loss of my daughter

Claire - posted on 08/12/2009 ( 8 moms have responded )

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when my daughter was 3mths old she suffered a near cot death and was left serverly brain damaged and a load of other health issues she battled n fought untill sadly she lost her fight september 8th 2008 she was a angel bought so much joy am now expecting a baby boy in october but feel so guilty like am replaceing her n am scared same thing could happen again and am scared i cant love my son like i loved her maybe am scared to get close incase something happens is that normal

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Misty - posted on 08/14/2009

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the first time you look in your sons face you will love him as much as you did your daughter. I felt the same way. you are not replacing her and now your son will have his own personal gaurdian angel.

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Shelley - posted on 09/10/2009

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You will fall in love with your baby the moment you see him. I had a stillborn little boy in October 2006 and in September 2007 was blessed wit my beautiful daughter. At first the guilt was hard for me to cope with but the minute i seen her i could not do anything but love her. In February 2009 I gave birth to a beautiful little boy but i am finding it extremely hard dealing with it at the moment as my son Caylan's 3rd anniversary is coming up in a few weeks. Although it was difficult dealing with this date after my daughter was born wondering what if it, is (with me anyway) getting near impossible this year to cope as i keep looking at my son and and thinking that this whole situation just is not right. I honestly think that the the guilt lives with us forever but the love is always stronger for the new baby. I had had 6boys and 2 girls before having my little angel and since Caylan i have had another son and daughter. To be honest and i think most if not all of the mums on here would agree that babies that you have after such a tragerdy are loved and cherished alot more than the children before this death. My other children are well loved but My last 2 babies are soo soo precious special in the fact that you really really never do know how precious a life is and what what you have until you have gone through the loss of one of your children. If anything your little man and you will be inseperable because you are well aware that anythin can happen at any moment. My daughter Leighahnah and son Phynnix are al;ways with me and my son is now 7mths old and with him (maybe because it was a boy i lost) we are closer than i have ever been with any of my chilren to the point that not once has he been left with anyone for any period of time nor has anyone ever fed him. Sorry to drag this out but the point to my story is you have absolutley nothing to worry bout because your guilt will be totally over run by the LOVE you feel the minute you hear your baby cry and you know everything is fine with him GOOD LUCK

Dolores Or Just DeeDee - posted on 09/10/2009

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You will love your son, trust me. I have 3 beautiful girls and my youngest just passed. I love the other two even more now because I know how precious they are. I too am pregnant and share in your pain and guilt. I know it doesn't matter how many children I have, Karina will never be replaced, but I still feel guilty. Trust me when you hold your son, you will remember her and honor her. You will love your son, but you will still miss her. This is normal. As for the fear, I am terrified. My daughter had cancer and I am terrified that it will happen again. But what can we really do about it? I try to focus on my girls and this new life inside me. All your guilt and fears are normal, just try as hard as possible to focus on the life inside you. It's so hard, so freakin' hard.

Claire - posted on 09/09/2009

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thank u 4 all ure messages yesterday 8/9/09 was 1st year off her death n its hard as its hit me hard today tryna stay strong x

Gina - posted on 08/16/2009

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Claire, I lost my son Casey who was 19 (barely) in April 2009. He had mild cerebral palsy with other impairments. He lived life fairly healthy until last August. 2008, when he was life flighted to a bigger hospital and was diagnosed with an enlarged heart and almost died. He didn't and I thought he was a miracle and that would be his only close call. Long story short, I cannot say I have walked the same path. I have an older son age 20 years and a daughter age 17 years. My thoughts have 3 babies. You love each baby for "who" they are, not any more or any less than the baby you lost. You daughter will always have that special place in your heart and your son will have a special Guardian Angel watching over him. I know the pain is raw and it might be too soon to think or feel that way, but I hope everything falls into place for you. Be sure to ask tons of questions and get tests don on your little guy if you have fears. I am not sure if there are test for that kind of health issue or not, but ask questions and find out. Then you can be well informed. Make the doctors "listen AND HEAR" you. They didn't do that for my son and I. I am not sure if it would have made a difference or not. I don't want other parents to fall through the cracks like we my son did. Please let me know the out come? Then I will know something good came out of my son's death.... My best to you and have a healthy baby!

Tabitha - posted on 08/14/2009

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i lost my daughter almost 4 years ago i have 2 other children one was already here when she passed when i found out i was pregnant in 2008 i felt alot of guilt worry and a little bit of anger. i wasnt mad at the baby i was mad at myself for getting pregnant! I worried the whole pregnancy i know i got on my doctors nerves calling all the time but he understood it was a natural fear. Now that my son is here i dont resent him i didnt replace my daughter i dont love him any less or her, I love my son very much even though he is 6 months old and i still wake up about 5 times a night to check on him in his crib i watch him sometimes to make sure he is ok. paranoid yes i know but after the loss of a child you cant help it i have cameras in both my boys rooms so i can watch them from my room i ask my oldest all the time if he is ok needs to talk i am a very over protective mom but with good reason. you are not alone i think anyone would feel that way think positive love every min of him/her

Pam - posted on 08/14/2009

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I lost my 4th child to a heart defect 2 months after he was born. I wanted to get pregnant as soon as possible and I wanted another boy but my Husband as well as myself struggled with guilt. However God did give us another baby boy just 1 year later. We were worried and had lots of tests done but he was healthy. I bonded right away and soon didn't feel like I was replacing the one who died. But my husband stayed separate. I don't think he even knew he was doing it. I kept gently prodding and now they are very close. I could not have survived with out my Lord and King and the support of great family and friends. My son Timothy died in my arms 12 years ago and I still miss him greatly. I keep him alive by freely talking about him and my friends do as well, that helps me a lot. "ALL things work together for the good to them that love the Lord" Though it doesn't seem "good" that an innocent child should die so young, good things can come from it. Even though God is faithful to me and given me sooo much peace and joy - I still grieve for my son and I will till I see him in heaven one day.
Talk about her with anyone who will listen - it does help with the healing process. But you will always miss her.

McKenzie - posted on 08/14/2009

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I lost my baby girl in January 2009. I am wanting to get pregnant again but I too am feeling some of those feelings. Guilt, not being able to love another baby the same. I also am terrified of losing another baby. But I know that it is normal! I was told by a dear friend, who also lost a baby, that it is that way for every pregnancy after. Because unlike other women, who have never had to deal with a loss like that, you know something can happen. I recommend having a lot of support around you to be excited for you when you cant. Also counseling is so helpful!!! I am so sorry for your loss, I hope that you can find some peace. she will always be your guardian angel.

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