How to deal with the loss of your only child?

[deleted account] ( 2 moms have responded )

Hello there, I am trying this to see if it would help me relate with other mothers who have lost a child. It will be 8 months tomorrow since he's moved on to a better place, well that's how I want to see it and please dont get me wrong because our children are indeed in a better place. The problem or concern I have is that I am not dealing with it as I should, I hide my feelings and when I do speak out for comfort I do not get listend to. I am suffering more and more. It would be nice to speak to other mothers who are going through the same sadness I am. Do you understand where I am coming from?

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Pamela - posted on 06/22/2013

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Hello Yadira. I too have lost my only child...my 24 year old son Kyle...just thirteen months ago. I have the same experience you do, in NEEDING to talk about it, but when I do..other's often listen...but they don't hear. One thing that has become glaringly obvious to me is that when people you know ask how you are, they just want you to say..."I am fine". They don't want the REAL answer, because it makes them uncomfortable.

Are you in a position to have other children someday? Unfortunately, that avenue is closed to me, due to the fact I am 51 and divorced. As I read other's stories of the loss of their children, most seem to either have other children and/or a husband as well. Do you have a husband you can talk with? I have neither, so I feel particularly isolated and lost...oddly even more so as more time passes. I believe this is due to that fact that the initial rawness, numbness and...well...shock...has passed and the true reality is setting in of the permanence of it. I try to just focus on one day, then get through the next day and so on. I force myself into this mentality really. I can get through ONE day without my son.

I have advised other's on here to seek professional help when they need someone to talk to...and over a year later I feel I am at that point myself. A professional is trained to not only listen, but advise and help us sort out this new reality of living our lives without our children in it. It is an INCREDIBLY harsh reality, and I know what you speak of when you use the word...suffer. We don't HAVE to do it alone though.

Robin - posted on 05/16/2013

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Before I put a huge message on here I'd like to ask you one question. The comment you made in the begin makes me u sure if you'd like my help. I lost my son almost 5weeks ago now and he was not my only child. He was 4 months old. I don't want to waste either of our time if you are specifically looking for someone that can relate to the only child part? I believe losing a baby/child is the worst pain a mother can suffer. No matter how old the child was whether it was in the womb or on earth for years, I believe our pain is the same. Let me know if you are interested in talking. Thank you.

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