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How Nice

Grace - posted on 08/21/2011 ( 2 moms have responded )

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We celebrated a family member's birthday today. There was a lot of family that I had not seen in like forever. I had my two girls & my hubby there and we all had a good time. I was talking to my step-father-in-law's-step-mom today and she said to me:

"You are truely blessed. You have a beautiful family." Carol said.

"Thank you." I said.

"It's so nice to see your daughter Samantha here after the everything you went through with losing Tristan." (we had Sam after we lost my son).

All I could think was FINALLY. Finally someone gets it. Finally someone who understands that we have our family: Emma (4 years old), Tristan (rip, he would be a toddler now) and Samantha (8monthes old). Finally someone who thought to include my son Tristan in our family gathering. I didn't have to pretend that everything was ok (though we were all having a great time). It was just so incredibly touching for Carol to mention Tristan. It made me feel like just because no one there got to meet my very special little boy, that he still matters and is still part of our family. Thank you God for people like Carol who understand. Thank you.

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2 Comments

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Wendy - posted on 08/30/2011

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Hi ladies,

In my experience I have found that many people are frightened to bring up the baby we lost (I lost my son just days after his first birthday). I believe that they don't want to mention them in fear that they will upset us. Of course it will upset us, it always will, but as you mentioned these babies are a part of our lives our bodies, our DNA, they were real little people who were here with us for a very short period of time.

I have friends who are frightened to bring up my son, and others who look at my new little 6 month old and can see him in her, and they talk to me about my son and my newest member of our family. I know the people I can to talk to about my son, and those who I can't. But if you want to talk about your babies then, bring them up first. I did, and I found that the women will continue to talk to you if you are the first one to speak out. I guess most people are waiting for us to start talking first.

Because I spoke out about my son, woman listen and will say something back, it just takes a lot of courage to be the first one, that's all.

I hope more people include your babies in your day to day life, when you are ready and want to talk. If at any stage you need to talk, or just remind them of the little ones you lost, then don't feel afraid to bring up your babies name in a conversation.

Lisa - posted on 08/29/2011

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I know exactly what you mean. I lost my daughter, Gracie, at 34 weeks pregnant back in 2006. I've gone on to have 2 sons, Aidan is 4 1/2 & Ethan is 14 months but nobody ever mentions my daughter. Its just like she never was a part of my life. Its like she never existed, even though I caried her for 8 months. I wish more people understood what we go through daily, even 5 years on :-(

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