Peggi - posted on 02/10/2009 ( 3 moms have responded )
Hi.....I see so many posts on here about how afraid everyone is to try again for another baby. I don't want to say I am a seasoned mom but it has been 23 years since my fourth son died from SIDS at 3 months. I wish I could make everyone understand how worth it is to have another baby. You are not replacing a child, no one can. What your replacing is the love you have felt once, the love of a child. You will always be afraid of something going wrong again....if it happened once it can happen again, right?? If it happened twice it can happen again, right?
I never wanted to regret not trying again. When your 80 & in your rocking chair you can't go back & change things. I had my tubes tied when Nathan was born & promptly went back after he died & said "fix it". I had to see two physciatrists & get them agree that I was able to handle another tragedy if it occured. The docs kept saying you agreed that if something happened you wouldn't want another child when you signed that paper. Yes, I still had 3 boys at home, one was terminally ill. I tried to get them to understand that I didn't know I would feel this way, I had never lost a child before. Thanks to one of the physciatrists stating ...."who are you to tell this woman what she can handle. If she wants to try again, let her". You see.....Nathan was the baby who came at such a good time for our family. We were ready, the other boys adored him & after having a son who was terminall ill I could again wonder what a child would be like when he grew up. I wondered if he would remeber his brother who loved to hold him. My husband even took him along to play darts.
I got my surgey. My family thought I was out of my mind.....
After having to use fertility drugs since my cycle went out the window & 2 miscarriages that again devistated me, 3 years after Nathan died I had a healthy baby girl that is now 20. Her first year was tough, but even to this day I find myself looking for the unthinkable to happen again..... with all my children. The fear never goes away but you learn how to deal with it. I admit it, I am afraid! I will always be afraid because now I have 5 grandchildren, 1 more due next month. I wouldn't have the cutest 2 year old redheaded grandson & a baby grandaughter on the way if I had given up. They are so worth it too.
I realized I had replaced that wonderful feeling of a baby nursing, smelling a baby, loving a baby. I did not replace Nathan. I am so thankful that I kept trying....that I didn't give up. I wish I could help you all understand that it is so worth it. You will always love the one you've lost....that never goes away. We can never replace them or forget them, just add more children for us to love.
I hope I haven't over stepped my bounds, but I so wish everyone would be able to put themselves out there again. If you worry about everything...so be it. Find someone to talk to. I'm betting the husbands have the same fears, they lost a child too. The chance to love another child is a gift only you can accomplish. I apologize if I have hurt anyones feelings or hurt them in any way, that is not my intention at all.