Rachael Ann - posted on 08/09/2012 ( no moms have responded yet )
Ive written these over the past year it has been since my little girl Alahna Ann has passed away
She was born February 11, 2010, and was on this earth until August 10, 2011.
She passed away as a result of negligence, at daycare.
I miss her every single day, and I hope you moms out there struggling with the pain of losing your babies can relate to these and find comfort in them.
the sun is laying down,slowly as it ever has
each day is consistent in that,
miming my sorrows, ever unchanging
ive always held you inside,
imprints of energies,
souls collided, only I could hold you so closely
even when youre far from me
a love like mine to your sweet soul has never been anything anyone else was was capable of
I have you here now,
my angel's dust
you have left for us here to hold..
you left in such a hurry, sweet angel,
I still see your smile.
I have you here now,
and I have fallen onto the ground
we all long to see your face again,
hold your soft little hands
like when id grab them to keep you safe,when you ran along the cement..
you were always so fearless,
for such a little girl
I know you could have conquered anything,
but this world was too cold, and I couldnt stop you from leaving..
I hold you still in photographs,
I feel you in my dreams,
my favorite memory is one where you had just been born,
I sung you to sleep, and stroked your back with my hands,you were so small, and so beautiful
Thats how I imagine you,
I know you're here in this universe
someday Ill hold you again
before that time comes,
each day pain does..
I miss you..
Like nothing ive never known before, I ache to hold you
be a good girl there,
it hurts the most that it's not me protecting you
I know there isnt anything I can do, to bring myself closer to you,
but i swear in dreams each night, my soul leaves this place, and comes up there to kiss you
you are my whole heart, little girl,
ill be with you soon
and we wont remember the time passed inbetween
can you see my soul swollen from heaven?
let it guide you into my heart, my arms
stay here with me
a whole lifetime sits between us, from eyes that should have faded as they watched you grow
i wait each day for eternity to come between a reality voided of a sweet soul too pure for its cold world
i wait each day to hold you again,
pretending photographs are real
its what i have, things i can still see, can still hold
in impossibly peacefull memory
i long in a way ive never known, to see your sweet smile.
to hear your laughter again
like the last time i held you tightly to my chest,
laying in the grass
or to hear your soft sleeping breaths
like the first time we met and i sung you to sleep in a hospital bed
if i could live in a moment id stay there, your soul touching mine
an ease i cant describe
id stay there for eternity
she floats away from me as i wake,..
as dream clouds disapate, she fades..
now i lie awake, realizing you were never in my arms this evening..
i pray to you, to your other world, where it is you rest in angels arms, where you can hear me..
its hard to breathe,in realization, but i always remember how, clinging to your baby blanket
i just miss you so much,
the light you radiated upon all you touched remains here in your wake,
golden flecks fallen from your soul so pure,
such an imprint youve left for us upon this world,little girl
i love you everyday
and ill love you every day more
I think ive pin pointed why tall buildings scare me..
I think it's for the notion that something inatimate could hold such substance,..
when things like love and grief can't even be seen.
Not to a plain eye,
but how in comparison those hold the power to take lives, slowly and surely.
Im not sure when this sidewalk turned into dirt,..
eyes wet, blurred, inner monolouge interupted by the sound of her laughter,..
when waiting for headlights to pass is a feat, mustering the strength not to interupt their path with the end of yours ..
I wouldnt even flinch.
All I can do is fake this smile,
an inch closer to you each day
praying for my fate to run its course straight into you
In an unjust world, that would pull me from you
you shine in my mind,
Where you rest,
I know it's pure,
my angel, glowing from heaven,..
The sun that shines upon me is your warmth, your rein,..
Please, soon, let me hold you again.
this one i wrote the morning after she passed, and it was read by my sister at her memorial service.
My Alahna is in heaven, from where she hails. An angel visiting here, the most beautiful little girl. She never did feel an ounce of pain. She was never supposed to. With a white golden soul, she brought the purest joy to every heart she knew. In our hearts eternally, she resonates, the purest part of us is her memory.we will meet her again one day, until then our angel will be waiting, in arms of angels that look after us. Don't cry your eyes, she is still with us, in the skies, as constant as in our hearts and minds. And she will never ever really leave us.