My daughter died almost 2 years ago now and i want another baby but am having trouble conceiving!?

Petrina - posted on 09/18/2009

Hi Maranda. Sorry to read about your loss. I lost a little boy, aged 6 months in July, 2001. He was a perfectly healthy little boy and died of SIDS while sleeping peacefully in the same room as me. After I lost my son, Daniel, I desperately wanted to have another baby. I wasn't trying to replace Daniel but rather, trying to fill the hole that I had in my heart. My periods were really irregular for a long time but eventually I got pregnant again, only to have that bub (Liam) die unexplainably in utero during the second trimester. We buried Liam with Daniel and once again I was left feeling alone and desperate to have another baby. Again my menstrual cycle was really irregular but eventually I did fall pregnant again. This time my baby died during the 13th week of pregnancy. After losing this baby I started to get really desperate and my periods got even more irregular. I would go months without a period or maybe just have a little bit of spotting here and there. I fell pregnant again and this time I saw my ob/gyn from the moment I found out I was pregnant. I was sent to the IVF clinic at 8 weeks gestation as my doctor couldn't find a heart beat under ultrasound. Fortunately, my baby did still have a heart beat but it was discovered that I wasn't producing enough progesterone to sustain the pregnancy. I started using artificial progesterone twice daily (supplied by the IVF clinic) and had daily blood tests to check levels. The pregnancy was monitored extensively and in February 2004 I delivered a beautiful little girl at 35 weeks gestation. The battle that I went through after losing my son was the longest, most treacherous road that I could even imagine travelling down but it was worth it in the end when I held my lovely little daughter.
By telling you my story, I want you to know that you are not alone out there with your grief and that one day, when the time is right, I'm sure that you will hold a beautiful little baby in your arms again too. When that time comes, you will know that what you are feeling now has been worth it. Life works in mysterious ways and I do not regret the battles that I have been through. Now I am a stronger, more passionate person than I ever was before and that is purely because of where my life has taken me.
My only suggestion for trying to get pregnant again is to try to relax about it. I partly blame my stress levels and feelings of grief for my subsequent losses. Try to relax and know that you need to make sure that you are healthy both physically and mentally to have the best outcome for pregnancy and birth.
I am now in my first year of study as a Midwife and hoping that I will be able to use my life experiences to help others. I hope that I have helped you by sharing my story with you.
Best of luck for your future.
Trina.

Becky - posted on 09/17/2009

Maranda, I feel for your loss, Ive lost 2 babys one at 20 weeks pregnant and recently at 12 weeks, i have a healthy 2 year old daughter aswell.

About the irregular periods, are you stressed out, underweight or over weight? because these things can have an effect on period regularities. Also my little sister was 18 and still hadn't had any periods so my mum just tried some specially made up either homeopathic or or homeobotanical drops from a naturopath and within about 2 months she had her period and has had ever since. So maybe you could see a naturopath or homeopath, they could really help you, and it works naturally with your body, they are extremely safe to take when trying for a baby. hope this helps! good luck!

Clara - posted on 09/17/2009

Hi, Maranda. In one of the other mommy boards, I know a mom who had a stillbirth at 17, then her periods when crazier and she was almost in menopause at 20. So, she fought her doc until they agreed to do the fertility treatment (and she said the treatment was easy) and now she has a 2-year old. Good luck and hopefully you'll find a doctor who'll listen!



Clara

Lisa - posted on 09/15/2009

Oooh no clue why but perhaps it's a risk thing... I know if you're under a certain age the pregnancy is considered high risk. Dunno sorry. I know emotionally it's hard to wait but you are very young and have lots of time to have children. Stay in close touch with your doctors and keep asking them questions and telling them what you want. Ask for an explanation of their reasoning why they won't give you meds... and if you don't understand or like the answer maybe you need a new doc. Sorry I can't help more. Hang in there... it really is a blessing that you're so young.

Maranda - posted on 09/15/2009

when i talked to a doctor they told me that they will not give me fertility drugs untill im at least 22??

Lisa - posted on 08/26/2009

Hi Maranda,

You need to see a infertility specialist. This is exactly what they help with. They need to find out why your periods are irregular and then proceed... it's very possible that they can give you meds that will help you ovulate regularly and thus have a typical chance of pregnancy! Don't hesitate! Worked for me! :)