Libby - posted on 05/25/2009 ( 24 moms have responded )
What do you do with the guilt of leaving your precious baby with someone you trusted, to pick her up dead? I have been blamed for her death as much as the "man" who killed her. My wonderful, beautiful, Emmy-Leigh Maryrose Cole had been shaken so violently her retinas detached, had fluid and blood on her brain, choked on her own vomit, and was able to revived on the way to the hospital. I was only gone for 30 minutes to get my other girls from cheering practice. She stayed on life support for two days. I was able to donate most of her organs to another needy infant. They worst was they kept saying "harvest" her organs. Not only couldn't I mourn in private, I had 3 local news stations around my house, and my exhusband with whom I had my 2 older girls with, was awarded full costody of my girls. Said that I was crazy. WELL DUH! MY BABY WAS JUST MURDERD! Am I crazy? Crazy for leaving her with "him"? Crazy for not being able to give my girls my full attention for at least the first 3 months after Emmy's death? Did I mess up my 2 older daughters lives? What do I do? I had to go through Emmy's trial, and be in the same room with the same "man" who murdered her, the same person who said he loves Emmy just as much as his own daughter. Am I a fool? Help me, because its not getting better, its been 2 years and its getting worse.