Should I or shouldnt I??

Dree - posted on 03/26/2010 ( 6 moms have responded )

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It's been almost 5 years now since I lost my son Ryleigh. Here lately my partner and I have been discussing trying for another one. She has two older children (17 and almost 15) and just had a hysterectomy. So that means I would be the one able to have a child. We desperatly want to raise one together as OUR child. Dont get me wrong...I do consider Brit and Tim as my children. But I've always wanted a baby...especially one to raise with Andrea. We've been talking about it alot lately..even have a few ways that we could go about having it happen.

My fear is this. I lost Ryleigh at 5.5mths along. I am so scared that it will happen again. I honestly believe I wouldnt be able to handle another loss like that. BUT at the same time I am so excited just thinking about it. I have even already picked out the first name and a possible middle name. I have already made room in the bedroom for the baby....I'm not even pregnant and havent done anything to even start that process LOL So I need advice with this one please.

Also namehelp would be great LOL I already know the first name will be Ryder. It is a unisex name so I need a unisex middle name as well. Ryder is of English origin and means Mounted Warrior. The middle name I am thinking of...but not to sure about it is Kenley. It is also of English origin and means Royal Meadow. Anymore suggestions LOL?!?!?!

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Have you considered adoption? We have family friends who had 9 miscarriages at different points. Although they are still trying, they are older and have since adopted two beautiful children as infants.

Wendy - posted on 03/31/2010

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Have you spoken to your doctor about why you lost your son at 5.5 months gestation? If the death of your son had nothing to do with a physical problem with your body, and has left no problems since his passing, then there should be no reason why it would happen again. Speak to your doctor and get a physical so you can put your mind at ease. Take all the recommended health suppliments for soon to be and expectant Mums, and you should be fine. And most of all think positive! You will be surprised how far positive thinking can go! Good luck!

Samantha Lyndsay - posted on 03/30/2010

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My daughter Lani passed away almost 5 years ago in may. i didnt even try to have another child again until 2 and half years after. its defintally different for everyone, but i wasnt prepared for what would happen afterwards. the entire time i prayed to god that she would be okay, that she would be the one that made it. i also talked ALOT to Lani, making sure she watched over her sister as she grew. after nevaeah was born, happy and healthy, i would watch her eat and sleep and just cry. I cried because i never had that chance to experience that with Lani. I cried because she would never know her sister. I cried because i felt robbed. I wasnt prepared to deal with those emotions, and i guess i was niaeve that having another child wouldnt drudge up all those feelings all over again. i still cry and my daughter is now almost 2 (she was born only 8 days after the death of her sister), but now i cry because im rejoycing in the fact that i was able to have another shot at being a mom. i cry because time goes by way too fast. but i know that i still have my darling angel watching down, and im pretty sure she is the best angel i could ever have watching my back.

Dana - posted on 03/29/2010

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I lost my Daughter Chloe at 34weeks 5years ago she was still born when my placenta abrupted, I have since had 2 very healthy very active girls, I was extremely scared thoughtout both pregnancies, I had reservations at first before trying for both of them but I couldnt imagine my life without children so here they are. Dont get me wrong they were not easy pregnancies my eldest daughter was also born early at 37weeks as they thought she had stopped growing and that my placenta was starting to deteriorate and same with my youngest daughter at 38weeks I know thats not super early but still early enough to worry. I say go with your gut and do what feels right, as I wouldn't recommend dissociatating yourself with the pregnancy it is an amazing time and I firmly believe it is the beginning of the bonding process with your child. Good luck.

Dree - posted on 03/27/2010

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Jennifer yes I am excited about this possibly going to happen. But most of that right now is revolving around the fact that my partner and I are even discussing it. I lost Ryleigh almost a year before meeting girlfriend. So we never really discussed trying for a baby until a few months ago. Yeah its been brought up in the past several times...by her asking me if I felt ready to try again. She could always tell by the look in my eyes that I wasnt and she would quickly change the subject. But a few mths ago when she asked I actually didnt get this whole "OMG My life is coming to an end" depressed look. So we continued to talk about it. I brought it up with my therapist shortly there after. We have been discussing it as well.

I'm a big organizer although you wouldnt know if you saw the kids rooms and my family room LOL. But they are both teens so there is no help there!! So I tend to make room for things that arent exactly going to happen but there is a chance of it happening. Ever since I was a child I would pick out names that I liked. They werent all that common names back then but now you hear them all the time. So of course now I have to pick all new names out LOL.

Am I excited...heck yeah I am. Do I know there is a chance of losing another one...of course I am. Is that going to keep me from getting excited when and if this does happen...no way in hell.

Jennifer - posted on 03/26/2010

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Here's what i'll say. You sound really excited and I don't mean to step on toes or offend. I've lost two pregnancies and not one of them was easy to experience. Since you lost your son at such a late date it might not be a good idea to get so excited to try this time. Or change some things to get excited about. Make a celebration date every four weeks or make the sex of the new baby a suprise. I hate to say dissociate yourself from the pregnancy, but try not to attach right away. It seems the more attached to the pregnancy you are the more it hurts when it's lost.

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