should i celebrate my sons 1st birthday

Leanne - posted on 01/16/2010 ( 184 moms have responded )

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my son passed away last year 4 days old it is comingup to his 1st birthday but im a little unsure if i should celebrate it any ideas thanks

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Gale - posted on 01/18/2010

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You should do what makes you feel best. Don't worry about what anyone else thinks. You may change what you want to do from year to year, so if you want to do cake and remember your baby that way one year and the next take flowers to the grave, that is what you should do. Each parent remembers in their own way.

Shavonne - posted on 01/17/2010

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My Daughter passed at 3 months old in September of '01 and we still visit her grave and take balloons on her birthday.

Victoria - posted on 01/16/2010

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My daughter was stillborn at 20 weeks may 06. We have celebrated her birth day every year since. Sometimes with a party and cake and balloon release, sometimes just by ourselves, lighting a candle and just remembering... If you want to celebrate, you should.

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Jennifer - posted on 10/23/2011

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YES! You do what you want to do. He was your son and you need to celebrate him! How you celebrate it up to you...

Paula - posted on 10/15/2011

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Yes you should. you honour their life....how short it may be. We brought our children to the cemetary and also sang songs and released our balloons to her. The kids wanted to get cake and we did....had her name written as well on the cake. We had a great dinner all together....and missed her so all together. your day will be very hard....but make it your own and remember the life.

Catherine - posted on 09/30/2011

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Yes you should. In whatever way you think fit. The 4 precious days you had with your baby boy are worth all the celebrating in the world.

Tara - posted on 09/28/2011

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Of course! We celebrate our daughters birthday every year. Its just our immidiate family, I found other amily members went up to her grave to celebrate as well, i hope this helps

Donna - posted on 09/27/2011

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Leanne you ask a difficult ?. Every individual is different. You do not need mine or any ones permission to celebrate your son's 1st birthday. Just follow your gut and do what feels right. I don't celebrate our loss but I often reflex upon him and do at times struggle every January 29th which is when we miscarried and every August which is when he was actually due to be born. Whatever your decision is I wish you peace. Hugs!

BeLINDA - posted on 09/27/2011

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my SONE WOULD BE ONE YEARS OLD OCTOMBER 5 2011 i WILL GIVE HIM A PARTY. CAN ANY ONE OUT THEIR TELL ME HOW TO DEAL WITH THIS ANXIETY AND DEPRESSION I HAVE SINCE MY BABY DIED HE LIVED FOR 10 MINUTES i NEVER GOT TO HEAR MY CRY SEE IS BUTT i MISS MISS SO MUCH hELP. belinda.russ@yahoo.com please reply

JUDY - posted on 06/20/2011

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MY SON WAS KILLED 20 YEARS AGO AND EVERY BIRTHDAY IS SPECIAL TO ME. I DON'T MAKE A PRODUCTION OUT OF IT BUT HIS SISTER AND I CELEBRATE HIS LIFE. HE WAS 19.

Tami - posted on 06/17/2011

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you should do what fells right to you. i could not celebrate my sons birthday after the first year,

Valerie - posted on 06/16/2011

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You need to do whatever feels right for you. We decided to just go to the cemetery and bring a pinwheel. Now my other boys come with and we bring a balloon as well and the boys sing to their brother. It is very sweet. I know of someone that held a big party though and that was what felt right for them. There is no wrong answer, so stay true to yourself and don't feel pressured or judged no matter what you decide.

Alison - posted on 06/16/2011

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We buy a single ivory rose for our son, on the day I gave birth to him asleep.

Lisa - posted on 10/24/2010

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My daughter passed away just over 10 years ago when she was 2 1/2 months old. I still celebrate her birthday every year. I go to the cemetary and share a cake with my mom. It's my time to remember every moment I had with her.

Kim - posted on 02/22/2010

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My husband and I lost our twin daughters in 2007, 4 days apart. Our first angel was born on 2-21 and our second angel on 2-25. Every year we celebrate their life on their respective birthdays.... and also have a joint birthday celebration for them. It's our way of celebrating their life.... they gave us soooo much in their short little lives that we feel it's our way of saying thank-you for choosing us as your mommy and daddy! Go for it... you might find you feel better and quite possibly a little closer to your own little angel!

Tara - posted on 02/21/2010

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My son Karter was born on April. 29, 09 and was alive for 19 hours and 40 min when his first birthday comes I am going to give him a gift and going to buy a cupcake and 1 candle and blow it out yes I would celebrate your sons birthday does not need to be big I would say yes you should celebrate for sure and I am very sorry for your loss no one should have a child pass when ever I here someone that has also lost a baby or a child my heart breaks because I know the pain. Hugs

Dianne - posted on 02/21/2010

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we celebrate every year on our sons birthday. its an important day and i think to myself i gave birth to him on that day so we go and celebrate his life and it is still their birthday

Rene' - posted on 02/20/2010

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Yes! But it doesn't have to be a celebration, but a way to remember your son. On our son Ben's first birthday we got together with immediate family, released balloons and sang happy birthday. My baby has been gone 5 1/2 years and I really don't celebrate his birthday, but because he was born 2 days before Christmas, I pick a card off an Angel Tree of a boy who is the age of what my son would be and buy him presents. You have to find what feels good to you and don't be afraid to try different things. You will find what gives your heart a warmth. My heart is with you, and your little one is a beautiful guardian angel, like my Ben.

Louise - posted on 02/20/2010

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We lost our little Ryan 30 years ago on Apr 23, my husbands birthday. Ryan would have been 30 on Feb 2. My oldest boy was almost 2 when we lost him and ever year since my son and later our daughter ( who my son made sure knew about her brother) insisted make a cake for Ryan and celebrate his short life. This year at our son's wedding as we danced together he said he felt Ryan was there celebrating with us and of course on his birthday this year they both called to make sure I made a cake for his birthday and said they would be over to get a piece....lol ... sometimes i think it was just to get more cake..lol So no, it is not weird to celebrate the life of a child you lost no matter how long you had them on this earth. They were still a child you carried and loved and will never forget and if there are siblings, it helps them to understand how your feeling and heal from the loss also and appreciate the life they have.

Kim - posted on 02/20/2010

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We celebrate Alex's birthday every year. I get balloons, one to stay at the graveside and how ever many for that year. This year he would be 8. We will let the 8 balloons go and we sit and talk to him for a little bit. Then we say our family's bedtime prayer, which is engraved on his headstone, and tell him how much we love and miss him. I will also have a candle lit all day.

Natasha - posted on 02/20/2010

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If you think you should at all, then do it. I gave a small memorial service for the first yr. anniversary of passing/1st birthday of my son. He would be 11 yrs. on April 28 of this year. It gave me aa chance to remember him and say all I wanted to say that I didn't get to/ was too shocked/hurt to do at his funeral. I invited close friends/family, the doctor who saw me during pregnancy & postpartum, anyone who was connected to me or my son during the pregnancy and his death. I had it outdoors at a park, I read a few poems I had found and gave a small speech-just things I needed to say about him, about the experience, and thanking everyone for their support. I brought his baby book and pictures taken at the hospital for ppl to look at, if they chose, and provided light refreshments. I also invited anyone else who had anything to say to do so. It was very healing. On his actual birthday, we took flowers and a small toy to his grave and visited it, took pictures, etc. We do this every year (not the memorial, just the rest)...I uaully bake a cake, sometimes we go out toeat, and I continually donate to various charities in his memory. Sometimes we donate books to the library or new toys to the children's hospital on his bday in his name. We have bought and planted a memorial tree at my moms house...these things all help keep the memory alive and are a positive, healing way to remember someone you love and have lost-and we never forget or stop loving our little angels that have taken anearly flight to Heaven! God bless you!

Monique - posted on 02/19/2010

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Not sure if his b-day has passed already, at first I celebrated my son's b-day w/ his dad's b-day, their's is a couple of day's apart. I used to put his name on the cake along w/ his dad and then we go to his grave and put ballons, toys and flower's and pray. Now me and the father are not together, but I still go to the grave on his b-day and do the same, except the cake.

Misty - posted on 02/19/2010

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I am so sorry for your loss. My son would be 4 months now. I wonder about this same question. For me, I decided that my immediate famiily would do something little in memory of him. I think we are going to plant a tree in our yard and possibly have a dinner or something. I don't want to make it a huge deal but I don't want the day to go by unnoticed either. If you do or don't celebrate it's okay. Just do what your heart tells you.

Gavin Wayne 10-04-2009

Tamara - posted on 02/18/2010

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I think you should! Even if its just you and your family! My husband and I had our son Ricci in May of 2004 and he lived 3 days! We celebrate his birthday every year! We buy balloons and atach little paper hearts to the string. Each one of us and his Sisters write a little somthing on the hearts then release them! It helps us remember him always!

Tracy - posted on 02/18/2010

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I lost my daughter October 22, 2008. I spent the day by myself. I took off work and roamed the fall countryside with my camera. I spent time in the quiet feeling close to her. That night we had the cake that my 5yr old son insisted that the baby would have liked for her birthday. (funny thing it was his favorite too). What ever you do will be right for you

Jenni - posted on 02/18/2010

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i think you should. i lost my son a month ago but i plan on celebrating his birthdays. i think it helps with the grieving and healing.

Lori - posted on 02/18/2010

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My daughter was stillborn at 38 weeks. For her first birthday we had a star named after her.

Brianne - posted on 02/18/2010

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my daughter died 5 yrs ago to cot death, we celebrate her birthday every yr as a family with her brother and sisters, we let balloons off at her special place and sing happy birthday. xxx

Audra - posted on 02/17/2010

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By the way, we still include Jake's name on our christmas cards and any other card we need to send.

Audra

Audra - posted on 02/17/2010

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Hi Leanne, I am so sorry to hear about your son earning his angel wings. My son Jake was stillborn at 38 weeks, 6 years ago and we still celebrate his birthday every year. I found out he was stillborn on Jan 4 and he was born Jan 6th so we have several things that we do on each of those days. On the 4th when he died, I dress myself in the clothes that I was wearing that day (they just happen to be all black). Jan 4th is the only day that I allow myself to completely mourn him. I don't answer the phone and I just spend the day being sad. The other 364 days a year, I celebrate him!! Being pregnant with him was the best 9 months of my life!! On his birthday, we dunk our favorite cookies (I was never a cookie eater but Jake loved them! LOL) and we spend the day going to the cemetery, releasing balloons and I also send out a card to all my family and friends celebrating him!! We even planted a tree in his memory in my backyard! One year I gave all my family members a little flower pot and packets of forget me knots as well as another time, they all received a candle to lit on his birthday. My in laws even buy a birthday cake each year and sing to him! Do what you feel is the right thing to do. I wouldn't think of having it any other way but to celebrate him! I now have a 5 year old son and a 3 year old daughter and they know all about him and the beg to go visit him when we drive by the cemetery. Jake is still such a part of our everyday life however, he is not physically here to enjoy it with us. Once again, I am so sorry that your son passed away. My heart goes out to you and your family.



Audra

Stacey - posted on 02/17/2010

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Our son died at 12 days old, over 3 years ago. Every year, we buy a little toy, visit the cemetary and place it on the base of the headstone where he rests. It touches our hearts after ever season (we get them all) the toys remain where we left them. The loss of your son is something you have to live with for the rest of your life. Do whatever makes you feel good.

Jamie - posted on 02/17/2010

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I am so sorry for your loss. I lost a son at 26 weeks just over 3 years ago. Every year for his birthday we make it our family day. It is in December so we go to the cemetary in the morning and then spend the day in the city with our other two children looking at Christmas lights and enjoying our time together. We also always have an angel food cake for dessert. My other children are little (5 and 2) so they don't quite understand. They just think it is a nice treat.

I hope that you do whatever you feel is right for you. Celebrate and morne him, there is no shame in either.

Leila - posted on 02/16/2010

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Dear Friend, Regardless of what anyone says, you should listen to your heart. YOU can decided what feel right for you. I am not sure if you CAN celebrate a year after his death. In my case I just mourned his death the first anniversary of his death, but maybe you don't feel the same. Celebrate if you can, his life and the joys that brought! Don't get too caught up with what other might say or think...and just in case you were worried...NO you are NOT crazy! All the best!

Shakirah - posted on 02/16/2010

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my daughter was stillborn at 36 weeks i celebrate her birthday every year. i buy her a card and put it on the mantle the same way we do for our other children's birthdays then i have a box just for her stuff. i kept the hat they put on her when she was born and my hospital band. it's nothing wrong with celebrating the life that grew in you for so many months. don't let anyone make you feel bad about loving your child.

Teresa - posted on 02/15/2010

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Leanne,

I think its important for you to commerate his special day with whatever you feel is o.k. We all have different ways of dealing with it. We release balloons each year on Matty's birthday and the day of his homegoing to Heaven, but it's got to be something that you decide and is important to you!

Teresa - posted on 02/15/2010

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Leanne,

I think its important for you to commerate his special day with whatever you feel is o.k. We all have different ways of dealing with it. We release balloons each year on Matty's birthday and the day of his homegoing to Heaven, but it's got to be something that you decide and is important to you!

Teresa - posted on 02/15/2010

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Leanne,

I think its important for you to commerate his special day with whatever you feel is o.k. We all have different ways of dealing with it. We release balloons each year on Matty's birthday and the day of his homegoing to Heaven, but it's got to be something that you decide and is important to you!

Michelle - posted on 02/15/2010

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we lost our daughter emily at 33 weeks she was stillborn. feb 1st she would of been 5 years old starting school. we celebrate her birthday different each year, this year we sponsored a child the same age as her and we all (my husband and six other children and me) let a balloon go with a letter to her telling her how much we love and miss her. yes you should celebrate they are still part of the family even if they are not with us. i always say i have 7 children when people ask, i have 6 with me and 1 angel.

Lesley - posted on 02/15/2010

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If thats what you need or feel you want to do do it. I still do with my daughter and its nearly 23 yrs I always celebrate xmas with her too.

Ruthann - posted on 02/15/2010

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Our oldest angel was a stillborn twin, and we didn't want to make it a sad birthday for his sister, so we celebrate his angel day, November 12 or 13th, instead of their birthday November 20th. We want to honor his memory and celebrate our family. We chose to go out and buy Christmas ornaments for each of our children on Nathan's angel day as a way to honor them, then celebrate our family by going to do something fun like going to a park, or to the bounce house, or swimming afterwards and making it a totally fun day for all of us. The first few years we also made a point to buy 3 roses with a bit of blue babysbreath or a blue ribbon that we put on the table on their actual birthday as a way to honor him without drawing attention to it. Three roses for "I love you!"



Our second son, Jaden, was lost just prior to delivery, and on his birthday our girls let two ballons go (one for each brother, because they worry that Nathan will feel left out...) and we all blow bubbles for the boys to play with in heaven. We, too, watch as long as we can see the balloons, and the girls call out well wishes to accompany the balloons into heaven and to the boys.

Mari - posted on 02/14/2010

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Sorry for your loss. We do celebrate our little ones birthday. He lived for 6 days and he would be 5 years old. We just have a cake and light a candle. He was part of our family even for a very short time.

Joanne - posted on 02/14/2010

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hi there, i think it would help you if you done something for the birthday, our baby will be 3 this year, the 1st anniversary we had a no.1 balloon at her grave and flowers, last year we thought we would do a sponsored walk for our hospital's special care baby unit as she spent all of her little life in there, i dont know what we are doing this year yet, but we will always do something special for her birthday..xxxx

Stacie - posted on 02/14/2010

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Absolutely. We have celebrated our son's birthday for the last 11 years and I think it's important for my 2 children now to know they had a brother who came before them. We look through his memorabilia (footprints, photos, etc. ) every year on his birthday and I usually have a cake and we just spend time together as a family remembering him. You have dremas for your children no matter how long they live and you should allow yourself the time to spend with loved ones remembering your child and those dreams that you had. It's been 11 years since my first child passed but he will always be a part of our family and I will always take that special day to think about him with those who are closest to me.

Ashley - posted on 02/14/2010

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Yes I think you should celebrate it for him My daughter passed 2 weeks before her first birthday and I bought her a lil cake and cupcakes I took the stuff to the grave lite her candle adn sung her happy birthday and I left her cake with her and we ate the cupcakes it was very sad but it did help and for her 2nd birthday I bought her a lil cake and a big cake and I went out and did the samething it was cold so her brother had to stay in the car so when we got home I lite the cake again and sung her happy birthday with her brother and he seemed like he enjoyed it and I buy her presents adn leave out there and I color easter eggs with her and all I take christmas presents out on christmas morning and unwrap them with her I try to make it like she is still her becasue she is she lives in my heart forever I know families that had their baby creamated and they still do it all ofr them as well so whatever is going to make it easier for you you should do it But I do still celebrate everything with her

Kerry - posted on 02/14/2010

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My daugher and son wants to start having a birthday party for their older brother, just so his birthday is celebrated the very same way theirs are !

Kerry - posted on 02/14/2010

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Absolutely celebrate your son's 1st birthday ! Every year I celebrate the birth (stillbirth) of my son and think myself very lucky that for the time he was alive inside of my tummy I got the chance to be his mum and experiance his little movements. I always light a candle with his name on on special occasions and my other two (younger children) release a balloon with a message attached for his to receive in heaven, it makes them feel apart of his life by doing something special for him.

Jacolene - posted on 02/14/2010

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My son passed away 4 years ago @ 11 months. We had already planned to have a Winnie the Pooh birthday party for him before he passed away. My oldest was at that stage 4 years old and he made me buy a Winnie the Pooh cake on his birthday we had to sing to his brother blow a candle and he made me leave a peace of cake in the kitchen before we went to bed cause he believed that his brother would fly with his angle wings and come and eat the cake while we sleeping. (when he was finally asleep I ate the cake and left little pieces so that he would think his brother was really there) He is now almost nine and understand a little bit more but still every year we celebrate his little brothers birthday. I must say that it helped us cope as well. This year we will be celebrating my little angel in heavens 5th birthday and it still feels like yesterday that he passed away. Good luck and keep strong

Penny - posted on 02/14/2010

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my son passed away nearly 21 years ago and always have time for him on his birthday. this has helped me over the years and my family are so good they still think of him to . even though he was only here for three days he was so much apart of our family even with my three girls. you should do what helps you. there is alot of things you will ask your self if it is right to celebrate but i always have ive his 21st this year and im going out with good friends and family. if you every want to chat email me on pennyjane1972@hotmail.co.uk

Penny - posted on 02/14/2010

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my son passed away nearly 21 years ago and always have time for him on his birthday. this has helped me over the years and my family are so good they still think of him to . even though he was only here for three days he was so much apart of our family even with my three girls. you should do what helps you. there is alot of things you will ask your self if it is right to celebrate but i always have ive his 21st this year and im going out with good friends and family. if you every want to chat email me on pennyjane1972@hotmail.co.uk

Kath - posted on 02/13/2010

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hi there, i posted before but i just wanted to update . Yesterday would've been Amellias 2nd birthday. We had an ince-cream cake with her great-grand-parents and let off pink balloons as our gift to her. I find the day really difficult but after the cake and balloons I'm able to find a sense of peace, enough to carry me on to the next year..

Glenda - posted on 02/13/2010

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For me my son's day of birth is such a wonderful memory and I feel still blessed to this day that he shared his life with us, all 3 years and 4 months of it. We celebrate his birthday and remember the anniversary of his death and different days each year, usually by eating his favourite food, listening to his favourite songs, we let go a red balloon for each year, red was his favourite colour and I make a vow to be a better person because I have life. We had many deaths in the year my son died and it was a bit overwhelming at one time, emotionally, I've chosen to not let death to mean dread and agony, suffering regarding those people. So we celebrate their life and what they shared with us....

Sara - posted on 02/13/2010

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We usually make cupcakes or brownies for our son's birthday. And now our other son helps. I think anything you do to remember your little one is going to be special, just make it special for you and your family.

Marcia - posted on 02/13/2010

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Our son died on Jan 6, 2009, while it was a sad occasion as a family we decided that his birthday was going to be a happy one. Even though we are not able to celebrate with him, we know he's in heaven and that alone is worth a celebration. We visited the hospital where he was born and brought back blankets for other families there. We ate the the restaurant our son had his "last meal." It was a great experience for our family. It didn't close the door on his brief life and it didn't answer any questions, but it was a tremendous help in the grieving process.

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