i see my son kyler everytime i look at a baby and i love the memories of him

[deleted account]

I didn't hold another baby for almost 3 years. until my oldest girl was born. don't feel bad about not being able to and know that you will when you can.

Evelyn - posted on 07/26/2010

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Hey Latrice, I took 7 years to hold sm1 baby comfortably..... its rreally tough , Iw as even hungry at kids playing at my door. I lost my first baby after seven days in1998, and my second boy was stillbirth in 2002...BUT Glory to God , now I have Twins boys , God replaced my two sons with my twins. Never give up, u will be ok SOONER than u know it.Just keep thanking God that he renews your strenght!

[deleted account]

Dear Latrice & the many mothers who have replied... I am terribly saddened when hearing of your loss/es. I am sorry.

I have suffered the loss of my son, Cory on August 16, 2009. Although I have seen a few infants since...I have not held any. I can't bring myself to do so.....

[deleted account]

I don't really remember the exact time span, but I am thinking it was at least one year if not longer.
Even though I knew it was not my fault for Jamies' death, I felt that those looking on me may have felt I was not compitent to hold or give any advice on children, because my daughter didn't live past 3months.

Christy - posted on 07/18/2010

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i lost my baby angel october14 2008 he was still born and i couldnt bring myself to hold another baby or even get close to another baby other than my grandbabies until july 4th of this year and a friend of mine had her baby at a fourth of july celebration and i dont know i just took her and held her for awhile so i say its all about when you feel comfortable .im sorry for your loss my prayers are with you ..

Nicole - posted on 07/18/2010

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I am really sorry you have to expeience this type of loss! I lost my babygirl at 11mo. old on Jan.19, 2009 and still refuse to hold another baby. I couldnt even be around a baby for over a year without being in tears. I think everyone will have there own time frame in when they will be ready for the next stages in there lives. God Bless !

Jamie - posted on 07/13/2010

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It was the one thing I couldn't bring myself to do, infact I swore it wouldn't be till I had another child of my own that I would hold a baby again that being said 1 yr 3 months later my nephew was born I was hesitant to even go be around people rejoycing over his birth but I reluctantly did and to my surprise I wasn't jealous or bitter but Happy and I held him It wasnt like I thought it would be I didnt forget my Jade or the way she felt in my arms.

Amy - posted on 07/12/2010

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My situation was very different for most. I lost my first baby girl Samantha in December of 2002. My brother and his wife were pregnant at the same time with twins. The day I found out that my baby would be still born my twin nieces were born, then eight hours later I delivered my baby. I was very close to my older niece and becam closer to her after this. I helped my brother and sister-in-law by always taking care of Emma the 1 1/2yo. I avoided the twins as much as possible but still wanted them to know that I loved them dearly. It was a very difficult time, but somehow we all made it through. Best of luck to you and your family. Cry when you need to it is the best medicine!!!

Kay - posted on 07/12/2010

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i had a miss carrage when my oldest was ababy(new baby would have been born around eldest 1st bd) i went on and had three more but my second was born a year to the day after the miss carrage,still didnt hold anyone elses baby,when i had my last3 years later still only held my own,didnt hold another little one untill my youngest was 5,but when my friend had hers(her eldest is 5)was the first time i really felt comfortable,but i now think part of why i didnt was i didnt go to the docs for help,dont be frieghtened to ask health visitor for help if its worrying you also i bet you have a good friend who has a little one who would love you to help till you feel comfortable again,We are now in another situation as it isa year since our second eldest son died ,and all the what ifs are back

Zuzzette - posted on 07/12/2010

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Hello Latrice,

I'm so sorry about your loss. From my own experience I can only tell you that the pain never goes away, but you get mentally stronger and more capable of dealing with it. I lost my son at the age of 10 in 1998 and it took years before I stopped being jealous of every other mother that I came in contact with. I hated them for having healthy kids. I was in agony every time I heard a little boy laugh and even now I cry when I walk into a toy store at Xmas. However, I'm not a nervous wreck anymore. I play with my grandchildren and greet the kids on the street quite happily. Yes, it took time. A long time in fact, but that doesn't mean you will be the same. Maybe you are stronger than I, and will cope better than I did. I was told I should be grateful that I still had the other two kids. Well, I am, but, no one could replace my little boy. Each child is an individual and irreplacable.

You will get stronger and more capable of a natural relationship with other babies and children. Give yourself time. It's early days yet. God bless, you're in my thoughts.

Kim - posted on 07/11/2010

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I am sooo sorry to hear of your loss !!! My son was born at exactly 25 weeks. Long story, but it was a doctor's fault. The doctor wasn't even my doctor. But anyway. My son was a miracle because I conceived him while on kidney dialysis. It is supposed to be medically impossible. There were only 5 of us world wide. It was a REALLY tough pregnancy. But sooooooo worth it !!! My best friend of 15 years was pregnant at the same time. I was due in June and she was due Feb. I had Nicholas in Feb. Her son was born Feb 17th. and my son died Feb 18th. When I was allowed to drive at about 6 weeks, I took a deep breath and went to her house to share in her joy of her son. It was sooooo hard. But then I couldn't go to his first birthday. This was in 2000. Bottom line, is don't rush it. You will know when the time is right. You will be a little nervous, but if you rush it like I did....it will set you so far back. Just take you time. Push a little , but not too much. I wish you the best of luck. Hope you got TONS of picture of you angel !!!!

Jessica - posted on 07/11/2010

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I'm Sorry to hear about your loss. My son also passed away in March 2010. I still cannot hold another baby. Me and 3 of My friends were pregnant at the same time and all of our due dates were 10 days apart. I had my son at 26 and a half weeks. I was devastated when he passed away and it got even harder when my friends had their children. I can't bring myself to be in the same room as them. It may sound mean, but it is way too hard. I can't even imagine holding them

Emily - posted on 07/11/2010

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My daughter Abigail was born silent at 30 weeks, in 2004. It took me a year to hold a baby, and I held my newborn niece. It took more courage than I thought I had to drive myself to the hospital to see them, but once there, I just ran to her and scooped her up, then cried. BIG TEARS of loss, but happiness that there was a baby in the family again. Nevaeh has been such a healing force in my life, she gave me courage to try again . . . and my daughter, her cousin, is now 2 1/2, exactly half her age :)
Navaeh just turned 5 today . . . and she laughs when we blame her for Addi (my daughter) telling her that it's her "fault" that she has a baby cousin to love, LOL! I hope someday when she's older that I will have a chance to tell her how much of that is TRUE!!

Robyn - posted on 07/10/2010

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i lost my granddaughter to S.I.D.S. in 2001 and it took a long time before i could hold a baby. i know that my grandchild went right into the arms of jesus, and that is very good, but, emotionally it still was hard even to look at a baby and be happy

Tara - posted on 07/10/2010

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I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I have never had to deal with the loss of a born baby, but I didn't lose my son at 21 weeks in January 2009. I took me about 6 months to be ok around and hold another baby. I found out I was pregnant again in October 2009 and now have a 3 week old son. I still think of the son I lost all the time.

Maryfaith - posted on 07/10/2010

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My first child, Matthew Jr. died during delivery due to cord complications. I couldn't hold babies, be around babies or pregnant women until I had my next child 18 mos. later. It's a very normal reaction. Give yourself time and don't force it. That is just where you are at in the grief process.
Blessings,
Maryfaith

Cameo - posted on 07/10/2010

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I am sorry for your loss. :(



When I lost Eva (Jan 2007), my close friend and I were pregnant at the same time, she was due in mid-March, I in late May. We lived in the same apartment complex, our older children played together on a daily basis. It was hard being around her after the loss, but helpful somehow too. She held me while I sobbed in an aisle at Wal-Mart (someone walked by with a couple days old baby), a week after my daughter was stillborn. I held her new daughter the day she was born. I cried, but she understood and was very supportive.



Everyone is different, and if you don't think you are up to it emotionally, just give yourself time.

Laura - posted on 07/09/2010

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1st - Let me say - I am so sorry for your loss. 2nd - My daughter Sami died 15 years ago July 25th - She was not a baby, she was 12. So I don't personally know what it is to have your baby die. I do know this, you will never stop missing her. She will always be part of your heart, mind and soul. I had a 7 month old grand daughter at the time, and holding her helped heal my heart. You see, everytime I saw her or held her I thought of my "baby" Sami, and it was hard, some days so bad I felt like curling up in a ball on the floor and screaming. BUT THIS I HAVE FOUND TO BE TRUE - As long as I did not give up - and let time take it's time - I got a little bit stronger every day. My choice was to let it kill me - or make the choice to live in spite of my pain. I chose to live. Sami's death intrinsically changed me - but I have been able to find the joys in my life again. And today I know that I am a strong women, with a heart full of love for those in my life. I hope for you and your family that you chose to live - and look for the joys in your life - the more you find, the more you are able to find. If you know what I mean. God bless you, I will keep you in my prayers.

Tiosha - posted on 07/09/2010

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I'm so sorry to hear about Amyah as well. My first daughter, Saniya, passed away when I was 37 weeks pregnant with her on July 6, 2008. It wasn't until my second daughter, Lyla, was born in September 2009 that I willing held a baby again. About 3 months after Saniya died a customer asked me to hold her child as she was putting him in my arms and I didn't have time to say "no". It bothered me, but not as much as I thought it would. However, I still chose not to hold another baby until Lyla was born. I think you'll know when you are ready and that there isn't a right or wrong amount of time to wait.

Sumner - posted on 07/09/2010

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I don't remember how long it took me to hold another child. I know that it was a while. It's scary. Three months after losing my three month old son I had a miscarriage, and soon after found that everyone else was pregnant. I decided that if I wanted to have more kids I needed to know that I would be okay. At church I would hold my friends baby for a few minutes at a time. then I started working at the nursery in the church. That helped alot. Now I spend a lot of time at home with my six month old daughter. It is going to take time to be comfortable with children and family's around. I couldn't work very well because of all of my breakdowns. I worked at Taco Bell. The only thing I can say is don't rush yourself. Time will heal your wounds. When you are ready you will be, not when other people say so.

JANICE - posted on 07/09/2010

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I am sorry for your loss of your sweet baby girl. I lost my 1st. child when he was not even 2 days old. This has been a long time ago
I never got to hold him or kiss his sweet face .I could not hold a baby without crying until my son was born almost 1 yr. later and then I was so scared when they brought him to me and left me alone to feed him.I called the nurses every time I was so afraid I would do something wrong or hurt him.I had him next to my bed so I could make sure he was breathing at night.
I lost another son 19 yrs. ago ,he was 19 at the time after that I
could not hold a baby for a while with out crying because I knew how special they were and how quickly they can be taken from you.
Some people say it is healing to hold them after a loss.We all have to learn how to cope in our own way.If you can't because it
is to painful ,it is o.k. I am sure people understand ,just try again later.I hope you feel the comfort & grace of a God who knows what it is like to loss a child.
My his peace and love comfort you as our prayers cover you.
In Christ,
Jan

Cheryl - posted on 07/09/2010

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I was forced to hold another little girl that was born just a week before my Amber about 2 months later. And it threw me backward so fast I almost lost my job! So, take your time.

Zoey - posted on 07/09/2010

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I recommend sooner rather than later. It's going to be very, very difficult whenever it happens, but it's a good kind of difficult. Those feelings are all legitimate feelings. I recommend holding the baby of someone who can understand the depths of your feelings, though. My son Zane died in 2002. He was only a couple of days old. I got to hold my cousin's baby about three weeks later at her christening. The whole experience was excruciating as my cousin and I were pregnant at the same time, of course, but once I was holding the baby I didn't want to let her go. And everyone understood. It was a very helpful thing for me.

Swinslett1882 - posted on 07/08/2010

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well my son would have been 5 april and i still have a hard time.....it will take a while it did for me......i still have a hard time watching baby shows on tv. I am very sorry to hear about your little girl....she is your lillte angel that is how i look at it. It will get a little easier.

Emer - posted on 07/08/2010

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so sorry for your sad loss..when i lost my daughter 3years ago i held my 12wk old niece the day of my daughters funeral it broke my heart but i could not let her go,but i no wat u mean wen i put zara down for the last time before she was placed in her coffin i remember thinking il never hold another baby again i want zara 2be the last baby in my arms..wish u all the best hun xxxx R.I.P Amyah xxx

Cris - posted on 07/08/2010

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I still haven't held a baby since my daughter Anastasia Elizabeth died 2yrs ago. I've held a toddler and children, but icant bring myself to hold an actual baby. The youngest I've held is I'd say 7months old, but even that child I didn't so much hold as I just sat on the floor with him next to my leg. I have relatives who have had children and I haven't gone to see their babies because it's hard to not be a little jealous or not remember or envision what my daughter would've looked like at that age. My daughter died when she was only 2 months and 12 days old. She died before she was even supposed to be born. I still think if she hadn't been born so premature she would've survived. At the moment I'm 31wks pregnant so the first baby I'm going to hold after my daughter is going to be my own. I don't even know if I'll be able to do THAT. I'm bracing myself for all the emotion I'm sure will come flooding out of me when I see my baby.

Carol - posted on 07/08/2010

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im sorry to hear that. i lost my son at 3 1/2 months ago. he passed away on april 17 2005 the day after easter. i myself wasnt able to hold another baby for awhile but when i did it helped me with the pain of seeing other babies and wanting another. now i have a 2 1/2 year old that i found out i was pg with 1 1/2 year to the day he paseed and i wont give aNYTHING IN THE WORLD FOR HIM.BUT THINK ABOUT HOLDING ONE IT DOES HELP.

Amy - posted on 07/08/2010

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My son died after birth ~ I had a very hard time holding a baby or even being around babies at the time... my Aunt had her daughter 3 months before me and she really wanted a boy and was depressed about it... here I was thinking.. I didn't care if Jordan would have been a boy or a girl I just wanted him to breathe and come home with me!! It still seems like yesterday and December 26th he would have been 12 yrs old!!

You will know when you are ready!! There is not a day that goes by that I don't think of Jordan and what he would be doing, if he would like this or that, or what sports he would have been in!!

Becky - posted on 07/08/2010

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I don't remember exactly, but I don't think I held another baby until my daughter was born after the loss of my son at 26 weeks gestation. I have a nephew that is one month older than my son (would be....), so I may have held him - for some reason, I was mostly able to "block" my grief when it came to him; all bets were off on any other child. The thing that was bad for me was seeing other pregnant women.....I could not tolerate that at all - then this almost disappeared when I became pregnant with my daughter and has not bothered me since. I am sorry for your loss.....I feel your pain. You will, over time, be able to control your feelings much better but the pain will always remain and you may find yourself in situations that "set you off" without warning...this too will begin to subside - again over time. Our angels are never forgotten and always loved. Best wishes to you.....

Nicole - posted on 07/08/2010

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I am so sorry about your loss, I am so glad that you are doing well, I am still trying to cope day after day one year and 5 months later. It was a week and a half after losing Sammy that I HAD to hold a baby, I worked in Daycare and they had me covering the infant room when I went back to work. That is one of the many reasons I left my job. How cruel could they be?

Cynthia - posted on 07/07/2010

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after I lost my twins I had my next child 7 years later...I had no problems with my own child then 4 years later my sister in law had twins and I could not be around them. she lives in Ky and came in for her shower after the girls got here so everyone could see them, I couldn't be around them, broke down and left, then afterwards I was talking to my sister in law to let her know why I left and she understood, the she said it doesn't take away what I lost but we wouldn't have Bailey my 11 year old and that helped me more than anything, I could not imagine my life with out her!!! God be with u and u are in my prayers, just don't give up...u will go on but never forget!!!

Rose - posted on 07/07/2010

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Give yourself time. Don't rush the grieving process. There is nothing wrong with you because you can't hold other babies yet. Its okay, take your time. We all grieve in different ways. Some of us want to hold every baby we see. Some hold onto stuffed animals, pillows, animals, etc. You just do you.

Karen - posted on 07/07/2010

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You will know when the time is right for you to hold a baby there is no time limit but when you do expect all kinds of emotions this happened to me after the death of our baby daughter my sister had her baby a month before my daughter died this was very hard because i didn't want to make it hard for her.
Don't push yourself.
My heart goes out to you.
karen woodhouse

Penny - posted on 07/07/2010

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Hi Latrice, my loss was nearly 21 years ago, but your question brought back vivid memories for me of one of the things I found most difficult.

I had a group of friends who all met when we were expecting our first babies and stayed in touch. I was the first to have a second baby and they all coped well with the fact that he had Down's Syndrome and heart problems (partly because one of the group had a baby with Cystic Fibrosis), but they were all at a lost when my Daniel died. They wanted me to keep going to meetups which I wanted to do for my eldest, but there were lots of 'pregnant pauses' when they started discussing things and suddenly realised they might upset me.

As more second babies arrived there was the natural passing around for cuddles etc. and a few seemed to think it would help me to hold one of the babies but it was not something I was comfortable with or could be forced into and that made the tension worse so I eventually stopped going.

I also found it very hard with my niece who was born two days after Daniel, especially at her Christening as I was a Godmother but the way the timing worked out we had that service on the Sunday and Daniel's funeral on the Monday. As you can imagine that was really hard and I was grateful that she had four godparents so I could duck out of holding her without bringing too much attention to myself.

The first time I held another baby was in my time and under my own free will. I was visiting a friend who had a new baby and she needed to go upstairs to get a clean nappy for him. Rather than giving him to me to hold she popped him on the otehr end of the sofa to where I was sitting. He started to cry and with no pressure from anyone else I found it was the natural thing to pick him up and comfort him whilst we waited for his mum to come back. That was a turning point for me, but it took about 8 months to get there.

So I guess my message would be, don't put pressure on yourself and don't let others do it either - you will do it when you are ready and everyone needs to understand that it is something that has no expected timeframe but has to happen when it is right for you.

Abbey - posted on 07/06/2010

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I lost my daughter Lyndsie on 8/11/00 and it took me over a year. it depends on when you are comfortable. Take your time, this is nothing to rush. If your offered to hold a baby and can't seem to do it, politely tell the mom no thank you. Your still healing. I'm so sorry to hear of your precious Amyah's passing. You can e-mail me at ladytigress79@yahoo.com anytime. Your not alone.

Danielle - posted on 07/06/2010

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So sad when we loose a baby, I had to give birth to an already Passed Azaria Eden at 29.5weeks gestation, in April. She was to be my fourth blessing, But God had other plans for me and clearly for Azaria. I got to hold her when she was born etc. Two of my friends had babies couple of weeks after me, and I actually enjoyed holding them. We all handle grief differently, Ive found that loosing Azaria has been a learning curve and a blessing in other ways, people who wouldn't talk about God, are . As they want to know why I'm more at Peace with loosing her than they would be as non-believers,I get more opportunities to show people Gods Love and Grace and share my understanding and Faith that she is safe in heaven with our Lord and Saviour. I believe everything happens for a reason.
Isaiah 55:8 "For My Thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways, my ways,"says the LORD.
Prayers and Blessings to you all.

Chris - posted on 07/06/2010

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I couldn't look at other babies after my little girl Sophie died. She was just 40 days old. Our son was 20 months old at the time. My husband couldn't bear to be at home without Sophie, so he took us down to Disney. Worst place in the world for me to be. All I could think was why other people's babies were ok and mine was gone. Having my son around helped, except when he'd look in Sophie's crib after she died. I got pregnant again about 6 months after we lost Sophie. Michele is now 6 and is healthy. Marc is 9. Tomorrow marks 8 yrs since Sophie became an angel. Hang in there, Latrice. Time does help.

LeaAnne - posted on 07/06/2010

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My sister-in-law and I were due at the same time. My baby girl was born and died at birth five days before my nephew was born. I held him in the hospital six days after my baby Alissa died. It was hard but also very theraputic. Life goes on and every life is a blessing. God bless you!

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