Shu - posted on 03/15/2011 ( 43 moms have responded )
My son died 7 and half years ago, I miss him all the time and watching his brother growing up is a constant reminder of what I am missing. There were a host of bad behaviour from both my husband's family and mine, and we just never saw it coming.
One of the things my mother-in-law said to me just a few months after Joshua died was that I was selfish, that she lost a grandson and I should not be just thinking about my own grief, but everyone else too, like hers. I don't think I was even able to deal with my own at the time, it was so unreal. This all started because I wanted to watch a DVD and she didn't, since we were staying with her and my father-in-law we had to watch what she wanted, she told me.
Another ocassion was when we feared we wouldn't be able to find the money to pay for our son's funeral, we asked her and my father-in-law if they would help if we needed. Her response was quite simply no and instructed us not to ask her daughters either because they just come back from holiday.
These are just examples of things she said or done. She wasn't the only one, but she is the remaining person I simply find myself unable to forgive enough to have a loving relationship with. I do feel anger towards my family too, and struggle all the time not to remind them or myself of their behaviour during that time. Only my brother and sister attended our son's funeral, and I have a big extended family. They avoided it because it was bad karma, a death of a child. I want to forgive my mother-in-law because she wasn't the only one who did terribly insensitive things or said awful stuff, but I can't seem to.