Maria - posted on 02/21/2009 ( 2 moms have responded )
My little angel went to heaven on 10/12/2005 Now i can talk about it in a open way, well some days anyway. I didn't have the best pregnancy and didn't think I was cared for very well by the hospital. I feel anger, frustration, pain, empty, scared, upset and yet sometimes peaceful. I am someone different now and find it helps writing poetry about the feelings we all experience at the loss off a child. maybe one day I will post some on here for people to read and hope you will find some comfort from them. My little girl is called Heidi Louise and would be 3 years old now. My god that hurt..... I have 2 other children too and thank god they are both healthy pretty little girls. It still doesn't stop the pain, my heart aching, my heart breaking into tiny little pieces each and every day..
Heidi was still born at full term and I can remember that day like it was yesterday... I sometimes go back to that bubble I was in at that time and sometimes still feel like I am dreaming, that when they told me there was no heartbeat, i would wake up from my worst nightmare... I never did wake up you know, I am still there in that nightmare.... I know she is an angel now, but I wanted Heidi to be my angel, going to nursery, going to the park, throwing a tantrum, you know all the normal things in life. Instead i have to go to that place, you know the one I am on about.. The one where its scares me so much because that pain pops right back in to my heart like it was the first day she had gone. I can't speak, I cant breath and I just want to go..... I intend to write a book on poerty to help grieving parents so we know we are not alone in this world. Good night my angel. Sleep tight. Forever love. Mommy xxxxx