New baby doesn't replace the lost baby.....

Jessica - posted on 03/08/2010 ( 9 moms have responded )

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I just had my son in January this year and we are absolutely in love with him. However, our first child, our daughter, was stillborn in November 2008. I still miss her so terribly and now every milestone my son reaches reinforces that I will never see her do those things. I thought another baby would help my heart to heal but I have realized that these are two totally separate babies, separate lives, separate events. I don't know how to keep moving forward and still honor and remember my daughter. I miss her so much I can hardly stand it.

Does anyone out there have a similar story or any suggestions on how to move on?

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Jody - posted on 03/18/2010

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I to have a simular story to this. We lost Christin in July 07 to sids. She was our third child. When I found out I was pregnate again i hoped and prayed for it to be a lil boy. Hannah was born oct. 09 and she looks just like her sister. I to have a hard time looking at Hannah doing her first and woundering if Christin would be doing those same things at her age. At first it hurt alot to think about it that way, but now I look at Hannah not as a replacement for Christin but a way to watch her grow. Hannah has done alot for me and my family to heal. Of course we still miss Christin terribly. We had her ashes inturned in our church, we make sure that we go and see her every time we are there. I think the biggest thing that helped me to come to terms with her passing was to remember that we are all gods children and although he let me have her for awhile he must have needed her back for a very special reason, and I know that one day i will see her again.

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I lost my first born, a son in feb06. Trying for another baby straight away seemed to help us grieve. I new the new baby wouldn't replace our son but perhaps as you said help to heal. When i found out my 2nd child was a boy i prayed everyday that they wouldnt look the same. When he was born oct07 they looked completely different. one fair one dark. I to was crushed with the first few milestone as my first would never do those things. Adventurly i learned to enjoy his milestones and refused to let it get me down. My 2nd is now 21/2yrs old and i also have a 3rd son who just turned one. He is dark like our first born & i often wonder if this is what he'd look like. I visited my sons ashes at least once a week for a while which became once a month and so on. Now i return to his ashes on the off day & xmas & his birthday were my husband and i place to white gerbras as we did at his memorial & let go baby blue ballons as many as how old he would be. Moving forward for us came with time, but ive found that each year on his birthday for his 3rd and 4th jus gone i could smile, smile at what i have now and smile at the memory of my first born son whom i know i will never forget but have learnt to let go. I Hope this helps you xx

Sharrell - posted on 03/10/2010

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I lost my beautiful 5 month old little girl in Dec 07 and fell pregnant, unexpectedly, one month and one after her death. I found it very hard to morn my angel as I had to look after my unborn son. He is now 18 mths old and I find I morn Caitlyn more now than ever before but not as a comparison, it is more like now I know I can love and feel secure with another child I can grieve freely. I Also have a six year old daughter who does compare her brother with her sister and that is harder for me to deal with as I love them all.

Talisha - posted on 03/09/2010

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the best way i beleive u can honor your daughter is just by making sure the new baby knows she existed...thats what i plan on doing as soon as my kids can understand.just appreciate the fact that you got the chance to do this time...dont fell guilty enjoy your baby.of course you will have days when you think about what if the other one was here and how would you handle two but thats all natural...ENJOY MOTHERHOOD because we are so BLESSED

Jessica - posted on 03/09/2010

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I have a similar story. My son was born Dec 2009 and I lost my daughter June 20, 2008. It was hard to move on in the first place after her death but my husband wanted a child and I was ready to give him one. Now as my son is growing it makes me think what she would be like now and how she would respond to her lil brother. But I do think about her and wonder what life would be like but I know I have to keep living my life now and think about her when I can and remember her memorial.

Sarah - posted on 03/09/2010

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i got pregnant with my daughter 2 months after i had my son who then died after 12 hrs. aaron sept 17 2005 and megan june 27 2006. the pain doesn't ever really go away but it does get easier. my daughter is an absolute joy but i still morn my son, aaron was my middle child, my other son jake was born in 2004. good luck and you are not alone, we are all hear for you. i look at the fact that my kids have a wonderful guardian angel looking after them. my daughter actually talks to aaron in her room.

Mell - posted on 03/09/2010

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Hi Jessica so sorry to hear about the loss of your baby girl..Congrats on your little boy.. I lost my 6 week old baby boy to SIDS in January 09 i had my baby girl on the 15th Dec 09 like yourself we are experiencing many of the 1st that we never got to experience with Tyrone it is hard but the way i get through those days and weeks is to think that he is living on with his sister and that what she does he is doing.. On special days we light a candle so birthdays xmas easter fathers day mothers day etc.. As i have come to realise that this feeling will never go away as there will always be something like the first day of school.. Just go with your emotions if you need to scream scream of you need to cry cry ....Hope this has helped if not sorry for rambling on ... Hope things get a bit better for you ...

Awhina - posted on 03/08/2010

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i had my angel baby stillborn girl in 2006 then i had my son in 2009 and at no point did i feel that i was moving on i cry when i want to we acknowlegde her through everything that we go through family functions bdays xmas we visit her grave and we treat her as if shes right by our side thats the way that we cope with our loss but having another baby doesnt heal the pain at all its just nice to have that feeling again of being pregnant and having a new born in the home he is our miracle and serenity is our angel that we will forever love

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