My Little Angel Samantha Rose

Pamela - posted on 01/27/2010

Hi, Im Pam..Well I carried my daughter Lacey for 37wks...We already knew she only had one lung and her heart was on the wrong side, before she was born...I had an amniocentesis because of my age and the missing and missed place parts in Lacey..She did not like the probing and decided to be born that day, c-section..I was in Akron Ohio, with my parents and my husband was in Mansfield (about 45-60 min away), my dad called my husband and told him to get there as fast as he could, my husband got there just as they were wheeling me to the recovery room...My first words to him were..."I didn't hear her cry"...They brought Lacey Morgan by my bed in an incubator ready to take her to Akron Childrens Hospital...She was breathing but with some difficulties..2lbs 14oz, 16 inches long...I'm tiny so she didn't look that little when I finally got to hold her 2wks later..but when daddy held her she looked literally like a doll...As the weeks past, (stayed at the Ronald McDonald House*a wonderful place*that was a block from the hospital) Lacey did nothing but improve and we were able to bring her home.expecting date July 4th..birthday May 14th 1999..came home from hospital June 30th.Still scared to death because remember she still only had one lung!!! Sept. 19th I notice her breathing was a bit more rapid and her color was a bit gray...I took her to the doctor, she was lacking oxygen...the doctor tried to give her some @ the office but to no avail, her oxygen was down to 92%. The doctor told me to get to the emergency room and they would be waiting for us...sure enough, Lacey was life flighted back to Akron..We had to drive....Lacey got put on a ventilator...See the bigger she grew the smaller her airways became...she wasn't even a candidate for a transplant because her bronchi branches never developed to that missing lung. She was not improving by October so the top surgeons in Akron called a Dr. Bove in Michigan, he was the one that invented a way to rebuild a heart....Lacey ended up with a tracheostomy (sp?) which was alright, she would eventually be able to function a bit as a normal little girl, so they said...Dr.Bove was then going to repair Lacey's heart (had a small whole it it) come to find out, her heart did not only move to the wrong side but had flipped over!! It was upside down!! There was not much they could do...He did repai all the arteries and tubes that were preventing oxygen from flowing correctly..after 2 mos in Michigan we went back to Akron for Christmas and New Years...watched fireworks from the hospital window...it was the 2000 so everyone was in a panic that night because of the whole crashing of the computers scare...Not me, I was just glad that my little Lacey got to see 2000...January 30 we did and everyone did what could be done and my husband and I had to make the hardest and bravest decision of our lives...We finally decided that Lacey needed to be with the true father..she had suffered enough her on earth...so @ 11am January 30 I held my 9 month old daughter till she took her last breath...It has been a long time and it does still pain me a bit to think of the hell she went thru...I have 2 beautiful daughters that I have shared Lacey with but only in a positive way!!! She was our borrowed angel..I told my oldest Lacey taught me what God thought I needed to learn and now she needed to move on to another time....she taught me alot about the value and quantity of life and how important it is...I learned a lot those months I spent in the hospitals...May of 2000 I started Respiratory Therapy classes @ NCSC and graduated in 2004...I am a stay @ home mom right now but before that, I did home care for pediatric children that couldn't get home because there were no peds respiratory in their area...My oldest daughter told me one time she remember being a baby and in heaven and Lacey told her to pick me to be her mom....(I had a dream that I saw Lacey pointing down @ my house showing another little girl how to get here, then 5 days found out I was pregnant with a girl, so how could I doubt my daughters memories?!) Borrowed angels r a hard memorie to let be positive...but if u do, guarantee that that angel has the same memories and maybe they will share them with u in a dream also...Love to u all

Barbara - posted on 01/25/2010

hi,my daughter LEA was born february 6 2006,every year we make her a white heart shaped birthday cake with candles.this february she would have been 4 years old.LEA died when she was 9 weeks old.she had a major heart defect,surgery,etc......HELL ON EARTH.

Victoria - posted on 01/24/2010

my little boy was still born at 39weeks and 4 days gestation he would be 7 this year in november i have now 2 more little boys one who will be 6 in september and one who will be 1 in april
im so sorry for you loss

Diana - posted on 01/23/2010

I carried my daughter till the 27 week mark and I went into early labor and went to the hospital and was told her heart had quit beating. It was and still is the worst thing to ever happen to me. I was 17 at the time I lost her and just felt like I had did something wrong. I had my son a little over a year later and I couldnt help but feel like it could happen again. Im sorry for all the losses you and your families have had. The pain continues even though it will be 4 years June 13th.

Shauneen - posted on 01/21/2010

I lost Amberlee also at 38 weeks 2 years ago. I know how you all feel. She was my first and i was scared id never be able to have children. Definately my darkest hour. Mandi - i can relate. Id seen my dr 2 days before she passed. I feel if he looked closer she would also still be alive today. But iv also learned to a certain degree that you have to let go and let it be or youll just drive yourself crazy with all the what ifs and couldve beens. A stressful 15 months later a got the perfect gift - my beautiful daughter Alexis.

Margaret - posted on 01/20/2010

I carried my daughter niamh full term she was stillborn.I miss her alot.Im very sorry for your loss.

Mandi - posted on 01/20/2010

i carried kambreaya until 42 weeks she was 12 lbs 13 oz. if i had had a better doctor she would have lived. there is any other reason for her death except a doctor not doing her job. she started breathing in utero, and sufficiated. if she would have been born even a wk earlier she would be alive today.

Susan - posted on 01/18/2010

I carried my little girl for 21 weeks, and she was born stillborn. She passed away from Turner Syndrome. Im sorry for you loss.

Nicole - posted on 11/07/2009

Sorry for your loss. I carried twins only to 24 weeks and 2 days. 2 perfect looking little girls. One of mmy precious girls passed after 4 days. Take it a day at a time.

Krystal - posted on 11/05/2009

thanks holly i think that is a very great idea

Cheers Krystal

Skylar's - posted on 11/04/2009

Hi I'm Holly,
I'm so sorry for your loss. At anytime a mom and dad's baby or babies died, it's the worst dark feeling you can ever have. If you like I have a site that I'm inviting people to join and talk or write about their beloved baby. I'm looking to come up with a program with The Share Program that Hospitals would like to have in their hospital. So there can be a support person(someone who has gone through a loss) that could go into a hospital room, and answer any questions, or be there for a shoulder to cry on. And also have a follow up, and have a support group that parents could go to. My web site is http://www.skylarslove.com or you can join here on Facebook. One day the clouds will spread and you'll see the sun again.
Love,
Holly

Krystal - posted on 10/17/2009

hi my mane is krysta; and i carreid my little girl to 30 weeks 1day

Trish - posted on 10/09/2009

Hi my name is Trisha and also carried my little boy Evan until 3 days before my due date, it's the littlest things thatsometimes hurt, I truly am sorry that any of us need to be here.

Kathy - posted on 02/01/2009

I also carried my daughter samantha haley for 38 weeks she was my second daughter I waited ten years to have her 6/2/04 and all three times are the same she would be five this year

Cheryl - posted on 01/31/2009

what a beautiful baby I lost my daughter amelia at 35 weeks and shes still missed very much by all the family

DaneeAnn - posted on 01/29/2009

Hello Camille, I am a member as well and I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my little boy at 44 week full term. I have never been able move on. I lost him June 12 1999, but it seems like yesterday to me. I cherish the children I have but the questions of what if and why haunt me everyday! I just wanted to reach out! she was beautiful. May be we can talk some other time. my name is Danee. Bye for now!