loss of an unborn

Shanna - posted on 02/23/2010 ( 19 moms have responded )

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I lost my child before it was born in october i'm still haveing a really hard time im in counciling but if anyone has anything they think might be helpful to me let me know

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Shannon - posted on 02/23/2010

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I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I gave birth to my twins at 23 weeks and it was 3 years this last Christmas since they past. It is still hard to know that they are not in our lives and I still cry (happy snd sad) tears when I think of them.
Pictures or anything u may have to remember your little one by does really help, when your ready.
I also talked about them, whether I cried or not to anybody who was genuinly interested in hearing about them, it does make you feel better, I promise.
One more thing that makes me feel really good in memory of my son & daughter, I let go 2 baloons every year on the day and time they were born and watch them until I can no longer see them, sending my babies baloons for their birthday.
I know it is hard but I promise. Anything you can do to remember them and keep them in your heart may not make things better but it will make things easier.

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Tasneem - posted on 03/03/2010

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I gave birth to my son who was 41weeks,his heartbeat stopped the day he was to come in this world.It happened in dec 2009.so my wounds are still fresh like yours.Like Karmisha said tht everything happens for a reason but right now we simply cannot see the reason why God had to take our angels away from us.Only those feel your pain who have gone through it and I always pray that God do not show any mother this day.....never.
As the pain will never go,he will always be a part of us.Like someone said 'some only dream of angels but i held one in my arms"
take care n cry....you will feel better.

Maria - posted on 03/01/2010

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My baby girl was still born at 38 weeks! she would of been 15 in September and all i can say is , Time heals, however there is not a day that goes by that i don't think about and miss what could of been! I was 24 when she died and had absolutely amazing back up from my family! We talked about her constantly, i had lots of photographs which give me so much comfort! My heart goes out to you and any other mother who has lost a child! Life will never be the same again, but in time you will get your life back on track, its hard and a very long winding road, you'll have good days and bad days but you will get there! Our babies are watching over us and were just to precious for this world! God Bless xxx

Kim - posted on 02/28/2010

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I am sorry about your loss. I am a grandmother, and my daughter lost her son at 35 weeks. He was beautiful and we took lots of pics and held him as long as we could. He would be 4 years old in July and we will never be over the loss of our baby. We talk of him often and will never forget him. I dont think we ever recover from a loss like this. We have tried to make something good come from this. I think it brought our family closer together and we are now grieving with you. Take care

Catherine - posted on 02/26/2010

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Shannon what a beautiful idea. It will be mny son's anniversary on 2nd March and I think I may have the courage to go to his grave for the first time, I lost him at 26 weeks and it's been a long process.

Paula - posted on 02/25/2010

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I lost my firstborn nearly 22 years ago, three weeks before her due date of June 7th. Although it was extremely rough going at the beginning, each day got progressively easier and somewhat better gradually. Just remember to greive and of course remember that there is no length to grief. Having said this, you should not blame yourself. The "would of, should of, could ofs" are very harmful to your mental state of health. I found that not punishing my self for things that were beyond my control really did help. I also sot solace and peace in the faith that I was brought up to know in the love of my Saviour Jesus Christ. I allowed myself to be happy and sad and all of the emotions in between as well. Trust in your feelings unless you feel that they could pose a threat to yourself. If this is the case, seek professional help. Allow those who love you the chance to offer you their sympathy. Accept any help offered from people who want to do "something" for you. Treat yourself with care and in time.....it will get easier. May God bless you and hold you in the palm of His hand.

Angie - posted on 02/25/2010

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I am sorry to hear about your loss, I lost Dakota 5/13/05 at 20 wks pregnant. I still think about him what he would look like stuff he would do or like. Its a hard road we never get over we just learn how to deal with it, at least thats how I feel. I kept looking at the kids I was blessed with and how lucky I am to have them losing Dakota made me realize not to take my kids for granted. I wish you well, I will help in any way I can, its good to talk and let it out. Hang in there!

Tammy - posted on 02/25/2010

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i am sorry to hear of your loss we have lost two babys one in march of 2009 a baby girl at 21 weeks and another little boy on november 2009 at 22 weeks

Tricia - posted on 02/25/2010

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I can relate. We lost our only son Oct. 30 at 17 weeks gestation. We got to spend some time with him because my Dr. allowed me to deliver him after they didn't detect a heartbeat. They did a week before. Its been almost 4 mo. and at times It seems like yesterday. Not a day goes by that I don't think about Louis. He is buried less than 2 miles up the road. It helps that he is close so we can visit there. I was told my son had t18,and Hydrops at 13 weeks gest. But no one can prepare themselves for a loss of a child. My other two are fine. We have a hospital support group that helps us. Maybe you could check into something like that. If you'd like to talk I'm here.

Amy - posted on 02/25/2010

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I am so sorry for you loss. One of my twins was stillborn in 12/04. He passed on 11/21/04 (29wks). It was probably the hardest, most painful experience of my life. I had counciling too, it helped some, but I still had to find ways to move forward. Honostly for me the only thing that has helped is time. I had to take it day by day and let my grieving help me heal. 5 years later I do feel better, but I still have moments where I ache for my son- probably the hardest for me is every year on the day he passed. I'm so sorry you had to go through this.

Donna - posted on 02/25/2010

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i 2 lost a wee girl in june 06 an she was due in sept, the hospital give me her hand print an footprint an photos of her, tht i look at almost every day it gets a bit easier with time but i still think about her all the time, u will feel a bit better in time take care xx

Lindsey - posted on 02/25/2010

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I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. My husband and I lost our daughter at 21 weeks. It was really difficult for awhile. We just had the 2 year anniversary of her birth/death. I still have times that I think about her and who she would have been. I found it helpful right after we lost her to look at anything I had of hers...pictures, a mold of her hands and feet. I made a scrapbook that I looked at everyday. I was afraid to go out in public too much at first for fear that I would just break down crying (which I did once). I eventually had a necklace made with her footprints engraved on it, and I still wear it almost every day. I hope that you can find some peace. Friends and family are great, but my only true comfort came from praying. God will get you through if you just put your trust in Him.

KARMISHA - posted on 02/24/2010

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SOMETIMES IN LIFE THINGS HAPPEN THAT WE THINK IS UNFAIR BUT EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON. I WENT THROUGH THE SAME SITUATION WITH MY FIRST 2 BABIES BUT WITH MY FIRST CHILD I WAS ABOUT 7 MONTHS PREGNANT SHE WAS A STILL BORN AND MY 2ND I WAS 5 MONTHS PREGNANT AND SHE PASSED A HOUR AFTER BIRTH THAT WAS THE HARDEST TO GET OVER I CRIED EVERY TIME I SAW A BABY, THE THINGS I HAD BOUGHT AND WHENEVER I SAW THE ULTRA SOUNDS. TALKING ABOUT IT TO FAMILY AND FRIEND HELPED A LITTLE BUT TALKING TO MOTHER THAT WENT THROUGH THE EXACT SITUATION MADE IT BETTER CAUSE U THINK WELL IF SHE GOT OVER I CAN TOO IT TAKES TIME BUT IT WILL GET BETTER LIKE IU SAID BEFORE ALL THINGS HAPPEN FOR A REASON AND GOD NEVER PUTS MORE ON U THAN U CAN BARE. SORRY ABOUT UR LOSS JUST KEEP UR HEAD UP AND LOOK AT AS U HAVE A ANGEL LOOKING DOWN AT U

Diane - posted on 02/24/2010

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I had a stillborn daughter in 1985 and at the time I never though I would heal. I had 3 other children at the time but the emptiness was something I could not explain or overcome. I grew very close to my Heavenly Father during this time and I know He carried me through until I was capable of handling the situation by myself. Keeping a journal helps alot to get the feelings outside. Grieve happens to all of us differently and there is no set time to when we stop feeling the grief. I can still cry at times if someone I know loses a child or I hear a special song. I still miss her very much and pull out her photo from time to time. Your baby will always be apart of your life and don't feel guilty if you just need to cry. Time is the only thing that will heal. I received a card from a friend when I lost my Kari and all it said was "Sorrow does not last forever, Love does". Hold on to her love and you will get through this difficult time.

Sara - posted on 02/24/2010

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I have found keeping a journal is very comforting. We lost our baby at 32 weeks 4 years ago tomorrow. I started the journal about a month after he was born and have been writing in it ever since. I like to go back and read about what I was feeling and it helped me get through some tough times, especially when it seemed I didn't have anyone to talk to. It's so hard but you will get through it. I still have some days that I think a lot about him, but I am thankful that he was in my life. He made me a mother. I can't forget that. We are all here for you when the tough times creep up.

Brenda - posted on 02/24/2010

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I am sorry about the loss of your little one. We lost our daughter who was born at 24 weeks and survived 6 days before the struggle became too much for her. That was 5 years ago. Your little one will always be a part of you, because as a mom you have felt them move and live within you for so long you have a very deep connection to them. And there will be time with the grief will sneak up on you even years later,something that will trigger it....(watched private practice this week and bawled over the parents having to choose to remove life support from a 25 weeker...rang too close to home for me) but in it all we found a way to honor our daughter, the nurses gave us a beautiful poem about a butterfly, how they come like a special gift sharing their beauty and even though we know they are only there for a short time we can savor the gift and the beauty the add into our lives....so for this reason we go to the butterfly arboritium every year. Seeing all the gorgeous butterflies it makes us think of her. Another friend she takes wildflower seeds and scatters them on the anniversary of the death of their little one, on a path they hike on...so as the flowers grow more and more each year in that section of the path, the flowers remind her of the little one. We also have a memorial garden at our cottage which started with bulbs we were given in the hospital and each year we add to it and it has a cement statue in the middle of it.....Find something which works for you.... And also I know several moms who have a tattoo to symbolize that child...I have a butterfly with an eternity symbol on the wing to symbolize she will always be with me....They will always be in your heart and honoring them in special ways will help the ache...

Laura - posted on 02/24/2010

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I can relate completely. I lost a child at 21 almost 22 weeks. It was 13 yrs ago. It is very hard from time to time... I have mostly good days, but then I have an occasional bad day.

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sorry about your little one. i lose my daughter in july and it helped me to keep a journal and talk about her with my family. i also made friends with women from this site and they helped to too. please take care, cry and yell as much as you need dont keep it inside... u will go crazy!

Lyn - posted on 02/23/2010

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do you have pictures? ultra sounds or what not? everyone grieves in their own way. do you and your partner talk? do you have other kids? what is it that is troubling you the most? sorry to ask so many ?s but I was in a similar situation. you can contact me personally if you'd like. i would love to talk with you.

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