Stupid things people say

Andrea - posted on 06/15/2009 ( 218 moms have responded )

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I just have to share what bothers me most after the death of one of my twins. If one more person says to me "Well at least you still have one" I'm going to haul off and punch them! I am well aware that I have one of the twins and feel very blessed for that, but that doesn't rid my heart of the pain I feel for the loss of his brother. I miss him everyday eventhough his brother is still alive...quit being so inconsiderate people! Let's remind people that if you don't know what to say, don't say anything at all...silence is ok. Any other stupid comments you would like to share to vent to the world?

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Kayla - posted on 08/06/2010

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I lost my only daughter (so far) a year ago and have only heard things like. "I believe this will be your ministry" and "Your so strong to be able to do that" when the truth is I would rather this NOT be my ministry and no I'm not strong! Just cause you don't see me cry myself to sleep sometimes, yes even after a year. So not too bad...
But truly the worse I've ever heard was said to my best friend who's 14 month old was backed over, "I totally understand! When my dog, fluffy was run over a couple months ago..." Oh my goodness are you serious? Like your dog can compare to her CHILD!

Jayne - posted on 08/01/2010

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I really hate it when people try to simplify the grief that you go through or think they know about your situation. I was pregnant and bying a cot for my new arrival and got quite cranky I got into an argument with the manager and I said "this is a very stressful time for me" and she said back " I have been pregnant too"......... Wow, I just shot straight back and said "well our first son died sortley after birth so it's not just that mate".
And like the rest of you I hate it when people assume that there was something wrong - THERE WAS NOTHING WRONG WITH MY BABY!! He had just gone into disstress in labour and inhaled merconium when he took his first breath.
I hate it when people play the "God" card, I really did question what sort of a person would "plan" this for me, that is just crazy. I really do just think that it really just was a sequence of unfortunate events. I'm at peace with my loss (Some people don't get that either - should I be walking around crying all the time? IDk but my little boy is gone and nothing can bring him back.) I have dealt with that - It doen't mean I'm "over" it, I just realise I can't change it. But I guess people will always think that they are helping by saying these thoughtless words but I really think they have never lost something so dear to them as we have. In a way I think I know how good I have it now, cause I've been through the pain and in a way I feel sorry for them. Thanks for starting this convo, it really helped getting this off my chest.

Jennifer - posted on 07/28/2010

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I lost my 4th child, and the most horrible thing anyone said to me was "It's for the best; you couldn't afford another child anyway." I could never put a price on the life of my child.

Rachel - posted on 07/28/2010

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In Aug. of 2005 I lost my daughter when I was 29.5wks pregnant. I had had some fertility issues & been told I would never get pregnant, so when we found out we were pregnant I was over joyed, then crushed when we lost her. After we lost her ppl kept saying, "Well, at least you know now that you can get pregnant." What the heck? Yes, now I feel so much better about losing my baby, thank you! Wow, that does feel better lol. After 5yrs of trying for another baby, we finally welcomed, Christopher Daniel II on March 10th 2010. Now I get the "Now you don't have the empty arms anymore." No, my arms are no longer empty, I finally have a baby to fill them, but as much as I love him, I will always love her too. You can't wave a magic wand & make her dissapear, she will always be in my heart & my thoughts.

Merrily - posted on 07/27/2010

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and to think that I spent last night trying to talk someone out of a late term abortion when so many of us mommas have been through things so terrible. My heart is so heavy.

Emily - posted on 07/27/2010

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I understand your feelings. When I got pregnant with twins we didn't even know it until we lost one. They told us that it was a loss in progress and we thought that meant we were losing the pregnancy. However the ultrasounds showed that the remain twin was fine. So people said the same to us as well as " It hard to be upset when you didn't even know there were two until you lost one." Then however in my 17th week of pregnancy I lost my little girl as well so then we didn't even "still have one". People don't understand that.

Rose - posted on 07/27/2010

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I am deeply saddened by the fact that those of us who have not lost children so diligently add to the pain of those that have by making such ignorant and insensitive statements. Please forgive our ignorance. Thats why I am a hand holder - because most of the time words are not helpful for such overwhelming pain.

Rose - posted on 07/27/2010

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Andrea I understand your frustration. People dont realize that they dont always have to do - sometimes they should just be. Do nothing but Be present and listen to me or sit with me. Just Be - Dont Do.

Amber - posted on 07/21/2010

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I hate when they say "i know how you feel" REALLY???? you do... REALLY? NO they don't have the slightest idea to how i feel or any of you feel... and it's not something that you can imagine. it's not going to be okay and please stop telling me not to cry i lost my son at 2mths and 20 days i'm going to F'in cry!!!! and then they ask Me how my husband is doing?? wtf is that??? yes he passed on fathers day, and yes i know that my husband is dying inside, but i am to... if you want to know how he is doing ask him... but don't ask me how he is doing and not even have enough compation to ask me how i am doing, the mother that carried him for 9 months, the mother that changed all of his diapers and nursed him and bathed him and held him for 90% of his life. the one that feels empty and alone and wishes she could just hold him one more tim

Leticia - posted on 07/20/2010

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The worst thing that was said to me was at Planned Parenthood when I went up there to get on birth control after loosing my daughter at full term, the nurse said "did you actually have a full funeral and everything for her even though she was still born?" I didn't even answer her. I was so angry and upset as I left that place.

Jennifer - posted on 07/19/2010

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Well, I think you ladies covered all the horrible things I could have posted, but I had to post my absolute favorite thing that was said to me when we lost our son, David ... by my cousin, who had lost twins, only 5 days further into her pregnancy than I was, 7 years and one month before we lost our son .... and I share it, because I have shared it with a friend of ours who lost a baby at 15 weeks, she smiled and thanked me for saying it, just like I did when my cousin said it to me.

My cousin told me ... "Sweetie, it really >insert profanity here< sucks that David is gone. Nothing I say is going to ease that hurt, so use my shoulder as a tissue and just cry it out!"

Jodie - posted on 07/18/2010

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Isnt that the truth!! I also had twins in 2004 both boys and were identical, one of my boys didnt make it he passed away at 2 weeks old, and the other one survived i love him with all of my heart but he doesnt take the place of my other son, but people i guess thought that he should, including my theripst at that time, but he could never replace my other baby its been almost 6 years now but it feels like yesturday, its not right for people to feel that way, if they havent ever lost a child they shouldnt run their mouth at all!!! and its so clear that they havent lost a child because if they had they would no this!

Merrily - posted on 07/16/2010

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My son was murdered by his father. he was 2 1/2 years old. I was also attacked with an axe and severely wounded. Took lots of time to heal physically let alone emotionally.



"There is no one person you can't live without"

"Get a job- stay busy"

"Don't be a victim"

Mind you, I was up every day and actually counseling my friends because it was so horrible seeing everyone so upset!

I never fell apart, not once. I have since remarried and I have a 5 month old baby. I as you other moms know, miss my Andrew no less.



"You have Kai now- can't you just be happy????"

"I think it is time to let it rest"

"You still visit his grave all the time?!"

"You write letters to him? why?!"

"You need to come to my church. You do want to see Andrew again someday, right?!"

"When I am down, I just think to myself- what would Batman do?"

Maisie - posted on 07/16/2010

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I was told a couple months back that it was so anyoning how i talk about my son (who was stillborn) all the time...
and here recently my son's dad told me I would have been a terrible mother anyway.
My sons dad wouldn't have ever been in his life after we broke up..I just know it..he never cared about the baby untll I lost him and he could get the sympathy from all the girls he wanted to hook up with.
I decided a few months ago that my sons head stone will not have his last name and that he will have mine. we was born with both of our last names.
Because of my choice that i feel I have ever right to make, one of his little girl friends told me I had no right and that i was just an immature little girl.

Aaden (my son) would have been one this month on the seventh.
I was 16 when I got pregnant and i was nine months when he passed away..I might still be a kid but he was a 28 year old man with a kid..I think he is far more immature..and alot more skrewed up. I miss my Aaden every day..of course I was told the normal stuff too like "he is in a better place" and stuff..but I tend to ignore that crap anymore..It's the stuff that really hit home..telling me i would have been a bad mom..that was my biggest fear..I thought because i was so young I wouldn't know what to do..and now i know i would have..when i held him in my arms i just knew.
ugh..that felt good to let out lol

Jamie - posted on 07/14/2010

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I lost my angel Sarah on May 29th and I was telling my so called "best friend" that I was going to my daughters gavesite about 2 times a week and she told me "if you keep going out there the wound will never heal." In my opinion.....THE WOUND WILL NEVER HEAL EITHER WAY!!!! I have two kids at home and when I went to the hospital to deliver my baby girl at 21 weeks the nurses just kept saying "at least you have two more at home to keep your mind off your loss." WTF?! I love my kids but nothing keeps my mind off her everyday. Also everyone keeps telling me "everything happens for a reason." or "God has bigger plans for Sarah." It makes me mad because I don't understand the reason for this and I had big plans too!!

M. - posted on 07/13/2010

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I too got all the stupid responses one can get when the lose a child...my daughter was 17. But the best response we got was from my then 6 year old nephew. When my SIL told the boys about Jolene going to Heaven Michael stated "Well, God needed a new angel and wanted a pretty one"! WHY can't we all be like children and use our hearts instead of our heads during those moments.

I've also had friends who have lost children tell me "Well, you know how I feel". No, I don't, I know how I felt, but their pain may be totally different. I just hug them, tell them I love them!

Tallana Coral - posted on 07/12/2010

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i was 3 and a half months when i lost my first baby, (i know it wasnt that long of time) but it still cut me deep when i lost him/her. The things i hatered the people at the hospital dont have any heart, 5 mins after they announced that it was a complete misscarrage they told me your things happen, better luck next time. then they asked me to leave the room asap as they needed it for someone eles. and also one of my 'friends' pretended that she had a misscarrage about a week after i did. after the truth came out and everyone found out that she didnt have a misscarrage she said i saw how everyone felt sorry for you and they were all trying to help you, i just wanted people to care about me aswell. I nearly punched her right then and there

Wendy - posted on 10/28/2009

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I have gotten the what was wrong why because a child die do they have to be sick and your right I can't stand to repeat to everyone what happen isn't it enough that it plays over and over in my head every sec. of everyday

Denisha - posted on 10/28/2009

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After I lost my baby when I was 7 months pregnant I had to stay at the hospital because it was a c-section anyway the day after when i was laying in the hospital bed with all the crazy thoughts of why this happened going through my head some young ,stupid,ignorant intern walks in with his little white coat and clipboard sits down on my bed and asks me if i was going to bottle feed or breast feed my child. If i wouldn't have been in so much pain from the surgery he would have eaten that clip-board!

Clara - posted on 10/28/2009

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I don't usually say "Soory for your loss" anymore. I just give a hug and say I'm here if you need to talk.



It's not God's will for any to perish, read the scriptures, I just wanted to shout at people. My 32-week stillborn daughter had such an impact on so many people already that the office worker at the memorial garden where we had her interred said she'd never seen such a turnout for any baby.



I think one of the hardest things, aside from finding out while in Halloween costume that our first daughter had passed away and planning her funeral arrangements ON my birthday was sleeping that Halloween night knowing that part of me really was dead and I still had to deliver her tomorrow...



People often call a stillbirth a miscarriage. It's not and I had a near-argument with my family nurse practitioner. Even medically speaking, a pregnancy lost at 32 weeks is a stillbirth in Kentucky, okay! My daughter would be 2 on Sunday and believe me, you don't forget the ignorant comments. (God's plan/will, she's in a better place, at least you weren't any further along in the pregnancy--we had just had her baby shower the weekend before we found out she passed away!!!, God needed another angel, God changed His mind--loathed that one.) Even the generic "Sorry for your loss" aggrevated me because (and I bounced from one feeling to the other) 1-what insensitive prick ISN'T sorry for the loss of a child to 2-what did you do to feel sorry for my loss. Thankfully, my family (including my loving sister-in-law) acknowledge ~Savannah~ in a positive way. I watch her sister growing (born less than 10 months later) and often think "Wow, even being a tiny preemie (because the blood clots hadn't done any damage yet at the 28 week ultrasound), what would she be doing now?"



The saddest thing I think I heard was from someone who was in a similar situation, speaking of her first son, who died in very premature labor around 26 weeks. "Well, at least he didn't have to be born so premature that he would have suffered all his life. I don't think I could handle that." Wow, huh! Just about any of us would willingly rather hold that possibly suffering child than hold the memory of our angel babies.

Wendy - posted on 10/27/2009

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I know what you mean someone actually had the nerve to tell me that at least I would be saving money after my son passed. Do they even think before they speak.

Kitty - posted on 10/26/2009

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I suppose they dont know what to say. I mean ive been at funerals before and said something like that and then after its like why the f@$k did I say that. You just dont know what to say. The worst for me was when I rushed my daughter to the hospital and a lady came out to me and told me she was okay that she was still alive, and she wasnt. Now thats f#$@d excuse the language but I could have killed that woman

Jessica - posted on 10/25/2009

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I am very sorry for your loss, Yeah I got that alot as well. I had twins at 24 weeks and lost one 10 days later. I would always get "well at least you have one" It would make me so mad! I didn't come in wanting just one I want both my little girls! I understand that is is hard to find comforting words to someone who has lost a child. But if you can't think something just tell them your there for them!

Cecelia - posted on 10/25/2009

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I have heard these things too. But what bothers me more is when people treat you like you are contagious. Like if they get to close to you something will happen to their child or children. When my daughter passed at 6 weeks no one would come with in 5 feet of me. When we went to family get togethers they would hide the babies in another room or the parents woud find a reason why they had to leave out of the blue.

That hurt more then any of the word that were slung at me.

CC

Maureen - posted on 10/25/2009

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I am very sprry tp hear of your loss. I also lost a son. He was 29 yrs old. He had a terrible motorcyle accident. I understand what you mean by stupid things people say. It was only a year on sept. 23rd of this year and I have peop[le telling me that it is time I get over it. They just don't understand that when you lose a child that you never ever get over it. My prayers are with you and your family......God be with you.

Kimberly - posted on 10/25/2009

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People have no idea the pain of losing a child. It seems the more they talk the more it hurts you. I like the rest of you have heard all the stuff people say thinking they are helping and some from people I think lack a heart.

One child does not replace another. I am a mother of 5 and losing one child does not hurt less because I have four other here. In fact that the one thing I never thought would touch my world did makes me worry and so scared because I know that can happen now. Even worse is how people expect you to be over it like that. My husbands job let him go weeks after his death because he was not his old self and giving 110% as they called it. They would comment an that he is getting teary eyed at times. I think you never get over it and only learn to live with the reality of it without it destroying you.

Fiona - posted on 10/25/2009

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omg wat is rong with people sayin things like tht its easy knowen tht they didnt go trew it any way ,i lost my son stilborn hardest for me was my mum sayin sure dnt no wat ur so upset for its not as if he was born alive it would b harder then , i was so mad at her and he would b 10 now but im still mad at her for tht i cant let go i felt him kick n move around in ther i even watched his heartbeat as i held my breath i love my son and always will they dont no why he died i will never accept tht and im sorry for all you ladys tht lost a child god bless

Melissa - posted on 10/25/2009

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I lost my daughter, Emily, 8 years ago to a congenital diaphragmatic hernia. She was born at 31 weeks and she only lived for 5 days. Those were the hardest days of my life. Since then, I have went on to have 3 more children, a boy and two girls. I can't stand it when people make comments like they know how I feel, or she is in a better place now. I even had someone tell me that Emily didn't matter. (That comment crushed me). When people ask me how many kids I have, I always answer 4, and then explain that we lost Emily shortly after birth. I have come to terms with her death, but it has taken me a long time. I miss her so much, I often wonder what she would be like, what would she look like now. It has taken me so long to be able to move on, I know that I have to be strong for the children that I have now. When Emily was born, she never cried, she did open her eyes for a brief moment. I will never forget the day before she died, she squeezed my fingers as if to tell me that everything would be okay. My husband and I had to make the hardest decision of our lives, we decided to let her go, because the doctors couldn't do any more for her. Emily died in my arms, and that is one thing that I will never forget.

Sarah - posted on 10/25/2009

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and 2004 i had a still born and one of my friends and the baby dad said i killed my baby, that hurt more then anything and for the longest time i blame my self for his death,i know now that i didnt do nothin wrong. People need too think before they speak because the heart is what is broken.

Lori - posted on 10/25/2009

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I lost my son 5 years ago to Potters syndrome...he only lived 4 hours...and that was a miracle in itself! I agree with all of you, and I think some people believe that, because your child only lived a few hours that its easier...not a big deal..I can't stand that..The think I hate that people say is " It was his time" I dont care if it was his time at all....it was my time and his...I carried him 9 months and never got to see his eyes!! why would it be his time?? Also my childhood best friend called me in the hospital...as I was holding my child in my arms...knowing his heart was stopping..said " I know how you feel, I just had to get one of my breast removed" what are you kidding me are your pain meds that good that you would even begin to think that compares"" I dont speak to her know

Ruth - posted on 10/24/2009

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I was pregnant with my daughter (now 19 mths) when we lost our 13 month old son. I too was given the standard "he's in a better place", "at least you still have one", "God giveth and God taketh away". I have a very strong faith but still could have knocked the persons head off when they spoke to me like this. However, I have come to learn that most people say the things they say to make THEMselves feel better, and so they feel like they are helping in some way. I got good at ignoring them, because unless it was my husband talking to me about our son, no one else really had any idea exactly what we were going through.

Jamie - posted on 10/22/2009

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i hate when people say that they understand what we have gone thru when they really dont yes having a misscarrige is losing a child but still births and misscarriges are two diffrent things two diffrent feelings...

Jamie - posted on 10/22/2009

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in defence i understand people being upset for stupid saying to try and make you feel better somone once told me that i wasnt ment to be a mother because my baby died or i wasnt a good mother cause i let my baby die from not taking care of it...which wasnt the case it was a chromasome defencisy..but i however do believe in god and believe that everything thing happens for a reason and my son is up there being taken care of "in a better place" but i have faith in the fact that one day i will be there with him once again...some people arnt religouse which is understandable but thats what i mean when i say he is in a better place...

Paula - posted on 10/22/2009

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yes people say stupid thing...I agree they should say nothing if they can't say something nice or comforting. I get it all the time....it wasn't meant to be....the she is better off now, god needed another angel....well let me tell you...God has plenty of angels....he didn't need to come take mine. she would have been better in my arms than gone.



I too would like to punch people for stupid comments....

[deleted account]

"It was God's will."(and is he getting a freaking thrill????)

"He is in a better place now, it was meant to be"(Where else can it be better than to be with me?)

"You are young, you'll have more kids" Grrrrrr Having another child will never bring back/replace my precious Cory

"At least you won't have to pay his college tuition"

And last....probably the worst I have heard was a comment from my very own mother dearest when we received or son's urn....."Ah wow! I am sooooo happy for you. You have your son back!" Can I hold the urn!" GRRRRRR!

I understand that others who have not suffered the loss of child may not know how to speak to a bereaved parent.....SILENCE is perfect, or a simple sorry for your loss is all we need to hear.

Karen - posted on 09/04/2009

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I think the worst are the family members who act like the baby never happened. My daughter, Maria, stopped kicking when I was 24 weeks pregnant. They lost her too, they at least should understand.

Michelle - posted on 09/03/2009

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Quoting Jewel:

My first miscarriage happened when I was 18 and my sister in law told me that " maybe it was god telling you that you weren't ready yet" then she announced that she and my husbands brother was pregnant just 3 weeks after I lost my baby, I felt like someone slapped me in the face.
I lost two more pregnancies and some people just said 'I'm sorry for your loss" and others would say what my sister i law said years before.


i felt the same way, wen i was pregnant with my second child i lost at 3 months not to mention it was the same day of my fathers death anniversary. a friend of my family claimed she was pregnant and not even 3 weeks after i told her i lost my baby she says she lost hers...i mean wtf why would someone lie about something like that i just wanted to slap her in the face for that.....i was only 3 months pregnant but that was still my baby and alot of people who havent been through that dont understand until it happens to them and i dont wish that on nobody....but im sorry about your loss i do know how you feel its been a year and it still upsets me.

Crissy - posted on 09/03/2009

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the worst thing anyone said to me was our doctor...we had had an abnormal blood test result and so they decided to do an ultrasound, we found out our daughter had cystic hygroma and turner syndrome and would never take her first breathe because all of the fluid on her body would prevent her lungs from expanding. When we went into our doctors office after the ultrasound our doctor walked in and said so how did the apt go? and I said she has turner syndrome...here was her reply "oh, that's good" I looked at her and said "no it's not, she's going to die". She hadn't even looked at the ultrasound results or read my chart before she came in. Then she proceeded to tell me that she thought it would be best for me to abort the pregnancy so that it didn't cause any further complications...I told her abortion was not an option that God would decide when it was time for her to go home. A few days later I called her and asked her if I could donate the baby's organs...she told me they would probably not be healthy enough for another baby due to the chromosome disorder and again urged me to abort the baby...needless to say she was not our doctor for our following two pregnancies.

Sherry - posted on 09/03/2009

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I have heard alot since I have lost 2 children at different ages. When my daughter was stillborn, and the day I came home from the hosp., my dads mom, dear ol granny calls me up and says " ya know I had a miscarriage too, only when I went to the bathroom, "it" plops in the toilet". Yea I just hung up the phone. And with my son being 20yrs, and me being much older All someone had to do was open there mouth and I was all over them like flies on fly paper. With my son I was not a nice person, I was very hateful to everyone after the funeral except my daughter. I had Christoher cremated and I was in no mood to justify why to anyone and they all knew it just by looking at me. I was Dr. Jeckel Mr. Hyde to the extreme. And to those who really really wanted to hit someone for being so ignorant, well I did, and it felt good. It was only my b/f but ya dont look at me and say "if you hadnt co-signed for that motorcycle, your son woud still be here" and not get your chops busted! Then say I took it the wrong way. pfftttt. When people make dumb statements, try to remember "ya cant fix stupid"

Susan - posted on 09/02/2009

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I understand Andrea. I miscarried my daughter in my 2nd trimester. People would say, "At least you didn't lose her twin brother. You already have 2 healthy daughters and I'm sure your husband would rather have a son". How stupid is that? All my husband and I ever wanted was to have healthy children. The sex did not matter. It's been 5 yrs and I still feel like part of our family is missing.

Dana - posted on 09/02/2009

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I too lost one of my twins and experienced the same, "Well at least you still have one" or "Just think of the moms who did get to bring home one baby". I agree, I would just have been happy if someone just didnt say anything, just gave me a hug and a smile. One of my husband's friends came to the funeral of my little girl and couldnt say anything he was crying histerically and just hugged my husband and I. I will always remember that. He made me feel sorry for him instead of me feeling sorry for myself or my little girl or my husband. I dont think people really understand the feelings the parents are going through unless they have been through it also, that is why a support group is important. To ignore all of the ignorant people in the world.

[deleted account]

I had twins at 25 weeks alex died at almost 2 days I got all the well at least you still have one and so on, I ignored them because I knew people didnt know what to say, the one thing that stuck in my mind was my first day trip out with my surviving twin he was all hooked up to his oxygen and so tiny, I had gone out and bought a pushchair with a car seat that clipped on top and a lady who I met was admiring my son and then in a giggly voice said " that pushchair would come in handy if you had twins ! you could put one on top and one underneath" she had no idea of my loss and meant nothing by it but me and my mum looked at each other and burst into tears, the poor lady was so sorry when we calmed down and explained but then I felt bad that I had got upset, its now a funny story that isnt funny

[deleted account]

I had twins at 25 weeks alex died at almost 2 days I got all the well at least you still have one and so on, I ignored them because I knew people didnt know what to say, the one thing that stuck in my mind was my first day trip out with my surviving twin he was all hooked up to his oxygen and so tiny, I had gone out and bought a pushchair with a car seat that clipped on top and a lady who I met was admiring my son and then in a giggly voice said " that pushchair would come in handy if you had twins ! you could put one on top and one underneath" she had no idea of my loss and meant nothing by it but me and my mum looked at each other and burst into tears, the poor lady was so sorry when we calmed down and explained but then I felt bad that I had got upset, its now a funny story that isnt funny

Tiffany - posted on 08/31/2009

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The day I put my son to rest one of my aunts called and start talking about her baby that pasted away and maybe I wasn't ready to be a mom. I wanted to call her every name but the child of God, but I put the phone down and just gave it to God.

Deborah - posted on 08/31/2009

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For me the worst comment was at least you got to have her for 20 years, and your point is she was still my baby weather she was 1 or 20 we are not suppose to lose our children first. the other is at least you know you'll see her again when you die, I'm sorry I want to see her now not later. people try to be helpful but unless they have lost a child they have no clue.

Elle - posted on 08/30/2009

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SOme people are STUPID and some are plain MONSTERS.

i had a now EX friend..say that she wouldnt care if she was sick in her pregnancy as long as she got to be pregnant...... she said this to me...who LOST 2 babies due to being so sick in pregnnacy. i had an illness and she said she would have tha tif it meant getting pregnant she is DISCUSTING!!

Britny - posted on 08/19/2009

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After I lost my son, stillbirth at 7months pregnant, my grandma said to me that "Maybe God took him because he was mentally ill. The mentally ill aren't happy and have really sad lives so they are better off not being born" I was SOO pissed off.

I also heard the whole "it wasn't meant to be" and the "you are young you can have another".

Gloria - posted on 08/19/2009

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Anything they tell you will sound stupid!!! Period! There are just no words of comfort when you experience a loss. So silence is better.

Kristina - posted on 08/16/2009

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I know how you feel, as in being hurt by what someone says... I just had a blighted ovum, or "empty sac". It is where the baby was absorbed early in pregnancy. I was almost 10 weeks pregnant when I found out. The nerve of someone to tell me that "well, you didn't lose a baby, so so it cant be as bad as actually losing one". To those out there, the most common (and hurtful) misconception is that there never was a baby. There was an embryo. There is no way to know how much of the baby formed and when the baby was absorbed. The body has reacted to the existance of a fertilized egg, the mother was absolutely pregnant--however brief--there was a pregnancy. So I know what it feels like to be hurt by someone else's words and want to haul and punch them in the face!

Pam - posted on 08/15/2009

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Some people would come to me and say " You must be really special and strong - because God doesn't give us more than we can handle." That made me so mad I don't want to be that strong and sometimes I feel I can't handle it, I certainly don't want to be special in that way!!!

God, however, does give us the strength and grace to push through anything we experience. We need to focus on Him - He is always faithful!

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