how to deal with the loss of a baby? when everyone say get over it?

Beth - posted on 12/21/2009 ( 126 moms have responded )

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i lost my baby on the 10th of dec and all my friends and family tells me to get over it i still get down and cry from time to time some days are better then others what can i do to tell them i cant just get over it?

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Marianka - posted on 08/31/2013

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My only daughter passed away just 2 weeks ago. She was only 10 days, beautiful and healthy. I was so happy, we called her miracle and loved her so much. But then, she passed away, just like that, without any warning. We were taking a walk, she was in my baby wrap carrier, as usual, as all my kids always were, and then she stopped breathing. Her diagnosis was SIDS, but I don't believe it. I will blame myself for not having her in a stroller or anywhere, just not in the wrap...i didn't notice, she is not sleeping anymore, that she is not breathing. When I noticed, any help was too late. the ambulance was there in 5 minutes and they did everything they could, so did they in hospital, but they could not help her...I am "surviving" now only with help of pills, the pain in unbearable. Will I be ever able to get back to life? NO without her. I have family and two sons, but I feel like my life stopped forever, together with her breath...

Helga - posted on 03/21/2013

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Hi Ladies,

I belong to a different forum on this same site, for we all have lost our babies while pregnant. I was 38 weeks pregnant said goodnight to baby woke up Feb 15th and baby did not move, monitored him and off to the hospital we went to receive our worst news ever, baby passed away. I had a csection done and received my angel baby Saul.
We will never be the same, you will never be the same. When people say eat, its okay, or other positive things like we dont want you to get sick cause I know they do it with love. I say one day at a time is all I can do.

One day at a time is all we can do...

God is perfect and has plans for us ..xoxo

Susan - posted on 12/22/2009

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tell them that you appreciate their advice, but until they experience the loss of a child they have nothing to offer. then tell them you just need love and support. no more advice. then go cry some more. My babies died 30 years ago, and yes, it still hurts and I still cry. and the one person who said to 'get over it' has since apologised...

Karl - posted on 10/21/2013

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hi all,
I know ths is for mums but well, nothing for Dads......
My life turned around when my fantastic partner said she was pregnant!it was planned, and was so exciting yet so scary! she had already got two beautiful boys of 6 and 13, ..
sadley we was or baby was diagnosed with anacalaphy, so she would not survive birth....a termination was the way :-(
my heart was ripped apart...my soal gone my faith no more...
my partner suffered, yet so did I, yes iam a man but,, from being so high to so low...
I struggled, I was there for them, I went out shopping whenshe could not as not wanting to see babys, neither did I, yet I had to to ensure my girl was ok.......
long hard run, yet no one understandsmy grief, says get over it, just sort your head out as if im mental! im griving im hurting, im distraught...am I not allowwded t be?
anyway, just a post to say that as men we still do feel the real pain, although we cover it, hide it, we are human with a heart......
how do I move forward?????? who knows????

Tania - posted on 12/31/2012

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Thank you Pattu,
I find it quite healing for myself to know that other mums feel the way I do. I am more than happy to share my journey and encourage others. I think it honors my daughter's memory and gives her short little life great purpose. And I think that is the most important, healing force of all.......having someone else acknowledge your child's existence. All of our babies came for a reason....they all had purpose, they were all wanted and they are all loved and dearly missed. Much love to you always xxx

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Jessica - posted on 11/09/2014

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The hardest thing is to wake up after having a emergency c section for those to stand over me and tell me my child didn't make it has been the longest 2 years of my life and the hardest depression I had to deal with.On top of that pregnancy I have lost another child recently about 7 mos ago and thought if I just keep working and keeping my mind busy that It will help me cope with situation but it hasn't. I found this site browsing and thought I should try it out being almost all the women experienced it.Ihate the phrase when people tell me to get over the loss of my children because no one really knows exactly what it is like.i just found out I am pregnant again and I am really scared been told I am high risk and really don't know what to do and thought talking to women whom has experienced such pain as mine will give me some advice.im just scared ,alone,confused and nervous

Jennylee - posted on 09/05/2014

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People that haven't walked your shoes will be easy for them to tell you what they say but you will never be the same person after loseing a love one especially someone you give life to it's not easy you learn to live with the pain but it never goes away it's like something permant that you have to learn to live with and people just have to get use to it it's your feelings and your lost

Michelle - posted on 08/19/2014

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My 6 week old baby Daniel died suddenly, from septicaemia during the night. He was next to me in our bed. He had been grisly all day, and I had been concerned, but he was my first baby and my partner (who had already had a child) said it was normal. I’ll always blame myself, but our GP said that given his low birthweight, he probably wouldn’t have survived had we taken him in to hospital.I do wish I had had more self belief at the time, when I thought he wash’t right, but my partner (now ex) made me feel that I was being neurotic. I wasn’t.
I know have two daughters who know they have a brother who died, and they have really kept his existence alive. Before the girls were born I felt so alienated as people around me really didn’t know how to deal with ‘me' - I was going to say ‘my grief’ but I rarely talked about him because it seemed like a taboo subject. My little girls found a photo of Daniel and have since processed what I have told them (“He’s gone to a special place” - “Do you mean he died? Why are his bones in the ground if he went to the sky? Can we dig him up when we go to the grave to tell him we love him?”).
He was my first baby. I still have moments, 10 years later, when I double over with grief and shock, as if it were 10 mins ago. It will never go away, and in some ways I don’t want it to - he was my firstborn, I will love him forever and, because he died before me, I will always grieve in a way that you don’t grieve for your parents. I have amazing children, and amazing fiends. And an amazing firstborn son, who will NEVER be forgotten.
Love and empathy to all of you on this thread, take care, and don’t ever hide your feelings about your baby..10 months or 10 decades, I reckon it hurts just as much.
Michelle x

Sanchez - posted on 03/15/2014

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I lost my little girl on February 5th 2014 she was only 2 1/2 months old she passed away in her sleep they still haven't told me what caused her to pass away I don't know how to deal with this much pain my 2 year old misses her little sister and has nightmares about that night I don't know what to do or how to begin to pick up the pieces

Buhle - posted on 11/25/2013

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@Melissa - The best thing you can do is to pray and seek strength from the Lord. As times go on, you will realize that days aren't the same. There are days when you will miss your baby so much that it's unbearable. However other days it will be soooooooooo unbelievably bearable. TIme does really help (somehow).

Buhle - posted on 11/25/2013

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The only people that can completely understand are those that can empathize as they have experienced a loss of child too.

I lost my son (26 Oct 2013), he was only a month old. I have never felt soooooooooo empty. I miss and think of him every single day. The sad part is that nothing can fill his void. I just wonder why does God trust us so much that we can handle this pain. It can really be unbearable at times...

Amnah - posted on 09/03/2013

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I realy was lookng farward 2 my baby holding her feeding her changing her but i didnt know im gna lose her at birth i really want a baby do you think i shuld try again

Amnah - posted on 09/02/2013

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I had a stillbirth 4 weeks ago it waz a baby girl my angle which il nevr forget evry1 sayn 2 me u will get ovr it. I knw i never will

Melissa - posted on 08/27/2013

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I lost my baby not even a month ago, I am finding I cry just randomly, and feel so alone. I cannot even start to discribe how I feel cause no one will under stand, My baby girl was a healthy baby and passed due to sepsis, that turned into Fungal menigitis. I have so many unanswered questions and anger, just wanting to know if any moms know how to cope with these feelings?

Caley - posted on 08/23/2013

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I lost my son April 30 2013. Some people just never had it happen so they dont know your pain. My son is always on my mind and I cry a lot of him and ask god why he took my baby. I will never have any answers. I have heard it takes time to cope with your loss.

Lana - posted on 04/03/2013

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I think people who tells you to get over it either they do not have a heart or soul! Until they can be in our shoes they are not allowed to tell us what we should do! You are a parent who has lost a child and that is not the order of life! If those people cannot be patient and respectful they do not deserve your time or attention!
Sorry for everyone's loss and I wish upon you with lots of baby dust!

Tiffany Michelle - posted on 03/30/2013

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i know exactly how yall feel. i had twin girls August 8, 2012 and they both passed away. its very hard. thank yall for all the help. so sorry for yalls losses!

Tanya - posted on 03/25/2013

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I am so sorry for your loss, I lost my precious son at the age of 5 months at the hands of his Father in 1996. In fact it was 17 years ago today. I took me 10 years to come to terms with it. Everyone grieves differently. I have 2 children and I know the feeling of "replacing" you won't, your son will always be a part of your story and will hold a special place in your heart. I so suggest counsiling it really does help. Also, I know it seems cliche' but time does heal, you will never forget and no one who hasn't experience it will understand, they can't. I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers

Delicia - posted on 03/08/2013

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My son was born prematurely at 7 months on the 23rd Feb 2013 and lived for two days before passing on. Everyone is saying you should stop crying that it will only make you sick..but the fact remains that this child was and is my everything and i deserve to grieve his loss because i love him..i didn't get to spend quality time with him in my arms and it hurts that I will never get to..Praying and reading helps soothe the tears but the pain in my heart remains and some days it hurts more than others because suddenly its like I am awakened from a trance and the reality hits that he is no longer with me...Only time, prayer and God can help me heal but I will never stop loving him and missing his presence in my life.

Cynthi - posted on 02/06/2013

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i lost my sweet 5 year old son last month. He had a metabolic disorder. We monitored him so close over the years- when he got sick- it was quick and bad! He was in the hospital last year because of it. We thought since he was getting older that it was quite as serious. We were so wrong! He got sick at 8:00 in the morning and by 1:30 when we took him to the emergency room, he had already passed.
He was the light to our world! I don't know how to go on! We're going to try for another child-not to replace him-never that! It's just that our arms are so empty! I'm a stay at home mother and I homeschooled all my kids. I was teaching my precious angel. I made a joke with him that day-that he was sick- just to get out of school.
I'm 38 and have never had a easy time getting pregnant. 2 miscariages and a tubal pregnancy. I feel like I'm populating Heaven. Please pray for my family. I never knew that pain could hurt in your very bones

Frida - posted on 02/02/2013

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i lost my baby just las Wednesday and i dont know what to do... my advice is to pray to God to give you understanding... it makes me feel better when i know that when my day comes, i will see my baby boy again... everyone deals with death differently. try to tell them to give you time and maybe some space. i am sorry to hear about your child. you and your family will be in my prayers

User - posted on 01/05/2013

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take heart from this i cant even begin 2 emage what u both r going through 1 have had 4 pregnancy the last 2 a son at 23 with aspergers syndrome and a 20 year daughter but i never ever 4get the first 2 pregnancey but r god is able 2 do above and more than we can ever think our god is able love in christxx

Cloteal - posted on 01/02/2013

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I thank they I mean husbands and or boyfriends say get over it because they don't want to think about it when I lost my daughter my husband at that time was my boyfriend is the one that pick her up and wash her up and rapt her up and lade her on the bed so I think that he don't want to let his feelings so but I might be wrong. He do talk about my son that died at the age of 23 we talk about him a lot. but if you want a other baby I think all you have to do is pray and ask God that is what I did after my daughter died and I had my second daughter but no one can take the place of the other one I hope this has help

Felicia - posted on 01/02/2013

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I don't think we really get over it. Heard it's heartbeat at 6 wks and it was magical. Was looking forward to show my then boyfriend during the next u/s the tiny little arms waving about, but all I saw my little baby all curled up without a heartbeat. To make things worse, we found out on our wedding day. I have no idea how I made it through the wedding, but the weeks that followed was horrible. My SIL who was staying with us delivered her son a week after I went for D&C and friends who didn't intend to get pregnant were conceiving so easily. I want to be happy for them but it's tearing me apart. We have been ttc-ing but no news till now and it's frustrating. There are good days where I would think of my baby and smile and there are times that I would just break down. Up till now my husband would just ask me to get over it. I HATE it when he says that.

Tania - posted on 12/31/2012

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I am so sorry for your loss Renee. It has been 6 years for me. Sending you lots of hugs from one mum to another. Take care xxx

[deleted account]

Hi Tania,
Thank you very much for your support. Your words have given me hope and comfort. I terribly miss my baby Kavin each day and I know it will never ease. But your reply has given me confidence...which I really needed. You are doing a great job in this forum. Much love, Pattu

Tania - posted on 12/31/2012

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Pattu, I am so very sorry for your loss. It makes me so sad to hear this. I know your heart must be so broken. I lost my daughter at 33 weeks. She was stillborn, so I never got to hear her cry or see her beautiful eyes. She was my 8th pregnancy. I have a serious blood condition and I was told that I would never have any children. Many doctors told me this. But I wanted you to know that after 9 years of trying, both my 10th and 11th pregnancies were successful. I now have a 3 year old daughter and 1 year old son. There is hope for you. You must believe in your heart that this will come true. I think this is especially true for you now, because you will always have a beautiful little guardian angel 'Kavin' to watch over you and help you on this journey. I wish I could give you a hug. I know the pain you are in and I wish I could take it away. Much love to you. Take care xxx

[deleted account]

Hi Moms, I lost my baby boy "Kavin" last month on Nov 24th at 39 weeks. My heart is heavy all the time and I feel like I have no meaning to live... I conceived this baby after 8 years of infertility treatment after 15 failed IUI's and got our BFP on the 4th IVF attempt. The pregnancy was problem free...except gestational diabetics. I was on Insulin from 28th week. Every thing went fine till nov 19th but i did have some contractions and I did mention to my doctor....she said I have to call only when the contraction is regular for every 5 minutes....on Nov 22nd night I had severe contraction went in to hospital happily to have my baby....but when they hooked me to the monitor the baby heart beat was fine... They checked my cervix and said I did not dilate so they asked me to go home....but my contractions were bad and my baby's heart rate dropped at 12:00 am I panicked and asked for c -section and they took my baby out at 4:00am...he cried that was the most beautiful sound I heard in my life....then after 2hours they told my baby is very sick.....anemic due to fetal maternal hemorrhage... My baby lost 50% of blood to the placenta... He was a fighter....he fought for 30 hours in NICU...Kavin took his last breath in my arms....I was able to hold him for 5 hours...I cherish each minute with my baby.... I was very hard to see my baby boy buried... I am not able to find answers...why this happened....

I am very confused....my husband is very supportive....both our heart is broken...I don't know where to go and how to live without my baby . I know till I die this pain will never vanish from my heart...

Due to my infertility issue PCOS I am scared will I ever become pregnant again and will I have a chance to raise a baby.....

But I am proud mom of Kavin........ He made us "Mommy and daddy"...... I love my baby Kavin..........will surly meet him again......

Renee - posted on 12/04/2012

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It's been 3 years for me, and I still cry. You don't ever get over it, and you never completely heal from something like this. You cope, and go on the best you can. I agree with other moms who have posted. You tell them to keep their advice to themselves, until they can provide you with positive advice and criticism.

Tania - posted on 12/03/2012

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So sorry to read that Cloteal! It is the worst thing, to lose a baby. From the minute that baby is wanted, it is your baby! You will love that baby forever. Many hugs xxx

Cloteal - posted on 12/02/2012

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Will I lost my daughter when she was just born and that was 30 years ago and I cannot get over it I think people say that because they say is the baby wasn't here long then you don't really know them so how can you love them but none of that stuff is true because when you carry that baby you love her or him from the first that hart starts betting and from what I seen in myself I can't get over it.



Cloteal Bumbrey

Tania - posted on 11/26/2012

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You are most welcome Sonia. This is a very difficult time for all of you and I know how hard it can be, especially leading up to Christmas time. lots of hugs. Take care xxx

Sonia - posted on 11/26/2012

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Hi Tania!



Thank you soooo much for your help. I appreciate your help and yes you are certainly helping me. I will let my mum know that you have offered to help and i know for sure she would like your help, as only mothers who are in her situation or have been will understand. Thank you for giving me the confidence to open up to my mum. even though i know there will be crying involved, I am willing to go that far in order to help my mum. you are a blessing! Thank you for taking the time out to reply to my posts and giving me great advice. I am truly grateful! if my mum does not want to join this forum, i will let her know that you do not mind her adding you on facebook. I honestly cannot thank you enough for all your support!

- Best wishes, Sonia. Xxx

Tania - posted on 11/25/2012

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Hi Sonia,

I do think that your conversations should come naturally. But you should also talk about things that are on your mind too. I think you can ask your mum anything, because ultimately she is your mum and she loves you. Talking is the key to unlocking pain. Don't be afraid of making her cry. Crying is healthy. Hugging her is healing for you both! xxx

Tania - posted on 11/25/2012

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Hi Sonia,

Talking really does help. Talking brings crying, crying releases pain and that allows healing to happen. I think I cried until I couldn't make any more tears. But it made me feel better and better each time. I think that your mum should speak to women in her situation. That really helped me so much. I was suicidal at one point (the first two weeks when the hormones plummet), but the support of women who truly understood my emotions allowed me to grieve and release the immense pain that I held inside me. When they said they understood what I was feeling, I knew that was true. It wasn't just words coming out of someone's mouth. It was truth, pain, grief and most importantly...hope! I needed that hope! The hope that things would get better and that I would someday be able to smile without feeling guilty! The hope that eventually the pain would release me from the depths of darkness.

I also had a relative have a baby around the same time as me. Even now, every time I see her son, I think to myself that my daughter may have been that tall and saying those words and doing those activities. But I also know deep down, that she can never do those things and be that person....because she will forever be a baby in my memory and that's ok. I have found some peace with her loss and I try to focus on the positive things her little life gave me. I know those sad thoughts will never leave me. But the pain I hold is less and less each year. And like you I was stuck thinking about the 13th of each month, the birthdays that would pass and all the things my daughter should have been doing. Sadly your aunty is hurting your mum more, when in her mind she feels that she is sparing her from pain. As I said to you earlier, its the silence and avoidance that hurt most. People can't and shouldn't pretend that your brother's birth didn't happen. Yes, he died.....but he was here and he was born. He had a life, however brief. Your mum needs to have support with this. Please tell her that she is not alone and many, many women just like me, know exactly how much her heart aches. We understand! We grieve together....and we support each other to help us go on! I think you should ask your mum how she would like to remember your brother. That's your conversation. Its a safe topic, one filled with acknowledgement and care. See how she reacts to that first and go from there. Maybe look at photos and talk about him. Maybe get her to make something. For me, it was making little butterflies and placing them at the cemetery. It was therapeutic for me to physically make something. I guess it was because I knew that if my baby was here, I would've been very busy doing many things. I don't think there is any harm in trying. Tell her you care and that you want to talk about him. I'm sure she wants to discuss this and that she will talk to you. If she doesn't want to enter this forum, then you can befriend me on Facebook and I will send her private messages if she likes. (Tania Taranto). I was lucky to have supportive women in my life then and now. And I am happy to help your mum if she would like me to. We might not know each other.....but the pain is always the same. Take care Sonia. You are a wonderful daughter! And I'm sure your little brother is watching over you all. I want you to know it was only a week after my daughter's 6th birthday, that I saw your post! That's why I responded. I feel that I am meant to help you, so I hope I am helping you a little. xxx

Sonia - posted on 11/25/2012

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Hi Tania, Thank you again for your kind and comforting words, it means soo much to me. And to know that i can seek your advice as you know exactly how it feels it so helpful. I am 20 years old, so I am old enough to understand things. I always think about how my day would like if my brother was here and what would i be doing instead etc. My mum started crying over dinner and she said she thinks the same exact thing. I worry for her soo much that I don't like leaving her side. she shows things are ok, but obviously i know they are not. I know my brothers dead will always be with us. and he will never be forgotten. we will always wonder how he would have been and every 22nd of every month he would be a month older. it breaks my heart soo much. do you think i should let the conversations about my brother come naturally or do you think i should bring it up? i did not know that talking about things really helps. I assumed it would make my mum more upset. I still cannot believe his death. one of my aunties (my mums younger sister) had her daughter seven weeks before my brother was born. and she avoids coming to my house or doesn't let my mum carry her baby for long because she assumes that my mum will start crying. but what really bugs my mum and I is that no baby can ever replace my brother. and that my brother was special to us and regardless of whoevers baby it is, they can never compare to my precious brother. my mum could be carrying the worlds most beautiful baby, but will not be the same as carrying my brother or bring up such emotions. (sorry i think i've gone off on a tangent!) do you think i should introduce my mum to this website? do you think it will help? did it help you? Please let me know. I just want to do whatever is possible to make my mum feel better. Thanks again!- Sonia. xxx

Tania - posted on 11/24/2012

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Hi Sonia,

I know you probably think you might say the wrong thing, but its the silence that hurts the most. Please talk to your mum. I think you will be surprised with her response. Most of my friends and family chose not to talk to me about it. In fact they all simply vanished from my life for a long time. I found that the most painful part of all. I think most mums just want to know that their baby is remembered and that they existed, even if that time was so short. Don't be scared. She's your mum, and she loves you. I know its highly emotional for everyone, but talking about him really does help. It allows all of you to cry and speak openly about how you feel. I found that the people who allowed me to talk about my daughter (and there was only 3 people who understood), really helped me to heal. Sometimes all they did was just listen to me. But sometimes they sat and looked at photos of my daughter and we talked about her just like any baby that had been born, 'who she looked like etc'. This gave me so much peace. It has been 6 years for me now. I went on to have two more children. People always say that the pain gets less over time, and I found this to be true. But my memory of her is always there and I am most grateful to the people who talked to me, listened to me and showed me that they cared. They simply acknowledged her existence and shared my pain. Please talk to your mum. You both need each other. Take care. xxx

Sonia - posted on 11/24/2012

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Hey Tania, Thanks for your reply It was very helpful. And to know that you understand what we are going through brings my mind at piece. I feel to scared to talk about my brother to my mum. It was 1 month since he passed away, and I felt very emotional but i couldn't bring myself to say anything to my mum.

Shelly B - posted on 11/21/2012

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my in laws r like this! they just don't understand at all! this is not something that u just get over! loosing a child is horrible. i don't think ill ever get over the death of my child.

Tania - posted on 11/19/2012

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Hi Sonia,

Firstly, I am very sorry for the loss of your baby brother. I lost my daughter at 33 weeks and I knew she had died the day before. It is a very traumatic thing to give birth knowing that your baby has died. Your mum will go through a lot of different emotions over the next few months and trying to have another baby probably won't help her grief process at all. She needs to get through all the pain and heartbreak she feels at the moment and this can take a very long time. For me it was a full year, before I could even think about trying again. Its lovely that your mum has such a caring daughter to help her through this. Just hug her a lot and tell her that you love her. Just be there to listen, but also find people to listen to you as well. the grief process is different for everyone, but as the months pass, it will get easier for all of you. The most important thing for me was that people acknowledge my daughter's existence. Your mum might need this too. Let her talk to you about him and how she feels. And you should do the same! Let her know how you feel too. I hope that helps you a little. xxx

Sonia - posted on 11/19/2012

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Hey mums! My name is Sonia. I am not a mother but a sister. I have a lot of pain inside me right now and I just want to release it. Basically, on 22nd October 2012, my mum gave birth to my beautiful baby brother. Unfortunalely, we had already lost him 20 minutes before my mum gave birth to him. Her pregnancy was fine and there were no problems. It has been such a tough time for us espcecially my mother as she carried my brother in her belly for 9 months. I find myself thinking about him everyday and getting upset and thinking about how my day would be if he was here and what I would be doing instead of what I am really doing, so I really cannot imagine what my mother is going through. I am her eldest child, and I have two younger brothers. We are trying to be very strong for her and are by her side every moment. I can't really say any of this to my mum because she will get upset, but I really need to ask someone this. Do you think she should have another baby eve though she has three children already and is 40 years old? I know that another baby certainly cannot replace my little baby brother, but I don't know if it would help and if that is what my mother wants. I worry about my mother alot and I just want her to be safe, healthy and happy. So what do you think? do you think she should try for another baby? what would you do. I know that nobody can say what to do and at the end of the day it is down to my mum and what her and my father think is best, but I just want your opinion and advice. Thanks- S x

Tania - posted on 09/20/2012

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Dear Beth,

Thank you for creating this post. I know it has been almost 3 years for you now. I hope you are smiling a little more each day. Much love and hugs to you too! xxx

Tania - posted on 09/20/2012

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Hi there Jazmin,

Firstly, I want to tell you how sorry I am that this has happened to you and your precious little baby. Your post made me cry. It took me back there, when life just seemed to stop for me. I have posted here before and have spoken with many mums in our situation. I was 33 weeks pregnant when my daughter was stillborn. I knew she had died the day before I delivered her. The hardest moment of my life, knowing I would have to go through labor and have no reward at the end.....just that dreadful silence! I kept praying for her to cry. But the only tears were mine and my husband's. I am thankful that I got to deliver her.....it was the only thing I could do for her, as her mum. She was beautiful! Like an angel! Her name is Angelica Hope! That was almost 6 years ago now. I just wanted you to know that she was my 9th pregnancy. I thought I would never have any children. But I never gave up! I, like you, wanted a baby straight away! I wanted my baby that I left at the hospital. The one I never got to bring home! And it was so hard to wake up everyday to the reality that she was gone. I felt so ripped off, stripped bare. I had nothing left! None of my family and friends could understand. But I found mums out there that could understand. And they helped me! In fact....many of them saved me! The darkness was so black for me that I couldn't find any light of hope! But I got better slowly! The sun started to shine just a little more each day. And my daughter is always with me. She is never forgotten. She is part of my family and forever a part of me. In fact a priest told me that I was an Angel Capsule, because she died in utero! That always makes me feel special and it takes the edge off the pain I feel when I think about it. I have a little ritual that I do even now. Every time I look at a clock and it says11:11am or pm.....I say a little message to her. They say 11:11 is the time that angels can hear you. I don't care if its true or not. It comforts me! But the main reason I am replying to you is because I so wanted you to know that I now have a 3 1/2 year old daughter and 1 year old son. I thought this would never happen. But it did! I know it is still so very early for you....and you are raw! You are still in that dark place. I have been there. I lived there for a year. I cried in an empty nursery for months. I think you are so brave for being able to post so early. Please send me a friend request if you want to. Please feel free to talk to me whenever you need to. I can be hear for you, as others were for me. You are not alone....and many of us understand! You are such a strong person! May the sun shine down on you again soon Jazmin. Much love and hugs. Tania Taranto

Jazmin - posted on 09/20/2012

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i lost my son and i was only 5 months pregnant. i was so excited and i was looking forward to it so much. everyone tells me it will be ok and that ill have a kid in the future. but i want one nw not later. i had him on the 17 of august 2012 i cry all the time. i dont know what to do. im sorry for your loss. i know how you feel.

Marguerite - posted on 01/26/2012

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Hi Guys,

I would like to share my story...I recently gave birth to a baby boy name Ivan Liam Wells he was born on Jan 23,2012 and he was 22 and half weeks old he was 12 and half inches and weighed in at 1 pound 2ounces at 11:15pm he was a fighter he lived for 4hours straight died in my arms with his daddy by my side...I cremate him next week but i'm still heartbroken because I wish there was something that the doctors could do not just let him die...I find myself blaming myself and I know im not suppose to do it but its hard not to. He was the cutest lil boy you can tell he was going to look like his father who is very tall he had long fingers like him and big feet like him he resembled his father alot. I was rooting for a boy because I already have a 3year old girl and I got what I wanted I just wished he was here with me and not dead I don't know how to get back into my life normal I miss him like crazy I wish he was here...so I feel your pain I wish I could hug you guys because i need a hug a big one.

Beverly - posted on 07/12/2011

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until they have walked in your shoes they don't know what you are going through

Alison - posted on 07/11/2011

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i think thats messed up and u cant jsut get over it that baby was a part of u and is ur child still here or not,u will never forget ur baby and dont let no one tell u to forget ur child

Tami - posted on 07/07/2011

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just tell them sometimes its best if you have a support system there when the bad days happen

Tania - posted on 07/06/2011

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ok.....found that poem/letter I was talking about. Just posted under "when you have lost a child". I hope it helps all of you! xxx

Tania - posted on 07/06/2011

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I am so sorry for all of the losses I continue to read about. I also lost my daughter...stillborn at 33 weeks. I lost 8 babies to miscarriage before her. None of them where easier or harder than the next. They all hurt! They were all wanted! And they were all lost! I know I will never get over it. And it does change you as a person. I know I am not the same. I have just learnt to be a different person. My daughter would have been turning 5 this November. I miss her everyday. I do want you all to know that I have a 2 year old daughter now....against all the odds.....and I'm now 30 weeks pregnant again. I also want to tell you all about a great poem that was given to me. Its called "Who's in your bucket". When I find a copy of this I will post it. Its about all the things that people shouldn't say to someone when they are grieving. I sent a copy to every single person that hurt me. I even carried a few spares around for awhile.....just in case I ran into someone that couldn't help themselves by telling me how I should feel. My advice to all of you is.....take all the time you need......ignore the stupid.........correct the wrong.......and simply say to people......"my child died' and I am in pain!" People who have lost a child will understand.....people who haven't will be given the only answer that I believe is required! I'm so very sorry for your loss and may the sun shine down on you again soon! xxx

Taquandra - posted on 07/02/2011

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Thats so much are you planning on having another one..This was my first child to i name my son Avery Radon Jacobs....I was 20 weeks pregnant when i had him still born....Really need encouragement it has gotten so bad i cant even sleep at night and i constantly cry when i see other babies

ANGEL - posted on 07/02/2011

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I lost my first son May 5th 2011 and I am still not over and never will be because there will always be a whole in your heart for that child I named my son Noah which means peace and rest I just cry sometimes for no reason to its going to be hard and they have to understand it take time to heal and even then you wont heal completely I am sooo sorry for your loss and If you ever need to talk just write me I am praying for you and your family

ANGEL - posted on 07/02/2011

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I lost my first son May 5th 2011 and I am still not over and never will be because there will always be a whole in your heart for that child I named my son Noah which means peace and rest I just cry sometimes for no reason to its going to be hard and they have to understand it take time to heal and even then you wont heal completely I am sooo sorry for your loss and If you ever need to talk just write me I am praying for you and your family

Taquandra - posted on 06/30/2011

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Im sorry to hear about your situation. NO u cant just get over it i lost my son 2weeks ago and im still grieving. Its very hard at times but with God all things are possible

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