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Motherhood after the death of a child: pregnancy, infant

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It feels like I'm replacing the little boy we lost . .

Rachel - posted on 05/01/2009 ( 4 moms have responded )

Hey guys. I had a late termination at 24 weeks in august 2007 as our baby was too poorly to survive-he had many problems.in august 2008 we had a little girl who is now 9 months old, and in end of may start of june this year we are expecting another boy. It was hard getting through my pregnancy with Sophie after what happened with Sean in 2007, but this time, as we are expecting a boy again I am having some issues with feeling like we're replacing the baby we couldn't keep. I didn't feel so messed up when i was pregnant with sophie.

I still have all of Sean's clothes but it doesn't feel right letting the new baby wear them and as we got to see sean and spend time with him after he was born, Im a little freaked out that the new baby's gunna arrive n look the same as him. Im even having nightmares about it. I want to be a good mum to the new baby but I feel guilty about having another boy :-/ and struggling to come to terms with having a boy in less than a month!

Has anyone else gone through anything similar and had similar feelings? How did you cope?

Thanks

Rachel xx

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Leanne - posted on 05/01/2009

I remind myself there is a reason things happen and no all ur children r very different and special in there own way,nobody repalce your son also like somebody else sed u never asked 4 another little boy and he was sent from heven maybe just maybe by your son who is your angel and will help u from above.....take time to reflect and no your son is still around ya

Leanne xx

Donna - posted on 05/01/2009

i had the same thing...I had a little boy already that was 1 1/2 years old...i got pregnant and the baby jason had Skeletal Dysplasias his rib cage was fused together, the trak and broc tubes were blocked and he was webbed on his joints..there as no way he could survie in the world...so we decided to terminated the pregnancy..i was 23 3/4 weeks preg..i delivered him like usually and held and spent time with him...he looked just like my first one...we ended up getting pregnant again 6 months later cause the doctors had ok me getting pregnant...when we found out we were having another boy i was like ohmy god here we go again...but than again we ran into medical problems with austins cord...thank god he came out ok..but when he came out i look at him and saw jason...and to me i thought it was the best thing..it was like we nevre lost him...it was hard at first but than i said this is the way god wanted this to be or he would not have givnen us another boy...i used jason blanket that we got him at teh hospital that said god bless this child...and a few outfits...you are never going to replace that child that you lost he is always there with you no matter what you do...so dont feel bad...i will tell you will look at that new baby and think how happy you are and you could not be happier...you just have to take it one step at a time and you will be a good mom dont worry about it.. iwas the same way...it all depends on how you feel about things and how you dealt with what you went threw...if you need anythign let me know or have more questions...

Kayte - posted on 05/01/2009

Keep this in mind - you didn't ask for another boy, you were given the gift of another son. Life is hard and it's never easy to understand...you made motherly choices about Sean...in his best interest, it's not this new babies fault. Just sit back and let yourself love him! good luck! you are truly blessed.

Kayte - posted on 05/01/2009