IS IT WRONG FOR ME TO FEEL THIS WAY ABOUT MOTHER'S DAY?

Latrice - posted on 05/08/2010 ( 18 moms have responded )

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I lost my baby this past March, I had just hit 32 weeks in my pregnancy. The last couple of days have been very hard for me with every one talking about Mother's Day. There is a big part of me that doesn't feel like I should celebrate Mother's Day, I got through most of my pregnancy and even had to go through the labor (she was stillborn). But I never got to take her home and it kills me that I never got to see her eyes, she her smile or even hear her cry. All I want for Mother's Day is to have my baby here with me and that's not possible so I really don't see the point in celebrating.

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18 Comments

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Kerrin - posted on 05/23/2010

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I went through the same thing last year - my daughter was stillborn @36 weeks in Jan 09. I never got to hold her (due to some of the complications) or do a lot of the things that most couples get to do with their stillborn children.

My MIL made things worse - jumping up & down & complaining that mother's day was about her (not caring that there was also my mother & grandmother) & I didn't even have my baby with me so I wasn't really a mother.

I celebrated in my own way - had a quiet day with my husband, parents & brothers. They made me feel included as well. My parents bought me a nice bunch of flowers & that was the way I wanted it. It was nice, simple & just the family. This year was a lil bit easier - we did the same thing again.

This year, I also thought not only of my daughter - but of how much I appreciated my mother & found it easier choosing to celebrate her. She has been such a big support for me & my husband through everything. I feel so lucky to have that.

Adrienne - posted on 05/22/2010

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Even though your baby isn't here with you on Earth, you are still a Mother, and you deserve to be remembered on Mother's Day. I had a stillborn daughter, so I know how you feel. Cheer up though. Your baby is in Heaven, watching over you each and every day. And one day, the two of you will be reunited. Happy late Mother's Day :)

Heather - posted on 05/15/2010

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Hey Latrice .... I lost my son January 6th of this year he was stillborn as well and I was 37 weeks pregnant with him .... I know exactly how you are feeling... Take one day at a time and by chance if you are like me and a day is too much to handle take a second at time because God makes no mistakes as crazy as it may seem t was not a mistake ..... **SHRUGS** if you ever wanna talk I am never to far Take care ....

Latrice - posted on 05/11/2010

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Thank you Hilda we actually had names picked out before we even knew the sex of the baby, but i had a little girl and her name is Amyah, she was stillborn but I did get to hold her she actually stayed in the room with me for almost the whole day, and that is something that I will always remember and cherish. I guess i'm still just trying to find a way to deal with loosing her, every time I feel as if i'm starting to deal with it a little better each day its like everything falls apart and I start to go backwards and i feel the same way i did when it first happened

Hilda M. - posted on 05/11/2010

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You should always remember that you are your baby's Mother regardless of them being heaven.

I was told to name my baby girls each time so that I could validate their time as my daughters. Roxanne was born at 32 weeks in 1981 and lived only a few hours and twenty five years later Ava was born at 17 weeks stillborn. I am always reminded of her passing due to it being just before Christmas. And that is because I was blessed with a daughter Isabella who is now 14 years old. When we loss Ava I struggled to explain this to her disappointed big sister of seven years at the time. I came across a prayer that enable us believe and trust in our faith and the unknown. Little did I know that it would help me through my grief and help me to take a breath each day and sleep at night. My daughter and I say this prayer every night .... Angle of God my guardian dear to whom his love commits me here. Ever this day (night) be at my side to light, to guard, to rule, and guide. (we have added...Keep our family safe and happy)Amen.

Identify a touch stone, something that can connect you with a positive memory of your time together, if you haven't given them a name do so now. We have nothing to be ashamed of regarding our loss. There will always be people who will not be able to be your support or understand. But I assure you your experience will serve to help another woman someday.

Rebecca - posted on 05/10/2010

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I was supposed to have Teleahs ashes buried at the crematorium on mothers day, I could not do it. I dont no if I want to let her go.Ive got her ashes as close as I can to me , I keep her under my bed under me.

Rebecca - posted on 05/10/2010

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I lost my little girl at 36 weeks stillborn in march. I have 3 beuautiful children already and it was my new partners first.The sadness i feel today is the same as it was on the day of Teleahs birth

Robin - posted on 05/10/2010

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I understand how you feel. I lost my son over 2yrs ago. My mother asked me if I ever miss him. Well, of course I do. But what I have really learned about being a mother is the most precious moments you share with your child are what really define your motherhood. For example: did you hold your child after the birth? That was YOUR moment to have always in your memory with your child. Can you still feel her in your arms when you think about it? Again, YOUR moment.
Whether it was your first child or thirty-first child, she is gone, yes, but that doesn't make you any less a mother.
Although, you may not "celebrate" Mother's Day this year.......You will want to in time. It is difficult to be without your child, but with each passing day.....you breathe in and breathe out and remember with less pain.......no matter what memories they are.

Brandi - posted on 05/10/2010

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yesterday was hard for me, last year i was pregnant with my daughter and i lost her back in october so this year i didnt not have her, and i work at a grocery store where i had to see all the mother days cards and balloons and all that stuff.

Latrice - posted on 05/10/2010

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Thank you everyone, I actually did celebrate mother's day, my family made sure that i had a very special day. I also went to my daughters grave site, that was so hard and it wasn't an easy day to get through but I'm glad I celebrated

Jackie - posted on 05/09/2010

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No matter where your baby is whether with you or with God you are still a mother. I hated mothers day for years after my daughter passed. I even yelled at family when they told me happy mothers day. I didnt feel like I deserved to be a mother anymore. Just be blessed that you were chosen to give God another little angel. I know that sounds like crap now but it helped me get through.

Kellie - posted on 05/09/2010

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even if you feel that you can not celebrate mothers day,be proud that you are a mother.Motherhood begins from the moment that you know you have created a child.Your daughter may not be here with you,but you are a mum.You will always be your daughters mum & i hope that eventually you will celebrate this,because to me it is amazing what our bodies are capable of.If our children are only given to us for a short time.or for longerthey are still our children,so we are'MUM',thinking of you at this time

Whitney - posted on 05/09/2010

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Today has been very hard for me too. My son went to heaven on April 3 of this year. He was 9 days old. I have an older daughter, and I'm trying to still celebrate Mothers Day with her, but I'm having a hard time doing that, knowing that I will never be able to have my son with me on this day, or any other day. I miss him so much. I found this poem and thought it might be helpful to those wondering if they're still a mom when their baby's not here anymore.

What Makes A Mother

I thought of you and closed my eyes
And prayed to God today
I asked "What makes a Mother?"
And I know I heard him say
A Mother has a baby
This we know is true
But, God, can you be a mother
When your baby's not with you?

Yes, you can he replied
With confidence in his voice
I give many women babies
When they leave it is not their choice
Some I send for a lifetime
And others for the day
And some I send to feel your womb
But there's no need to stay.

I just don't understand this God
I want my baby here

He took a breath
and cleared his throat
And then I saw a tear
I wish I could show you
What your child is doing today
If you could see your child smile
With other children and say
"We go to earth to learn our lessons
of love and life and fear
My mommy loved me so much
I got to come straight here
I feel so lucky to have a Mom who had so much love for me
I learned my lessons very quickly
My Mommy set me free.

I miss my Mommy oh so much
But I visit her each day
When she goes to sleep
On her pillow is where I lay
I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek
And whisper in her ear
Mommy don't be sad today
I'm your baby and I am here"

So you see my dear sweet one
Your children are okay
Your babies are here in My home
And this is where they'll stay
They'll wait for you with Me
Until your lessons are through
And on the day you come home
they'll be at the gates for you

So now you see
What makes a Mother
It's the feeling in your heart
It's the love you had so much of
Right from the very start
Though some on earth
May not realize
Until their time is done
Remember all the love you have
And know that you are
A Special Mom

Reece - posted on 05/09/2010

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I lived this for 5 years. A childless mother. It was hard, and no one acknowledged my motherhood. To this day they don't acknowledge my child. When I had my son it changed. But I celebrated by lighting a candle in my daughters honor.

Susan - posted on 05/09/2010

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This will be my second Mothers Day that i will not have my little girl. She was born stillborn aswell in Feb. of 09. And i feel that no matter what anyone says i am still a mother. Yes, Mothers Day is the second hardest day next to her birthday/death date, but i try to make it through knowing that she is in a better place now. It hurts so bad seeing and hearing all the other moms talk about what their plans are for Mothers day, but i try to remember i have someone watching over me through everything and making me stronger each and everyday. My daughter has made me the strong person i am today. I hope you get through this hard time. And just remember your not alone!

Rachelle - posted on 05/09/2010

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I am very sorry about your loss, I too lost my 3 [almost 4 yr ] yr old daughter pass of cancer.
I think u should celebrate it for ur own Mother, or Granmother, and I do wish you a Blessed and Happy Mothers Day, because kids are sent from God, and I believe your girl is wishing you would not be sad today, but happy because of the moms you do have. You are a Mother as well. Maybe your little girl and my girl are in Heaven playing, and looking down on us, sending their love today...

Crystal - posted on 05/08/2010

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I think that u should celebrate it. When i lost my two babies my mom made me feel like it was stupid to celebrate it cuz my babies were never here but i always felt so sad that no one ever wished me a happy mothers day cuz i was a mom... Now i have my son and its my "First" mothers day but i have technically been a mom for almost four years. I think u should celebrate it cuz later on ull regret it. Jus remember God puts ur baby on a shelf until ur ready. One day ull have ur beautiful daughter back i got my son bak and i know why God took him from me b4. So Happy mothers day girl i hope it is great for u!

Dana - posted on 05/08/2010

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You are a mother first & foremost. She will always be your daughter & no matter what anyone says you will feel the pain of your loss. Someday you will feel the strength that no others have felt or can completely comprehend. I am truly sorry for your loss. Know this, your baby girl will love you always & forever. You will ALWAYS be her mother.

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