How to answer the question, "How many kids do you have?"

Dana - posted on 03/16/2009 ( 63 moms have responded )

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I lost triplets at 20 and 21 weeks. Three girls...since then I have had three more girls (strange I know) I never know how to answer that question. Who do you tell the whole truth to?

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Emma - posted on 03/29/2009

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Hi,



 



I lost my first daughter at 28 weeks and I feel that children, whether here with you or up above you are always with you and should be acknowledged as a part of your daily life. I always tell people I have three daughters and if they ask where my third child is I don't mind telling them, it keeps her memory alive. Quite often it opens up the channels of support for someone who has suffered a loss and doesn't know how to acknowledge it to a stranger and friendships can be built upon shared feelings of loss.

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Jodi - posted on 03/31/2009

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I lost my second daughter almost eight years ago. I have a total of 4 children, but three are here with me. I usually say that i have four, but sometimes it depends if I want to go into the whle story.  I don't feel like I am dishonoring her in any way if I don't mention her.  I feel that she knows how much Iove her regardless.

Jodi - posted on 03/31/2009

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I lost my second daughter almost eight years ago. I have a total of 4 children, but three are here with me. I usually say that i have four, but sometimes it depends if I want to go into the whle story.  I don't feel like I am dishonoring her in any way if I don't mention her.  I feel that she knows how much Iove her regardless.

Jardine - posted on 03/31/2009

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hiya im jardine i two lost a son at 20 weeks and when ppl ask me i say i have 6 kids plus a son that was s/b and that makes it 7 dont be sad to let ppl know you have a child that died there still part of you and ppl may not like it but us mums who know the hurt we go throw we still have had that bby and they are part of our family as we never forget them in our heart

Kylie - posted on 03/29/2009

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hi dana, 3 years ago i lost my baby girl Mia and now i have a 5 month old son and i always get asked if he is my only child and i never know wot 2 say. i want 2 say "no, i also have a daughter" but then they ask questions and it gets hard & confusing. my daughter will always b in my life but its not easy geting in 2 conversation bout it all with strangers. So im sorry but im in exact same position as u r so i have no answers 4 u.

Linda - posted on 03/29/2009

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I read your response to this question and just felt an urge to respond to your mentioning that you still feel the pain after 5 and a half years. My angel Juanita has been in Heaven for the last 23 years and there is not a night that goes by that I don't say goodnite to her or include her in my prayers. The pain may be there but it will ease and it will not be as overpowering but you will find that at odd moments you will remember your child with a smile or the feel of them in your arms and for that I will always be grateful for that has gotten me through many years and through the pain of fearing that I would forget what my Nita looked like, smelt like, or maybe what it felt like to hold or hug her. And I can say that for me no that as long as you cherish her memory you will not forget your child but your pain will ease....not go away but ease.

Linda - posted on 03/29/2009

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Rachel you have 6 children all of our children are a gift from god and to say anything else is to say we didn't appreciate our gift. It took me a long time after my daughter died to realize that she was a gift that I was allowed to share with others for a year and then God missed her so he called her home to him. I have 3 children...2 that reside here on Earth with me and 1 that resides in Heaven with God her father:) and that is what I say if someone asks me further after I say I have 3 children and they say they only see 2. I really hope it helps you and doesn't sound sanctimonious because that is not what I mean I am just sharing my thoughts after years of pain and prayer...and may God shine on you and your family:):)

Georgina - posted on 03/29/2009

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I almost always include my little Freddy in the number of children I have, although he died at 8hrs old. Sometimes though I bottle it or think that the subject might distress the person I'm talking to. I just use my judgement



 

Leanne - posted on 03/29/2009

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sorry bout ur loss Dana,but i too lost a daughter,i was 26weeks pregnent when she was taken from us.When ppl ask me "how many children you got now?" i ansa with a smile 1 daughter and 1 angel, and thts her name too Angel,some ppl smile back and understand but others do ask "wat do you mean?" and even tho its only been a year and it still hurts i tell them that sadly Angel was a gift to me but my other family,thos who have passed away,have bigger and better plans for her. It depends on you tho what you wanna tell them just remember they are always with you and your family and like i tell my 2yr old every night her lil sister is smileing on us frm the sky and will guild us now on untill i see her again x hope this helps you a lil x

Kay - posted on 03/28/2009

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My 4th son died in a car accident in may '07. If I am talking to someone I know I won't see again, I tell them that I have 5. If they ask where the 5th one is (which they do way too frequently) I tell them that he is with his grandparents. I am talking about the ones who passed away before him, but people very seldom go beyond that point in a conversation. This way, I am not leaving him out, but also not making things awkward for anyone when I feel like I have to explain that he died. I am so sorry for your loss!

Christina - posted on 03/28/2009

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I carried my daughter full term and lost her after three days. Since I have had another son. Most of the people know because it was such a tragic event and we live in such a small town but I think it depends alot who you are talking to, where you are at with everything. Sometimes I will say I have 2 children but others I just cant talk about it. I still get teary eyed when I talk about it after 5 1/2 years! So other times I will say I just have one. If people ask questions I just try to do my best to keep it together and tell them what happened

Beth - posted on 03/28/2009

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I lost triplets at 21 weeks prengant.  Two girls and one boy.  I have an 8 year old girl and a 19 month old girl.  I am always uncomfortable with the question of how many children.. in reality I have 5. When I have mentioned the triplets I typically get a response....of such grief and sadness.  I feel my sadness and grief everyday.  I want people to know I have had 5 children but I dont want to feel like I need to comfort them  for telling the truth. 

Karen - posted on 03/28/2009

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Your post reminded me of the way my daughter handles this! This is my story, golly I have never done this. Where are the words!! I had a really good pregnancy for my son, I took real good care of myself, and was very careful. (especially since I had 2 early miscarriages) I went to bed this night at 11pm and my Jeremy was kicking up a storm, well I awoke at 1am with a weird feeling of leakage. I went to the bathroom and the plug came out, but I noticed my son wasn't moving anymore!! I panicked and called his Daddy (who was at the firestation) and my friend who filled in for him at classes. Well, when I got to the hospital, they did their lil tests on me and said he was dead. A bloodclot went through the umbilical cord. I still gave birth the normal way, and they let me bath and dress him and hold him for as long as I wanted. This was their way of healing. My gosh, I was so mad that they made me do this at that time! I thought it was morbid. But I tell you, it does help somewhat. You know it's real, and there is no doubt that they really did exists. (Even my doctor cried with us)

But this is where I am going with this. After 1 more miscarriage, I finally was blessed with a baby girl who is now 13. She knows everything about her brother!! We go to his gravesite often. When she was lil she used to stand on one of the crypts steps and sing the barney "I love You" song. OMG!!! When asked how many children I had, I was very uncomfortable at first and said 1. But as lil ones get involved in adults conversations, she would always chime in and say, "Mommy, don't forget Jeremy!! (Gulp) Then I would have to explain. So now I just tell it like it is, I have 2!!!!!!! If they ask, I tell them, if not then I leave it alone. ( I had lost my other 3 so early, that there was just no life form yet, just tissue, so I don't go into all that) Trust me they feel just as uncomfortable as you do! But it is up to them to deal with it!!

Chanda - posted on 03/27/2009

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Good question......I say I have 3, and everyone says where is the 3rd one? So I have to explain!

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I have to agree with what Corina Whitus says.  I, too, had 3 beautiful sons and my middle son passed away when he was 27 (3 years ago).  Doesn't matter what age they are...the loss is the same.  To some people I just answer the question with 3 boys...to others I give more information.  Depends so much on who you're talking to and the situation.  I'll always say I have 3 boys, because I do.  I don't say I lost a son, because I know where he is and he'll never be forgotton or not included.  None of us need to feel bad about including our children who have passed away in the count of our children.  They ARE our children still.

Christine (Tina) - posted on 03/27/2009

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I always say that I have 3 children...if they are inclined to ask...I say I have one angel that would have been 18 in July and I also have a beautiful step-daughter and a wonderful son...

Jennifer - posted on 03/27/2009

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God Bless you all, Mommies and Heavenly children. I lost my first baby at 11 weeks 4 days, that was the hardest thing I have been through but I had to go through it and was blessed with two beautiful healthy kids, a girl 4 1/2 yrs old and a boy 4 months old. I lost my baby in July of 2003 (was due Jan 04) got pregnant with my daughter in Jan.04. It happened for a reason and made me a stronger person.

Peace be with you all!

Melodee - posted on 03/27/2009

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I too dont know how to answer that question, and depending on the circumstances as to wheather i mention my daughter Ruby who died of SIDS at 5 wks. I often say i have had 5 children and they usually say wow 5 and look at me and wonder where my 5 th is.. most of the time one of the younger kids will pipe up and say we had another sister but she died! And sometimes i will hush them and other times i just explain it to them! Its other peoples awkwardness that makes me want to say anything... I always say when talking in child birth terms. i have had 5 children.. but when someone asks me how many kids i have have i usually say 4. Depends on the person but it always ends up coming out anyway!

Marie - posted on 03/27/2009

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you are a mum to all of your children i lost my son in jan 09 he was my first born i tell people i have one child because he is sttill my son

Julia - posted on 03/26/2009

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Having lost my first baby to stillbirth the day after my due date- I find this question very hard. My newborn is 12 weeks and everyone is asking, "Is she your first?"

I simply tell them, "No, my first was stillborn and she is our second." Typically people just say sorry and then congratulate us on our sweet baby girl. I want everyone to know that I am a mother of two children.

Jennifer - posted on 03/26/2009

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I tell people that I had 3 boys and now I have 2. I have a 3 1/2 year old and a 4 month old. Logan passed away on July 15, 2007 at 1 1/2 yrs old. He is the twin of my 3 1/2 yr old.

Denise - posted on 03/25/2009

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I answer....."I have 1 son in heaven and 3 daughters here with us."  Most people tend to leave it at that and don't ask anymore.  You shouldn't deny your children no matter what age you lost them at.



As for "step" children.....you knew they existed before you got together....they were with your spouse "first".........my father always told me ...."The ONLY "steps" in this house are the ones leading up to the porch."  He loved me & my sisters unconditionally.



hope this helps



 



 

Kathleen - posted on 03/25/2009

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Thank you all so much. I had forgotten what it was like in those early years 'after'. I went through many different phases of responding to the 'how many children' question and am now comfortable with what several other bereaved moms have said: First, I do a quick emotional inventory on myself and decide if I need to protect myself today or could I share the loss of my son. Second, I do a quick inventory on the other person/people and the circumstances. I no longer feel any guilt at all for protecting myself by not mentioning my son as after 16 years, it can still surprise me occasionally and I will tear up when I dont' want to. I have to say though that talking about it and ALWAYS mentioning him was VERY NECESSARY for a long, long time and I believe that it was part of my own grieving process. Eventually it changed as have I but my son lives on always in my heart.

Rachael - posted on 03/25/2009

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Quoting Dana:

I have read all of your posts and found each to be helpful. There was one comment that said her stomach churned when asked how old your children are, because it leads to the story of her passing. I definately relate to that. I find that I feel bad when I make the questioner uncomfortable with my story. But I have no shame in it. I love all 6 of my girls and nothing could change that.



Hi Dana, I had been thnking of something else to add, and you have sort of touched on it just above! One strange thing that happened after my son died ... I got an email from a girlfriend I had lost touch with, saying she was about to go on leave from work to have her first baby. We started corresponding again after that, and in conversation, I said briefly that I had recently had a baby, but that he had died ... well, as you can imagine, the silence was deafening! I did not hear from her in return and correctly assumed she was uncomfortable and didn't know what to say, after all, she was expecting a baby.



 



The next time I heard from her was perhaps 8 weeks later. She was reaching out to me, because sadly, her duaghter had died just hours before she was too be induced. But because I had told her my story just weeks before, even though it upset her at the time, she now knew there was somebody in her circle of freinds who understood what she was going through, and who she could talk to openly without expecting her to "move on" (as her family did)



 



I guess my point is - sometimes opening up to people on what has happened to your and your children, can be of value in ways you might not expect at the time. Because I told her, we are now closer and she will always have my shoulder

Mary - posted on 03/25/2009

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 I found this website because my friend lost her 9 month old a few months ago so I have been thinking about this for a while.  My response would be that I have (whatever) number of kids on Earth and (whatever) number of kids in heaven and for ages I would give the age they were when they went to Heaven.



.

Carrie - posted on 03/24/2009

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I too am always faced with this question - I have 2 boys ages 5 and 3 but I lost my only daughter in July 08. She was born still at 33 weeks. I don't usually include her when strangers ask because of the flood of emotion and because not everyone needs to know. However, when I do get asked if "we'll try for the girl", I then tell the whole story. I sometimes feel guilty but I think I am just not comfortable sharing with complete strangers. Those who know me, know our angel is in heaven.

Hope - posted on 03/24/2009

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Well, Dana,  it was never a difficult question to answer, but it does bring up a lot of emotion.  I used to get uncomfortable with strangers explaining my oldest son had died.  But now I just answer with "3 sons"  If they ask their ages then I mention Marcus' death.  He was 27 at the time of his death so he was not a child but he was my child.  He is always included when talk about our children come up.  I have so many memories he is always with me along with his brothers.  My heart goes out to you.  God Bless. 



Hope Anderson

Grealesix - posted on 03/24/2009

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I lost my only boy! And now I have two girls. When they ask me how many kids do you have? Boys or girls? Isn't this a hard question to answer?

Lora - posted on 03/24/2009

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Wow Such a hard question, I normally dont mention my son to anyone till I get to know them. I keep his memory alive with me. I have 4 other kids and one is the twin of the one that passed away at 5 months old of SIDS. I dont want people feeling sorry for me or him. Alex kinda knows about his identical twin brother, but he is only 5 so death is weird for him. I do have what limited pics I have of Andy up and in the family album. But its hard for me to tell new people about Andy without wanting to cry. I still miss him daily after almost 5 and a half years!

Brandi - posted on 03/24/2009

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I tell people that I have 3 kids, if they want to go deeper and ask names and ages i tell them that my son is 2 1/2 and my daughter is 1 1/2 and my first born was stillborn back in '04 and he would be 4. I think you can read people to but i am not ashamed that i have an angel in heaven watching over me and my family! Remember they are always going to be your children whether or not they are with us! Be proud of the kids that are linked to us forever and if it makes people uncomfortable that just reminds us that we are strongest women that roam this world......

Lauri - posted on 03/24/2009

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You are all so brave and thoughtful in your replies and in your lives, working through an awful loss. I have had the same dilemna for 5 years and answer differently depending on the moment and the questioner. At first I felt like I dishonored my firstborn daughter by not mentioning her in the count....But I honor her in so many other ways every day, thinking of her, talking to her, visiting her memorial, etc. I sometimes even feel that keeping her story, our story private honors her even more. Sometimes I need to share but not always. We cherished her and hold her close in our hearts. What I say aloud to others does not change her, our love or our bond. So dont ever feel badly for what you say or might have said in the past. We love our children, all of them, our here children and our departed children!!

Lisa - posted on 03/23/2009

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I thought about this same question to .  I have a 2 1/2 yr old daughter and my son Brady who died at the age of 2mths on Oct  31, 08 due to a missing piece of his 4 chromosome which we didn't find out till he was born.  But I thought do I  still say I have 2 kids?  I came up with yes I  say I have 2 kids one is with me and the other one is in heaven.  It doesnt matter if he was here 10yrs or even one hour he was my baby that I carried and gave birth to.

Sam - posted on 03/23/2009

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i say three and say it proudly.. my eldest had just turned 17 years wen he died in tragic accident.. this happend 27th july 2008 and sometimes i have to think when answering this question. Have now come to terms with saying it proudly i have 3 Boys.. it hurts like ive never felt before when people have said he wasnt a child to any mum it doen't matter how old they are they're always your children.. so tell people honestly you have 6 girls. but you lost 3 early in their life.. people will only ask more if they really care n want you to talk..

Josie - posted on 03/22/2009

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That question bothers me almost every day. I am a nurse and meet new patients every day. People always ask how many kids I have. I lost my 4 year old son 7 years ago and my second son at 20 weeks in my pregnancy 2 years ago. I have 3 girls now. It's very weird to people and it's always an enormous story that usually turns out with an "Oh my! I'm so sorry." I have stopped telling people that I know I will probably never see again. I just say I have 3 daughters. People sometimes say something about my not having a son....are you going to keep trying for a boy?.....oh good for you, I have all boys and they are so much harder.....etc. At first I felt like I was denying my sons something, the remembrance, the existance, the inclusion in the family, but then I decided that I could keep them to myself, tucked away in my heart, quietly telling them "I love you" in my head as I tell people I have 3 daughters. I have begun to feel like I am honoring them more by not wearing them on my sleeve.

Dana - posted on 03/22/2009

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I have read all of your posts and found each to be helpful. There was one comment that said her stomach churned when asked how old your children are, because it leads to the story of her passing. I definately relate to that. I find that I feel bad when I make the questioner uncomfortable with my story. But I have no shame in it. I love all 6 of my girls and nothing could change that.

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I agree with Nerine...size up the situation and make your decision. Your girls will always be with you...I lost my son 15 years ago (March 27th) and he is still in my heart. You'll know if the situation feels right to tell the whole truth...but also be ready to explain because people will ask. I've had different situations where I could talk about it and other times I still break down and cry...

Nerine - posted on 03/22/2009

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I believe it's a question of who's asking, and the situation. The worst for me was between the period my son died and my other son was born, which was about two years apart. I used to say I have two children, but now I say I have one. You don't have to forget about a child that's gone, but you don't always have to share it with everyone if you don't feel you have to.

Crystal - posted on 03/22/2009

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Thank you so much ladies for all your great replys. I lost my second son in Jan. I went to my 20week ultrasound and was told he had no heart beat. All of my close friends know about Huck but when a stranger would ask I would get very nervous and usually just say one. But no more. I even just added Huck to my profile. 

Andrea - posted on 03/21/2009

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WOW!!! This is overwhelming for me but I see I am not alone. I had three miscarriages and went on to have a healthy little boy (Jan 07) then lost my daughter Emily in June 08 when she was 8 days old. I was so hurt miscarriage after miscarriage... then Ethan came along and seemed to make me a little bit more hole again. Then my world stopped when I had Emily. It never dawned on me to include my three miscarriages when someone asked how many kids I had. I always said 1 and went on speaking of my perfect miracle baby! When I lost Emily, it all hit me. I have been pregnant 5 times and have 1 baby here on earth to show for it. It breaks my up every day. Any way... 1 time after Emily died did I not include her and I vowed to myself and apologized to her that I would NEVER do that again. I felt like I was unloyal to her. She is and always will be my daughter so I always say 2. Most people ask how old they are (my stomach churns) and it always leads into her death but I would rather be a little uncomfortable making someone else uncomfortable then feel that pain of not including her. I know that sounds selfish but I lost a baby... I'm allowed to be a little selfish. I hope that makes sense and doesn't make me seem shallow. We have all lost a child and this is the one time in our lives that we need to take time for ourselves and do what we feel is right in our hearts. We need to grieve and some people may not like that we include child that are in heaven but they will always be our children.

Tanya - posted on 03/21/2009

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I want to Thank the creator of this group, it helps to know that there are people out there with the similar tragedy. I just lost my son on March 17th and it was a total surprise...I was 27 weeks pregnant. I feel so lost and empty inside. I feel like I should have been the one to keep him safe and I didn't. It's so hard. I am lucky to have a 2 year old at home and she is fantastic. I will always tell people that I have 2 children...one here on earth and one in heaven.

Kate - posted on 03/21/2009

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That is a hard question and one that i struggle on daily. I lost my second child at full term and didn't find out till i was in labor and went to the hosital only to find no heartbeat. I have since had three more and most of the time i tell people i have four children...if its a stranger. If I feel a little more comfortable or as the conversation progresses i mention that I lost a little boy so technically i have 5. I guess it really depends on the day and how you're feeling at the time, some people tend to ask a lot of questions and some ust say 'sorry to hear' and move on.

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i would agree with nicole - it depends on who i talk to if i say or not!!! 1 i have 2 little angels above us and one here with us!!!!!

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Dear Nicole, I am so sorry, I can't imagine. I believe everyone's grief is as different as each person. You have amazing strength and your 7 children are blessed to have their hearts filled with your love.

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Quoting Nicole:



I know what you mean, I have a total of 7 children.  Colin is 6 1/2, Justin is 5, Genevieve is 3, we lost twin daughters at 13 weeks in December of 2007, Anastasia and Alexandra, and a son due to an ectopic pregnancy, Frank, in March of 2008.  Andrew is now 5 1/2 weeks old and doing well.  After the loss of 3 children over a 4 month time frame, I couldn't handle my emotions, I ended up joining a support group for women of lost children due to any type of loss.  This question was brought up, who do you tell the whole truth to?  We came to the conclusion that we don't want to dishonor the memory of our lost babies but we don't necessarily need to tell everyone we meet our story.  So, we decided that people that we would meet and know for more than a moment in time, we should eventually give our story of loss to, others that we would never see again or know for more than a few moments we didn't need to share that information with.  






So, although most people would think that I only have 4 children, what they don't know is that forever I actually am a mother of 7 wonderful children and that our 3 angels up in heaven will be watching over us until we can join them as a whole family.  Hope this helps a little





 

Nicole - posted on 03/20/2009

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I know what you mean, I have a total of 7 children.  Colin is 6 1/2, Justin is 5, Genevieve is 3, we lost twin daughters at 13 weeks in December of 2007, Anastasia and Alexandra, and a son due to an ectopic pregnancy, Frank, in March of 2008.  Andrew is now 5 1/2 weeks old and doing well.  After the loss of 3 children over a 4 month time frame, I couldn't handle my emotions, I ended up joining a support group for women of lost children due to any type of loss.  This question was brought up, who do you tell the whole truth to?  We came to the conclusion that we don't want to dishonor the memory of our lost babies but we don't necessarily need to tell everyone we meet our story.  So, we decided that people that we would meet and know for more than a moment in time, we should eventually give our story of loss to, others that we would never see again or know for more than a few moments we didn't need to share that information with.  



So, although most people would think that I only have 4 children, what they don't know is that forever I actually am a mother of 7 wonderful children and that our 3 angels up in heaven will be watching over us until we can join them as a whole family.  Hope this helps a little

Jennifer - posted on 03/19/2009

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I lost my son on his six month birthday. When people ask me I say I have 3 children. Twin angels on earth and one angel in heaven.

Gabrielle - posted on 03/19/2009

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Hi,



Firstly...my thoughts are with you...we lost our 2nd daughter when I was 35 weeks pregnant, this past October...when people have asked me this question I say that we have two. As hard as it is..she was and continues to be part of our lives. Im not going to leave her out to make others feel better. As the feelings that might arise for them, are nothing to what the families who have lost, go thru. Be proud of the battle they fought :-)



 

Holly - posted on 03/19/2009

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I think the responses carry the common theme of honesty and respect.  When asked I also respond that I have 2 wonderful sons; 1 will turn 10 in June and the other is in heaven.  We found out Monday that we have been blessed with another baby!! It has been an emotional roller coaster as we tried to concieve after our loss in August but with faith and prayer here we go!  I now can proudly say I AM the mother of 3!

Rachael - posted on 03/18/2009

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HI Dana. I have a 12 year old, and a 3 month old, and in between them (in 2007) I had Marcus, who was born at 23 weeks and died after 2 hours. If I'm asked how many children I have I almost certainly always say 3, unless I make a split decision at that particular time not to (eg, if I'm at a travel agency and they want to know how many kids would be travelling, type thing) If I'm asked to expand, I do, and briefly explain the middle child died. Im happy to speak more about it if asked, but usually people are emabrassed and stop - I end up having to reassure them it was fine to have asked! I hate not to acknowledge Marcus' life in conversations like these, as he did live and I don't think it's right not to acknowledge him and the time he was here ... even if he had been stillborn I think I would feel the same way. For the same reason I often remind my daughter she has 2 brothers, not just 1 ... hope this has helped 

Sarah - posted on 03/18/2009

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I lost my daughter at 11 weeks to SIDS. I since have had twins and I think that it is hard to answer that question. I have 2 older boys and the twins. My daughter was my 3rd child. My older boys say that have 2 brothers and 2 sisters. But sometimes for me if it is someone I don't know then I do say I have 4 children. I know that she knows and I love her and have her in my heart always. I do not always feel like explaining but lately I have been including her more. I think that it is easier for me to talk about. I feel that you need to do what your heart tells you to do.

Corina - posted on 03/18/2009

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You know, I gave birth to 3 beautiful boys and 6 1/2 years ago I lost my then 15 yr old middle son. I think it has to do with who you're talking to and if you think you're going to continue on talking to this person as to how you handle this question. I tend to tell people that I have 3 sons and if I feel that the conversation is going in the direction, then I tell them about losing my son. You never know if that person wants to hear about your loss or not. I find that most people are ok with listening to your story and some even are glad to hear your story so it gives them the opportunity to share their story too. I had this happen to me at a singles retreat last summer when a mother heard my story about my son Shane and it gave her the open to talk about her daughter & grandson (in womb) who died just 9 months before. I feel that God put us together to support each other. We recently saw each other again and it gave us both the opportunity to talk about our children again especially since some people make you feel like "Oh you're gonna talk about him again". I would suggest you find other people who have lost children too so you can talk to them about your loss.

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