Stupid things people say

Andrea - posted on 06/15/2009 ( 220 moms have responded )

566

29

56

I just have to share what bothers me most after the death of one of my twins. If one more person says to me "Well at least you still have one" I'm going to haul off and punch them! I am well aware that I have one of the twins and feel very blessed for that, but that doesn't rid my heart of the pain I feel for the loss of his brother. I miss him everyday eventhough his brother is still alive...quit being so inconsiderate people! Let's remind people that if you don't know what to say, don't say anything at all...silence is ok. Any other stupid comments you would like to share to vent to the world?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Megan - posted on 03/22/2011

67

8

4

I'm only 17, and experienced a miscarriage a few months ago and I had everyone say 'well, it's better this way' all the time. I felt like knocking in teeth, aswell. Losing my baby was not better than anything, and quite frankly, the 'best thing' would have been my pregnancy continuing and me giving birth to them, and then bringing them home and raising them with thier father, my fiance.

I also got the "you can always try again" a lot as well. Sure, I could have a million babies, but it would never ever change the fact that my first died before they even got to live.

'They're in a better place now" was another one, and to be honest, no, they aren't. The best place for them to be is in my womb, or in my arms.

Karen - posted on 12/06/2011

7

0

0

I am also a mother of twins. One of my daughters lost her battle with life at the age of 13 one month ago. I have learned people dont know what to say when a child dies and find people tripping over there own words. If you have nothing nice to say dont say a word. The best card i recieved shortly after her passing said in quite words we are thinking of you and micheala. exactly what i wanted to hear that people thought of us but werent going to try and out wit themselves and make up some uncomforting words. People need to rethink what they are saying and what they are about to say. i to want to punch people how dare someone say there in a better place or there non longer suffering or all these silly things we as parents arent already aware of. but ive decided if i punch someone i might not stop lol

Kayla - posted on 08/06/2010

9

25

3

I lost my only daughter (so far) a year ago and have only heard things like. "I believe this will be your ministry" and "Your so strong to be able to do that" when the truth is I would rather this NOT be my ministry and no I'm not strong! Just cause you don't see me cry myself to sleep sometimes, yes even after a year. So not too bad...
But truly the worse I've ever heard was said to my best friend who's 14 month old was backed over, "I totally understand! When my dog, fluffy was run over a couple months ago..." Oh my goodness are you serious? Like your dog can compare to her CHILD!

Tiffany - posted on 07/13/2009

9

23

0

All of us on this page are the only people who can truly understand how devistating it is to lose a child. People can sympathize, but they will never really understand. I remember a few people saying stupid things to "comfort" me when I lost my son. They think they are being supportive but they don't realize how those words stay with us and keep hurting us over and over. I've never felt that kind of empty, lost, devistation ever before that. I think I would've hurt myself if I didn't have my first born son to help me pull through. He was the reason I got up in the morning and the reason I chose to get pregnant again...I wanted to give him a sibling. I pray for all of you on here that are going through the horror and misery of losing your baby. Your heart starts to heal in time, but please know, you don't ever have to forget or stop talking about your baby. I think about the son I lost everyday, nothing will replace him. Give yourself permission to grieve anyway you choose. God bless all of you!

Heather - posted on 07/11/2009

2

6

0

I'm willing to bet that people who have told you it's unusual to bond with your child in the womb have never had a chlid in their womb. How can you not bond with a child you want, whose birth you are eagerly anticipating? To know that you have created a life that is growing inside you, that is changing as you are changing, that is literally a part of you...ther is nothing to ever compare to that bond. To think that a mother who didn't get to give birth to a living child, or a mother whose child died soon after birth, "wasn't attached" to her child is one of the most ludicrous concepts ever. Your bond with your baby was normal, natural, and beautiful.

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

220 Comments

View replies by

Helen - posted on 04/22/2014

9

2

0

Oh my God:-( to read this brings me tears + satisfaction I have just lost one of my twin boys. I can totally appreciate what you say. Having his brother doesn't help!! It just adds to the pain:-( and as for your relationship.... hope your's is working out better than mine... Feel so alone. X

Lila Daphne - posted on 04/21/2014

1

0

0

I lost son in a car wreck when he was 19, I do have surviving son and I do feel blessed. I had people come up to me and say that I know how you feel, I lost my 85 yr. old mother or grandmother. I would tell these people that they did not know how I felt. I had a close friend tell me that I was different and dead was dead. I told her that we needed to get off of the phone now, I knew that it would be the end of a friendship if I didn't. She never said anything like that to me again. I was sent a message through a friend of a woman who had lost a child. The card just stated, " How old would you like your child to be when it died and in what way would you choose for your child to die." I saw nothing wrong with this and I had cards printed and if someone said something to me that was totally ridiculous about my son's death, I gave them a card.

[deleted account]

I don't think people say things with ill intentions. I just think sometimes people don't know what to say so it comes off as insensitive. I just nod and move along if their words aren't comforting....it's annoying but I'd rather walk away then give them more of my time.

Shelli - posted on 12/26/2012

1

0

0

Today I regret to say that my 22 year old daughter liz had died yesterday morning christmas day. At inland valley hospital wildomar, at 8am. From a overdose. My aunt told me while I had just found out the news said its for the best she was a drug addict anyways. The overdose saved her. I wanted to punch her. My daughter hadn't used for a year and one day got weak and said yes. And her heart had enough. She was doing great. And now 22 years of having her spending every day with her she's gone. I had gotten her a car for christmas but now i lay the keys on her grave.

[deleted account]

In 2007 I had a one year old son and I had a three day old baby boy that stopped breathing. We never even left the hospital. He was revived and put on life support, but had been without oxygen for so long that 9 days later he was pronounced brain dead. He passed March 19th, at ten days old.

My sister is someone I have always looked up to, always adored and thought the world of. But the day before taking my baby off of life support she said, "Maybe it's better this way. I mean think about it, what if he 'came back' but had tons of brain damage? You would have to spend your entire life caring for a boy stuck with an infants mind." She went on and on and on.

I wanted to strangle her. It took everything I had not to slap her. I just said, "Anything would have been better than saying goodbye now." and I walked away. My aunt (who is slightly famous in our family for her insensitivity) was on the phone with me the day he was put on life support and said "He was just meant to be angel." If he was 'meant' to be an angel then God would have kept him and not broken my heart that way.

And don't even get me started on the comments about me replacing him by having my daughter later. I didn't want to have any more. I didn't want my heart to get ripped out again. I was terrified of losing my oldest to the point of having his pediatrician order every test possible to check him fully out. EEG's, EKG's, Blood test's, etc. etc.

Also, about a week after my son died, my other sister's 2 year old son passed after two very massive strokes in April 2007. She had gotten a partial hysterectomy after having him and after losing him was looking for a way to reverse it.

In September 2008 I had a baby girl that I actually didn't know I was even pregnant with. That sister's first comment? "I'd give anything to have another baby, she didn't even want any more and she's popping them out left and right." Needless to say...we aren't close anymore.

Angela - posted on 12/11/2011

11

6

2

You are soo right!! We have a 2yr. old and everyone thinks that because we have her the loss of our baby back in July is some how not so bad. Having our toddler does not make it easier or better. some times it is worse because we can't grieve the way we would if we didn't have them. I love and adore my toddler but it doesn't change the fact that I still want Alivia back!

Angela - posted on 12/11/2011

11

6

2

You are soo right!! We have a 2yr. old and everyone thinks that because we have her the loss of our baby back in July is some how not so bad. Having our toddler does not make it easier or better. some times it is worse because we can't grieve the way we would if we didn't have them. I love and adore my toddler but it doesn't change the fact that I still want Alivia back!

Caroline - posted on 12/08/2011

56

6

5

Ritamarie - hi i watched my parents go through cancer with my brother and all i can say is if you need to cry etc you do it blow anyone that says different. im sure you will have a friend or family member be your pillar of strength just like i was for my parents. i sincerely hope all goes well for you and your family. (have learnt that one cant say much more than that)

Lin - posted on 12/02/2011

565

46

22

Ritamarie - I'm sorry to hear you and your son are going through that. While I know there's nothing I can say to make things better, but I will certainly keep your son and his loved ones in my thoughts.

Ritamarie Scheffler - posted on 11/30/2011

1

0

0

I am going through a tuff time right now. My 33yr old son has brain cancer. I am devastated. We are very close.I'm falling apart right now and I have people actually chastising me about being strong for my son, which I find offensive and one friend told me she understood because she had lost her husband. No, I'm afraid that loosing a husband is part of the progression of life. I feel like if you can't show some empathy for what we as a family are going through then maybe you should not be around. Listen to them, do not try and correct them. They will come back to what fits later. They have every right to grieve for as long as it takes to get through this. People need to be more sensitive at times like this and don't act like you have all the answers. Just be ther for that person to love and accept them they way thjey are. I have a long road to travel here, my trials have just begun, but I am ready to face on...Mybe through prayer and support there will be a different outcome. Please pray for him. thank you

Amanda - posted on 07/29/2011

9

0

1

You know what, all o them suck. I lost one of my 2 year old twins. I have my daughter and lost my son. All the MORONS out there still think its ok to say those things. I finally got the nerve to tell most of them go to hell. There is nothing good to say. Im sorry honestly pisses me of because its used all the time for everything. really, i just wish that when people heard what happened that they ould look t me and say, "i dont know what to say". thats the most honest and non offensive thing. People piss me off. it also drives me insane when people say i understand ur pain because they have lost a child as well I really dont think so. a woman who lost a child in utero has no clue how a mother who lost a 2 year old feels. a mother who has lost a 2 year old has no idea how a mother who lost an older child feels. I think people try to relate too much and dont realize that when ur in that angry stage, which always comes back, u just want to hit someone. and stupid comments like all of the above make it so much easir to let loose and not control ur temper.

Trinity - posted on 07/28/2011

23

37

3

Me and "this girl" were pregnant at the same time she was due in May and me in July. Well I ended up haveing my son in March. Two weeks after my son passed I was at her house and she had the audasity to look at me and say " Your lucky that you dont have to go through this, I cant wait to get this baby out." WHAT??? The only response that went through my head was, I would give anything to be in your position. The other one my husband got was " You know karma's a bitch that way." How ignorant can people be.

Lin - posted on 07/24/2011

565

46

22

My own mother told me I should be HAPPY I miscarried my little girl, and essentially said that because she had only 2 kids, I should stop at 2. And it's not like it was a one time slip of the tongue either - she's repeated this multiple times. While it wasn't the final straw that led us to not talking anymore, it was certainly a contributing factor.

Susan - posted on 07/11/2011

22

29

0

When I lost my daughter, at first nobody said anything they were actually careful with what they said and how they said it. But that was in 2009, when I was with my ex-husband, my daughters father, after a while he kept telling me to get over it and stop crying about it. Needless to say we are no longer together. (we had other problems as well) And i have my dad telling me I need to move on. It's not easy to move on when you lost your first born, two days before your birthday. I will admit I have learned to cope a lot better, but it still gets me every single day and night. I wake up thinking about her and I go to bed thinking about her. Some people are just heartless. I am sorry for all of your losses.

Sharon - posted on 07/10/2011

37

20

1

well when we lost our daughter at 4 months old (accidental suffocation) one of my aunts told me about how she almost lost my cousin when he was a baby but she walked in just in time and was able to prevent him from suffocating! thank you,auntie, i feel sooooooo much better now!!!

Sharon - posted on 07/10/2011

37

20

1

well when we lost our daughter at 4 months old (accidental suffocation) one of my aunts told me about how she almost lost my cousin when he was a baby but she walked in just in time and was able to prevent him from suffocating! thank you,auntie, i feel sooooooo much better now!!!

Megan - posted on 03/29/2011

67

8

4

Tania, I can sooo relate to you. There's this girl who was a friend of my fiance, and she uses abortions as birthcontrol. Well, a doctor told her that she had had too many abortions in thepast coupl months, so she had to stay pregnant. She proceeded to drink and smoke and do drugs in hopes of killing it. Then, Ended up having a late-term abortion. When we lost our baby, she told me I was 'soo lucky' that I had miscarried because a baby is a lot of work, and labour is painful. I gave her quite the toungue lashing, and we no longer speak to her.

Tania - posted on 03/28/2011

3

11

0

about 3 months after the loss of my daughter my best friend got pregnant and spent the whole pregnancy telling me how she didn't want to have the baby and using drugs in hope of losing it and when I stopped hanging around her and told her how selfish she was being she had the nerve to tell me that I was just trying to ruin her life because my life was falling apart. She had no thought what so ever about how hard it was for me to first be around someone who was pregnant and secondly didn't want the baby and was trying to kill it. After that little episode we are no longer friends.

Alana - posted on 03/27/2011

3

13

0

i lost both of my twin boyson the 28th of april 2009 all i heard was get over it uwill have more it really pissed me off so isolated my self for about 2 months but people come out with the stupidest stuff

Tiffany - posted on 03/26/2011

23

27

1

so i've posted on here before, but recently i was hanging out with my cousin who was there for my daughter's birth. We went to go get tattoo's to remember her by and i was telling her how my doctor had called me earlier that day to tell my blood work came back fine so i didn't lose my daughter because of me. So she looked at me and said "Tiff, i don't think Emma wanted this. How could a perfectly health 39 week old baby go from being fine to being gone? Maybe she didn't want this" Since that day it hasn't be sitting right with me.

And if you don't understand what she mean by "wanting this" she means that my daughter Emma decided to pass away

Megan - posted on 03/23/2011

67

8

4

I'm so sorry, Gabi. My father told me to have an abortion, and then a couple weeks later I miscarried, and he didn't apologize, and still hasn't, so we don't speak. He ignores the existance of my fiance Kyle (the babies father), and I just can't forgive him for what he's done and said. Luckily, Kyle and I still talk about our baby from time to time and are trying to have another. I'm a little aprehensive, but I'm going to 'feel the fear, and do it anyway'. Before concieving I'm hoping to get a memorial tattoo to show everyone that I am not replacing my angel baby, and that they will always be part of me.

Gabi - posted on 03/23/2011

4

0

0

Megan, I'm so sorry to hear about your recent loss. It's hard for people to even fathom the complicated feelings of losing a child if they haven't gone through it themselves. It was actually my own dad who told me to try to forget about my baby. I think it was because he didn't like seeing me in so much pain, he just wanted to "erase" it away... as if it were that easy. I don't talk about my daughter with him anymore - I don't think he can handle it. Luckily, I have other support, people I can talk to about her. I got a lot of the "you can always try again" too. The words minimize the extent of the loss that I feel and the fact that my child cannot be replaced by anyone or anything.

Megan - posted on 03/22/2011

67

8

4

@ Gabi .. Someone actually told you to try and forget about your daughter?! I knew there were a lot of insensitive people, but that is just the cruelest thing I have ever heard. I'm getting a memorial tattoo for my angel baby so that I always have that reminder.

Megan - posted on 03/22/2011

67

8

4

@ Gabi .. Someone actually told you to try and forget about your daughter?! I knew there were a lot of insensitive people, but that is just the cruelest thing I have ever heard. I'm getting a memorial tattoo for my angel baby so that I always have that reminder.

Megan - posted on 03/22/2011

67

8

4

I'm only 17, and experienced a miscarriage a few months ago and I had everyone say 'well, it's better this way' all the time. I felt like knocking in teeth, aswell. Losing my baby was not better than anything, and quite frankly, the 'best thing' would have been my pregnancy continuing and me giving birth to them, and then bringing them home and raising them with thier father, my fiance.

I also got the "you can always try again" a lot as well. Sure, I could have a million babies, but it would never ever change the fact that my first died before they even got to live.

'They're in a better place now" was another one, and to be honest, no, they aren't. The best place for them to be is in my womb, or in my arms.

Gabi - posted on 03/21/2011

4

0

0

"God must really be testing you..."
"Everything happens for a reason."
"I knew she was going to die. I had a dream that she would die."
"It's not so bad. You should feel lucky that you can still have more children, and that you have friends and family."
"It's best to try to forget her."

Jodie - posted on 03/15/2011

8

35

0

firstly i am really sorry that anyone has to go through this , they are still our beautifull children i dont know why people say stupid things like this i lost my little angel jade in 2008 i was really young (17)she was still born at 26 weeks just after i gave birth to her the midwife said that will teach you to have any more untill ur older i felt so sad and unhappy because i thought they're job is to try help you and reasure you i asked for another midwife because im a nice girl but i really did feel like throttling her that day i thought my age shouldnt of mattered to her a year later i got pregnant again with my son and i am so proud of my children theyre beautiful at first i didnt no how to bond with my son i felt like i was spoiling him more than my daughter or treating him better ive overcome that hard stage n hes a cheeky chappy now i dont class him as replacing her but seeing his smile every morning n him calling me mum is the best feeling in the world and he is the one helping me through this in his own little way me and him go to see his big sister every week and i sit and tell him about his older sister n how she is watching down on us and how precious she is xxxx

Stephanie - posted on 03/14/2011

10

1

2

I so agree with everything here the worst in all this has been my grandmother she says "Well grandpa is going to store all this stuff for when you have another just don't wait so long this time" (there was an 11 years between my daughter and the baby I lost). Another from her was "We should post this in the paper so everyone knows" - why does everyone need to know??? Another thing that really ticked me off was strangers at the service - family members were inviting their friends people we did not know - not what we wanted in our weakest moment was to have strangers trying to interduce themselves and then tell us sorry for our loss ??? who goes to a babies funeral and doesn't know the parents of the baby? And last in my rant is the funeral home director half an hour into the service he comes to me and says "well I have to take off do you know when your going to be wrapping this thing up?" what the hell!

Tiffany - posted on 02/20/2011

23

27

1

i think one of the stupid things someone said to me after my daughters death, came right from my own mothers mouth. she said that there HAD to have been something wrong with my daughter, that my daughters death wasn't accident

Kaitlin - posted on 02/18/2011

96

28

18

After I had my daughter, I got pregnant with identical twins and I lost them half way through my pregnancy. I did not get any I'm sorrys or any of that all I got was " it's for the best" " it would of been hard with more kids" "it's better this way" "now you can just concentrate on your other baby" blah blah blah...I don't talk to my family anymore because of those stupid comments. And when I got pregnant for the 3rd time with an ectopic pregnancy, I told no one. What's the point. They're just going to be insensative and cruel again and probably wonder why I'm trying to have another baby. So when I got pregnant the 4th time, I waited till I was over 20 weeks to tell anyone. And instead of getting a congratulations, I got a " oh, so why do you want to have another baby" or " you know it's going to be harder with 2 kids" I really wish people would just learn to keep their mouths shut.

Lesa - posted on 02/17/2011

22

14

1

I'm so sorry you lost one of your twins. That baby will always be special to you, will always be in your heart, and you will always be his/her mommy. No one has a right to say those things to you. They just don't understand. After the tragic loss of my fourth child (third miscarriage) I heard something similiar. "At least it wasn't one of your parents who died." What?! It hurt so bad. No one should mininimize your pain. It will only make your healing time longer and your grief more pronounced. Avoid those people who say the hurtful things... and say to yourself, "they just don't understand." I have had 5 losses so I am here if you ever want to talk. Hugs.

Jess - posted on 01/19/2011

2

0

0

after the loss of my 2 day old baby,most people would say,TAKE HEART or don't worry a another child that is good will come and stay,i don't understand how u say take heart when my heart was lost with the death of my son,or what is the determinant to know a good child from a bad child.

Anna - posted on 01/19/2011

43

63

3

I feel yalls pain! in 2009 we lost our little one (I was 2months) but my mother in law decided to tell her buddies that she was happy I was not pregnant and that before my husband (her son) and I tried again I needed to grow up......
Just for her information I was 21 and my husband and I had been married for 5 months and he was getting ready to deploy to Afgh..... how can a GRANDMOTHER of all people say this?!?!


Today we are blessed with a health 2 month old little boy (who I had at 33 weeks and he had to spend 2 weeks in the NICU) and my mother in law can't figure out why I don't want her around him or apart of my life.
I'm sorry to all the mommys who have lost a little blessing in life, one day we will be with them again and can hold them in our arms!

Wendy - posted on 01/13/2011

55

17

11

I completely agree with you, people say things without thinking about it before they open their mouths.

The one comment which really annoys me, was from a man who was going, on and on and on about his sick dog, and how devistated he will be if the dog die because he loves his dog so much (mind you he has grown up children as well). We only just lost our one year old son a month or so before to a tradgic accident. I don't care about your dumb dog, my baby, a human being is far more important than a dog! He couldn't see what he was saying, and how hurtful it was, that he continually carried on about an animal. If I had a choice of losing one of my dogs or one of my children, I would definitely not have to think about the answer.

I wish people would stop and think about what they say in front of a person, or people who have lost a child. If they just took a minute and put themselves in our shoes, and how we would be feeling, I'm sure they wouldn't be saying the silly things that they do. Losing a child is the most devistating thing in the world, and unless you have lost a baby or child, then you can't fully understand what all these mother's feel in this group. It is not a group you ever want to choose to join, we are all forced into it by the one thing we have in common - the loss of a baby/child.

I've learnt now to move away from people or change the subject quickly if they are saying something which offends me, but still I have times when I just want to scream at them and say, do you realise what you are saying to me? Do you know how stupid and hurtful that is? But I just bite my tongue, and try and move on.

Nature (Ash) - posted on 01/05/2011

37

21

3

The worst I got after my son passed 7 1/2 months ago was
"God is taking your children because you are not right with Jesus"

I was almost arrested for that one. I knocked her down and was choking her with her hair. when my sister explained everything to the cops they let me go. I am not christen I was not raised christen nor will I ever be christen. I am not a violent person but that bitch deserved it!

Cathy - posted on 12/31/2010

3

17

0

I've experienced the stillbirth of on of my twins. I had the opposite problem-- everyone seems to ignore the fact that I lost a daughter. I have had a miscarriage and heard all of the stupid things people say to comfort you. I honestly don't know whether silence is any better. It hurts that it seems no one remembers Andi, I would have appreciated an "I'm praying for you." or "I'm hear if you need to talk."

Bev - posted on 11/05/2010

4

0

0

My little boy was poorly for 4 months before his death, due to failure by the hospital to diagnose correctly his problem..... I feel so angry when people tell me that its for the best as hes not suffering now.... NO he shouldn't have suffered in the first place had the doctors done their job properly!

Monique - posted on 11/02/2010

11

6

1

exactly when people come to me ... you know what i like to hear = "damn that sucks". at least this was they arent apologizing or saying something else stupid. They are simply stating the truth - that it sucks hahaha

Monique - posted on 11/02/2010

11

6

1

I am in the SAME circumstance except my twins we a gril and a boy. My boy passed away too and i know EXACLTY what you mean and i feel the same way - JUST DONT SAY ANYTHING. you know what else gets me, the Im Sorries. You didnt do anything so why are you apologizing i know that the choice of words isnt exactly great but im sorry and its ok you still have one IS NOT IT!
Even worse, i had another daughter after he died so my second daughter is very close in age to my first. all i ever hear is "oh are they twins". Now how the heck am i supposed to answer this. No their not twins but she is, thank you, a simple no (although Jianna is). i never know what to say.

Carolina - posted on 11/02/2010

18

27

0

I have had so many stupid comments, but the best/worst one was when I went back to work after losing my daughter (she was sadly stillborn and I took 2 month off to recover), I had one girl ask me if I enjoyed my time off?! And yes, she knew about my loss because she had sent me a sympathy card! Stupid people!

Kirsten - posted on 11/01/2010

10

12

1

I sometimes look at people in just shock, especially when it newly happened. I really thought I would go balistic and freak out. So instead I asked them, which one of yours would you choose. Usually they would look at me like, HUH, I said out of yours which would you choose. I think the gapping mouth hole look was not only apparent they didn't think about what they said but the thought of which one would they choose would shut them up. At least I made my point, whether it was kind or not.

Ashley - posted on 11/01/2010

2

12

0

ppl are so insensitive. they tell me the same things. hes in a better place,i can still have more.etc. f they have never lost there child they shouldnt say nething at all!

Michelle - posted on 10/30/2010

2

22

0

Yep.... I know where you are coming from. I have had two miscarriages in the last 12 months, and something I still struggle with everyday. Just because I never got to meet my children, doesnt mean I dont love them any less, or mean that I am not a mother...
One of my friends, has had her first baby in the last 6 months, and she said (on mothers day) being a mum is so fantastic, but you wouldnt know what thats like yet.. yeah. Thanks for that. Thanks for your input. Thanks for your lack of care, and your lack of support. Thank you for pointing out the obvious.. Oh, and the other favourite thing on mothers day, but your not a mum yet, so you cant celebrate it. If only they kept their mouths shut.... Next year, I'll be in hibernation for mothers day.

Yolanda - posted on 10/28/2010

19

7

3

Hello Andrea,I think that is a very insensitive thing for anyone to say after the loss of a twin!I'm sorry you have to endure this!Maybe what you can say to the next person that says this to you is that losing a child is an individual loss,although they were a twin.Maybe reality will then set in in their minds that you have lost a child regardless of how many you have remaining.I truly wish you the best on your journey to healing♥

Carol - posted on 10/22/2010

15

38

0

I feel for you... people really need to learn not to say that... kind of stuff and just say nothing a hig a hand or even a i canèt imagine how you feel, my condolenses would be just fine.... the worst I got was...... from my exs GF ;does it really matter, all that child was was a complication in my life and a burden on yours and his; WOW! Life doesnt throw you anything you cant hadle, so god choose this baby that would only be here a short while for you to bear because he knew you could handle it, one day you will se it is for the better, and yes the famous well be blessed you already have two or at least you werent too attached!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it discusts me, i cant imagine your pain because every mother grieves differently, dont ever forget you ARE still his mother and always will be I am deeply sorry for your loss my love is with all of you who have ever experienced this immense loss in your life, xxxx

Samantha - posted on 10/20/2010

18

24

0

Its not what people say anymore that bothers me most now. Its the way they act. On Oct. 15th I wanted to light a candle for my son. I wanted to use the candle holder and candles I used at my wedding because I thought they were very pretty and would be nice. A family member had taken the tube with my wedding stuff in it because they had used the candle holders for a party. At 6:00 I went to get the candle and candle holder and the candle was missing. I called them and asked what happen to the candle. They said they didn't know. THEN they said, "well can't you use just any candle?" NO I want to use that candle because it is very pretty and I want the best for my son!!! Why is it that no one seems to think it is a big deal that you want to do something special to remember your child? They have this attitude like o well he's dead. Lets move on. Even though my son is no longer on this earth I still want to do things for him after all he is still my son.

Tami - posted on 10/20/2010

28

12

3

that you could alway have anouther one like that would replace my sone in any way.

Jessica - posted on 10/20/2010

11

9

1

Well at least you still have one. I heard a few times after one of my twin boys past away a few weeks ago. The religious person they have with you right after you lose a child actually said "Be thankful that they didn't revive him he would have had brain damage" there is so many things I heard like did you know that elvis was a twin. Then there is you have to move on and put it past you, put away Noah up in a closet and take down his pictures. There is no better place for him to be than with God, how about with his parents. The urn necklaces his father and I have are a waste of money. But you know what his main ashes his URN doesn't belong to us we decieded to give them to his twin to scatter them when he is older at his favorite spot. Niko was with him the longest. There is so many things that I heard that made me just want to curl up and die.

[deleted account]

My baby son died last December and I do have two older children. Someone said a similar thing to me. I know! I was to fragile at the time to respond, but now I feel I need to mention how inconsiderate that was, before she says it to anyone else.
May we both find peace in the process,
Angela

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms