im 26 im lost im broken and i really just need someone to talk to that understands the pain that i am going threw...

Tabatha - posted on 12/16/2012 ( 10 moms have responded )

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I am 26 and have had my heart torn and stomped on so bad. I had my first little girl Chloe Sue in 2006 i was only 7 and half months preg and her heart stopped. I had her she had the chord wrapped around her kneck. My precious angel she was so beatifull i held her for so long and just asked why me. I've tried so hard to go on with my life and live happy. I recently got preg again and my precious baby girl didn't make it again. I was 7 and half months preg went into labor at work and by time the ambulance got me to the hosp it was too late. I almost died and they tried so hard to save us both but they couldn't. This happen this year. So now i have to beautiful angels that were born on July 1, 2006 and my other July 3, 2012. I have no clue what to do anymore. I hurt so bad and everybody says there sorry but nobody truely understands. pleas anybody that understands let me know i'm desperate here.

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Velosh - posted on 01/19/2013

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It is the hardest thing to ever live with, I gave birth to my angel son at 34weeks on the 30/10/2012. He was the cutest angel I have ever seen, my life came to a halt. All I wanted is my angel back, but later I realized that Gods plan was different. He was my first born so I don't know how I will now live, but prayer will guide you through. May God be with you

Katrina - posted on 01/17/2013

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Hi Tabitha,
I hope you are doing well this new year. I'm sorry to hear your story. I too lost my little girl, also named Chloe. I had a beautiful and breezy pregnancy, but my labour was long (20hours) and i contracted a condition called amniotic fluid embolism. It has a 80% mortality rate. I'm lucky to be alive, and lucky not to have a brain injury. Chloe was revived at birth (emergency c-section) but we turned off life support and she passed at 6 days.

I made a point in hospital that i wouldn't let Chloe's existance be the end of me. I certainly have moments when im struck down by grief it feels like my world is completly ruined and distorted.

Chloe was our first, and so the concept of having a baby, and bringing them home seems bizaare and unreal. I'm luck, we can have another baby, and I look forward to that, praying all goes well, I'll have a c-section and fill that gapping crater in my heart, not replacing Chloe, but just filling that space of love i made for her.

Chloe is the one who makes me strong, I've been depressed before so I didn't want to go back there. Im a mum to a little angel, I dont spend my time feeding, playing and looking after her. but i do make sure her legacy is looked after. Making sure she is honoured, respected, and that things are done properly as we all recover from passing.

There is nothing to explain what happened to us (chloe and I) to me its science. It just happened. It sucks. I have no one to blame, it can't be explained. I think if there was someone to blame, it would be more difficult. Blame wont bring my Chloe back.

I wish you all the very best.
Katrina

Nikki - posted on 01/14/2013

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Hi... I am 29 years old. January 29th 2002, I had twins at seven months pregnant. The doctors induced me too early after messing up my due date. My daughter was a stillborn. My son was severally handicapped and died January 11th 2003. It was the hardest thing I have ever been through. I think about them all the time. I was than told if I ever had children again and they survived, they would be severally handicapped. I fought to get my tubes tied but the doctors would not do it. I as too young and had no surviving children. I had so many tests done with no answers. I have my son's ashes in my living room. You never get over it but you can keep moving forward. I joined so support groups and did some therapy. It did help a lot. Not at first but it was so helpful.

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I'm sorry this happen . I had a d&c on Friday. It's hard and it's really hard when you don't know anyone that has been though a miscarriage or loss. My baby would have been 19 weeks. My body still feels out of wack. This was my first pregnancy so I did everything I was suppose to. I pray god gives you the comfort you need.

Rebekah - posted on 01/02/2013

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I am so sorry - it is so hard and awful. I think the worst thing is not knowing what they would have been like and always wondering.. I lost one at 5 and a half months about 4 years ago now.. the only way I could deal with it was to tell myself that it wasn't time yet - wasn't meant to be and when it is it will be the same spirit just in a different little parcel. That was I didn't think of it as loss just a test to teach me to become stronger so when it was time I would be prepared for anything and I would be deserving and so thankful that my heart would heal again. I had my daughter 4 months ago and the pregnancy was just awful - I was so afraid that I would loose her too. We lost our 6 month old nephew the week before she was born - I was 3 days overdue at his funeral - My heart was so broken..But finally after 3 other miscarriages - not as awful as the first one - I got her - I have no doubt that you will come through this and have a beautiful baby one day that will heal the hurt and devistation and because of what you have been through you will be that much more loving and that much more aware and will be the best mother in the world it's like your heart lives out of your body. xx

Kelly - posted on 12/30/2012

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I don't think that anybody will be able to say anything to make you feel better or to help you understand why. But it is nice to share similar stories and know that you aren't the only one and that it's normal to feel the way we do. I lost my son Noah at 40 weeks, the day before my scheduled c section. I still go crazy thinking about the if onlys.. I just found out I'm pregnant after having relations with DH for the first time and only time since Noah's death. I feel it had to be Gods work, but I'm terrified. Especially after hearing your story. How strong are we expected to be? You hear that we are only dealt what we can handle, it's just not fair sometimes to always have the crappy cards!! I do hope things look up for you and you get to the point where things seem easier. It never feels like it will happen I know. Good luck in life!

Tabatha - posted on 12/27/2012

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hello Tabatha, i truely understand your pain and suffering, i had 10 miscarriages before they disagnosed me with PCOS, the doctor told me i will prob never have another live child but hey it is fun trying,,, i cant tell you mad that made me. for years i blamed myself and hated myself contemplated sucide, comtemplated divorce, said i was a horrible wife because i couldnt bare my husbands children but had a son from a previous relationship..... then after almost 5 years of trying we were blessed I was pregnant with our first lil girl Angel, i lost her when i was almost 14 wks along but everyone thinks further due to her size. i had her at home after the night before i was in the hospital hemmorhageing they said i wasnt going to loose her. well i did, and when i did, i wanted to die i blamed myself even worse. she will be 6 in heaven in may,still to this day i cry often, i dream of her often, even hear babies cry at night and sometimes i jump up wishing it was her. we will never get over the pain of looseing our precious children but time does not heal all wounds we just learn how to hide it better.

Kerry - posted on 12/20/2012

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Sorry ur two little angels I meant.. Theyl always be shining down on u no matter what xx

Kerry - posted on 12/20/2012

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Hi hun I no ur pain!!! Trust me I feel what u r. My baby boy was born so healthy and the most beautiful baby I ever saw.. He weighed in at 9lbs and was such a happy baby at 7 mnths old just a few wks ago I woke at 5am n he was dead.. I dnt no y? And I'm totally heartbroken! I feel desperate just like u hun. Its the worst pain ever...I had him buried with iggle piggle and had baby jake played at his funeral, it was beautiful but killed me inside to bury him... U have to keep going even as hard as it is. The thing that always gets me by is to remember one day we'll be reunited.. I'm sure ur precious baby would want mummy to be happy until that day comes tho dnt u? Keep going hun... For u and ur little angel. Godbless u :o( xx

Claudia - posted on 12/18/2012

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I understand you. Hi my name is Claudia I am 37yrs old. I've been married for 19 yrs I've had seven miscarriages the doctors would only tell me in sorry god knows what hes doing i suffered alot it took me 10yrs out of my marriage to have my first little boy in order to have him i had to inject everyday throughout my pregnancy a blood thinner then two yrs later i had a little girl i went through the same thing i said to myself wow i want to have one more so my family could be complete i got pregnant three yrs ago and i only had the sac there was no baby i was heartbroken then two yrs ago i got pregnant again i was so happy cause everything was going fine until i was 38 weeks pregnant i had preclampsia my baby died it hurts me so much until this day cause we wanted these baby so bad i wanted for him to grow up with my other two kids but that didn't happen i don't understand why god does this things.I miss my baby so much I wish i could hold him.I understand your pain and what you're going through.God bless you

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