Lost of faith and angry at God after losing a baby

Mimmy - posted on 01/08/2009 ( 196 moms have responded )

19

0

2

I know this is a very sensitive subject. But I want to know if anyone went through the same thing I'm going through.... Ever since our son Alex died, I have no faith and I'm very angry at God. I can't understand how supposedly a loving Father can put anyone through what we've been through.... Don't tell me he was here for a reason, it does not make any sense to me! He was here for 3 days and my life has been hell ever since he died.

Please do not reply and try to "convert" me as I do not want to hear "he was here for a reason" again - I heard it too many times. It has been 4 and a half years since Alex died and I'm still in pain everyday. I can look at the "half full glass" because I do have 2 beautiful and healthy children but my glass gets "half empty" pretty often. I wonder everyday what Alex would look like, I wonder every time even when my 2 kids fight if Alex would be fighting with them or not. How would he do in school..... I'm sad and angry and I just want to know "why me"...

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Piri - posted on 01/24/2013

13

10

4

Mimmy, it's a choice you make ... you can choose to stay in your past and dwell on your pain and be angry ... or you can choose to leave the past with it's pain in the past. I choose life. I choose to move on. I still remember my daughter and we talk abut her in the family often. I and we as a family will NEVER forget her ... but being angry at anyone is a choice ... for your sanity and for your children's happiness choose to move on! I asked God to help me ... I didn't understand either the why ... but I asked God to help me to move on. I become a better mom, and a better (more sensitive) person because I lost my baby girl. Planning her funeral it was the MOST excruciating pain I had to endure ... physically painful ... it took me some time to heal ... but I wanted to heal, I asked for help, I am made a choice not to live in my past ... all the "what if" doesn't help ... we all need a time for grieving, but you have a say how long do you want to stay there ...

The truth is I didn't want to move on, because pain somehow I though kept me close to her ... but that's a lie. Today, I'm happy ... there is a whole in my heart, a piece of me died with her ... but the rest is here and alive!

And to answer the question "why you'? Guess what: it's not only you, many of us go through the same pain...
OR ... you should ask the opposite "why not you"? Why do we ever think that we should have a life totally pain free? while millions around the world are dying in all kinds of diseases?

I think sometimes we like self pity ... you can choose to ask different questions. Like: how can I help others who go through the same situation? How can I be there for someone? Use your pain for someone else's gain ... and your life will be satisfied.

Jon - posted on 10/18/2012

4

0

0

Dear Mimmy Magette My wife and I had 3 miscarriages Hannah 22 weeks,Samuel 18 weeks, and Tom Thumb (because we didn't know the sex of the child) 12 weeks. My wife is and always has been a non smoker very rarely takes alcohol and keeps herself fit,But a number of years ago we had these terrible losses,each one desperately wanted and needed . but an elderly man once asked us "do you find it sad How God always gets the blame"? The Clergy class of this world will one day have to answer to God for their blatant lies! God takes No one ! and especially blameless little babies! Why do people not blame the devil when these things come upon them or put it down to human imperfection?I sometimes think maybe there was something wrong and had the child survived birth maybe Just Maybe something was desperately wrong and we may not have had the privilege to keep our child long enough to bond? But please with regard not preaching to you consider this when thinking of blaming God,---- Jesus during his 3 temptations was offered by the devil All the kingdoms of the world IF he would fall down and do one act of worship to him(the devil) At this point Jesus could have replied "just a minute Satan, the kingdoms of all the world are not yours to give" but Jesus never denied they were satan's , also in scripture it says The whole world is lying in the power of the wicked one (satan) But not for much longer ! and when God brings an end to this wicked world we live in, he promises after he will bring about a paradise earth,where he says the dead will be resurrected ! thats what i hope and pray for, that our Little ones will be resurrected back here on Gods cleansed earth , and be reunited with them. i hope this may bring you some sort of comfort as a Father and Husband both me and my wife still dearly miss our Babies but i know we will be reunited one day here on this earth after its been cleansed of all wickedness

Piri - posted on 01/08/2009

13

10

4

I lost my little angel too, and being angry at God will not help.....I know that the only way I was able to go through that difficult time it was with God's help.....so instead of going against God I asked Him to help me cope with the pain, devastation and I asked peace.....God answered my question and gave me peace. I do not understand why it happend, I do not like the fact that it happened, but I know one thing for sure ONLY GOD CAN HELP TO HEAL THE PAIN.....so I gave God my pain and asked for healing and God healed me. I thought i will never be whole again, but I am and I can enjoy life, enjoy my 3 boys( even though the little girl was the desire of my hearth for years, and my boys were so ancious to have her ). I know that without God I would never be where I am today emotionally, mentaly. But I had to choose to give my pain to God and let God heal me. Some choose to stay in pain....I would love to get to know you more, because there is healing available.

Joy - posted on 12/18/2012

8

1

0

I lost my son 7 weeks ago and I completely understand what you are saying. I truly know that my son is in a better, happier place and he is healthy, I also know he is with me everyday. God has given me such blessings by walking me through this horrible time. I hope and wish that the women who are so angry at God can realize he has a plan, we do not know his plan but are promised answers when we cross. I trust my son was part of a bigger plan and I just thank God I had him for 32 yrs. I was blessed to have him. Of couse I cry, I even scream on a daily basis but that is me being selfish, I miss him here talking to me, laughing or just watching TV. He is happy, Our loved ones that have passed want us to be happy and go on with our lives, they are never far from us. Faith will bring you through anything, even the loss of a child. Sorry, I got carried away.

Amanda - posted on 06/02/2013

3

0

0

I feel your pain.. I have 2 beautiful boys that I love with all my heart and iam thankful for them everyday... But I lost my last son Jacob. It will be 3 years this Christmas, and I think about him everyday!
What would he have been like, what would have been his favorite cartoon, what would have been his fave thing to eat.. And how wonderful it would have been to see my 3 boys all grow up together.. Watch them fight or play together.. He was only 3 days old when he died. I didn't even get to hold him or feed him.... I'm tired of hearing it happen for a reason or that god wanted his lil angel back.. It doesn't make me feel better.. I just imagine a heaven full of baby's who have died.. And I don't like that thought at all! Iam angry at god if there is one.. And Iam sometimes angry at my self.. There's a big gap in my life because of what happened.. I just want him back... And for anyone who has lost a child. I'm at a loss for words nothing can make it better

This conversation has been closed to further comments

196 Comments

View replies by

[deleted account]

instead of being angry at God you should be thankful to god you still have 2 kids I lost a daughter I have nomore kids at home nor can I have anymore so ill always be childless what if you was in my situation

Andri - posted on 02/19/2013

2

0

0

hi moms.
I'm a dad actually but I really take care my baby since I work at home and my wife is still a youngl, so I had to help her a lot. I've lost my daughter just 2 week ago, she was 8 and half months old. she never been sick before, until the last time she got fever and sore throat in a simple words. The doctor didn't asked me to made her hospitalized, it made me unguarded. I lost her then, during my sleep. I wish I could really turning back the time so I can at least sent her hospitalized. I asked GOD every days too, she's my first baby and I'm 36 years old now. (So, could you think how bad I wanted to have this baby). And I'm Indonesian which normally guy with my age has already had 2 or 3 children.
Every minutes I've lost in time and wondering still didn't believe that it happened to me. I'm a Christian, so, so many people tell me the same word of bible. I would never loose my faith in Christ but still I don't think I'd be able to comfort my heart that being smashed with this tragedy. I'm kinda lost now couldn't do anything in life..so help me in prayers so I could move on. IF you wanna see how cute my little angel was U guys can add friend with me in facebook. my name is andri solaiman, email address andri250@yahoo.com.

Ena - posted on 01/24/2013

1

0

0

I just lost my 5 month old son on January 8th a week before he would turn 6 months old..he had a heart condition..but no one diagnosed him at birth..his little heart failed him..and I have to agree with you..your world feels like it's crashing down on you..nothing is what it should be..I loved my baby..and I found myself asking why couldn't it happen to mothers who didn't care for their children or didn't love their children. I would give anything for my baby to be here..but you know this world is so terrible that I'm extremely happy as a Christian mother that my son is in God's amazing presence. He was suffering here, but my son taught me a lesson. He taught me how to love..and that suffering here is only for a little bit compared to the amazing life we will live with God.. It's been two weeks since we buried the love of my life..and I know he can't come back to me..but I can go to him. It's not fair..it hurts..you feel like dying..you can barely breathe..yup I'm feeling all that..I cry..I dread looking at my husband..because my son looked like him..I can't sleep at night..I sleep holding onto his blanket or his towels or any little bit of him..I have his dirty laundry..that I smell..and I can still feel his little body pressed against mine..I can feel myself giving him little kisses..what can any parent want from this life other than to know that their child has an eternal life in HEAVEN..what if you're child had never met Christ when he was older? I worried how I was going to teach him about God..if he would listen..2 Samuel 12 - King David's son dies.."Can I bring him back again? I will go to him, but he will not return to me.”

THIS IS YOUR OPPORTUNITY TO BE HELD BY GOD..this is your opportunity to look for God..don't you want to see that amazing blessing God granted you to have..?

If you do read..he says God granted Solomon to be born..and I do believe in God's word..because I'm currently pregnant..and I know God has been holding me through this..

Melissa - posted on 12/12/2012

175

0

5

What your feeling is understandable. It is hard to lose a child at any point in life. Maybe try to find a grief support group, so you are not feeling alone. Friends and family that have not lost a child can not understand how you feel and just don't realize that their comments hurt more instead of help.

Germani - posted on 12/07/2012

3

0

0

I know exactly how you feel. I lost my only child. My daughter suffered for three weeks before she passed. I often wonder How could God let that happen? It is so weird that she had a genetic defect that caused a heart defect. My husband and I prayed everyday before she was born for a health child. I ask the why questions everyday. I am here for you. I hope your days get begin the get better.

Michelle - posted on 12/02/2012

1

0

0

I am 19 years old now I lost my son dec 18 it's almost been a year and I will be very truthful with you, it's an everyday struggle but god don't do things like that god gave you you're son and if you follow him you will meet you child and those gates when it's time I am in the process of finding my faith again cause I want to be with my son again one day, don't blame youreself I did it for a long time.. My son Maximus was 5 months old and I was only 17 when I had him and 18 when I lost him, he had a lot of medical problems and I blamed god everyday and asked him why but not once did I get an answer and that's cause go did NOT take him from you he's up there with god but I do understand what you are saying I have been there it's hard but if you keep you're fair and believe, when it's you're time you will have all eternity in heaven with you're child and that's what I want. My son passed away in my arms took his last breath hiding my finger, I seen my son die and I turned my back on god and it got me no where, if you ever need to talk I know I don't know you but it helps talking to other people who truly UNDERSTAND and I DO email me at michellestephenson4@gmail.com I am here and so is the lord just pray and bless you're heart, Michelle ♥

L - posted on 11/29/2012

1

0

0

I do every therapy they've suggested, they' meaning those who said he was here for a reason. It's almost 7 years that... I'm a 23 yrold professional, and adult with a plateful of responsibility, that was my job of growing up alone after losing him. And all that therapy, still doesn't help me. it's this boring emptiness inside that doesn't go away, like a thick blade stuck between the rib cage. Can't figure out how to stay a cool sexy momma with no kid. I'm on ... My 3rd dog. Lol. The anger towards god, well.... Be angry then. The bible never states to not be angry with him. I say this because, at one point in time I sat back and thought, this is that pain. The type of pain God felt. And to know that, gives relief. And the the next tm makes the day a little easier to accept. I'd have a Seven year old grown, strong, handsome gent. But he's not here.

I used to think he was kept by angels. And nd I'll eventually get to him. He was alive for eleven days. Most of them spent diing. I feel for your pain, and ask you please, be. Angry with God. Otherwise I think that, without anger and respect, the point gets easily lost. And also believe all things happen for good reason. Placing the good, and focusing or finding it may not be as so clear or easy. Best wishes for you and prayers

Sharon - posted on 11/28/2012

42

20

6

I'm so sorry for your loss!! It's truly the worst pain in the world. We lost our little Joseph at 42 weeks during labor. It was a shock to us and we weren't prepared for it at all. I immediately had my friend who was with me call our church. We had a room full of people worshiping and praying for a miracle. Needless to say I delivered him stillborn. I never did get angry at God and haven't still though there have been plenty of times in my life when I have and even told God I hated Him. I think it really made a difference that I had made a decision a few years earlier to believe that God is a good God and that He loves me so that when this happened I didn't blame Him but looked to Him for comfort and peace....The bible says that Satan comes to kill, steal and destroy but God comes to bring life and life abundantly. God is a big God and can totally handle your anger toward Him and still love you dearly. The bible also says He is close to the broken hearted....but just like kids that don't want to be held when they are angry God can;t hold you when you are angry either but please know He is eagerly waiting for you to allow Him to comfort you. Even though my husband and I were in deep grief we could still feel comfort from the Father and it is what gets us through each day still.

TONYA - posted on 11/26/2012

1

2

0

hi im wil i know exactly how you feel i was born and raised in church believed in god but now i really dont 12 yrs ago my 1st born son passed away minutes after being here every bit of joy was taking from me i went on to have 2 more beautiful kids i love them but that joy is still not there now thanksgiving day 2012 my son was born sat he passed talk bout anger i definetly understand you

Nini - posted on 10/25/2012

42

0

3

you know its very hard to forget you can never forget , ppl saying you will heal and all that dosent help. ofcourse oneday you will have to accept it - just like i am day by day - i cry when im alone so much and hurt and screm with pain and wonder sometimes what i could have done to save my little boy - i have alot of anger towards people who have hurt me in the process and i know now who my family is and who my real friends are" to me there is no such god " if there was he/she or they would have put a helping hand. life is nothing in the end we are born to later on die and everyday we learn new lessons in life. i go and visit my little boys grave nearly everyday since he was taken to sort of feel better nothing makes me feel any better and having other children or a baby will never make me forget him - he will forever live in my memory till the day i die and hopefully one day i see him .

Alexandria - posted on 10/23/2012

2

0

0

I am knee deep in kleenex- with a smile in my face- i don't feel alone anymore. Every loss we mom's have endured are the same but diffrent. Every story I can relate- We are awsome Mom's

Alexandria - posted on 10/23/2012

2

0

0

Lets just say its normal to feel as you do when you lose a child. I know I shamfully ripped up my bible after my son drowned in a swimming pool. It took me years tolearn you never recover- you just get stronger to cope with it. my son past Oct. 20, 1996- I have since ruined my life, a wonderful marriage, and my relationship with one of my two children. I remember in my darkest hours hearing childrens voices tell me they were alive still- I just was numb. I blamed everyone for my loss- I was stuck in anger for a long time. I remember going to confession, and really sherreding every line I was being told to bring me hope. I didn't want hope- I wanted my son. So my friend- I pray your broken heart heals, As this is the first year I can remember my sons face, and I can dream about him more often, to me means see him. I have a son who is graduating from the Naval Accademy- and my daughter at State University- I too often wonder what my sweet boy Fred would have become. but, all these feelings are natural- your feelings tell you when your happy and when your sad- Don't feel bad for them, just don't let them make you make bad choices. I am happy to say I have found my path with God- I found Mary also lost a son- I often wonder how painful it must of been for her to watch her son get murdered. But it must have been as bad as it is for us. So my faith didn't come back over night- but because I felt bad to feel happy. I learned to trust in God, the voice of truth- who tells me a diffrent story, and helped me change my story. I praise God in my storm, as right now, this very moment I feel very sad, but hopeful. I miss my son, yes I let him go, but I never forget him, and its okay.

Nini - posted on 10/18/2012

42

0

3

hi i also lost my baby boy who was due in january 26 2013

he was born still at 6.5 months a few days ago on tuesday 16-10-2012

i was told he didnt have a heart beat after 3 ultra sound check ups

and was declared dead :( i lost all my senses my heart stopped i had to be sedated

i screamed and cryed . - then finding out i had to have my little boy still born was another shocker to my heart!! i had to go through pain of a labour where i would not take my little boy home - he is my first baby and my labour went on for 2 days - i held my little boy in my hands

after that the hospital dressed him and bought him to my bed " all i did was cry and hurt more my little man looks just like his father" - my

partner has been over seas since sunday i had the support of my mother my father and my mother in law - my partner blames himself and i blame god " for 6 .5 months my baby boy was healthy ! how dare him take my baby away!!

i now have to go through a burial - to see my first born buried how dare he take all our sreams and shatter them!

people tell me it wasnt ment to be ! i say it was because our little boy was created

it hurts so much to know he was growing in me and now all i feel is empty

sometimes i tell my self and forget and pat my belly mummys little boy

and then i remember he wont be comming in january!



there are mothers out there who dont deserve to have children

like they abuse alcohol or they abuse drugs why should they be able to have a baby and god take mine away???

all i know is my partner is comming back today and i have to be strong for him :(

my baby boy is my angel and has been taken i will forever love

e him and never forget him me and his daddy dreamed so much for him and our dreams stolen

so what faith should i have ? a faith thats fake ? or a faith that gives and takes away and makes you hurt with pain n anger.



for my baby boy sambanis who would have been born in january 2013

Patricia - posted on 10/17/2012

3

0

0

why anyone? I am very sorry for your loss.......we just recently lost or granbaby, she lived 6 weeks at childrens hospital.....we loved her dearly, we miss her dearly....



my daughter and husband are also having a tough time.... and it is normal to go thru a stage of anger....



I wish I knew what to say to help you feel better.....Keep your faith in the Lord......he will get you thru this....and with that faith in God......you will see your beloved baby again someday...



I asked myself why also...why 6 weeks...why not in the womb....most of these babies with this syndrone die in the womb, only God has that answer.....



it was very difficult seeing our baby girl look so sweet and whole on the outside knowing her problems were on the inside.....it's not fair.....



God is the answer......he will get you thru this.....and don't forget...your baby Alex would want you to go on with your life....he would want you to look at that glass as half full......do it for him...and certainly do it for your other two children...they need their Mom, whole and well....



he is an angel of God now, he is in a better place....



I feel really sad for your pain.......God Bless you and your family.....

Perce - posted on 10/17/2012

1

0

0

Well, the post might be several years old...I'm not even a Mom (a Dad); I am not angry at anyone...I just sometimes can't take the grief at this time of the year. I am about to have another child, would have been my third child. I love my girl and sure I am so happy to have another child...but still I sit sometimes crying while remembering holding my first child close to me (nothing to do with being the first, he just was) while they were disconnecting all the life support equipment.



Yes, I just met him for roughly 3 days, but the pain is still so strong, usually I get by thinking he is an angel taking care of his sisters and parents. Yeah, I also imagine how it would feel watching him playing with his sisters or taking care of them.



I really enjoy spending time with my girl (soon girls), and I am glad I have her, since she is the reason we enjoy life again (my wife and I); I just didn't know how to let this out...I always feel this way close to his birthday...

Patricia - posted on 10/11/2012

3

0

0

First, lets all understand....that being angry is part of the grieving process.....



But if you believe in God.....you have to understand.....that God did not want your child to pass away......and ....no we don't have all the answers......



We who believe.... will be with out loved ones again....that is God's promise.....so strengthen your faith....and know that who ever you lost would not want you to feel this angry...or sad....they would want you to move forward....



we just lost our grandbaby after 6 weeks of hoping and praying that the doctors were wrong.....



My daughter is having a very tough time, but she also has a son...who needs her...she has no choice but to work for a better tomorrow......



It's never easy.....but if you have other children....you need grieve and work to get on with your life......



the pain will never go away......thats the truth about it.....I lost my Mom in my 20's and it still pains me today.....



loosing a grandbaby is harder than I ever imagined it could be.....



Believe in God and you will see your loved one again.....God Bless.........

NIna Nerissa - posted on 10/11/2012

2

0

0

there are no words to comfort parents who lost their child.i lost my daughter last sept 23,2012. It was said negligence to the hospital part because when i was admitted i should have been rush to the O.R because i was in critical but instead i got to wait for hours.a seconds could have prolonged the life of my baby girl because she was already distress in my tummy.when she got out she suffers seizure of lack of oxygen and the sad part is that the nurse didnt prioritize the care of my baby since she was premature. They just waited until its too late to save. I was mad in the staff or the hospital but it wouldnt bring my baby back. They said pray for acceptance but how can i accept since all the time i was pregnant i was in bedrest doing everything anything safe for my baby and most of all i pray for protection but instead all is lost and i couldnt regain my faith and trust to GOD. i know this is not right but there is no question i had in mind that will be answer. i miss her and only in pictures that i remember her. There is so many "what if" in my mind. im still trying to be fine today and i couldnt get strenght from my patner because he wasnt around. oh when this trauma will end? its so hard to get up everry morning knowing you could have save ur baby before it would happen.

Patricia - posted on 10/03/2012

3

0

0

There are no words.....to lessen your pain......but I do know...



God is Good...he does no evil......I understand your anger...but he is not the reason for your loss....



My daughter just lost her second child, a baby girl.....who fought for the first 6 weeks of her life....and only after Mom and Dad let her know that it was ok.......she was able to let go...



Our little Angel is in Heaven, she is sick no more......she is in the Arms of Angels....



We miss her sweet little face......we think of her every day...



We cannot loose someone we love, for whoever touches out hearts deeply is a part of us forever....



God Bless Our Little Angel, Kaylyn...

Johanna - posted on 09/11/2012

1

0

0

I lost my daughter at 19 weeks of pregnancy! Held her in my arms for about 6 hours. But I am also a bit upset with God because I don't understand how could he see the pain that my stepkids and kids went through seeing their breathless sister wrapped in hospital baby clothes. All we have now is some pictures taken by the hospital staff and her clothes. I see her pictures very often and see how very much she looked like my husband! It's so difficult being on facebook and having other friends share their baby pictures as well! I just think... Wow as of August my baby could have been here too! I also would have liked to put pictures of her on my wall. So I guess this is God's way of telling me you can't have everything that you want! Happiness doesn't come in full! I have opened a page on facebook, that I get to post openly poems and my feelings without people thinking I am a manic depressive! Please feel free to visit my page and join our painfull experience. Thank you!



https://www.facebook.com/Caty30

Erika - posted on 09/11/2012

10

0

0

Thanks for your words and support it helps...and yes just the other day I grabbed a pillow and screamed at the top of my lungs three times, then I dropped to the floor and cried hysterically...the only ones here to comfort me were my oldest daughter 12 and my youngest daughter 2....how unfortunate for them? I don't have anyone to rely on....I yesterday decided to be with God and make him priority but today I struggle...I feel I can never be happy again. In memory of my Baby Boy born 10-17-11 died 7-30-12...

User - posted on 09/11/2012

1

0

0

The thief comes to steal, kill, and destroy; but I have come to give life and life more abundantely. John 10:10



I cannot imagine the pain you have been through, and I hope you and anyone else that has or is going through this suffering will find peace one day. May God bring something good out of what satan has stolen from you.

Kathy - posted on 09/08/2012

4

0

0

Dear Erica,

I am so sorry for the loss of your little boy. I wish with all my heart that I could find words that can help make the pain less for you..but I know they don't exist. I remember my heart hurting so much that I just wanted to scream and scream and scream. I think I may have even screamed into a pillow. I even remember looking at a big bottle of wine in my fridge and thinking that if I just sat and drank it all, maybe, just maybe, the alcohol could take my brain and heart to a place where I could just get away from the pain for awhile. In the end I reasoned that I would still have the same problems in the morning and be physically sick on top of it all. I know that after some time passed, I got so angry at God. I would sit in church with tears rolling down my face in such emotional turmoil. I couldn't figure out why God would do this to me. Why me?? For me, there is no answer. Everybody eventually develops their own way to cope. Some people take comfort in believing that God took their child for a reason. That didn't work for me after a while - in fact it made me crazy. I believe that my children died because they were sick and that God was just as sad as I was...I personally take comfort believing he "didn't" do this to me. Everybody just does whatever gets them through the night. The loss of a child is something that very few people with go through and something that will change you forever. Please take care of yourself and keep talking to people who have been through this before because they actually do know how you feel and care about you.

Erika - posted on 09/08/2012

10

0

0

I recently lost son at 9months old and me too at first felt very close to God because it was the only thing that could get me through the day and stay at peace. Now I am starting to get angry and I don't like how it makes me feel. I don't even want to wake up to get dressed and for me I have three other kids to take care of. I know what you mean I get tired of people saying he's in heaven and I have only just started thinking this way. I am so at loss and my heart hurts because all I was trying to do was the right thing in my life at that moment but my best wasnt good enough. So why if I was trying to take the right steps in my life why did you take my son? Human error of course. He died 7/30/12 so it is still new for me...I have a church I attend and am gracious for their love and support but I to have just started feeling angry. I think the point is that you really have to get the point and make changes for yourself and do it in the name of your baby. I at first had the motivation to my changes again now I am feeling overwhelmed with grief but maybe that is because I am angry at God... maybe the point is just to trust his ways and reasons and know your baby is at peace and happy...idk... I am struggling...

Mimmy - posted on 09/07/2012

19

0

2

Thank you for your reply! I'll definitely get the book... And thanks for not "preaching & converting" me, what you wrote is so true, especially about how your 4YO needed you to be 100%!

Fenn - posted on 09/06/2012

1

0

0

Dear Mimmy,



I just read your post... I realized that it was posted some time ago. I wanted to say to you that you will see your son again and you will for sure be with him again. If you are a christian please read Ecclesiastes 12: 6-7 or Luck 16... this helps me to know that our loved once are with our heavenly Father and that is where we too will be one day. God Bless.

Kathy - posted on 09/05/2012

4

0

0

I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful son Alex. Words have not been created yet that can describe the pain of losing a child. I am much older than you, but I have also lost two baby sons, a year apart. I can tell you that I totally feel your pain and understand your anger. I had so many people tell me that "things happen for a reason" - always from people who had their children safe and sound. I asked one person what could possibly be the reason God would make my sons die. She replied that it was to teach us all about love...wow, thanks...really appreciate being used as a teaching aide. A nurse referred me to a book, "When Bad Things Happen to Good People". That book saved my mental life and I mean that. It really helped me look at life in a new way and stop feeling like God was punishing me for anything I may have done wrong in my life. Now when people tell me that things happen for a reason, I tell them that that may be their belief system and that's fine, but it's not mine. I was able to slowly move on because I knew my 4 year old son needed and deserved a mother that was 100 per cent present and because I was so tired of hurting so much. I guess that's how grief works. Years have passed and I will always wonder what my sons would be doing or how they would look, especially on their birthdays. I know that part of your heart will always be broken. Please see if reading that books helps you at all, and please know you are not alone and I am thinking of you.XOXO

User - posted on 08/12/2012

1

0

0

I truely know what you are going through. I just found out that I am in the process of miscarrying my baby. My baby has been dead for 3 weeks now, and I feel like my world has been torn down on me. I'm depressed, I can't help but think of my baby and everything I'm never going to get to do or see like hearing it's first cry, or being able to hold her, or hear its heartbeat for the first time, or k owin the gender or how it was gonna look like. Just thinkin about all of that makes me go insane. I feel like nobody understands me not even my husband. The only reason I haven't snapped completely is my son. I look at him and I see that lost baby in him, I know that. O other baby will replace the one I have lost, but I have to keep my head up for my son. At first I was a little mad at God and of course I asked the universal question, " why God." But now, I don't blame him, he knows why he does the things he do. I could have lost my first born because I had minor complications, but he didn't let it happens. My body is not very strong, it barely has the strength to bear a child, so I know see it this way, maybe if I was still pregnant I would have had complications, maybe I would have died along with my baby. Yes, I know it is a very difficult moment and yes, you will never forget it, but we have to move on, and be thankful of what we have and that we are alive. I hope this helps. ♥

User - posted on 06/19/2012

16

0

3

I understant you 101% percent. I feel Angry at God that it even hurt me to be this angry. I burried my little Angel on the 10th June 2012, just a week and 2days and I'm still angry so much angry. Angry at myself, the father of my baby and mostly God for taking her away from me, she was my first precious baby. I see God is cruel to panish me like this, He made her survive in NICU for 3months on oxygen and after I got used to her for a month at home and there she is gone. I believed God has the power over everything and He is the only one who can make things happen. He had the power to stop my daughter from dying and making me feel this pain, sleeping with a broken heart and feeling guilty at all times. I really don't know if this will ever go away, I cannot even pray about it.

Jessica - posted on 05/24/2012

11

9

1

Very Very Very normal. Went through it too. First reaction was what did I do wrong, arrest me now, my child died and so on. After I was told that it wasn't my fault that I did everything I could I then went on to the doctor why couldn't he fix him, why didn't he listen to me, why didn't he know, when he was ruled out I then turned on GOD because there are no answers. If you didn't go through this then you would be stuck at phase 1 in the grieving process. Blaming yourself. I went through it too someone needs to be at fault babies just don't die apparently they do. Just do what you got to survive. When you lose a child you never move on you just learn to live without. Well in my case my son that passed was a fraternal twin and his twin is living well and spoiled.

Emiliogasquez - posted on 05/19/2012

1

0

0

I can see that your angry and sad. I am not gong to tell you that the pain is going to go away. I am not going to comfort you because there is nothing I can say to console you. What I can say is to count your blessings. My wife and I have no children and have gone through 2 misscarriages. I can feel your pain but you need to thank god that you cannot feel our pain. Kiss your children and thank god for them every day. Our prayers are with you.

Delilah - posted on 05/19/2012

8

0

1

Catherine,
I hope my words inspired you. Another thing, in answer to your question, is that Why does God put us through these hard times? He is teaching us something. Everything is a lesson we must learn. As hard as loosing a child or children is.......there is a lesson we had to learn. Maybe something else in our life was out of sorts, maybe we had to learn a lesson to understand a future time or event. He teaches us everyday in the choices we make. Ever hear the saying "You learn something new everyday?" Well I think that is true when we go through something hard.
If I did not go through my situation with my twins, maybe I would not be in a good state of mind for this next child I was blessed with. Maybe I needed to learn some things about myself or my family or anything in order to be right now. Does that make sense?
Do not loose your faith in God or anything he does. Put your life in him and he will show you the way. I was so angry for a long time at him for taking my twins. Our families were so excited and no one could hardly wait! All the planning and decorating the room for twins, 2 car seats! It was hard because we put so much planning into their arrival, only to go home empty handed.

I know that God is working in me, I trust him and I hope my post helped you.

Catherine - posted on 05/18/2012

30

11

0

Delila, your words are very admirable. When you say "Trust in him, if you let him, he will show you the way out of your sadness", I have to be truthful, I believe God can do all things and truly believe He can take us out of our sadness but have found myself when I hear things like this, wondering why he put us through that sadness to begin with? I've heard different things when I pose that question, the main thing i'm told is "he didn't put you through that sadness, he just allowed us to go through it" but how can that be possible? I am a true believer in God and believe God can do all things but that's why it has been so hard for me to believe He doesn't put us in these situations. With things in the bible like He doesn't give us more than we can handle, that tells me he "gives" us these tragedies. It doesn't matter to me WHY anymore because I may never know and it does me no good to wonder. I just find it easier for me to accept these things that come at us and hope we will fully understand one day but regardless, keep trusting in our Lord that we (believers) will be in His presence in the end of our human lives. That brings me piece.

My main reason for responding is to express to you how incredibly inspiring it is to hear what you've been through and still have your faith in tact NOW (because right now is what matters). Hearing your story and the strength you portray with all that you've been through, is amazing to me, and as I said before, very inspiring to me!! God bless you:)

Delilah - posted on 05/18/2012

8

0

1

Hello
I can understand your feelings 100% and I know the pain of loosing a child. I lost my twin sons last Feb. 2011. I was mad at God. I learned it is normal. I was so pissed at my sons funeral, I kept saying I was mad. The hurt will stay with you, but it can be better. It does get better.
I know what you are saying, many people said the same thing to me as well. It is not comforting when it's you! Anyone can say those words.

All I can say to you, not knowing you, but feeling your pain, as I suffer at times too, trust in the Lord. He is really all we have. He understands your hurting, he knows why and how. It is not up for us to know or understand. God does not put things in our lives that we can not handle or handle alone. He puts people in our lives to help us get through it. God plans our lives and what happens. Trust in him, if you let him, he will show you the way out of your sadness.

I did and I feel much better. I was so upset for 8 months after loosing my twins. I talked with my family (we became closer as well!) and they helped me trust 100% in God. God loves me and I know he will give me the happiness I deserve! He will do the same for you.

(I am pregnant 5 wks, I pray and trust in Him that this will be my happiness!)

Good luck to you.

Silvia - posted on 05/17/2012

30

0

6

I assume you had a loss janay and im so sorry for it ♥ I I know your just trying to help but I have to say that I don't agree with you. Mimmy said her baby was premature but healthy and that it was the doctor not doing their job properly that caused alex to pass away. Alex should be here without her having to suffer the way she did and probally still does. I lost my baby because of my doctor not doing their job and some people say that my daughter passed away for a good reason, no, she passed away because my doctor didn't diagnose my gestational diabetes. Why couldn't god save her. I don't think there's any good reason for god to allow a baby to die. With all the babies being born in abusive homes or homes where they suffer, why would he take babies from loving homes. I wanted my daughter more than anything, I know i will see her again someday but she had every right to live here on earth. Even if she had had been sick or had some sort of major health problem when she was older, im sure that it wouldn't have been worse than no life at all. Ive never heard a mom with a sick child wish there child wasn't here. I just had to say that. I hope I don't offend you, I know we all have different beliefs :) Ive just been having a very hard time with my daughter not being here lately :(

User - posted on 05/16/2012

1

0

0

It was God's protection, not his punishment. Alex would have gone through something far worse than death had he lived. God protected him from a worse fate. I don't intend any disrespect, I get angry with God too. Why would you wish Alex life on this earth? I certainly don't find much pleasure in it. I am sorry for your loss, this is the only answer I know. I also believe that Alex is much better than we are. If God had not allowed Alex to be born, Alex would have not had a soul to exist for eternity in heaven. Because of you, Alex had life and the ability to exist in heaven for eternity. If he had not gone through you, he would be nothing, non existent. You are suffering, but because of your suffering, Alex exist.

Silvia - posted on 05/11/2012

30

0

6

I'm so sorry for your loss jenny :( I already wrote a post here but just wanted to say how sorry i am and that I can relate to you alot. I have lost my faith too, I still believe in god but I have alot of anger toward him after losing my daughter, when she was stillborn 5 days after her due date. Doesn't seem like a very loving god to take our children from us, especially when so many mothers get to keep there's and don't even want them or end up hurting them or whatever. It will be 2 years on the 7th of july since my daughter passed away and I too had another daughter about a year after my first. Shes almost 11 months. I'm also sorry about your son. I cant imagine how hard that must be to have him sick on top of other health problems. I hope he gets well ♥ I wonder what my daughter would be like too, in my case I never got to see her alive so I wonder what her smile would be like, would she have dimples like my second daughter, what would her laugh be like, etc. It's hard not knowing what she'd be like. I can't believe your therapist would say that you should be done grieving after a year. That is rude and inconsiderate and she obviously should not be a therapist. I'm glad you to hold her to bite you, I would have done the same. I'm pretty sure I will grieving for my daughter for the rest of my life. Seems pretty normal to me. If you don't mind me asking, what happened to your daughter. If I did the math correctly she was a year and a half when she passed away. That is so sad. I wish so much that that hadn't happened to you, life sure does suck sometimes and isn't fair. Hugs to you too.

Jenny - posted on 05/11/2012

7

15

0

if your read my profile i talk about god allot. I havent been on here in a while. but i have lost faith. i am woman enough to admit it too. just its like you said if we had such a loving god then why let such hurt happen. I had my now 6month old a year after my daughters passing. we now sit in the hospital as i type this. I have a fear of losing him though its just a viral infection. he has been born deaf and is stuggling with other issues. I though at first god done this to teach me a lesson. but i was a good mom already and became a even better one now so i dont know what to think anymore. your not alone in this. anyone who pushes god also i just ignore. if i want to find him i will on my time. its in the bible that god will only judge but yet sooo many people say your going to burn or such n such. if they followed that they wouldnt judge but be a friend. Religion is a very touchy subject and for you to post this i give you star for the courage it took. it will be 2yrs the 28 of this month my ally passing and she will be 4 on dec 12. i wonder everyday what she would be like. if she would keep a ponytail in her hair or pull it out. if she likes chocolate or strawberry icecream..simple things that to us mothers who have lost a child mean sooo much. i hope you find peace in yourself. it still hurts for me and i have accepted it but we lost something irraplacable. and dont let a theraphist say oh its been a year you should be done grieving. i told mine to bite me and this aint a dog were talking about. hugs and goodluck

Jenny - posted on 05/11/2012

7

15

0

if your read my profile i talk about god allot. I havent been on here in a while. but i have lost faith. i am woman enough to admit it too. just its like you said if we had such a loving god then why let such hurt happen. I had my now 6month old a year after my daughters passing. we now sit in the hospital as i type this. I have a fear of losing him though its just a viral infection. he has been born deaf and is stuggling with other issues. I though at first god done this to teach me a lesson. but i was a good mom already and became a even better one now so i dont know what to think anymore. your not alone in this. anyone who pushes god also i just ignore. if i want to find him i will on my time. its in the bible that god will only judge but yet sooo many people say your going to burn or such n such. if they followed that they wouldnt judge but be a friend. Religion is a very touchy subject and for you to post this i give you star for the courage it took. it will be 2yrs the 28 of this month my ally passing and she will be 4 on dec 12. i wonder everyday what she would be like. if she would keep a ponytail in her hair or pull it out. if she likes chocolate or strawberry icecream..simple things that to us mothers who have lost a child mean sooo much. i hope you find peace in yourself. it still hurts for me and i have accepted it but we lost something irraplacable. and dont let a theraphist say oh its been a year you should be done grieving. i told mine to bite me and this aint a dog were talking about. hugs and goodluck

Catherine - posted on 05/06/2012

30

11

0

@ Libby Isley, I just wanted to tell you how incredibly encouraging your reply post on 1/11/09 to this thread is. For someone to have gone through everything you have gone through and still have your faith, is amazing to me. I have my faith but I have never gone through a loss of a child and have wondered if I would feel the same way about God if I ever had. It's hard enough to keep my faith with the things I have gone through, let alone having God take a child from me. I am truly inspired by the courage of all of you ladies and I wish you all the bessings you all truly deserve!!

Lanea - posted on 04/28/2012

13

0

2

i didn't lose faith after losing my son. i had a still birth when i was 9 months and three days pregnant. i did get pretty angry at god tho. i asked my self the same question, why me? a question that will never be answered. its been 4 months today that i lost isacc. i am still very angry and understand why you are too. i have horrible thoughts every time i see a happy mother with their child. i also got tired of people telling me that god took my son for a reason. i believe there was no reason. bad things happen to everybody its just a part of life and it sucks. thats good that you can look at the glass half full, isacc was my only child i got pregnant one time two months later but miscarried and i have not been able to get pregnant since. i hate pregnant people to be honest. i am a very negative person and unfortunately do not ever see the glass half full i dont understand the reasoning for my anger i just know its there and uncontrollable. like you i also wonder what my son would look like today. im sorry you had to go thru such a horrible lost. im very young (only 19) and am sure my post was of no help to you, i just figured it would be helpful to know your not the only one who is angry, or dosn't understand why it had to happen to us.

Silvia - posted on 04/22/2012

30

0

6

I am so sorry for your loss. I know you wrote this a long time ago but wow, I had no idea so many have felt the way i do. I lost my first born daughter in july of 2010 after she was still born 4 days after her due date. I have since had another daughter who thankfully was born healthy in june 2011. Even though ive been blessed with another baby I am still so angry at god. I too cannot understand how a god who is supposed to be loving could take my precious daughter. It makes it even worse when I hear stories about people who harm their children or don't want their children. I will never understand how he could let those types of people have their children and than someone like me who wanted and loved her child more than anything could have her taken away. And I hate when people say that it happened for a reason. There couldn't possibly be a good reason to take someones child. Since ive had my second my daughter people now say that at least he blessed me with her but that doesnt make me feel better. Of course i'm thankful for my precious daughter but I should have both my daughters. They both deserved life. I too have anger at my doctor who failed to diagnose my gestational diabetes. Ive been told my daughter would still be here if it wasn't for her. I hate that she didn't do her job and like some of you on here, I pray that she gets what she deserves someday. I do believe i will see my daughter again someday, and that's what gets me through this ♥

Shan-Nel - posted on 04/22/2012

20

0

0

I've been angry too. It is alright to be angry. At the end of the day, so many things happen to so many people. Not trying to be preachy at all but Jesus Himself was the perfect person, completely innocent yet was killed like he was a common criminal just because people did not like him.



I am not going to sit here like I can tell you a good reason why. One day, when you get to go to heaven to be with your children again maybe you will also get a chance to ask him what was the purpose for talking your child.



You can feel free to read my blog about my personal experience with God in dealing with the loss of my daughter Ashley. It is officially one year today since my beautiful baby came into this world just to be quickly taken.



Many hugs to you, and I hope one day your angry and sadness will not be as painful with each passing day.



http://deathofababycopedealandheal.blogs...

Victoria - posted on 07/12/2011

1

0

0

Sorry to hear of your loss . Me and my husband just baried our baby boy going on 2 month. He was born at 31 weeks but he had a very small chest. They told us of his chanes of servieual when I was 20 weeks an we chose to contenu with the pregnancy, but some time I wounder if we made the rigth chosse.

Matanda - posted on 03/11/2011

1

2

0

I lost my only daughter after 3 miscarriages when she was 4months old. I will be one year on 30th may since her dearth. Im still very angry and can't sleep. I cry everyday and ask what wrong i did to deserve all this pain

Rose - posted on 03/11/2011

3

2

1

Hi,

I know the feeling. Last August 26, 2010, my youngest son died at the age of 11 months old. My first reaction on the time the doctor declared my son died is like a bomb to my my ear, I was angry to myselt, to God and to his doctor. I been questioning God, why he allow it to happen?



Then as the days goes by, I realized that even were the parents we can't do something that can stop that to happen, everyone will came on her time, we know that but the most painful is our child is been on the first before us. Magette, just remember your not alone, your confuse and mad but you have to keep going. I also know that days goes by, you will miss him but the best way to deal to this is forgive yourself, accept everything and don't ever lost your faith. God love's you, he love as..one of the bible that I read is like this.."Jesus replied, "You do not realise now what I'm doing, but later you will understand" John 13:7.



You have other children that need your attention. You're not the only one who suffered this grief, your family and children loss his loveones too.



I will pray for you and for your family. God bless you..

Veronica - posted on 05/10/2010

22

17

2

When my son passed away I went through the same thing. I was angry at God for why would He take my baby away from me and all I can say is that you need to hold onto your faith and realize that you will never know why God chose to take your son, Alex away from you just as I will never know why He took Joe Michael away from me. The only thing that helps me get through it is having my other three kids. Only God knows why He does what He does and I know you don't want to hear it but everything happens for a reason. Maybe you dont see the big picture now and maybe you wont see it anytime soon but when God wants you will see it. And it wont make things better, but it might make them a little clearer. I too wish that Joe Michael was still around and playing with his 2 brothers and his sister. I also wonder what he would look like at the age of two and I will never know. But I do tell you this, everything that you go through will only make you stronger. Who knows maybe one day what you are going through will help someone else. The pain will never go away, at least thats how I see it. Be grateful that yhou had Alex in your life for a short while than never at all. There are mothers out there who never got to hold their baby in their arms as they took their first breath or were even alive. I will always be grateful that I had my son for two and a half months than not at all. I hope that my "words of wisdom" will help you out, even if just a little bit. Take care and if you need someone to talk to, I am here. God bless you!

Amy - posted on 05/10/2010

50

28

3

my daughter was stillborn at 34 weeks from potters syndrome. idk y it happens but there was a poem i got from the funeral home and basically told me that god takes babys every now and again to help make heaven beautiful. he knows it hurts so he doesnt do it often. but they make heaven pretty. prolly not what you wanted to hear but it made me feel better.

Delina - posted on 11/07/2009

21

23

4

All i came to realize is that God is just as mad and sad as us.He doesnt want to see us go though this but he his there walking us though it. It wasnt his time and it wasnt the plan. Your right god loves us why would he hurt us. Im in the same place right now my daughter died in a freak accident and its hard but u will be ok. the anger will go. I hope my thoughts on the matter help

Jessica - posted on 11/07/2009

1

0

0

The anger you feel and the limitless feelings of sadness that so easily overwhelm you as though it just happened yesterday are still evident with me...my boy died in 2005.

My faith keeps me sane for my other two kids...but I too have questioned why God allows such painful things to happen.Asking why does'n't make my days any easier but trying to be grateful for the other kids I have seems to lessen my frustrations.My intention in writing this to you is not to convert...but to ease the feelings that no one will understand because I do.

Zoe - posted on 11/07/2009

4

34

0

i know exactly what you mean, i have 3 living daughters lauren 10 macey 7 and abi 3, i got pregnant late 2008 and at my 21 week scan we were told that our baby had potters syndrome and had 0 % chance of life as this condition means he had no bladder or kidneys, we had the choice to end the pregnancy or wait to deliver our son and watch him litterally suffocate as his lungs would not have develpoed with no amniotic fluid needless to say after a lot of soul searching our son was born still 3 days after our diagnoses he was the most beautifull littl boy tiny at 14 ounces, a few months passed and we unexpectadly fell pregnant again we held our breath until our 16 week scan to be told wether our baby would have potters we were told we were carrying a healthy baby girl we were so happy that we were given another chance and that god had given us another chance our 21 week scan went well my cervix was measured as i have had a 34 and 35 weeker and we were told all was well sadly at 22 weeks 3 days i went into labour and 3 short hours later our beautiful baby girl was born alive and breathing for herself however because she was born before 23 weeks the doctors refused to help her and she died in her daddies arms at 3 and a half hours old i am soooo angry to think about why this happened to us again :(

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms