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Motherhood after the death of a child: pregnancy, infant

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How long since child died

Melinda - posted on 01/01/2009 ( 29 moms have responded )

My Son has been dead for 25 years. He died when he was almost 4 months old. I had 5 other cjildren at the time .He was the youmgest at the time.

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Brenda - posted on 01/30/2010

My daughter, Jessica Lynne, died on Feb. 18, 2004. She had a heart defect. I found I was pregnant again in August of the same year. All I prayed was that it would be a healthy BOY. I didnt want the baby to remind me of Jessie. Yet every time I looked at someone elses infant I wondered what Jessie would have looked like at each stage of her life. So on March 31st, 2005 I gave birth to a beautiful GIRL who looked EXACTLY like Jessica. When I asked my husband why God would do something SO cruel-he told me God answered my real prayer...how would she look at each stage. I can look at my Elizabeth (I do see Elizabeth) and see what Jessie would have looked like. I will never know what her personality would have been, but on those big days that Jessie is foremost in my mind (like her upcoming birthday) I can see how beautiful she would have been, but because of her heart condition know she IS in a better place. I asked her doctor how her life would have been (after I found out I was pregnant with Elizabeth) and I cant wish that on my child for my selfishness to hold her in my arms. She would have had to been stuck with lots of needles on daily basis, regular heart surgeries, never play like other children, probable heart replacement by time she was 20yr, never hold her own child in her arms (cause too dangerous to have), and still probably die by the time she was 40yrs old-if the heart transplant took.

Vicky - posted on 01/30/2010

it will be 14 years ago in march. she lived for 24 hours after being 3 weeks late and indgesting mucolium. i got to spend a day with her and feel asleep for the last time in my arms. as said the pain gets easier but never goes away, i now have two other children who are 12 + 10 who are going by the day but ill always have my baby she'll never grow older and always be close

Glenda - posted on 01/27/2010

Melissa Phelps- so true, just one day at a time, so many anniversaries/dates that remind you. I really hoped Ben would make his first day of school, it wasn't to be and my youngest has 1 year to go before her first day of school and so I've taken a year off working to spend time with her, in some ways after all this time, I make decisions underpinned by what I learned, what Ben gave and what we lost. We also have involved our children in remembering Ben, we pushed for the local Council to clean up the cemetery, plant more trees etc, so my children decorated the pine tree closest to Ben for Christmas, Ben loved the colour red and balloons so we also let these go each year, for those of you who haven't seen it, I put together a photo collage using 'Smilebox' its free online or you can choose to pay to add extras, we sent this out to everyone on Ben's birthday and special occasions to remind them not to take life for granted, I guess for me it is about creating meaning from something I cannot change and so desperately wish I could have. My sister died the same year, my huband's best friend and another friend all within 12 mths of Ben dying, I wonder how different life would be if things were different, how different the world would be with their presence, yet their very presence has already changed the world in how I and those who remember them choose to live each day.....we were so blessed they shared their lives with us.

Michelle - posted on 01/23/2010

I lost my daughter in 2000 and I still think about her everyday. It took me and my husband 8 years to get pregnant. So my son is really spoiled. It never gets any easier. I have depression all the time especially around her birthday and the day she died which are only 5 days apart.

Paula - posted on 01/17/2010

My heart and prayers go out to you all. Feb. 3rd would have been Grant Samuel's 4th birthday. He lived a week and a half. He had PKD (polycystic kidney disease). I miss him and love him dearly. God has blessed my husband and I with 2 children since. An adopted son who is now 3 years old, and a bio daughter who is 2years old. We have Grant's pictures up and include him in conversation reg. I never want to forget ( even though it is painful sometimes because I miss him so much!) what a blessing his short little life was!

Peggi - posted on 01/21/2009

I lost a 3 month old baby in 1985 & a 22 year old son 2002. I have 2 older boys & 1 younger daughter. I also have 6 beautiful grandchildren, 2 of which are named after my sons that passed.

Lynn - posted on 01/21/2009

My little Emily has been gone for 2 1/2 years. She would have been 5 years old this upcoming April. She was only 2 years old when our daycare providers son killed her while she was taking her nap. I miss her so much everyday and every minute. I love to tell our 1 year old daughter all about her and what a hero she was.

Eileen - posted on 01/18/2009

hi my son Sean died 13 years ago this year . he was just 24 yrs old he died in a caravan fire which i still find hard to get over and i still remember the phone call as if it were yesterday it is getting better but i still hurt

Sara - posted on 01/17/2009

We lost our sweet Ezra James in August 2008--almost 5 months ago. He died from respitory failure. He was 1 year, 11 days old. He was born premature (at 31 weeks) and had a variety of issues. We are comforted, knowing he is at the feet of Jesus, but sad, because we miss him every day.

Patti - posted on 01/14/2009

I lost my son Alexander when he was 6 weeks old on April 30, 2005. He was born at 32 weeks with a hypoplastic right heart (the right half of his heart did not form) He was on a national list for a transplant, but he finally got too sick and they took him off the list. DH and I were terrified he would die without us there so we made the decision to take him off life support so I could hold him in my arms as he passed away. it was the hardest decision we ever had to make. I miss him each and every day. I have two older children, and 16 months after Alexanders death I had a beautiful daughter and now we have a 1 month foster son. Alexander is still very much part of our lives. His picture is everywhere and we go visit his grave as much as we can. I want the younger ones to "know him" through us and our memories.

Marli - posted on 01/14/2009

My heart goes out to all Mothers that suffer the loss of a child. I have a daughter Paige that is 17 years old. My second child was Makenzie Nicole, she was born 10/24/1994 and passed away 11/30/1994. The cause of death was SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome).
The pain of losing her was unbearable. My husband and I tried to have another child for 7 years and when we gave up I found out I was preganant....with twins. Unfortunately at 22 weeks (January 26, 2002) I went into pre-term labor and was forced to deliver due to an infection in my amniotic fluid. It was a boy and a girl...Kennedy and Kolton. They were a little over a pound a piece but their lungs were not developed enough to survive. We were devastated. On March 19, 2003 we were blessed with Olivia Lauren and let me tell you, she has the personality the size of Texas. I am thankful every day for her. I miss my children that are in Heaven and there is not a day that goes by that I don't think of them.

Take Care and God Bless.

Teri - posted on 01/14/2009

I too have lost a child, she was our surprise baby, and it just seemed right from the beginning that something was not right. I had to have surgery at 22 weeks in an attempt to keep her and spent six weeks in the hospital then home to bed rest. At 32 weeks she was born emergently and only lived for 3 hours. I think of her every day, and since then have had another child and adopted two. Bethany is our angel and we talk about her often. She was recently moved from her orginal resting place to be with her dad, who recently passed away, It gives me some peace and comfort to know that she is with him now. Everyone's greiving time is their own, let yourself grieve, you have dealt with the most difficult thing a parent can deal with, allow yourself all the time that you need, and know that you will never forget.

Sarah - posted on 01/14/2009

I lost my son when he was 7 mo old and this past Oct was 4 years. His birthday is coming up in March and he would have been 5. I miss him terrible. I also have 1 living child who just turned 3 in Oct and one on the way in Feb. Sometimes i feel as though my Hurt will never go away But I take it one day at a time to get through and have a loving Husband who helps me each Day!

Thanisha - posted on 01/14/2009

I will see her again one day though, she will be perfect and beautiful. But she was always beautiful.

Thanisha - posted on 01/14/2009

On May 2nd, my daughter would have been 4yrs old. I can't even go the the grave sight anymore. At first it helped now it doesn't.

Belinda - posted on 01/14/2009

My son, Jacob was three months off turning 4 and it has nearly been 5 years. I still miss him terribly every single day

Lesley - posted on 01/13/2009

My son, Kyle, died of SIDS in July of 2003 he was only 31 days old. My daughter was just 3 at the time. That may have been the only thing that got me through it. I think the hardest part of losing a child to SIDS is that you never get any answers... you just don't ever find out WHY?

Mary - posted on 01/13/2009

My daughter, Lydia, has been gone almost 4 years. It still seems like yesterday. I often wonder what she would be like today. I lost her to a liver disease. I have days that I am happy she is in Heaven where there are no problems and days when I miss her so much I can't stand it.

Joan - posted on 01/13/2009

I lost my daughter only minutes after her birth 10 yrs ago. I now have 3 beautiful boys but will cherish the day that I again can meet my daughter.

Dawn - posted on 01/13/2009

My little boy Dakota started to have heart failure just 6 mins after he was born,he was a 7lbs 51/2oz they worked on him for almost 1hr before they gave up .I still cry almost every and that was sept 20,2003 it is a pain that nothing can ever fix or take it away even when I had my other 2 boys I always was thinking that something could go wrong

Marilyn - posted on 01/13/2009

My beautiful daughter Beth was lost to cancer on Feb. 2nd 2007. I feel as though my insides have been torn out. Will it ease, do I want it to?

Michelle - posted on 01/13/2009

so sorry for all your losses, melissa ya so right 1st yr is hardest well im still in first yr and have first annervesary of harrisons death on 24 march its real hard i should be 4 month pregnant by then and harrison was just over 4 month old when he died love to all and hope fr more gentle days ahead love michelle xxx

Melissa - posted on 01/13/2009

I lost my daughter, Faith Kristina, when she was just 10 days old. It was 11 years ago and not a day goes by that I don't think about her. We have made her and her memory a part of our everyday. Our children, including the 2 born after she died, know they have a sister named Faith and that she was born sick and died. We visit her grave regularly and the children all enjoy planting flowers or bringing balloons to Faith. While loosing a child, regardless of age, is difficult you do learn to manage it. It seems so difficult but it really does become less and less overwhelming. The most difficult time for me was the 1st year. Going through all the holidays and birthdays that I felt she should have been there for, wondering when she would have started walking, talking and what she would have looked like. All you can do is take 1 step at a time and my advice is never say goodbye. Your child is always with you...

Peggi - posted on 01/13/2009

I have lost 2 sons. Nathan died from SIDS in 1985. He was 1 day short of 3 months old. Justin died on Halloween in 2002 at the age of 22. He died from heart failure. He actually wasn't suppose to live past 6 months of age. So I have been down 2 roads, a sudden loss & a child that was terminally ill.

Michelle - posted on 01/13/2009

Quoting Melinda:

How long since child died

My Son has been dead for 25 years. He died when he was almost 4 months old. I had 5 other cjildren at the time .He was the youmgest at the time.

hi im michelle still my gorgeous baby harrison riley still passed away on 24 march 2008 he was nearly 5 month old. My first child im now 26 yrs old n 7 week preg with second am so scared but happy harrison was born with heart defect n after two major surgeries his veins frm left lung to heart were blocked n nowt they could do he passed away at martin house hospice in wethaby fanyasyic place they loked after us for week after my baby died he passed away in his mummys arms at 17. 35 pm on easter monday may you rest in peace gorgeous boy love mummyxxx

Megan - posted on 01/12/2009

I lost my son Samuel when I was pregnant with him. 20 weeks. Im glad I got to hold him. He was so tiny. I miss him and miss what could have been!