How soon is too soon after you've lost a child is a good time to have another one?

DeAndraya - posted on 03/21/2010 ( 65 moms have responded )

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2 weeks ago on March 7,2010 i lost my 1st and only child at 19 weeks pregnant. I am currently experiencing all the emotions that come along from such a tragic lost and i'm just wanting the feeling of having another child.

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Gemma - posted on 11/08/2012

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i know this is an old post, but i gave birth to my daughter 3 months early and she sadly lost her fight for life at 22 days old, i had her on 7th aug 2012 and the consultant said to my partner just before we left that when ever i say i want to try again then we should do. he said i will prob want a baby sooner rather then later due to empty arm sydrom. you carried a baby for so long, you give birth but you come home empty handed. having a rainbow baby will help that ( the empty arms) and i think everyone thats lost a child knows another baby wont ever replace our angel babies. also when i do have another baby im getting a book called, there was a baby before you so we can always tell the baby about there older sister in heaven. also a tip that may help we have a shelf named after our daughter our hope shelf with her pic and some of her little bits on i think its helped esp on the bad days. xx

Samantha Lyndsay - posted on 03/30/2010

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what you have to figure out first is are you looking to have another so soon after because you want to fill a void, or is it because you truely in your heart want another baby. i think that for every one, time inbetween pregnancies is different, but i def think that you should go through your grieving processes fully before trying again. i wasnt prepared for the waves of grief, and guilt i felt after having my second daughter, even though it had been 3 years since. i also was prepared for having her(i had to have her via c-section bc she was breeched and i had all of a sudden dialiated to 7 cm after being at 3cm the entire pregnancy.) and she was born just 8 days after her sisters 3 year anniversary. no one ever tells you that when you watch your new baby sleep, eat or even just grow that you will more than ever miss the other one. that you will feel guilty bc one made it and the other didnt. that you will just sit back and cry wondering what it would be like for both of them to be together, in the flesh, interacting, like all the other fortunate siblings do. all i can say is that if you, YOU feel that it is time, and that your are ready, then you are the only one that can judge you. but if there is even the smallest bit of doubt in your mind, then you should wait until it is confirmed that you are in the right place in your life, and grief for it to happen. good luck to you in whatever you decide.

Jenni - posted on 03/22/2010

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It's never to soon, I lost my son 30 years ago and had another child 9 months later, it did not replace my 1st child, nor lessen the pain but it did help me to focus on the future and also allowed me the privilege of shariing all the love I had to give a child with another special little person. Have another child as soon as you are ready, your first child will always be the angel on your shoulder and will be thrilled to know that they were so precious you wanted to repeat the experience.

Kiwa - posted on 04/04/2013

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I think lossing a child can some how give us baby fever. Although ur child can not be replaced, I think the craving to have another child is sort of our need to fill a void. I lost my only daughter and youngest child at 2yrs old to a pool drowning 8mo ago. I sometimes want to have another child but am scared that it may complicate my grief more. Having a baby requires good physical and mental Health. Be sure to allow urself time to grieve ur lost before jumping into another pregnancy. U dont want to risk a miscarriage due to the stress of the grief. Obviously another child can not replace a lost child. So another thing to remember is u should have another baby simply cuz u want a baby not with hopes to satisfy no feelings related to ur lost. Loosing my little girl sometimes have me with baby fever so I find myself thinking about this myself.

Jody - posted on 10/22/2012

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Hi Sorry to hear about your loss I would say you should wait 6 months to a year to try again just so you give your body a chance to heal before you try it will also give you a chance to deal with those emotions you go through after losing a baby x

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Lashannon - posted on 12/01/2013

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I recently lost my little girl on nov.20,2013. I was 19 weeks and I sneezed and my water broke. When I arrived at the hospital they informed me that she was coming out feet first and they couldn't stop it. They induced my labor and my beautiful baby girl was born. She raised her arm to shield the light then the doctor cut the cord she died instantly after. My beautiful Sahmarlynn was 7 ounces 8 and half inches. She was my miracle as I never thought I could get pregnant. Now I know I couldn't hold her due to an incompetent cervix. I will be trying again as I so desperately want a baby. But my precious angel will never be forgotten!

Anelka - posted on 09/26/2013

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hi i know how you guys feel and its hard to lose a child. i lost my son a year and 3 month ago due to meningitis he was 11mnths and 2 weeks old he past away the 3rd of june 2012 and was going to turn 1 yr on the 17th of june 2012. Its not easy and sometimes all you wanna do is sit and miss him we had him cremated and his ashes is in my home in a beautiful box they made us .I know some people say its wrong but for me and my husband its helps that he is here if i miss him to much i will take the box and just hold it tight. and i know hes with me. I want to have another baby but im struggling to get pregnant. And its hard.He was our first. So Take your time to heal dont rush and treasure your children because they can be taken away in a heart beat. My heart goes out to everyone who has lost a child and remember your not alone. Stay strong xoxo

Shannan - posted on 05/30/2013

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I lost my daughter 17 days ago. She came early @ 26 weeks and lived for 13 day. It pains to think about her sometimes, and then there are times when I'm good. My husband and I was told to weight 3 to 6 months and try again. So as soon as August hits we are going at it again. I will always love and miss my baby girl Zinniah. She was so strong and a fighter. The ventilator made a hole in her lungs and she died from Cardiac arrest.

SydoneyTia - posted on 02/27/2013

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I lost my beautiful baby boys at 22 weeks, at 18 weeks one twin was diagnosed with severe selective iugr, the other was perfect they were identical and sharing a placenta, I had surgery straight away to split the placenta but was told that the smaller twin was going to die, they held on for so long Thursday the 21st of Feb I found out that my little angel had passed away and that I would have to stop my other little angels heartbeat due to him having no amniotic fluid aroundd him, I was then induced into a long painful labour and gave birth to my two sleeping angels I was 22 weeks :'( if only I could of hung on those two weeks! I feel so rubbish and it's really raw at the moment im really really wanting another baby nit to replace them but to help mend that hole in my heart I will never ever ever forget my angels, im 16 and my partner and I have been together for 3 years, some say we are to young but I have so much love to give, my beautiful sons gained their wings 3:54 Friday the 22nd of February 2013 and flew to heaven together they are now the brightest stars in the sky, Luca Brandon Russell & Harley Brandon Russell, mummy and daddy love you forever&ever rest in perfect peace, im so sorry fir everyones losses here no one should ever have to go through this ♥

I need some advice on when I should start trying again?! Xxxxxx

Melisa - posted on 01/17/2013

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i have 3 girls at home the are 7,5 and 3 .
i got preg in june 2012 miscarried at 6 weeks 5 days at 6and half weeks. i got pregnant straight
away with twins . but i didnt find out i was having twins till 20 weeks preg, i was bleeding heavy one of the twins had died. the other twin was healthy and growing normal. i gave birth to both on 27th december one died the other lived for 2 hours. i was 22 weeks 6 days exactly 5 month and the just let him die with no help. i really want my baby boy ashton back he was perfect. i dont know what the other baBY WAS OR WHEN IT DIED

Renee - posted on 01/16/2013

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When you are ready I feel it is your choice and your choice only. If there are medical problems seek medical help. If there are psychological problems seek help for that...but all in all it is your choice! People thought having my son 3yrs after my other son died was too soon, especially since it was a boy. I went ahead and had him and life is good! I had another son in 04! I love my boys! They know about their "older" brother.

Rachelle - posted on 01/11/2013

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I had my Kourtney in Feb of 1989, I got pregnant again before we knew she had a rare form of cancer, she passed away on 12/22/1993.and we had Cody April of 1991, he is 21 now, and very healthy

Terri - posted on 01/10/2013

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i lost a lil boy at 24 weeks and my twin girls at 23 weeks i be lost for words at times but i wanna try again i jus need to wait 6 months to a 1

Kimberley - posted on 11/12/2012

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How long does it take to get pregnant again, I've been waiting now 16 month n getting scared its not going to happen, did any1 feel this way?

Diane - posted on 11/11/2012

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I found out I was pregnant 3 days before my daughters first birthday.I had her c-section had the next vaginal. My very first baby was fullterm 3 weeks overdue stillborn.Don't be afraid to get pregnant.I'm sure everything will be fine..And remember the clock is ticking life goes by very fast. If you want children then get on it before your too old..Good luck and god bless you.

Debbie - posted on 11/10/2012

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and my daughter has always known about him and so have my 2 others we visit his grave and always sing happy bday etc they have always known about him and he has always been part of our lives, also now my 2 lil grandsons are visiting him so it carries on through life :) xxx my daughter neva replaced my lil boy just a gift from above for a second chance xxx

Debbie - posted on 11/10/2012

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i had my son in may 1987 24 wks i was he lived for 4 1/2 mths but died in sept 87 i caught pregnant before he died but didnt know and it helped me tbh as i knew the baby needed me xx

Nuttie - posted on 10/26/2012

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idk but to be real with you i want one now but i justed lost one in oct not sure if that would be good rite now

Kimberley - posted on 10/18/2012

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I had my baby by a emergency c section, I had no reason to think he wouldn't make it as all my check ups had been fine but unfortunately my baby Harvey died 9 days later. This was on the 15 th September 11. Me and my husband have been trying for another baby since with no luck, it is. Now driving me mad and doctors won't take me on at all I want check ups and tests to find out y I am not becoming pregnant can any one help me please?

Marie - posted on 08/28/2012

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Hi I have 3 beautiful children a girl 8 and a boy 3 and I had a baby boy in oct 2010 weighing in at 4pound 8oz I was told he was a healthy little man but when he was 7 days old he died me and my family were totally devastated :-( I miss him so much I think of him every day. My mind and heart was tellin me I wanted another baby not 2 replace him i just another baby will heal my grief it was orful 4 months after I was pregnant i went for my 12 week scan and they told me there was no h/beat I felt crushed with more grief, then around 8 months after we tried again I was so scared constantly thinking I was guna have another miscarriage and at 9 weeks I did I was gutted we decided to get married as my partner proposed at Xmas and we get wed in 5 weeks I'm so excited I constantly think of my baby and watch all birthing programes I'm upsessed so in about 7 weeks after our honeymoon in Barbados :-) I'm guan come of my pill and try again but I'm so scared I'm guna have a full term baby and it's guns die on me again and will I have 9 months of orful emotions were I'm carrying a time bomb plz get in touch if u can help x

Jennifer - posted on 07/13/2011

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We just lost our first and only baby 2 days ago... We keep talking about trying again as soon as the OB says I can (hopefully after my 2 week checkup). I know that sounds soon. We are going to focus on healing emotionally first, whatever that means...because I don't know if I will ever be able to say I'm really "healed". I don't know. It's too soon to even try to process what being "healed" truly means. But anyway, we are going to try again as soon as we feel up to it, and it will not be after 1 or 2 years. We're already 28.

Shanica - posted on 04/05/2010

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I had a stillbirth at 22 1/2 weeks and the OB suggested I wait for 6 months before I try and my cousin had a full term loss and she was told to wait atleast a year. On the emotional side, you will know when you and your partner are ready again. You will never be able to replace the baby you loss with a a new baby and don't rush into another pregnancy. Your body and mind needs to recover and get strong and healthy again. I am sorry for your loss. I will pray for you to be blessed with many wonderful babies in the future.

Kerrin - posted on 04/04/2010

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I have had a miscarriage & then our daughter arrived stillborn on the 5th of Jan 09 @ 36 weeks (I got pregnant with her only a month after we started TTC after the miscarriage). Physically, we were told to wait at least 12 weeks (to avoid infections, some complications etc...). Mentally, we were far from ready even though we did at first think we were. Now just over 12 months on, we feel ready to TTC again. I'm nervous after last time but now that we're further down the track, I feel excited about being pregnant again, even though I know I will be terrified until at least 20 weeks (our daughter had SB complications & extreme hydrocephalus so my OB has already told me how they will monitor me extensively with tests, scans etc... more than usual until then).
I find it very hard some days still - especially seeing my closest friend had a son at the end of last November but giving myself the time I feel I needed has helped me & also my husband. I wanted him to be comfortable with the thought of me being pregnant again too before we tried again.

Denise - posted on 04/02/2010

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Give your body a chance to heal and go for it. I lost my son 3/13/79 ( he was 9 weeks old when he died). I had his brother 3/20/79 and he has been a joy. To be honest the focus on my new prgeancy helped me through the death of the first child.

Tiffany - posted on 04/02/2010

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I am sorry for your lost..i know how u feel..i lost my first child when i was 32weeks to stillborn,,,i had a lil gurl may 1 2006...it is very hard but god has a reason for everything and that is what got me through all this pain and suffering...i mena it still hurts to this day..i tihnk about her each adn everyday..i didnt think i could ever have another one but i got pregnant seven months after my daughter was born,,,,i had a precious baby boy at fullterm and healthy...u will know when the time is right for you...they are only 15months apart...he will never take her place or the pain but it helps me each and everyday knowing that i am giving my love to another child and knowing that she is watching over him...I also have another lil boy who is 4months old...sweetie u will just know when the time is right for u and god will also help u through this and help u with the time..just take your time to grief....

Tiffany - posted on 04/01/2010

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Hi DeAndraya,
I can see that you have already been given every version of opinion under the sun so I'll keep this short. I lost my first son at 23w5d due to preterm labor and I know how very difficult it is to get over such a great loss. Just remember that this baby was an individual and no other baby could ever take his/her place. Also, one thing that a friend told me was that she got pregnant with her second child very soon after losing her first and now she has to live with the thought that if she hadn't lost her first she wouldn't have her second. She wanted them both but it hurts to remember that they had overlapping gestations.
I pray that God gives you the guidance you need because it's different for everyone and remember that people who have not been through it can say very hurtful things without realizing it. You just have to overlook it.

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after i lost my 1st at 21 weeks due to an incompetant cervix i wanted to be pregnant again about 2 months later. im still really emotional about it today 3 1/2 yrs later i lost her 9/8/06 it took me 2 yrs to get prego again which really sucked but i found out i was pregnant exactly 2 yrs 9/8/08 on the day i lost my lil girl and i am now prego for the 3rd time and the date of my last period was 9/8/09 its still hard to deal with the loss of my daughter. i wonder if they would be the same but in another way its easier bc i have someone to love and take care of goodluck getting pregnant !!!!

Priscilla - posted on 04/01/2010

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i had a son on april 28, 2008 and on october18, 2008 i let him go to the babysitters overnight for the first time.....he never came back home he died the following morning. It tore me and my fiance apart. And then on valentines day this year i got pregnant again,....it was not planned nor was i really ready for it yet. But now he'll be 5 months old on easter and is healthy!!!!!!!!!!! My son that passed away had health problems that we were unaware of, now his brother gets checked extra closely. I guess what i'm trying to say is it's all on you. I still don't think that i was ready yet, but i wouldn't give it up for the world. And remember one cannot and will never replace the one you lost, it just makes it a little more apprecitable of the moments you have. Best wishes

Mary - posted on 04/01/2010

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i lost my first at 36 weeks. i had to wait for periods to return, about 3 months and then we tried again. my next baby was born a year and a day after i lost my first. do what is right for you.

Shenae - posted on 04/01/2010

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I don't know how soon it is to have another child. Four months after my second miscarriage, I was pregnant w/ my daughter. It wasn't planned. Everyone's experience is different. If you feel you're ready for another child, go ahead and do it. Just be sure that you're not trying to replace the one you lost.

CAMILLA - posted on 04/01/2010

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DeAdraya
I too lost my first child I was 36 wk 6days. My son due date would have been 7-7-2007 . I started trying to have another baby about 4 months later and I gave birth to a new son 7-9-2008. Good luck on trying for the next one. Look like my son in Heaven has a new friend and rest a sure he will take care of your little Angel. If you ever want to talk you can email me at CJM@playful.com

Wendy - posted on 03/31/2010

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Hi DeAndraya. I'm glad my message helped a little. I do hope that you will be blessed with another baby soon. Wouldn't it be wonderful if we both became pregnant around the same time! Please keep in touch and let us know when you are expecting, it will be wonderful news to all us mums who have suffered the loss of a child!

DeAndraya - posted on 03/31/2010

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thanks Wendy i really appreciate you message, because this how i've been feeling, i'm just gonna sit back and be patient, because i don't know what my future may hold!!!!!

Wendy - posted on 03/31/2010

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I lost my little man on 24th January 2010, and the pain of lossing him is still very raw. My husband and I have talked about it, and we want another baby. We already have 2 other children, a 10 year old boy, and a 4 year old girl. My son who passed away was 1 year and 19 days old. For me, the time is near to have another baby, not to replace my son, but to help our family heal - we all need someone little person to cuddle and love. Everyone is different, and everyone experiences grief differently, and the only advise I can give is that if you and your partner feel that the time is right, then the time is right - don't worry about what anyone else thinks.

DeAndraya - posted on 03/30/2010

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thank you ladies i've had time to think about this subject, and as the days pass i'm getting better with this loss, i'm just gonna wait until god blesses me again with another child, and when i am equally yoked with someone.!!!!! for all who's been praying please continue to do that!!!!!

Crystal - posted on 03/30/2010

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well with me it's been almost four years since i lost my son in may 2006 and i am now expecting my second one. i just waited until i felt like it was the right time to try again. i think it's all based on how you feel about having another one and when you think would be a good time.

Bobbie - posted on 03/25/2010

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I believe its all up to the parents... my husband and I lost Nicholas in July 2009. At first I wanted my insides fixed so I could never have another... then I apparently started asking my doctors while I was still in the hospital if anyone wanted to give their babies up??? Then we talked about it and deceided to wait, and of course now we are expecting in October of this year!!! I turned it all over to God when I lost it about a month after my baby died and although im a wreck sometimes, with grief, emotions, hormones, and guilt still... I think it worked out for the best. I have alot of support, and alot of love around me other wise I dont think id have made it this far.... thought Id share with you, hope it helped alittle.

Mandy - posted on 03/25/2010

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I lost my #3 son 5/7/06 at 19 weeks. I thought at the beginning I was going to wait at least a year before trying again, but as my due date approached, I felt the need to be pregnant because I was supposed to being having a baby. Well, I found out I was pregnant with my daughter on 10/4/06. This was the due date of the little boy I lost, and I really believe that he sent me my daughter that I had always been hoping for, and she is now almost three and the princess in my life.
I think you should get pregnant when you feel the time is right. They usually say wait three months and I conceived month four. So sorry for your loss, but God does things for a reason and only gives us what we can handle. You will come out of this stronger than you were before and will never forget the child you lost.

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most doctors recommend you wait at least 6 months, just to make sure that there is no infections or problems. We learned the hard way, not by choice, of getting pregnant to soon after a miscarriage. We had lost twins and then got pregnant soon after, not knowing I had an infection. It did not show up till several months later. I went into premature labor at 5 1/2 months due to the infection making our son have heart attacks. Needless to say we lost him. We waited over six months to try again and know have a healthy 3 year old daughter.

Donna - posted on 03/25/2010

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hi luv sori 2 hear of ur loss my thoughts r with u , i lost my wee beth 4 yeas ago on the 1stof june, an at 1st i swore never again but 8 months after she died i fell pregnant with my wee aimée, i think if i had of left it any longer i wud never have done it, my advice is 2 give urself a wee bit of time 2 come 2 terms with losing ur wee 1.. u will never 4get the wee one but it does get easier an my aimee helps me thru my bad days which i still have an prob always will, shes 2 an a half an is my world tho i think of wee beth every day, do wat is rite 4 u pet take care xoxoxoxo

Michelle - posted on 03/24/2010

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I am sorry to hear of your loss... When our daughter was born and passed away the same night, my husband looked at me and said we could not end child bearing like that... We both agreed we would try again... Almost a year to the date of what would have been my daughters first birthday, we found out we were pregnant again... Now we have a beautiful little girl here and in heaven... No one can answer the question for you hun... It is something you will know when you are ready... Also talk to your doc when it is healthy for you to try again... I was not physically aloud to become pregnant for 6 months after Emma was born... Mentally either... Hang in there hun... The whole thing will take time to get past... And you never will forget... My older boys and I often talk of their baby sister in heaven... Know you are not alone and it is ok to move forward... Just take things one day at a time...

Amber - posted on 03/24/2010

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I am soo sorry for your loss. I had 2 normal pregnancies and delivered healthy baby girl first and boy second. Then my 3rd baby boy was born still at 38 weeks. At first I was ready to have another baby, but the day my doc called and told me I could start trying again, I started having panic attacks over it. He was born in Oct 2005 and I found out I was pregnant with my last one in Feb 2005. I was a nervous wreck the entire pregnancy, went to the er just about every month scared out my mind about little things. Tehn he was born 1 month and a day after Hurricane Katrina. Your heart will tell you when your ready. It will come to you when your ready. I wish you well and the best of luck.

Jonell - posted on 03/24/2010

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I lost my daughter at 5 1/2 weeks and had my son less than a year later. They had the same due date a year apart. I would say do what works for you. Check with your doctor, follow your heart, I'm sure your partner has an opinion, see wht your body is up for physically, emotionally and spiritually. No child replaces another though.

Brittany - posted on 03/23/2010

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Lost first born at 11 months old due to prematuirty in Jan 2009 and we concevied again in April 2009 . I delivered a 33 weeker frist one was a 29 weeker. You have to let go and god he will send another baby in his timing

Stephanie - posted on 03/23/2010

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i know the feeling. my son was 2 months old when i lost him. the daya after my other son turned 2. and for about a month, part of me would of killed just to be pregnant so i could have my baby back. it's natural. it's the maternal instinct. at 2 weeks, you don't fully want another, what your really wantng is that one. when it's ment to happen for you to have another, you will. im now pregnant again and got pregnant about 8 months after loosing my son. im having another boy and im very excited, but i have to remind myself in the back of my mind that this is another child. not him. and that this one will not replace the one i lost. months after i lost my baby i thought i was fine and could handle having another if it would of happened at that time, then my mind started playng tricks on me and turning on me. luckaly i made it through that before having this one. what im trying to say is that there is no set time to know it's been long enough, you just have to remind yourself that having another, won't bring that one back. it won't be that one, and it won't take his or her spot in your heart.

User - posted on 03/23/2010

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First of all I am so sorry for you loss, I have had 3 miscarriages and know the pain you are going through. My opinion is that you need to go through the stages of grief and your body needs to heal. I think my doctor said to wait 6 weeks but I just wasnt interested in having sex for a few months because of my grief. I got pregnant 10 months after my first miscarriage, then by chance I got pregnant again 10 months after my second (we werent trying anymore). A good friend of mine told me after my first one never to give up hope, hope keeps you going. And it did. We finally had our second child (once again we werent trying) I didnt want to believe I was pregnant until

after 24 weeks. I call him my miracle baby (now 19 months old). I will keep you in my prayers and dont give up hope.

Christa - posted on 03/23/2010

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After i lost my daughter i started ttc right away and had 2 miscarriages before becoming pregnant with my son. I know I was able to be more healthy mentally when i did become pregnant again, but a year had passed and alot of healing had occurred. Saying that, that year after I lost my daughter and was desperatly trying to get pregnant was absolutely horrible! On top of grieving my daugher I was struggling with more losses and it seemed everyone around me was pregnant, I truly felt that if i could just get pregnant it would be better. Maybe my body knew i wasn't ready, who knows?
So in my opinion , wait atleast 3 months before trying to get pregnant again so your body can heal and do what you feel is right. Good luck with whatever you decide.

Angela - posted on 03/23/2010

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my doctor told me to wait 6 months to a year. Don't try to have another just yet all those emotions are there for a reason.. take your time to grief. i know it is easier said than done. I was five months along when i lost mine so i know what you are going through.

Rachel - posted on 03/23/2010

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Hi DeAndraya, I am so very sorry for your loss. I lost my son Nicholas at 18 months, he was my second child and second boy. I had mixed emotions about falling pregnant again and everyone thought they should comment and most said we should grieve first then try and fall pregnant. The thing is that you will grieve forever, less and less over time, but your little one will always be with you and in your heart. We tried for only 2 months and fell pregnant straight away. Our daughter was born 11 months to the day that her big brother died. Do what feels right for you, we both agreed not to try over the time that would make the new babies arrival fall over the death of our son. Regards Rachel

Leslie - posted on 03/23/2010

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I only waited 3 months after my full term son was stillborn...I felt that I had to have a baby, and could not shed that feeling of not being able to take my baby home with me. I really think it depends on the you and your support system, my husband and his faily was amazing.

Paula - posted on 03/22/2010

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am so sorry for your loss, how soon....when you are ready and your body is healed. But I know how you feel for wanting to hold that baby in your arms and feel the rest of the pregnancy.
when you become pregnant again, it will not lesson the ache you have for the one you lost, will not replace it but some women have said to helps to heal somehow.

I lost my baby 16 months ago and became pregnant again after 13 months only to miscarry last month. the pregnancy helped me look forward to positive things to come and now....I am back in the hole of misery again. we are trying again after one cycle, so this month we will try again.

hope this all made sense.....take care

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