should i celebrate my sons 1st birthday

Danielle - posted on 01/21/2010

12/16/09.... My mother and I celebrated my son's 1st birthday. We visited his grave and set off a balloon for his first year. (Incredibly as we were finishing our time at the grave, an air force jet flew directly above us and did a few tricks (Coincidence? I don't know but it was amazing) I intend to each year do something in rememberance of him. I wanted my son to be mindful and caring of others and to see things outside of our city. For his birthday I also volunteered for a few hours at the community center and next year I will take a trip.

Pretty much for me all the plans I had for him I continue to do because he is my inspiration and even though he isn't here with me physically , I don't want to let him down.

Tracy - posted on 01/21/2010

my son was 3 years 5 months when he was killed. We celebrate every year. We go to hi grave and release balloons and wish him happy birthday.

Starla - posted on 01/21/2010

I am so sorry for your loss!! I think you need to do whatever brings you comfort and healing!!

Our first baby passed away at one day old in June of 2000. Every year my husband takes off of work and we spend the day together as a family. We go to the grave with balloons and cards, sing happy birthday to her and release the balloons. The kids love this and it helps them to feel close to her, even if they never met her. We do something special, like going to the zoo, take the kids swimming, etc. In the evening we often do a cook-out with family and friends to remember her. Since my kids are older, they like to have a birthday cake for her too. It is healing to remember her, and to acknowledge that she is a part of our lives, even if she is no longer here.

Cherry - posted on 01/21/2010

Leanne, I think you SHOULD celebrate your son's birthday in whatever way feels best for you. My daughter died in the womb and was delivered 2 days later. So for me I mourn her death, but celebrate her birthday. I have a son now and we honour my daughter's death by giving him a small present in memory of the sister that he never knew.

Michelle - posted on 01/20/2010

I was pregnant with twins, a boy and a girl. The little boy did not make it to term. What I did to celebrate his 1st birthday was let a balloon go for him the day before his birthday. My husband, my oldest daughter, his twin sister, his grandma, his grandpa, and I each released a balloon by the lake front, we even wrote messages on the balloons with permanent marker.

Tiffany - posted on 01/20/2010

We always visit the cemetary on the birthday and anniversary. Our Will lived for three months and three day. He passed 10 years ago next month. Sometimes I sing, sometimes I cry. This year we took our other 3 children out there.

I LOVE the idea of buying a gift and donating it to charity. We have a children's home very close to our house! I've often thought of gifts but never could figure how to add them in.

Sally - posted on 01/20/2010

We lost our daughter during birth 2 years ago but it is also her twin sister Bibi's birthday so its a confusing day for us. We planted a tree for Milla so we take a balloon and flowers to the tree in our local park. Maybe you could plant a tree or some bulbs.

Pamela - posted on 01/20/2010

My daughter, Casey, passed away almost 4 years ago, March 1,2006. Her birthday is a day of celebration for me and I refuse to let it become a day of regret and anger. She was my gift and her birth was and always will be a day of joy for me. We have a small cake and then we let alot of balloons off with happy birthday notes attatched. Last year we went to her favorite place, Underwater Bridge and let the balloons go. It always leaves me teary eyed but at peace in a small way because I have celebrated her instead of turning this day into a nightmare. Her angel day, the day she died is my day to totally let down to kick, scream a nd cry, but not her blessed birthday. This is what works for me. You have to find your own niche that works for you, but don't let anyone else tell you how to handle this day. It belongs to you and your child.

Aimee - posted on 01/20/2010

My daughter died at 35 weeks... before she could be born. We always celebrate her birthday. It is a day you will never forget. Celebrating is different for everyone... we usually order in dinner and put up our Christmas Tree (Her birthday is Nov. 30th). Just be together.... We usually make a trip to the cemetary and leave a rose.... You need to do what feels right for you!

Jennifer - posted on 01/20/2010

I had my daughter in 2004 & the day after she was born she passed...She was born in December so holidays are difficult & the day she died is also her big sister's bday..We have celebrated Nayeli's birthday each year..I go out to her grave on the day she was born, the day she died & the date of her funeral..We always make cupcakes or cake or buy one if we see one pretty enough for her..I make a nice dinner & we take lots of pics & take cake, candles, cards, & presents to her grave..My living daughter gets to blow out the bday candles and helps decorate her sisters grave..it is always emotional but I think it's important that we celebrate her special day just like I do for my other children..My parents & other family do not support the fact that I talk about Nayeli on a daily basis, they think she should be celebrated once/year, so therefore we never have extended family over, it's just my hubby & 3 living children..I hope this helps & just follow your heart.If you want to celebrate I definately recommend it!!

Eva - posted on 01/20/2010

He is still your child. Do what you need to do to celebrate his life no matter how brief. I would buy a gift for a girl the same age as Bethany {who died at 21/2mos} and give it to charity, that way I was helping some one else and myself at the same time. Whatever age she was that year I would buy a age appropriate gift and I still do 20 yrs later. It makes me feel as though in some way her life still goes on.

Jamie - posted on 01/20/2010

We celebrate the birthdays of both our babies every single year. We each write them a letter, which we have put in a helium balloon and we release them to heaven. We light candles for them on every special occasion as well as putting flowers on their graves, it's the only birthday gift I will ever get them.

It's a beautiful ritual and it helps my four year old daughter feel connected to her brothers, and us to keep our boys a part of our family forever. It brings me comfort to know that they can always see how much we love them and that we will never forget them.

Altina - posted on 01/20/2010

My daughter passed away shortly after she was born on April 17th, 1999. I always have a cake and cook a special supper for her. I had boys and they are so happy to celebrate her birthday. We sing and then we all blow out the candles. I also buy an angel figure for her.

Kirstie - posted on 01/20/2010

hi Leanne, my son passed at 4 months old, he would have been 15 jan 6th 2010.. I celebrate his birthday every year, just because his no longer with me.... dosen't mean i no longer care and miss him.... do what feels right for you.... I hope this helps

AShley - posted on 01/19/2010

YES!! we did for my daughter we did a big balloon release at ehr grave site to honor her life then went out to dinner and had a cake cand sang happy birthday. There is nothing wrong with celebrating your childs life they deserve to be honored:)

Linda - posted on 01/19/2010

I think that you should celebrate your son's birthday. My son passed away when he was 14 months and we celebrated his birthday in October. My husband, daughter and I took some balloons and put them by his stone and we seen that other family members did the same. When all of the family got together to celebrate his birthday, we made him a cake and all talked about good memories of him. I thought that it was really nice and plan on doing it every year!!

Corine - posted on 01/19/2010

My daughter passed at 4 1/2 months. It's been 14 years and we still celebrate her little life. It makes us feel good to remember her. If you want to celebrate him, then do it. You can have a Birthday party with friends and family or a little private party....you decide what's best for you.

Heather - posted on 01/19/2010

My daughter past away 3 months ago and her first borthday was Jan 6th.My husband and i bought her a balloon,one rose and one cup cake and took it to her grave.I also made her a birthday cake.She was 9 months and 4 days old when she pasy away and it was due to her disease Spinal Muscualr Atrophy Type 1.It was a hard day but my husband and I are going to make it a tradition of celebrating her birthday and when we have more children god willing we will continue that with them as well!!Hope this helps and Im sorry about your sons passing.

Kerrin - posted on 01/19/2010

We just passed the 1st birthday/anniversary of our daughter & we celebrated. We didn't do too much but we did something that made us feel better acknowledging that she was here, even if only in spirit. We just scattered rose petals on the lake where her ashes were scattered & spent the day together with each other.

Hugs

Gale - posted on 01/18/2010

You should do what makes you feel best. Don't worry about what anyone else thinks. You may change what you want to do from year to year, so if you want to do cake and remember your baby that way one year and the next take flowers to the grave, that is what you should do. Each parent remembers in their own way.

Sherry - posted on 01/17/2010

My dear,By all means celebrate the beautiful life you brought into this world. My son passed away 2 years ago at age 27. We have had cake and ice cream to celebrate both of his heavenly birthdays...doesn't matter what age they are when they leave us...they are still our babies and should always have their special day celebrated.

Shavonne - posted on 01/17/2010

My Daughter passed at 3 months old in September of '01 and we still visit her grave and take balloons on her birthday.

Carrie - posted on 01/17/2010

We celebrated our son's birthday. As a family, we take balloons out to the cemetary. My other 3 children make birthday cards and we sing happy birthday to him. It is a time of reflection and a time to remember Levi and the light he brought to our lives for the few weeks he was on earth with us. We just passed his second birthday in heaven and it is still hard, but taking the day of his birth and remembering the joyful does help keep a sweetness to his memories.

Sabrina - posted on 01/17/2010

My son passed away in May, 2009. He would have been 3 on this upcoming May. My husband, and remaining children and I have promised to always make it a very special day for the family from here on out. Even though he is no longer here, He is still always a part of us and our family.

Tabitha - posted on 01/17/2010

we celibrate my sons birthday every year. we even buy him a present. and then we donate the present to a charity for another child who could not aford it otherwise. I believe you should always do whay makes you happy. and for me it is rembering my little guy.

Sarah - posted on 01/17/2010

hi, my daughter passed away in 06 at 18 months old. we celebrate her birthday with a little memorial, balloon release (the number of years she would be) and gather our closest family together to remember her. I think somthing along these lines really helps deal with feelings everyone is experiencing. yes yes yes do what feels right in your heart hon!!!

Susan - posted on 01/17/2010

My other daughter Christy and I acknowledge Sarah's birthday every year by buying balloons and we miss you cards (birthday cards are too happy), and we let them go in the air and watch them until we can no longer see them. If you do this, don't use the envelope and use a very short string on the balloons that way it doesn't take so many balloons to take the cards in the air.

Jenn - posted on 01/17/2010

Yes, yes, yes!
It's okay to feel sad on his Birthday. Establishing a tradition that honor's him and how he impacted your life is an important part of growth and healing. You will never get over loosing him, but you will learn how to live your life with your loss. (It took me five years to be able to do that after the death of my daughter, and she's been gone 10 years--SIDS).
I have come to cherish her Birthday instead of fear it. I light a candle, offer sweets to my surviving children as a way of keeping her Memory alive in our family.
Peace to you Leanne,
Jenn Stocks

Katja - posted on 01/17/2010

My daughter passed away 7years and 1day ago, and every year i celebrate here birthday.. Thats is a way to honoring my little angel in heaven..

Susan - posted on 01/17/2010

my daughter was born stillborn almost a year ago, in Feb. We plan on doing something special for her. Probably going to set a balloon off for the first year and just have my immediate family and Husbands family at the graveyard, most of my family lives ways away so its a long drive for them. I am not sure what else to do for her just yet.

Lorelei - posted on 01/16/2010

Yes! A little yearly tradition to celebrate you child can be a wonderful way of coping with the day and honoring him at the same time.

Karin - posted on 01/16/2010

I'm sorry for you loss.
It hasn't been a year for me (4months today). But I have been thinking about the 1 year anniversary already. I think I'm going to do something. I will want our son to be remebered. I was thinking of going out for dinner or ordering Pizza in, as this is what we did just before I went into labor and lost our son.
At the funeral we let 2 doves fly by his grave, I might do that again.
For sure I will only want my imideate family around and I will also bake a cake.

I read that it is advisable to create somekind of a ritual for the anniversary, as rituals help us cope better with things.

Sending you a big hug and I hope you will find a way that feels right to you and your family

Leanne - posted on 01/16/2010

thanks victoria that helps

Victoria - posted on 01/16/2010

My daughter was stillborn at 20 weeks may 06. We have celebrated her birth day every year since. Sometimes with a party and cake and balloon release, sometimes just by ourselves, lighting a candle and just remembering... If you want to celebrate, you should.