My life changes, how can i help myself?

Grace - posted on 10/22/2011

First of all. You are not selfish, you are not a bad person. Go ahead and say it out loud so you can hear it. You a good person who has been given a bad situation. I don't understand why it has to be this way either - I'm still trying to figure it out myself. My son passed in January 2009. It's hard not to envy you sister since she had twins too and they are healthy. Anyone in your situation would feel the way you do. I had the hardest time looking at babies or pregnant women after losing Tristan. But really it's ok to feel these things. I kind of think you almost have to let yourself feel this in order to move on. Maybe you can look at it this way: try to make your daughters life that much more special. All that love that you were ready to pour out to your babies that are gone can now go to your daughter. She's had a big loss too. Make your babies lives mean something by being the best Mom you possibly can to that little girl. Take some time and really enjoy your daughter. I had Emma first then Tristan. When he passed I took time off work (short term disability) to take some time to cope because I wasn't myself. At first I took Emma to daycare every day then I pulled her out from it for awhile. We spent days doing crafts, going to the zoo, going for walks, going to local parks etc. I made the point to really get to know who she is and really focus on my husband. My husband had a hard time with all of it. So I was there for when he needed to vent or cry etc. I don't know if it will work for you, but it's the only thing that worked for me. You can message me whenever you to if you like.

Liz - posted on 10/09/2011

Nobody can understand what it feels like to lose a child unless they have lost a child. There are other ways to reach out between support groups or even counseling. It sucks that your support isn't the people it should be though. Thats what helped me when I was at my lowest and they still let me cry and vent whenever I need to. I'm here though:) Message me whenever you feel like it for any reason.

Nicole - posted on 10/09/2011

thanks for your reply... but the thing is... they dont wanna listen... i tried to explain how i feel, but all what i hear back is: we wont talk about this ok? this is too sad... they dont wanna listen up or urnderstand... my sister told me that im selfish person and dont know how to be glad about other people and doesnt talk with me anymore, seems like im loosing people around because i dont know how to deal with myself...

Liz - posted on 10/09/2011

I went through that same thing for a while when my son passed away in 2007. He was 3 months old and healthy as can be. I think for me some of it was envy but a lot of it was just anger that my family had to go through that. My other children are what keep me going! I found a way to reach out to family and friends by telling them all my thoughts and frustrations. Nobody got mad or offended but for me it helped lift that weight off my chest and eventually i learned how to be greatful for not only what i have but also the blessings others have. Hope this helps, it never goes away but it does get better with time.