Lost a Twin

Tabitha - posted on 02/05/2013

Hi my name is Tabitha. I recently gave birth to two beautiful boys on the 3rd of january 2013. My pregnancy was thought to have been going well until one visit to the doctor showed that they had twin to twin transfusion syndrome. I never thought it could happen to me. Me and my husband James found out the we were one week short of being able to have the laser surgery that is done to fix this problem. So my doctor gave me an amnio reduction. The first one worked and Gabriel, the downer twin, showed progress and started producing fluid. Afterward they put me on bed rest. Those weeks I still believed that everything was going to be fine. I had check ups twice a week afterwards and 2 weeks later, the ultra sound showed that Gabriel wasn't giving back his waste to me through the umbilical cord, so I was hospitalized for 2 1/2 weeks. One morning i woke up in the hospital and they tell me they must do a c-section because Gabriel's heart rate was dropping rapidly. So on the 3rd the twins were born. London was fine but Gabriel's kidneys just wouldn't work. Three days later he past. I still don't know what happened or why.I cry everyday but my husband tells me to look to my other twin London and love him twice as hard for Gabriel. Right now I don't know what to do with my self but I just wanted you to know you aren't alone. Don't be ashamed of your feelings. I feel like a hypocrite saying these things because i can hardly express myself to anyone but my husband. I haven't talked to many people and I've distanced myself from even my family but just hearing these stories and knowing others got through it makes me feel like I can. So I'm posting my story too. So you know there is one more person feeling the same as you, going through the same thing. I hope this helps.

Alina - posted on 06/25/2012

My very close friend who is like a sister to me, had 2 identical boys born today by csection...this is her story....
Her first baby was born by an emergency csection and passed away 3 weeks later cause of which is still unknown she went on to have 2 more bus born naturally. last year she concieved the twins, this morning there was a scheduled ceasarian, 5 minutes before birth the Doppler showed 2 healthy heart beats, twin one came out crying and his brother came out in a cardiac arrest, receiving CPR untill they were able to get a heart rate. Now the baby is in icu intubated.. They don't think he is going to survive as they are waiting for him to get some brain activity.. It's so heart braking to see them go through this again..

Amy - posted on 05/03/2009

It's sad that you had to lose one of your twins but look at this way, you have a miracle in front of you everyday. You just have to be happy that you still have a beautiful angel in your arms. I went into labor when I was 22 1/2 weeks along. They told me that both of my daughters would die unless the could keep me pregnant for at least 2 to 3 more weeks. I didn't make it but 2 more days. I won't ever know what they would have looked like but I couldn't close up but I had a 5 years old and a 14 month old to take care of. The love that I felt from both of my boys during the hard times even though they were to yound to understand completely, they are what kept me going. Even though its not fair and we don't understand why they were taken from us, we still have the mircales of looking into the beautiful eyes of the children we still have. Cherish your baby every single day. It will be 3 years on November 6th and 7th since my girls have been gone and I say everyday they they are my beautiful butterflies in god's garden. And with knowing that, I am as happy as I can be and just try to be a good mother to the boys.

Jennifer - posted on 05/02/2009

Hi! I had twins 3 yrs ago @ 27 weeks. They both had NEC 3 times (at the same time and were not identical, which is very rare!) and had bowel surgery. Braden stayed healthy and Logan ended up going into septic shock and had a stroke that injured 60% of his brain. Logan lived for 1 1/2 yrs and passed away peacefully in my arms. It is still very hard to see Braden running around like a normal 3 yr old knowing that there should be another one. We have a garden for Logan and every year we add a new lawn ornament to it. Another tradition we do is we hang up a stocking for him at Christmas and all the grandparents and aunts/uncles and us get an ornament, wrap it, and put it in the stocking. On Christmas morning Braden opens his brothers ornaments and hangs them on the tree. Soon our tree will be full of memories of Logan.

Katey - posted on 05/01/2009

Hi Jena
Ist im sorry for the loss of one of your twins.
I had the perfect pregancy with my twin frateral girls
born at 38 weeks by c/section Jazz was 6pound 5 and Gemma was 6pound 3
both perfect healthy girls...
we were living a beautiful life we also have a daughter who is 3 ...
on the 16th march 2008 Gemma died from kawasaki disease after going undiognosed due to a hospital stuff up......
It is and always will be so hard for us to live a noraml life knowing that when you see you1 child you should be seeing 2..loosing a baby is hard enough but looing a twin is having that speacialness taken away of twins and the things they could have done and shared together..
these feeling will never ever go away Gemma died a year a go in march i still cry myself to sleep each night and think about her always I just try to do what I have to get though each day for my other girls and they know all about Gemma we talk about her and always say good morning and goodnight we have many photos around the house of her and she will always be a huge part of our lifes..
I also now fund raise for kawasaki disease and all funds we raise go to the kd foundtion in memory of her...
if you would like to talk please feel free to message me
Katexx

Allegra - posted on 05/01/2009

I was also pregnant with twins but didnt know it until an ultrasound showed something abnormal. they did another ultrasound and decided that i was pregnant with twins and one didnt make it. I was devasted but tried to focus on the one i was still pregnant with and be thankful i had one healthy baby....but a few weeks later i found out my remaining baby and i had a condition that gave her a 1 in 5 chance of having a heart or kidney defect. My little angel arrived on March 5th 2009 and she's absolutely beautiful but we just learned she has problems with both her kidneys. I look at her and wonder if my other one was a little girl or boy but i try to focus on the 2 living children i have because they are the ones that need me now, especially my little girl. I usually keep my feelings to myself though because most people tell me its for the best or it happened for a reason and i dont believe that. All i know is that it was my baby and i dont have him/her with me and that makes me sad...i suppose time heals though

Meghann - posted on 04/29/2009

I gave birth to identical twins, Hunter and Connor, at 25 weeks last june. At 6 weeks old, Connor developed Necrotizing Entercolitis (NEC) and passed away within hours of being diagnosed. The hardest part is that in identical twins, when one gets NEC, the other will too. It was horrifying thinking that we'd loose both boys, but thankfully Hunter's NEC was manageable with medication and bowel rest. At first it was really hard for me to cope with my feelings...I was so devastated about loosing Connor but so happy and relieved to still have Hunter. Not a day goes by that I don't think about Connor, especially when I look at Hunter. I guess the best thing about them being identical is that we will never wonder what he would have looked like. I just gave birth to our 3rd son, Logan, and know that his brother's strong fighting spirit is living through him. (To honor Connor, Logan's middle name is Connor.)

Krysti - posted on 04/21/2009

My son was a twin, and his twin passed at about 10 weeks. My pregnancy was very rocky and I ended up delivering my son at 34 weeks. But before I had him I lost twins at 22 weeks..so I was SO grateful that I at least had one baby come out of the pregnancy ok. It is a difficult road. It is hard to find peace in it. The thing I kept asking myself was why did Blake get to live...why did his twin die..why not the other way..not that I wanted my son to die...but why did I lost his twin...how can god pick and choose who gets to stay and who has to go...in my situation, I have no lost two sets of twins, and my sons twin, I have two living children. I have 2 out of 7 children...and i am extremely bitter...I guess I really don't have guidance its just a really hard road..that NO ONE should have to endure. And I'm sorry you have to experience it.

Corinne - posted on 04/20/2009

Those are beautiful traditions. I might start an Eric's Day for the one we lost. I agree that the loss should never be kept secret. Our older daughter is 5 and she sometimes tells people about her other brother, Eric, that was born the same time as her brother Kyle but had to go to Heaven.

Lisa - posted on 04/20/2009

i know how you feel on april 7th 2004 i gave birth to twin boys,on april 10th my son reece died in my arms from cardiac arrest due to a heart complaint,i found it very hard coping with a new born while i could not stop crying for my lost son i also had a 6 yr old boy who needed my support aswell to cope with his grief,my son would be 5 this year i still think about him every day and blow him a kiss every night,the hardest part is watching vinnie do all the miles stones on his own he should have his brother with him,vinnie talks about reece he calls him his belly brother and we never kept him secret,we celebrate vinnies birthday 7th july and on the 10th july we have reeces day where we will go to the cemetary with balloons and cards to release in the air and we sing him happy birthday,my eldest son has a garden with flowers and ornaments in it for reece that helps him cope,since i lost reece i have had a little girl she has brought us so much pleasure,with the help and support of your family and friends you will get through it but if you like us there will always be a part of your family missing,good luck in the future and enjoy your baby dont let your grief cloud your happiness and the pleasure of watching your surviving twin grow take care lisa x

Corinne - posted on 04/19/2009

I had twins born prematurely at 27 weeks gestation. One of them still lives with numerous medical issues but happy nonetheless. The other did not develop kidney function and we had to say goodbye after three days. I recommend the CLIMB website (Center for Loss In Multiple Births) www.climb-support.org. There are even examples of birth announcements for such situations. I personally loved the one that said "In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth. He blessed us with twins - one in Heaven and one on Earth."



I have a blog that I've kept since I found out I was pregnant with twins (it's been 3 years since I started it). http://twinspiration.blogspot.com.



I cried in fresh mourning and terror when I found out I was pregnant again only a little over a year after losing one child. But joy replaced sorrow with the birth of my youngest.



Everyone's different. For me, it was most comforting to talk with others and express myself on my blog. For others, it can be too painful to talk about. Nearly three years after my loss, I am able to think back with only a small sting. Yesterday, I attended a benefit for the hospital where one child spent the only three days of his life and his surviving brother lived 6 months before coming home (and has returned several times). It felt so wonderful to give back to them after they did so much for my babies.

Adele - posted on 04/18/2009

My 1st son was a twin, at 11wks into the pregnancy I started hemreging and the hospital said its ok dont worry, meanwhile I told them I was misscarring, they kept me in emergency all night then let me go home after I have an ultrasound accross the road so I did, and was told no I didn't miscarry the baby was doing fine and sent me home. At 18.5 wks I had alot of pain and got admitted to a different hospital, they did an ultrasound and found a second sack and a second placenter but no second baby. Needless to say that was going to be the last time I go there. That was until at 29wks I couldn't handle the pain anymore and the fevers were awful, I initally went to the good hospital but they wern't equipt to handle premmi babies that early so I got flowen to the inital hospital that I hated, I had him via csection and was kept in ICU for 4 days. They didn't realise I had Chrons Disease until they got they baby out.

Robin - posted on 04/17/2009

I'm guessing you were term when you lost your baby. I lost my sons twin at 10 weeks gestation. I had a hard time dealing with all the "can't do's" that the dr. told me. Some of the weird things that I noticed during my pregnancy and after my sons birth I attribute to him being a twinless twin. He stayed on the right side my whole pregnancy. He would not sleep in a room by himself. If I carried him in while he was asleep, he woke shortly after I left. He even ask about his twin when he was about 2 1/2. I was just glad to come out of it with one baby. I had so many complications with him. I almost had to have surgery when I was 6 months because he was tearing a previous incision from the inside out. I was pretty much on rest and then ended up with being induced because of high blood pressure. I just finally had to take solace in the fact that I did have one baby. I find myself saying "I should have two doing this, two doing that. Two walking, talking, in kindergarten, starting high school" the list goes on and on. My son is now 15 and in 9th grade. He even wrote a paper for school about his twin. On the other hand, I now have to deal with the fact that my son and his wife recently lost their first baby (39 w 2d gestation) and how I feel about that. It is so much harder than either miscarriage that I suffered as both of mine were early in my pregnancy. Grieve for your angel baby and take comfort that God only takes the best and find joy in the one you have. I know it is hard but that little one of yours will bring you comfort and it will come sooner than you think.