Multiple Miscarriages after a healthy birth

Katie - posted on 01/22/2009 ( 15 moms have responded )

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My name is Katie. I have a 2 year old daughter, Keira, that is the most beautiful girl I have ever known. My husband and I wanted at least two kids, a boy and a girl. In 2008, we decided that we would, not try exactly, but stop not trying to have another baby. I found out in April that I was pregnant. We were both estatic, even though we soon began worrying about finances and how we would pay for everything.



We had no reason to believe that something would go wrong. My pregnancy with Keira went wonderfully. The only thing that went wrong was when I went into labor, her heartbeat kept dropping when I would have a contraction. It turned out that her cord prelapsed and we had to have an emergency cesarean section. Not what I had planned, but not a big deal. We bonded just fine and now it seems like I've always had her. We're not perfect parents, but we do what we can to help her grow and understand.



Back to last April, I went to the gynocologist and she mesured me at 6 weeks. She did an ultrasound, I saw the heartbeat...everything was fine. I was waiting for confirmation that everything was okay to tell my family/friends etc, and gyn said that would be fine. She scheduled me for fetal medicine for a proper ultrasound in two weeks. I had a really bad migrane a few days later that caused me to go numb in some of my body for longer than usual. We had to go to the ER and they gave me an IV to calm me down. I let them know that I was pregnant, but they were indifferent and schedule an appointment with my OBGYN, but everything was fine. A few days later I had a dream that I was back in my hometown at the church my family still goes to and I started bleeding. My dad was there and he told me everything was going to be ok. When I woke up, once I got past the emotions, I told myself i was just worried about the pregnancy and my migraine incident. When I went to my fetal medicine appointment, they did a genetics counceling and said that I wasn't at risk, even though my mom had a still birth and 2 miscarriages herself.



Then comes the hard part. I go in with the nurse to the room with the ultrasound. She's talking to me about the weather, if I had any other kids, etc when she says she has to go get a doctor. Okay...i thought. Somethings going on. Little did I realize when I was watching them measure my bean that something was absent. That very same heartbeat that I had saw at my last appointment was absent, only I hadn't noticed yet. It wasn't until the doctor came in and did measurements again and asked, with a noticible amount of concern in his eyes, what I was measuring at my last appointment. I told him 6 weeks and he said that it was only measuring at 7 and that there was no heartbeat. At first, I couldn't stop crying. I didn't know where it was coming from. I wasn't shocked because in the subconsious part of my mind, I already new. But I guess I just didn't want to accept it. I was angry. I blamed the doctors that did nothing when I had a horrible migraine. I know that was what had caused it.



When I was driving away from the hospital I was held up at a light for 20 minutes. What held me up was a convoy of miscellaneous vehicles that the cops where letting through. It wasn't until I saw a military HMV with a flag that I realized it was a funeral procession for, from what I can tell, 5 soldiers who had fallen in the line of duty. This puts a miserable twist on what my mind was already pouring over. What if my baby had lived? What if he or she would have grown up and died after I KNEW them. Wasn't it a blessing that God took my baby now? Wouldn't it have been all the more terrible to have carried him or her longer? I was grateful that I wasn't one of those mothers sitting next to her daughter or son's coffin waiting to hear the melancholic TAPS play and remember giving birth and every innocent little thing they did that made one remember how wonderful it was to be a child. I called my mom on the way to tell my husband. Hearing the sadness in her voice brought my tears back but the cave in my chest didn't allow any of the convulsions to continue. I was hollowing out and feeling less, which is what I was expecting as symptoms of acceptance. I got to my husband at work and I could tell he already knew by the way I called and asked him what his exact location was. I cried again when I explained, feeling less and less human. A few days later I had my DNC because the doctor believed it would be easier because I was so far along. The proceedure was simple. They put me under, I woke up, I was a little sick to my stomach and dizzy, but that was it. My husband and I didnt' say much on the way home. I slept for the rest of the day and was back to work the next day. I had sent an email before hand to a friend at work asking if she would send out an email to everyone that I told and tell them what had happened and request that they not bring it up. It seemed to do the trick, though I did get a few people who didn't know I was pregnant in the first place and ask where I had been. I lied and told them I was sick. The way I looked, they believed me.



Time passes anyhow, no matter what vortex you're trapped in. A friend at work said that she had a dream that one of us were pregnant. I had a dream within a week that I was bleeding again. That weekend I had a positive pregnancy test. I was furious with myself. I didn't want to be pregnant again, even though my OBGYN and my husband said that we should try againas soon as possible. I only had one full period after my miscarriage. I was terrified that it would be the same. In spite of myself, I kept taking my vitamins and drinking water, trying to sleep, didn't drink any more wine, exercised, etc. I eventually felt that I needed to be positive about this otherwise I would be miserable anyhow. I started feeling excited again, and I scheduled another appointment with my OBGYN. I didn't know how far along I would be because I wasn't keeping track. My doctor did another ultrasound and decided that the heartbeat hadn't formed yet because I was still pretty early. She scheduled another ultrasound with a dr that has equipment better suited for the early stages of pregnancy. During that week we went for a visit to my husbands hometown in St. Louis, where my daughter Keira was born. We had a good time being around family and friends. I was relaxed, happy to be away from work and stresses. I felt good. The day before we came back, there was a little blood spot. I've heard that that was normal, we did have sex that night, and I had an appointment for the next day for the ultrasound.



The next day I went to my appointment and the lady with the equipment for early stage pregnancy's took a look at me. She said that there was no heartbeat and I told her that my doctor said there wasn't one last week and she thought that it just hadn't formed yet. Well, that may have been the case last week, but from what the doctor saw, it should have had a heartbeat and it didn't. They recommended 8 white pills that I had to put up inside my uterus and it would immediately shed the fetus, etc that was formed.



To anyone who could ever have a choice between a DNC and the pills...please, for your santity, have a DNC done. I did as I was instructed and place the 8 pills up as far as they would go. I decided to clean weeds off of the drive way. In about 3 hours, I started to get back pain. Then it became more frequent. I went up to use the restroom and was feeling dizzy. I had started bleeding a little, so I put on a pad and layed down on the bed. These pills created contractions so horrible that I was screaming. I had a neighbor come knock on the door because he though he heard something. Luckily my husband came home and told him everything was fine. The pain lasted for about 4 hours, just like contractions. They would start and build to a unbearable level, and then go back down. They don't tell you when they give you the pills that you get to see your placenta come apart in the toilet or other blobs of things that you can only imagine the worst of. I bleed for 2 weeks straight afterword.



The weeks went by slowly but unnoticibly. I was unable to fall asleep. Once I did fall asleep, I woke up several times. I turned to alcohol to numb my senses, and it worked well for a while. If you've ever seen "Cat on a Hot Tin Roof" than you could compare me with Paul Newman. I was waiting for that metallic click. It wasn't affecting my job and I never had much of a social life. I tried sleeping pills, ambien, and they didn't work. I tried sleeping pills with alcohol and still nothing. I decided if nothing was going to work, then I would be doing nothing. I was tired of drinking. I still can't sleep, but I've decided that maybe my body thinks that I'm still pregnant. Of course it would be preparing me for a newborn. Making sleep less of a priority.



I'm somewhere in between acceptance and aversion. My OBGYN said it was probably just bad luck. I really don't want my daughter to not have any siblings, but I'm terrified that I will have to go through all of that again. I love my daughter and I should be glad that I have her and I am. My Heart is just so heavy and lost that I don't know what to do. I'm only 23. I need to talk to someone so that I know that I'm not alone. I know that there are no answers that could explain why this happened to me. God works in mysterious ways. And I've always believed that everything happens for a reason. I just want to know the reason. What did I do wrong to give me this bad luck. And why do I always feel so alone.



Thanks

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LAdams - posted on 11/21/2013

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You are not alone! I've had 4 miscarriages since my daughter was born. She is 4 1/2 years old and really wants a sibling. Since her I've gotten pregnant easily but the 1st pregnancy after her was abnormal and I had a D&C. The second and third pregnancies were blighted ovums and the last died at 6 weeks. So I'm awaiting to miscarry now. You are not alone!

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Tasha - posted on 05/23/2013

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I came across this website after searching for an answer to my question....i wanted to know if a healthy woman can have a hysterectomy by choice...my names natasha.....iam 28 and since i was 17 years old...i have been pregnant each year from 2003 up til now 2013.with my partner who i have been with for 11 years..during this period of time i have had a total of 15 pregnancies...out of these 15 i have had 7 miscarrages and 2 neonatal deaths...i have 5 children and iam curently nearly 25wks pregnant with the 15th pregnancy....after 2 of my miscarrages doctors told me that i needed a suture in my cervix which resulted in spontanteous labour within a week of this being fitted on each occation with each pregnancy...i finally took enough and decided not to have the suture fitted and since not having it fitted i went on to carry my children nearly full term or bang on full term...obviously i have 5 children ages 8,4,3,2 and 11 months old...and my baby which is due september...i now feel that i have got enough children and do not want anymore after this baby is born....which is why i thought of hysterectomy as a man can choose to have a vacectomy at anytime i thought it would be the same for women but it is not...women can not make a choice to have hysterectomies unless they have certain problems which is unfair i think.

After reading your story it gave me the encouragement to be able to speak about all the past pregnancy problems i have suffered so i thank you for that....but remember in life i think things do happen for a reason and i can tell you its nothing you have done that makes things like this happen..never blame yourself for any of it its just one of those unfortunate things that happens to thousands of women each year and i think its gods way of saying the earth is becoming overpopulated so he takes a certain amount of the babies to prevent this....at first i was always wondering"why is this always happening to me" trying to find answers but never found the answers i searched for...so i just started assuring myself of answers....nobody can explain why bad things happen but the only thing i do know is that every child is definately a mirracle and a blessing who get you through the toughest times so yes treasure the child/children you have...they are your future...i wish u all the best for the future katie and i hope from hearing my experience you will have some hope that even though women have multiple miscarrages it is still possible to have successful pregnancies afterward....take care and thanks...

Michelle - posted on 06/09/2011

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To all you ladies who have commented on this conversation, all l can say is that it is amazing to 'discover' that you're not alone... miscarriage seems like such a personal and private thing that isn't often spoken about, but to come onto this site and read what has happened to others and see the encouragement given in the replies is very comforting. I have suffered 3 miscarriages, the last two, in a row and I have felt so lonely, down and depressed, but having read all the encouraging replies on here, l know that l'm not alone... thank you for your posts and if any of you need to talk, l'm only too happy to listen :)

Katie - posted on 02/11/2009

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Everyone,



My sincerest thanks for everyone's comments.  I had no idea so many people would open their hearts and share their own experiences.  My heart goes out to all of you for your thoughts and prayers.  I'm sorry for your suffering and I hope that you find peace and purpose.



I dropped off of the face of facebook for a little while, life is fast and personal time is even faster.  I want you to know that even though I'm still not feeling my best, each of your comments have made me feel lighter and more human.  Misery loves company, and company lessens misery.  Since I haven't been on for a while, and can't stay on for very long, I'm afraid that I can't reply to all of your comments.  Thank you for everyone's comments, I have much to contemplate and consider after reading them. 



Trish-I'm glad that I could give you something back after everything you've given me.  I have no doubt that the blue heron is Raichel.  Whether it's her spirit or God sending it to you for her, I've no idea.  But their is definitely meaning in it.  I'll keep in touch, and I hope that it won't be so much time in between.  Take care of yourself and don't be a stranger. :)



Thank you for everything.  God Bless.

Jill - posted on 02/05/2009

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Ah sweetie my heart breaks for you. I lost my baby at 11 weeks. He or she died at 8 weeks but I didn't find out till then because I had no bleeding or cramps to speak of. But it would seem you and I lost our babies at roughly the same time I also found out I was pregnant in April 08. Unfortunately for me Military Health care blows. And I ended up bleeding out and having to have a transfusion and a emergency D&C after being told I was ok to miscarry naturally. Which I later found out from the ER OBGYN who saved my life that there is no such thing. She was pretty freaking livid they didn't do anything at all. I think some times it made the miscarriage easier to accept in some strange way. I had to worry about living and not scaring the hell out of my child. I can't tell you how stupid I was. I was so worried that I'd scare my daughter that I dropped her off at a friend's house and drove myself to the ER. Or maybe its the fact with the hubby gone right now I can't really allow myself to be emotional about it. I can't fall to pieces about it now. So we'll have to see how things are once my husband gets home and we both can let our guard down.

What happen was life changing . And no one is gonna totally understand what you went throu. And if you need more time then people feel is acceptable then their just gonna have to deal with that. we all heal and move on at our own pace. I mean honestly Anyone can have PTSD... its not just soldiers Any traumatic event can cause it. I don't know but a lot of what you describe does fall in line with PTSD. ( but I am not a doctor).

I know now that my husband is close to coming home and the reality of actually trying again is scaring the hell out of me. We've both decided that if something else happens we're done. And we both wanted another baby so badly. I am scare to try and loose another child. Because then it'll be really over for us.

I hope your having better days now.

Elizabeth - posted on 02/05/2009

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Hi Katie am sorry to hear about your loss. l have had five miscarraiges. and the pain of that fear of when you go for a scan. has never left me one mintute you cannnot waite to see your baby on the screen the next the doctors . called and your world is turned up side down. please donot give up . . have gone on to have five kids .even though with each . one ite was that worry. and now am a Grand mother so you stay in their and l will say a pray for you. as if anyone said l would of had five kids l would of said never beacuse at the time all you see is tears and pain. take care katie. . Elizabeth

Trish - posted on 02/05/2009

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hi katie i just wanted to see how you are doing i have been thinking of you often. i also wanted to thank you for what you said about how not everyone is set up the same mentally. i never thought about it that way, it helped me put it in a better perspective, before i thought i was being punished for something. and now i realize that maybe i don't have to dream about her, because i know she is with me at all times. i get signs all the time especially when i am at my lowest. out of nowhere i will get a song or a rainbow and my biggest sign is the blue heron one will come swooping down infront of my car . and i know for certain that is a sign. Raichel once told me if we came back after we died she would want to be a bird. So i wanted to thank you for your words, and i hope that you are doing better take care of yourself and if you ever need to talk or yell you can with me trish

Libby - posted on 01/27/2009

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Quoting Katie:



Thanks Trish.  I think you saying that my mind will heal but my heart never will helped the most.  I am always hard on myself because I know that I'm not as happy as I was before.  Even my family says that I've taken a turn for the worst in my character.  That hurts me the most.  Maybe if I accept that I can't be the happy-go-lucky person I was, and accept the changes that I have been through, I'll eventually forgive myself and maybe, who knows, start living in the present.  Thank you for taking the time to talk to me.  You've been an angel in my time of need.  I won't give up on having any more, I just need more time to heal.  I don't envy you not having dreams, especially when my dreams were so horrible for the longest time.  I do hope that your raichel comes to you.  But I don't think it will be in a dream.  Not everyone is set up the same, mentally.  Maybe one day you will feel a calm come over you and you'll know that it was her stopping by.  Thank you for the hope.  I will try being patient.  It should be easier knowing that good things will come.  Even after the darkest times.






Thank you





Katie,



My first child was a healthy text book pregnancy that gave me a healthy baby boy.  My second pregnancy had bleeding complications from the beginning of my 2nd trimester.  He is my miracle baby because when the bleeding got bad at 25 weeks they thought I was going to deliver him.  I wasn't comfortable with a 50/50 chance of survival.  I was hospitalized and put on bedrest yet again, and delivered a preemie son 10 weeks early.  My third pregnancy seemed to mimic my second.  Bleeding from the beginning of my 2nd trimester.  But things progressed so quickly and badly.  I lost our daughter at 20 weeks just last month. 



I am scared to death to try again but my heart desires it deeply.  I never really got any answers on to what was going on with my body in that second and third pregnancy.  Multiple ultrasounds, blood draws, doctors appointments, ER visits, hospital stays and still no REAL answers.  When I was having problems with my third pregnancy I thought I could handle another preemie again, but I never thought we would lose her.  Now that I know that I can't control my body, and my doctors can't save my baby if it were to happen again, I'm terrified.  But I have decided if the doctors say I'm healthy enough and there is nothing visible wrong with me then I will continue on in my journey of being a mother.  I will see if it's in God's plan to fill our family with any more children.



I do want to comment though on what you said about people saying you've taken a turn for the worst in your character.  I am so sorry that they can't accept who you are now.  I have told several people that I am forever changed.  I will NEVER be the same person again.  I still have many of the same qualities that I did before, but there is definetly something I can feel that is different, changed, absent perhaps.  Your friends and family should stick by you no matter who you are now.  The odd thing is that we all change throughout our lives because of one experience or another.  I just think it is so hard for people to know how to deal with someone who has lost a child that they are afraid of doing or saying the wrong thing.  When you experienced a change in your life by getting married they thought it was a good change.  People just have a difficult time coping with the bad experiences.  Try not to hold it against them.  But until they can accept you and not make comments like that anymore, then just spend more time with people who contribute to your life in a positive way. 



 



Good luck and God bless you in your journey of motherhood.

Joy - posted on 01/26/2009

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Katie, I can relate to alot of what you said. My first pregnancy ended with a health little girl. Because I was an only child I wanted her to have a sibbling. So when she was 4 years old we tried for a second.



When we found out that I was pregnant we were so happy. We told our daughter that she was going to be a big sister. We even got her books about the baby in moms tummy.



So when we went in for the first ultrasound, my husband and I were talking about finding out the sex of the baby at the next ultasound. When the technician asked if we were going to see the doctor that day, I didn't think anything of it. When she told us she 'couldn't find a heart beat', I suddenly understood. My husband didn't understand and so he told her to keep looking. I had to explain that she couldn't find it because it wasn't there. When they lead us to a room to talk to a different doctor, I felt numb and confused. They scheduled a DNC for the next day. When I left the hospital the next day, I felt empty, confused, and sad. The hardest part was when my daughter would still come up to my tummy to 'kiss the baby'.



Having the doctors tell us that 'these thing happen with out a cause' and hearing the nurses tell me that 'there is nothing that you could have done to prevent' it seemed like a speach that they had all been taught to say but wasn't true. I did blame myself. I wonder what I had done wrong. I wondered how to answer the question of how many kids did I have.



I was sure that I wanted to be prenant again. So when I got pregnant again I was thrilled. I had one ultrasound at 5 weeks to figure out the due date. This time they found a heart beat. My huband researched infomation on viability and was concerned by something he had read about heart rates. So we had another ultrasound and again they found the heart beat and told us that everything looked fine.



I had been feeling movement from about 9 weeks, so when it stopped at 13 weeks I asked the nurses to listen for it. When they couldn't find it they sent me for an ultrasound and found out that my suspision had been correct. Since I had just gone in without an appoinyment my husband wasn't there but I did have my four year old with me, who was angry that she wasn't going to get to be a big sister again.



After that I was pretty scared to get pregnant again. My husband and I were both emotionally drainned. I told him I didn't want to get pregnant again unless the doctors could tell me why was this happening. We sat down with my doctor and went through every possable risk factor that we could come up with. And whem we came up with two strong possabilities, we addressed them and tried again.



After the second misscarrage, I had gotten realy depressed. I think that my husband was afraid of what one more would do to me. Everytime I went to the doctor, I was very nervous that something would be wrong. I did that the entire pregnancy. I also never realy believed that I was going to end up with baby at the end of this pregnancy. Even when I went to the hospital to be induced, I thought that something was going to go wrong.



Everything went fine. I had a health little boy. My now five year old daughter is so proud that now she is a real big sister. But this doesn't change that empty, lost fealing. My daughter still talks about the two babys we lost.



I realy think that you are the only one that can judge what you are emotionally ready to deal with. If and when you and your husband are ready to risk trying again the benifits can be great but the losses could be too.

Robin - posted on 01/26/2009

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I lost 6 children after giving birth in 1990, then I got pregnant with twins in 1995, and lost them in 1996. I lost all faith. Even the doctors told me to just be greatful with my son, and that maybe this was Gods plan for me, I wouldn't except that. I got pregnant in 1998, and the doctor put me on bed rest for 9 months, but I gave birth to another son, and 15 months later I got pregnant again, and gave birth to my last son in 2000. After I gave birth I found out I had Uterine cancer, and Cervical Cancer, with that I had a hysterectomy in 2000. This could have been the problem that my doctor thought I had fibroids on my uterius, but later found out it was cancer, so there is still hope, and I do pray that things will change. I know what you are going through, and I blamed God for this, and asked why are you being so cruel? I didnt deserve that, but now after the losses, I have 2 handsome boys with a total of 3 boys. It took 8 years to have a healthy baby, but it was well worth it.

Lara - posted on 01/26/2009

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First of all, you did nothing to cause this.  Do not blame yourself.  It is not bad luck.  There could be a physical reason for the losses you have experienced.  I myself lost 4 babies and 1 healthy pregnancy.  I went through testing and found I have 2 blood disorders that cause my blood to clot too quickly.  The fertility doc ran a Midwest panel I believe and found the problem.  We have had another healthy baby since then.  I went through some of the same things you did.  Numbness, confusion, turning to other things to comfort, dreams, etc.  It is very difficult I know.  If I could go back and do it all over, I would not have waited for 4 miscarriages but my OBGYN does not refer until then.  I would request to be refered to a fertility doc to be tested.  For my last pregnancy I had to have a blood thinner shot once per day but I havea healthy boy because of it and I would do it all over again.

Katie - posted on 01/24/2009

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Thanks Trish.  I think you saying that my mind will heal but my heart never will helped the most.  I am always hard on myself because I know that I'm not as happy as I was before.  Even my family says that I've taken a turn for the worst in my character.  That hurts me the most.  Maybe if I accept that I can't be the happy-go-lucky person I was, and accept the changes that I have been through, I'll eventually forgive myself and maybe, who knows, start living in the present.  Thank you for taking the time to talk to me.  You've been an angel in my time of need.  I won't give up on having any more, I just need more time to heal.  I don't envy you not having dreams, especially when my dreams were so horrible for the longest time.  I do hope that your raichel comes to you.  But I don't think it will be in a dream.  Not everyone is set up the same, mentally.  Maybe one day you will feel a calm come over you and you'll know that it was her stopping by.  Thank you for the hope.  I will try being patient.  It should be easier knowing that good things will come.  Even after the darkest times.



Thank you

Trish - posted on 01/23/2009

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hi katie, i have to tell you, honestly i get my strength from my children, if i didn't have my two kids when my oldest daughter was killed, i would not be here today they are my saving grace. I hope you don't give up trying to have another child. I believe that God doesn't close a door without opening a window. try and keep positive and give thanks for what you do have in your life now. I have had many sleepless nights. awake half the night my mind just spinning with questions and what if's. i just kinda learned to live with it. as for nightmares i am the opposite. i just don't dream. at least none that i can remember. and it is incredible sad. because every night i ask god and the universe to allow my daughter to visit it me in my dreams, and every morning i awake once again to disappointment. i know with time katie your mind will heal, your heart never will but you will learn to live with the pain. and you have every right to be jealous and upset when you see another pregnant women that doesn't make you a bad person that makes you human. i pray that you go on to have another child he or she won't diminish what you have lost but he or she will bring you such great joy which you deserve. I remember after raichel died my husband was there for me at first, but a few months later he seemed not to want to talk about what had happened. i thank god however for having a close nit family and friends so i was never without someone to talk too. it took a long time for colin my husband to start talking about her. now because of time it seems to be easier for him to talk about her. another thing i did after she passed that maybe would help you is i kept a journel of all my thoughts, i wrote in it for about a year. even now i go back to it once in a while just to reread it, it lets me know how far i have come. It really did help to write down all my thoughts and feelings. honestly katie i really am happy, i am very blessed and i thank god everyday for everything in my life. i hope only good things come to you. take care trish

Katie - posted on 01/23/2009

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Thank you for your reply.  I'm so sorry for your losses.  How did you have the strength to keep trying?  Or did you just put it in Gods hands?  To wait 7 years for a second child and then to lose your first, I'm so sorry that you had to go through that.  I can't imagine the pain you went through...



I repress most of what's happened until it breaks out-that's probably why my post was so candid.  My husband never knows what to say, I don't like talking to him about it because it hurts him too.  I have a friend at work who miscarried her first child and never went on to have any more.  I know she understands, I just don't want to cause her grief.  The same goes for my husband, but it hurts because I don't know who else to talk to.  I talk to my mom at times, but her miscarriages were more than 25 years ago and she doesn't remember much, she just morns with me.  It does help, but I figured if I put a post out, I wouldn't be forcing anyone to answer and therefore causing them less grief. 



What makes regular days harder is that I'm surrounded by pregnant people.  It's not their fault, and I don't hate them for it, but it does make me jealous and hurt that I'm not in that position.  It's almost like I torture myself.  I love hearing them tell me that the baby is kicking or that they are x big, but afterward I always feel devastated and hollow.  I'm sure this will pass too, but it just so fresh still.



Did you ever have sleepless nights or nightmares?   You don't have to answer that.



Thank you for writing to me Trish.  You look genuinely happy in your picture.  That gives me hope.

Trish - posted on 01/23/2009

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wow katie, I hope this helps a bit i have had 5 children but i have been pregnant 9 times. my first miscarriage happened when my first child was three, i went on to have another child four years later. i had another miscarriage a year later and a year after that had my third child. in july of 2003 my oldest child raichel died in a car accident. in august 2004 i miscarried again and also in october of the same year. in june of 2006 my youngest son was born, and in july of 2007 my youngest daughter was born. i don't know the reason for all that has happened i just know you have to stay strong, give yourself time to grieve your loss and heal your body. you are not alone try talking to others you will be surprise to find out how many others have been where you are now. i hope i have helped in some way, if you need to talk i'm here take care of yourself. Trish

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