lost another baby yesterday

Abbie - posted on 10/03/2009

I can so understand what you are feeling. I have an 18 month old.......... we got pregnant in march - miscarriage, then wee got pregnant in august and miscarried again on Tuesday. the empty and dead inside is normal! Its stages we got through. Have you spoke to your doctor regarding what he/ she feels is the reasoning for the miscarriages. @ 6/7 weeks it was probably a cell issue. At which point is a fluke( not that it makes you feel any better) but just because it happens once... doesn't mean it will again.



I don't know if you are doing any tests but you should.





anyway back to your question will you be parents again.......... No one can tell you yes, but you have 1 child that means a lot. It means your body is able to do it. You need to stay strong with your hubby. now is the time to find eachother, and to enjoy the child you have at home. I know its not always easy, but you must for the sake of your son!!



Feel free to contact me if you need to talk !!! I know the pain you feel

Larenda - posted on 09/25/2009

I lost my sleeping angel on March 31st as well. We have to believe that we will become pregnant again. I know that it is a tough process. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Margo - posted on 09/24/2009

i am so sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you and your family. I know that after the loss of my daughter i really wanted another baby but as long as i had that on my mind all the time it never happened. 1 year later after i got the determination out of my head, i got pregnant and was happy as ever. give it time. i know you hear that a lot. but it worked for me. you haven't failed at being a mom as long as u try and love your kids you can never fail!!!!!

Amy - posted on 09/23/2009

I'm sorry to hear of your loss, but I know how you feel. I lost my little boy on December 23rd, 2008 at 24 weeks. After he was born I didn't know what to do. I just felt as if something was unfinished. 6 months later I found out I was pregnant again and lost the pregnancy at 11 weeks. As hard as it has been, what has gotten be through is being thankful for what I have. Try to focus as much as you can on the positive things in your life and enjoy you little boy! The hardest thing to come to terms with is that it is not your fault...I still struggle with that concept, but it is the truth. My advice is that if you truly want another child don't give up hope, keep trying, and don't let the hurt, fear, and guilt take over. I wish the best for you and your family. Take care.

Michelle - posted on 09/14/2009

I am on my 7th pregnancy (I have 2 living, lost one to SIDS, one stillborn the others were miscarriages), I lost one at the same time as you in January, I was devasted. I couldn't talk to anyone and felt so alone. I am happy to say that I am currently pregnant now and have reached the 2nd trimester milestone...I know the empty feeling and despair all too well, it still seems surreal now. One thing I have learned is that nature will take its course and everything happens for a reason-I know that is something that you probably don't want to hear. They did genetic testing on me and found that I am missing 2 out of 4 chromosomes that are crucial to carrying a child...the fix-ironically an increase in folic acid-who would have thought! Hang in there and know that you are not alone!

Halie - posted on 09/14/2009

good luck with this little one i really hope that everything goes really good please let us know if you still need someone to talk to or anything i'll pray for you guys

Charlotte - posted on 09/14/2009

thank you 4 all your support and msg's we have since got pregnant again im about 5 weeks. things seem 2 be going well. i will keep u informed of how it goes. thank u xx

Halie - posted on 09/11/2009

Your not failing as a mom don't think that. i'll tell you a part of my story and i don't feel lesser as a mom i've lost 4 babies and they were all 19-21 weeks into the pregnaice(can'tspell) and the 5th time is the charm. the doctor put a couple of stitckes to hold everything in place and now we know what was going wrong the first 4 times i think about them all the time talk to them all the time and some days i think that i'm losing my mind cause some days you just sit down and cry and you think no one know what your going though but if you can't find some-one that will listen to you. your husband,mom dad ,sister, other it will help and there are people on here that have gone though the same thing and if you have to vent with someone you can e-mail me ( h.murphy@sasktel.net and i'll write you back. i'll be praying for you and you husband

Ruth - posted on 09/11/2009

I' m so very sorry about the loss of your child. Your other child is there to love and make it a little easier to bear. Be strong and take time to thank God for what you now have still in your life. Be blessed

Halie - posted on 07/31/2009

i know what your going though i have lost 4 baby's and it is very hard and yes you feel like you are failing as a mom cause your the one that carries them for nine months and feel them grow and move etc. has your doctor ever said anything about putting a couple of setches so your utus doesn't open before anything could happen . they did it with me when i became pregant with the number 5 and everything was good. but don't let anyone tell you that you are a failer cause your not your husband problaly feels the same way don't give up hope. if you need to talk i'll listen to you and i'll write you back we as mother's that have gone through this have to stick together( sorry about the spelling)

Kari - posted on 07/31/2009

No one really knows if it will happen again, But the pain gets better as each day passes. I lost a child at 26wks he lived for 23 hours. Than again at 19wks he didn't survive. But since than I have had 2 healthy premie babies. The pain still hurts from losing my 2 boys, but it does get easier, I just thank god for the ones I have now. YOu will go through several steps of emotion, numb, empty angry, sad and why you. But you will get through it. cherish the one you have and you will be blessed with another.

Joanne - posted on 07/30/2009

i had a child die at 30 weeks and fifteen miscarriages due to a incompentent cervix and a gene mismatch with the father, dont give up , i went throughhell but now have seven children and three grandchildren the road will be rocky , but hold the faith , stay strong , make sure you have been looked at for every possible problem cervix genes and bloodgroups .find a good doctor and stay with them good lluck and may god bless you and keep you safe dont give up

Rebecca - posted on 07/30/2009

I understand what you are going through. I had a miscarriages in 6/07 and 3/08; both in the first trimester. We got pregnant again and things were going well. We hit 20 weeks and I was feeling "in the clear" and then at 25 weeks I was put on bedrest. At 27 weeks Emma was born on 4-1-09 she passed away on 4-27-09. I blamed myself over and over; no one was going to be able to change my mind. It is part of grieving. I don't blame myself anymore, but still have hard days like today. I have just returned to work the beginning of July and when I go to meetings people who haven't seen me or heard ask how the baby is or to see pictures. I can get out she passed away, but then I still lose it. I feel like I burden my husband when I come home upset. It has been tough the one thing I cling to is our decision not to try again and to look into adoption. I've been told it get's easier. I think it has gotten easier, but look forward to when I can think about the month we had with her and think about when she would look at us without crying.

I encourage you to go to the doctor and demand testing to determine your next step, but also give yourself and your Body time to heal.

Ashley - posted on 07/30/2009

I am sorry for your loss. I understand the empty numb feeling almost disbelief. I lost twins at eight week in April 2nd, then I had a my 2nd miscarriage at 8 weeks 2 weeks ago and i am still feeling the pains, and awaiting to see if I need a d and c. I too feel that I am a failure as a mom and look at my 2 year old and think what if i can't give her siblings. The empty, numbness an disbelief for me is almost a way to keep myself together. It hurts so bad when you want you want something and love something so much. One day we will all be able to expand our families. I pray for you.

Yesenia - posted on 07/30/2009

I Know what you are felling after 14weeks of pregnancy i lost my baby....you fell so empty and such sadnes that you cant explain to anyone even yourself....i was terrified to try again but 2 years later we had a baby boy who is 2 now we also have 2 older girls...its sohard one week you see the baby in the ultrasound and the next week their was no heartbeat i can still remmber that moment......it feels like it just happened and it still painfull i even went as far as changing my doctor ...because i felt like such a failure at trying to carry a child ...but you will have more children have faith....

Kendra - posted on 07/30/2009

Charlotte, please do not feel like a failure. The very simple fact that you care so much voids that option. I know exactly how you feel and can only tell you that the pain will always remain, but will lessen over time. My husband and I struggled through fertility issues for 6 years, trying to have a child. My first pregnancy lasted only 8 weeks and I was completely devastated, angry and scared to try again. But with my husbands support and love, we did try. My second pregnancy, I carried twins. Unfortunately, Gold saw fit to take them home as well and I delivered Zack & Aiden at 21 weeks gestation. They only lived 3 hours, but in those 3 hours, my entire family showered them with the love of a lifetime. After this loss, I was just beside myself, I felt like a failure, I felt outrage at women who could just "pop-out" kids at the drop of a hat and still not really care. It was so hard to come to terms with the thought of trying again, but there was something inside me that would not allow me to quit. I felt that if I didn't try again, I may never forgive myself. We decided one last shot and sure enough, I became pregnant a third time. I was so scared, but I had wonderful doctors and tremendously supportive friends and family to help me through. I was at the doctors almost every single week of my pregancy (between my regular OBGYN and a High Risk OBGYN). And by some great miracle, God decided to grant me a son! He is now 2 and the most precious thing I could ever have. I still grieve over my other children and miss them terribly. When I see twin boys that are around the age they would be now, I tear up immediately. But I do believe that maybe God had a higher purpose for them (although when I lost them, hearing that did NOT make me feel better), I know I consider them to be Caleb's guardian angels keeping him safe every day. Please, do not give up and continue to be the wonderful mother I'm sure you are. I will be praying for you and sharing your grief.

Donna - posted on 07/29/2009

Charlotte, you are not a failure as a mom, and I know that feeling. I have lost 2 children of my own, and when I tell you from experiencing the first loss over 31 years ago, and the 2nd loss 26 years ago, I can certainly tell you that you will never forget, the pain and love will remain there, but it will get tolerable. Don't let this discourage you from trying again. But don't go into it with the attitude that child will replace the one you lost. It never will. You might also consider doing volenteer work at maybe church, or become more involved with activities of your surviving son. He needs all the love you can give him, and I bet he can give you a lot of love in return. Keep you chin up, and just remember, you can always try again, and don't make yourself crazy trying to dwell on the past, just keep loving that baby, and in time, you too will learn to tolerate it. Meanwhile be there for your family, and I am sure they will be there for you. My prayers are with you. Sincerely Donna

Karrie - posted on 07/29/2009

im so sorry for your loss. i will pray for you and your amily. god will answer your prayers... just believe in him.

Amanda - posted on 07/29/2009

My heart hurts for you. My son Caleb is in heaven. He was stillborn at 34 weeks. I then miscarried 1 1/2 years later. By God's mercy I have another baby on the way. I am now 22 weeks pregnant. I do know how you feel. I don't have any children on this earth yet. I know neither of us are failures as moms. The deaths of your precious little ones were not under your control. They were however under the control or a loving God who spared them from the pain of this world to only know perfect peace and love. However, our arms still ache to hold them and have them alive with us. Only God knows how many children you will have on this earth, but these two losses do not mean that you cannot have any more children.

Britni - posted on 07/29/2009

Reading your story made me want to break down in tears. I have an almost 3 year old son. My husband and I got pregnant and lost our daughter on March 28,2008 it was horrible. I went to the hospital the day before because I was bleeding. Thats the day we found out we were having a girl. They told me that I was fine and the baby was fine. I went into labor that night called the Triage and they told me if it continues to call... Well it stoped after 10:30 at night. And I had her on my bathroom floor at 6:30 the next morning. I felt horrible. I felt as though my heart was being ripped out of my chest. I cried for days... The only person who helped me through it was my husband. Everyone thought they knew how I felt. But the truth is that no one knows how you feel but your spouse. And most of all yourself. I found out after we got pregnant with my other son who is now 5 months old. I have 2 uterus's and 2 cervix's which I knew before I got pregnant but what I didnt know was that our daughter was in my left one and it was underdeveloped. Its hard and I can tell you it doesnt get any easier. I wanted a little girl more then anything. And when we found out that our baby was a boy the 2nd time I was a little sad. I see people who have little baby girls and it hurts. But it will get easier I promise. I am in love with our son and I wouldnt trade him for anything in the world. And I can tell you that one day you will expand your family.

Stacey - posted on 07/29/2009

Charlotte,
Please believe all the other wonderful Moms here that have said you are NOT a failure. I had two miscarriages (97 & 98) then lost my son Dillan in 1999 at 27.4 weeks. The numbness does go away after a while....I promise. When I married my Husband in 2006 we talked about trying to have a child of our own, I was scared and practically lost my mind with fear when I found out I was pregnant in October of 2008. I am a diabetic and have been for 22 years. Thankfully I gave birth on 5/26/09 to a beautiful, healthy baby boy and BELIEVE me it was alot of hard work and doctors appointments for 9 months but if I can do it....so can you !
I am praying for you.

Deidre - posted on 07/29/2009

Hello Charlotte! I am sorry for both of your losses. I have miscarried two as well after having a beautiful son, who is now 3.5 years old. My first miscarriage was in Sept 08 and my second was March 09. My doctors were very encouraging when telling me that they know my body can carry a child full term, since I have already done it once. The doctors also said that testing wasn't necessary right now because my miscarriages were different (one ectopic, the other 5 weeks along). I would ask your doctors if you haven't already if they have any answers for you.



My husband and I also have been going to a group called Heartstrings, for people who have lost children a year old or younger. It has been extremely helpful for us to have contact with others who have and are going through the same situation.



Also, we are pregnant again Due in Feb 2010 and this pregnancy is going well. Be pregnant again does help a little, but I am nervous and scared and I still miss my other two children terribly. It helps to know that my body can do this again and the doctors are allowing me to have more ultrasounds and come in regularly just to listen to the heartbeat.



I hope this helps a little and if you want to chat, please feel free to write me back.



Be well,



Deidre

Rose - posted on 07/29/2009

I have had four kids and only two lived. After the second one died, I was giving up, but when I went in for the proceedure they told me to wait nine months. I know losing a child is almost the worst thing but when you are ready it will happen. The numb feeling goes away in time, put your love in the child you have.

Mary - posted on 07/28/2009

I feel the same way, miscarried at 24 weeks - the only difference is now i'm having problems getting pregnant again. Either way I still feel like a total failure. I just have to keep reminding myself that I'm not a failure until I give up hope.

take care of yourself

Victoria - posted on 07/28/2009

you are not failing at being a mum at all i had that numb feeling for ages after my son was stillborn ive never had a misscarriage so to say i know how your feeling would be wrong of me as i dont but try not to blame yourself im so so sorry for your loss

Becky - posted on 07/28/2009

You are not failing as mum you have said you already have one lovely little boy and i am sure he thinks you are the best mum ever. Feeling empty is part of the process of loss that i think people go through.
You have lost two little ones and you need to let yourself grieve and feel empty, rage, sadness and many more feelings.
All i can offer as a few words of comfort is - I have lost a few babies at different stages of pregnancy. I now have two wonderful healthy children who i adore. Sometimes life is very cruel and things happen and there is no reason as to why. You can blame yourself, i know i did, but you must know that it was not your fault but feeling that guilt is part of the process again. For a long time (and still now 5 years on from my last loss) i still cry and weep for the babies i have lost, but most of the time i am just happy that i have a wonderful husband who feels the same as me, and two perfect children.
Make sure you talk with someone, your husband/partner, mother or best friend or even someone you hardly know. I found sharing to be very healing as others open up to you as well and often you find someone you know has gone through something similar.
Take cae of yourself, get lots of cuddles xx

Jenny - posted on 07/28/2009

oh hunny I want to cry for you and give you a big hug...trust me you are not failing at being a mom I know how bad this must hurt and the empty feeling is you being numb I was there for a while...I let my ex talk me into getting my tubes tied after I had my son and now I am remarried and I want another baby now but I figured it was impossible because of my tubes being tied until I got pregnant but then I lost the baby I have had 3 miscarriages since I have been with my husband and wanting another baby and I get that same empty feeling it always hurts like crazy but the numbness will go away it is kinda like a part of the grieving process I think but look at your little boy and see how wonderful of a job you are doing with him and that will help show you that you are not failing as a mom at all you are hurting right now and with every reason to be but I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers

Libby - posted on 07/28/2009

That empty feeling sounds to me like you're numb. Which I heard is common for the first 1-2 years after a loss. And yes, it is normal to feel like the failure because you are the mother and you are suppose to carry that baby and keep it safe. BUT that is not reality. There are things out of your control that is causing this to happen. With two losses already I would consider getting further testing to find out if there are any problems with you that could be causing this. And then discuss a game plan with your doc if you were to get pregnant again. I think that has been the biggest relief for me is knowing sort of what to expect this time. I had a stillborn in December at 20 weeks gestation due to some complications. I had similar complications in a previous pregnancy that resulted in a preemie (10 weeks early). This pregnancy (currently 27 weeks along) I have had 4 ultrasounds, I am taking extra folic acid, I am taking a baby aspirin (because I've had bleeding in my last two pregnancies but have not been found to have any bleeding/clotting factors), I am not having sex, I am taking it as light as possible around the house, I also don't work a stressful job, I just got the steroid injections for this baby's lungs (just incase she were early too), etc, etc. My doctor knows my history and we weren't playing around this time. I know things just happen and are completely coincidental, but we are trying to prevent as much of it as possible. So, I do feel the first step for you would to be to ask your doctor to do further testing on you. I too have an older child and had a wonderful pregnancy and full term baby, but for some reason my last two pregnancies were just very complicated. So far, we are blessed to have another uncomplicated pregnancy, but it is still nice to have a game plan so I can know what to expect and have less stress on myself because of it.



Good luck!