My baby died two days ago ...

Kasey - posted on 12/05/2009

Quoting Felicia Neikolle:

My baby died two days ago ...

It was an ectopic pregnancy and they took my tube and the baby. I once saw a movie where a woman went to sleep pregnant and woke up not and thought that would be the worst feeling to ever experience. I was wrong. The worst feeling to experience is to wake up to the nurses telling you that it had turned out to be an ectopic pregnancy and they had taken the baby AND my tube. I am very thankful for a loving and supportive husband and the wonderful and beautiful children we have ... but this comes after 4 miscarriages and this pregnancy being the first to show signs of being able to last. We don't have any together (living that is) and really wanted this to work out. I feel so incomplete. This is by far the worst pain I've ever felt in my whole life - even worse than the miscarriage I had at 19 weeks. I'm sitting here alone and wishing the pain in my belly would stop ... not b/c I can't handle the pain ... b/c if it would stop I may be able to ignore the fact that I'm not pregnant any more. I don't understand what I did to deserve all this. I know that statement has nothing to do with what's going on with me but it's how I feel. I can't help it. I've tried not feeling that way but they are just one after the next and now this ... I feel like I'm less of a woman now too since they took the tube. I know that's not actual either but still feel that way. Any way ... thanks for listening ... hoping to get through this ... just don't know how right now.

Janelle - posted on 12/04/2009

I am so sorry for your loss. I know exactly how you feel. I had an ectopic pregnancy and woke up with my left tube removed! My doctor did warn me that it might happen tho bc it had ruptured. But it doesn't make it hurt less. Please let me know if you'd like to talk. I know the physical pain doesn't let you forget (not that you ever could)

Arlene - posted on 11/25/2009

I do know how you feel, i too have had a eptopic pregnancy and then lost my next child after birth at 10 weeks old. The difference i have researched is that an eptopic pregnancy is actually like a blood clot in the tube. a fertilized egg that has not even begun to form into a fetus. take time and talk with your health nurse sweetie or if you have a good doc make a appointment to just talk, it can be understtod. Please do not blame your self as it is God's' will. Like the poem that says I will loan you for a little while a child of mine.

Desiree - posted on 11/22/2009

I am so sorry about your losses. I wish there was something anyone could say to take the pain away.

Stacy - posted on 11/22/2009

I know how you feel. I lost my son Casey at 22 weeks and Clayton at 17 weeks. Casey will be 4 this year and Clayton will be one. I am no longer able to have kids because there was a lot of damage to my tubes due to medical neglect. I have 3 beautiful living children but that still doesn't help the fact that my angels have passed. I deal with it one day at a time and when things go wrong I feel I am being punished. But here is what we need to remember. We are women and mothers, just because our kids aint alive don't mean they didn't exists nomatter what anybody says. If you wanna get mad and scream do it if you wanna breakdown and cry do it. It really helps because it is your bodys way of handling the stress. I wish you peace and sorrinity. If you wanna talk just write me. My email is stacythacker@aol.com anytime you feel you want somebody who understands im here lots of love and thoughts Stacy

Kathryn - posted on 11/22/2009

Hi hun, im so sorry this happened to you! I had an ectopic pregnancy in 2007 and lost my baby and my tube - i was completely devasted, nothing anyone said helped me. But time is an amazing healer! And there is hope, i went on to have the most amazing litle boy anyone could ever ask for in jan this year. I found counselling helped a little as it helped me stop blaming myself! The site ectopic pregnancy trust messageboard has been a great help to me as is full of other women who have gone through exactly the same thing and I can get any info I need! take care, let yourself grieve. Gentle hugs o you xx

Chandra - posted on 11/21/2009

so sorry to hear that! I feel for ya...you need some time to heal then I would explore your options, you may go on and have a normal preg. after all .. so don't give up!!

Namrita - posted on 11/20/2009

pl take care of yourself

namrita

Erica - posted on 11/19/2009

I am so sorry, sweetheart. Your post made me want to cry. When I lost my baby to stillbirth at 22 weeks in 2007, the only thing that got me through it was EMDR therapy. You might try Googling it and see if there are any therapists in your area that can help you. That...and time. My thoughts are with you.

Abbie - posted on 11/18/2009

Felicia, what you are feeling is all very normal. I had an ectopic 7 years ago. My tube was not taken, but we have no idea if it works or not. Also please note that just because you only have 1 tube does NOT mean you can't have a baby!!!!!!! You can!! You can still get pregnant, and carry a baby to term. I can understand also the sadness of 4 m/c, I too have had that many.



It does get easier. Or did for me. It took me at least 2 years to deal with it totally, what I did was make a memorial for that unborn child ( to me then it was a baby, now I don't call it that) but anyway I made a box for that baby and that gave me GREAT closure. You didn't do anythign to deserve this, it just happens. You are going to go through all kinds of emotion. the first time you go out in public and see moms with new babies is very hard, I seriously wanted to just punch them and keep walking, but why should they suffer as I was?!?!



Surround yourself with loved ones, take this to grow and learn with your husband and in time you will be ready to try again, sometimes these things happen for reasons we cant' imagine, Looking back on mine now, had I NOT had an ectopic, my pregnancy wouldn't have terminated and i wouldn't have gotten divorced and I never would have found my current husband who is 4x the man my first husband was. So looking back.........all things happen for a reason. We may not see it at the time, but eventually we will.



Email if you need to talk!!!!!

Gloria - posted on 11/18/2009

Hello Felicia,

My heart goes out to you. I am 35 yrs. young and not sure if this will help you but I just had a full complete hysterectomy in March due to medical problems, so I will not be having any more children & do not have my female organs now...but God Blessed me with children and I had a daughter whom passed away from Sudden Infant death Syndrome so I know the pain of losing a child & going through the heartbreak of all the emotions. I'm not sure if you are Spiritual but, I suggest that you seek someone to reach out too asap. It is difficult enough to be a mom but now you have a lot of other things to deal with and counseling would be a good thing for you. God has a bigger plan for you and your husband, enjoy your children that you do have and believe in time that God's Will shall be done and revealed to you. My Prayers are with you and your family. May God bless you with peace & understanding for His will to be completed. You are Loved and You are a Beautiful Woman.