I am amazed ...

Naomi - posted on 10/05/2009 ( 2 moms have responded )

13

5

I lost my son 16 years ago. He was real early and had all the complications that early babies have. He lived in the hospital for 11 months just to come home because he needed to come home and be with his family before passing away. He was only home for 5 months but everyday was a blessing.
I live in a remote area where there is nothing to help babies such as my son, so I was a pioneer on this adventure. After his passing I remember going through sooo much and the pain of it all was almost too much to bare. I had three other very young children to attend to and doing it by myself because my husband wasn't able to handle the death and I lost him to drugs. I had no family, no support, and sometimes no money. It wasn't a nice place to be at.
I read everyones stories and I relate to them in everyway. I want to say just a plain jane "Thank You" to you all for every story. Just know this, as dark as it may seem, every though you don't want to get out of bed, try with every strength you have to walk and talk and live again. We are a strong creature that in the middle of a storm, we stand strong. When there is a death it does take a piece of us but not all of us.
May You All Have Peace duriing your healing.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms

2 Comments

View replies by

Naomi - posted on 10/07/2009

13

5

Thank You Zoe,
I am actually okay with the death of my son now. That period in time was a nightmare and I call it 'A Chapter in my Biography'. I believe in God but don't go to Church or anything, but I believe there is a purpose to everything that we do. That there is and was a purpose to the death. My duty as a mom is to love everything about my children and all children. Our lives are short, but it feels like forever when we are struggling to make sense and we give up on faith. I have recalls about that time. I allow the feeling to come back, I cry, I get angry, but it makes me who I am aswell. I am a woman and with that comes Strength.
I am okay now. When I crossed over the threshold of forgiveness, it was like swimming under water and breathing at the same time. The death changed me. Made me different and I HAD to accept it. I had to accept the difference in me and when that happened things got easier and then I became Thankful. I love to live. We all have story that can break a heart, but that is what makes us human because we have the ability to show compassion to the other and how they are feeling. Pain is the same no matter where or who we are. I will cry along side anyone who is suffering because their story has value and it is important. I read as many stories on this page and what screams out to me is how strong everyone here is. The determination to over come pain and to keep going for one reason or any other. What I went through and were I live I felt extremely alone. I had to heal by myself and very fast like due to the fact I had three other children. I remember standing in the middle of a rain/wind storm(and it was a very strong one) and just screaming so loud I almost lost my voice, then falling to the ground and saying I WILL get through this! I had to have done that half a dozen times during that storm. Screaming, crying, swearing, throwing rocks and sticks and whatever I could find. I don't know how long I was out there for, but when I came in and showered, cuz I got kinda dirty rolling round on the ground, and went to bed, the storm within me, just like the one outside, started to lift and I was feeling that I was getting better. But to get to that point took about four years. I still live in the same town, different house but same place. I some times go past the house that my son passed away in and it feels like a lifetime ago and yet just like yesterday.

Thank you for writing - and please do keep in touch.
Naomi

Zoe - posted on 10/07/2009

19

32

dear naomi

my name is zoe i lost my son kaylim at 4mts of age it is a pity that where you live

is very remote as you said but even where i live hospitals are not that far away &

the doctors best effords still could not save him i just hope that where ever our 2 boys are that they are happy & safe

if you ever need to chat about anything at all please get in touch

hear from you soon

zoe a lost & loney person