I don't understand how to answer...

Kerrin - posted on 01/31/2010

When people ask us if we have children, my hubby usually says no as he doesn't like to explain what happened to our daughter. For me, I personally feel better always saying yes. I just say that we have an angel baby & most people are pretty good with that answer. She will always be our daughter & our first so I just tell people what makes me comfortable when they ask about kids.

Stacia - posted on 12/01/2009

Thank you so much for your post. I get a similar question. I have three healthy boys and a lil girl that is an angel (I lost her at 18 weeks). People always ask me if I am going to try for a girl. I simply say that I have a lil girl, her name is Natalee and she is an angel watching over her brothers. Some people feel awkward, but they shouldn't have asked the question if they didn't want an answer is how I feel. I do not feel it is right for me to leave my lil girl out and say that I only have three children....in my eyes I am a mommy of 4.

Laura` - posted on 11/29/2009

The worst ting that I have found to deal with is after you leave the hospital i had the urge to cradle a baby in my arms ans then everywhere i went i saw woman with babies. ANd when my older sister had her baby I couldnt even be in the same room. I was filled with hate saying its not fair. To this day I have realized the cause of my daughters death was "Under developed circulatory system" God decided that her life would be less painful in heaven as if +she was born because it would of been at least 5 surgeries before she would of been 18 mos.

Dawn - posted on 11/29/2009

I can so relate. I have 2 living and 2 in heaven. My daughter is 7 and she was a twin the day i found I was carrying the twins was also the day they told me by birth she would be gone she would not make it. I delievered her still born my husband was not there and he was never able to talk about it but my kids do there sister is in heaven it's still not easy i was recently pregnant i would have been 25 weeks yesterday but lost it at 10 weeks and since have been diagnosed with endometrosis. I hurt so bad when i see babies like today i had to leave burger king while my son was eating.....

Laura` - posted on 11/28/2009

I answer I have 2 even though my daughter Katherine Elizabeth was stillborn 9 yrs ago. I just tell them "No" when they ask ":How old are they" I simple say " My son is 4 yrs old and my daughter was stillborn 9 yrs ago. That way I havent left her out and I give them a clear answer how old she is and in the same sentence why she isnt here.

Laura - posted on 11/28/2009

if people ask me how many children i have i say two, then the usual question is how old and where is the other one? i say my lil boy is 3 months old and my first had died, because i say my first son has died people think im being disrespectful, im not, ive come to terms that ive lost my first lil boy, im not one to beat around the bush, i will never ever forget my first and will my youngest all about him when hes old enough.

Sara - posted on 11/27/2009

Desiree:

I completely understand. I lost my son at 32 weeks last year, and am now 34 weeks pregnant. I have a nine year old, but everyone (including strangers) always asks the same question--is this your first? No. How many? And then I have to figure out how to honor my little boy without getting into an awkward situation. If they are a stranger asking in passing, I'll say, this is my third and walk away. If it is someone who I have a closer relationship with, I'll explain further. Some people are really persistent and want to know the ages of my other children--then I simply state that I have a nine year old, and one in heaven. It is too important to honor his presence while he was with me.

Alex - posted on 11/26/2009

I always reply I have two children but will always be a mummy to 3. that way I feel like I have acknowledged my beautiful baby boy who I will always love forever even though I did not get a chance to get to know him.

Mandy - posted on 11/25/2009

I always tell people we have 5. We lost our 4th son, Wyatt when he was 18 days old. Most people just assume he's some where else when I reply. Some people ask, and then I get to talk about my baby. I tried saying we had 4 kids, and it broke my heart everytime I did. I felt the same you do about not wanting to leave Wyatt out.

Luanne - posted on 11/25/2009

That is such a tough question I lost my first son Alex at 38 weeks he was born sleeping and when people ask me how many kids I have i always say 2. I no longer explain myself to people. Emma will always be your first child and she will forever have a special place in your hearts, but if people really want an explanation just tell them what I tell thenm that your daughter was born sleeping and will forever be with the angels. Hope this helps and my thoughts are with you. Its been 6 long years since Alex was born sleeping and with time it gets a little easier although I think about him every single day. Rest assured that you will not be leaving Emma out if you dont explain yourself to people, you know she was your first and she is forever with you, keep that thought close and be strong.xx

Felicia Neikolle - posted on 11/23/2009

I always answer this way: "These are the two I'm raising but have loved and lost many others, thank you". Most people don't think about us ... they have their perfect little worlds w/no loss of children and don't even think about it prior to asking. Just like in today's time many children have multiple parents and we don't walk up and go "So is this your REAL dad or your STEP dad" because it would be insensitive, so must the questions relating to how many children we have and their order should be stopped. I know how hard it is. When I had my son (and he was my second child - Brittannya was taken to heaven at 19 weeks) it was just as hard for me. I, like you, didn't wanna leave her out and my husband (at the time) refused to think about her because she wasn't with us anymore. It was in all that sorrow that I found my answer, "He's the first born but not our first". That has changed over the years as my daughter came along and I also have a step-daughter now. I know it's difficult, but even if you are the only one who thinks about her she isn't forgotten. Don't get too mad at your husband either ... I think that's the only way they know how to deal with losing a child they've never held - it's easier to block the thoughts ... they don't forget about them ... they just put a wall up around the subject so it doesn't seem to exist to them. Good luck, honey! Just write if you ever need to talk.