Sudden unexpected death of an older child

Michelle - posted on 01/10/2010 ( 223 moms have responded )

12

54

0

In April it will be 3 years since my 13 year old son was killed. Although at this point I have more good days than bad, the last two days have been bad. Another thing, that I feel horrible about, is reading about all the babies on this site and wondering if I am the only one that posts about losing an older child.



Mark was 13 and shot, no sickness, no cancer, no warning. Just didn't come home when he said he would and then early the next morning I found out what happened. He was at the wrong place, wrong time.



I know as mothers we are all bonded here by losing a child but is there anyone who will post who lost their child under similar circumstances: older, suddenly?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Ralonda - posted on 12/04/2013

27

2

0

My 20 year old son just died Saturday morning, we thought he just caught a stomach virus because he had them from time to time and I was there giving him clear liquids and water and making sure he drank it. The next morning I checked on him and he said he was feeling better but when I went back into his room to make him eat he died in his sleep. How can I go on knowing that he can not. I am only still standing because I have his 3 siblings to take care if. They are 12, 9, and 5. I can't even answer their questions why because I don't even know myself. Sometimes life is just so unfair!!!!!

Tammy - posted on 03/09/2010

10

9

0

For those that lost older children, I wrote this poem when I was in my deepest of depression. During that time period it was the darkest time in my life and I still have those days, but then I reread the words I wrote and now I find that they give me hope and courage. For I know that one day I will once again see my beloved son and I know that he now watches over his family. Maybe my words can help someone else.



Chris was murdered in his own home Dec 14th 2004. He was 24 years old and had a son that was almost 1 year old, now he is 6 years and misses his daddy and what is so weird is that he acts and looks just like his daddy. I am blessed to have him in my life and know that there is a part of Chris that will never die. Blessed be to all those who have lost sons and daughters, may you see them in your dreams.



A Mother Dreams



As my head falls upon the pillows, tears streaming down my face, Soaking the pillows wet

A mothers heart pounds so strongly, fighting the urge not to scream in agony

Begging the Goddess and all Angels to hold me tight this night so I may sleep

Let me see the son I lost, and will never again see with my own eyes, for its only in dreams that he comes now





Let me dream tonight of my little boy who gave his heart to me, so very long ago

Let me dream tonight of my little boy, whose blue eyes shone as brightly as the deepest sea

Let me dream Tonight of my little boy, who slowly grew into a young man

Let me dream tonight of my little boy, who became a father himself, having a son, with the same blue eyes



Let me hold him close and comfort him, telling him not to be afriad of the dark

Let me kiss his cheeks, telling him that I will always love him

Let me caress his strong hand, that use to hold mine

Let me hear his laughter and see the smile upon his face

Let me hear his voice telling me not to worry that all will be well



Each memory I see so clearly, each thought is of him

Every tear is filled with pain and sorrow, I cannot hide it

Every day is like walking in a void, not knowing what day it is

Praying that the pain will never go away, for then the reality will set in

That my Son, is no longer here on earth, that now I must wait till its my time to go

Then I will no longer need to dream

Michele - posted on 01/14/2010

1

7

0

my son passed away doing drugs. I found him in his room on March 19, 2009. I see everyone is posting about babies and infants. Sorry for joining the wrong forum.

[deleted account]

Im so sorry for your loss. I lost my 33yr old daughter last Feb.SHe was my best friend and it was a sudden death from toxic shock.I have lost a Mom and Dad and Husband...but this is the hardest thing Ive ever been though.Yes it does get some better,but when you lose a child...I don't care what age...It's such a terrible thing.I try to just think of all the good times and focus on that.And I finally can think of Deena and not cry, but smile. You will always have some hard days with your loss ,and I hope you have good family support with this.You take care sweetie...HANG IN THERE !!

Tammy - posted on 02/08/2014

2

0

0

My son was also 28 he passed away june 16th 2013 in a fatal car crash.the boy driving had been drinking he pulled out in front of a truck running the red light and my son was was hit causing blunt force trauma to his upper body.he passed away on fathers day.his dad and I will never forget the phone ringing around 5:00 am and being ask to come downstairs a detective was at the door and he was looking for the family of a deceased male they had at the hospital.they could not find his wallet with I'd and the boy driving would not tell them his name.I will never forget having to identify him and the image it has left me with.I still don't want to believe he is gone.even though I saw him and know that he is.I know that my son is in heaven and I will see him again.and god gives me peace as often as I will except it.I don't believe there is anything on this earth that will help.god is the answer we just have to accept him and allow him to help us.I will not make it thru this without god. Tammy Burgess. Mother of Phillip Burgess whom I miss so much that most days I can barely breathe.

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

223 Comments

View replies by

Lilian - posted on 04/07/2014

22

0

0

My names are lilian jane am from USA i want to use this
opportunity to thank my great doctor who really made my life a
pleasurable one today. This great Doctor brought my husband back to
me, i had 3 lovely kids for my husband, about 3 years ago i and my
husband has been into one quarrel or the other until he finally left
me for one lady. i felt my life was over and my kids thought then
will never see their father again. i tried to be strong just for the
kids but i couldn't control the pains that torments my heart, my
heart was filled with sorrows and pains because i was really in love
with my husband. Every day and night i think of him and i always wish he
will come back to me, until one day i met a good friend of mine that
was also in a situation like me but her problem was her ex-boyfriend
who she had an unwanted pregnancy for and he refused to take
responsibility and dumped her. she told me that mine was a small case
and that i shouldn't worry about it at all so i asked her what was the
solution to my problems and she gave me this great man phone number
and his email address. i was doubting if this man was the solution, so i
contacted this great man and he told me what to do and i deed them
all, he told me to wait for just seven days and that my husband will come
crawling on his kneels just for forgiveness so i faithfully deed what
this great man asked me to do and for sure after four days i heard a
knock on the door, in a great surprise i saw him on his kneels and i
was speechless, when he saw me, all he did was crying and asking me
for forgiveness, from that day, all the pains and sorrows in my heart
flew away,since then i and my husband and our lovely kids are
happy.that is why i want to say a big thanks to Doctoroviasuyi. This
great man made me to understand that there is know problem on earth that
has no solution so please if you know that you have this same problem
or any problem that is similar, i will advise you to come straight to
this great man. you can email him at droviasuyispellhome@gmail.com

Carol - posted on 03/15/2014

18

0

0

I am so sorry for your loss and mine also, we don't know why or how bad things happen to our darling children, but, it is hard to understand . My son had an accidental fall in nNov 2007 and died 3days later from traumatic brain injury. I like you 7 years later still feel disbelief. No goodbyes , just emptiness, I'm sorry for you and myself and all of the others who have lost their children, heartbreak

Wendy - posted on 02/09/2014

1

0

0

My son, Brian, died in a one car accident one month ago. He wasn't wearing his seat belt and was ejected from his car after it rolled several times and then hit a pole. He died instantly. He was taken to the hospital where we got to say goodbye but also see how badly broken he was. I miss him so much! He was the kindest person you ever could meet and always had a smile on his face. I know he is with God, and that should make me feel better but I can not come to terms with never seeing him again until I die too! Nights and driving in the car are the worst. When I'm alone, I tend to dwell on the things he will not be here to share in! I have many great memories but my heart is broken and I don't see how it will ever get any easier.

Nichole - posted on 12/28/2013

5

0

0

Life is unfair and can really suck! It was can also be awesome and great like the day we welcomed the children we now miss into this world.

My beautiful child, inside and out, died on November 17, 2012. He kissed me goodnight, went to bed and didn't wake up. 18 years old. Less than six months earlier the entire family watched him graduate from high school. He was my youngest child. No one has been able to give me answers as to why he died. No organ failure, just his brain shut off. That does not comfort me. He was home, in his bed, where he was supposed to be "safe". I cry for my son often and even though I had other family die in the year following his death, I cry only for him.

My grandmother died on Jan 4, 2013, less than 2 months after my son but she was 90. She was tired and missed my grandfather and chose to leave this world after having lived a full life. On September 25, 2013, my ex-husband, my deceased son's father died. I had been married to this man for 21 years and had known him for over 30 years. The loss of our marriage, and his son sent him into a depression that he could not get over and he died; 45 years old.

I refuse to allow that to happen to me. My son Malcolm would be so saddened and disappointed in me if I just gave up because he died. So, I laugh when I can. I talk about the wonderful person he was in this life and about how much I miss him. His siblings help by remembering him in their own ways; through stories and drawings and tattoos. They rally around me and I rally around them. We get strength from each other.

For all of the mothers that have lost children, I feel for you and I pray for you. This is the worst lingering numb pain I have ever felt. It is not like a stomach ache or a headache that you can get relief from. It is a pain that creeps up on you when you hear a song, smell a smell, watch a commercial or show, see a person on the street that reminds you in some way of your child and you are again reminded that they are not here anymore. Reminded that you can't touch them, can't get that hug or kiss that you so long for. Won't Hear them laugh or look into their eyes again. That the dreams you had for them are to never be.
You can't pinpoint where it hurts you just know that it does. A dull pain.
This pain doesn't completely go away. It just comes and goes in waves and you learn to deal with it.

Grab happiness and joy whenever you can. Laugh and sing and dance. Be grateful that your child was in your life and appreciate the time you had. Make them proud of your strength. Remember they are always near. Love to all of you.

Donna - posted on 10/27/2013

1

0

0

My oldest son was "killed" ...my oldest son "died" ...Dec 15,1995. We truly do not know what happened that night, 18 yrs ago. Yes, it does matter, its our closure. As a Mom , I have survived, I have gone on with my life, and actually have happy days, but there is not a day that goes by, that I don't wake up and say to myself, "He's gone, he's really really gone". I saw him, I know he is gone, but...it still does not seem real, or possible. Worse yet, there are people out there that DO KNOW what happened that night, and will not share, will not come forward. It doesn't mean they did anything wrong, except hold back information we need, for closure. May God have mercy on their souls.

Kendra - posted on 09/30/2013

1

0

0

In 1980 my youngest son died of Cystic Fibrosis. I was on the bed holding him, telling him how much I loved him. He was 6 and I have always felt comfortable with his death knowing I was there with him to the end. This is not to say I didn't grieve for him but I never wished I could tell him one more time I loved him and I knew his suffering was over. My ex husband left the family the next week to be with his 21 year old girlfriend. I had 3 other sons 8, 10, & 12 to raise and not much time to grieve. Just 4 weeks ago my 40 year old son died in a car accident that was his fault, he was drunk. I had tried for six years to help him get help. He was a mean drunk and very abusive to me both verbally and physically. I could not give up on him, but obviously failed. It split the family up because they could not understand why I didn't turn him out on the street. Believe me there were times I wanted too, but they didn't see him and how unhappy he was and at times almost child like. The evening he left I tried to take the keys but was pushed back. He was on his way to get more liquor, he hit a lady head on and thankfully she was not hurt. I knew something was wrong when he didn't get home but didn't get in the car and drive the two blocks to be with him while he was still alive. I am eating myself up over this and will never get over it, He died in the hospital before I could get there. I know how afraid he was and I should have been with him. Because of the time of year I decided to have him cremated, with the family gathering next spring at our favorite mountain camping place to scatter the ashes. I thought that when I got him home I would feel better, but I can not see him with his brother or Grandparents. I feel he is just in limbo somewhere floating around continuing to ask others for help.Can anyone give me any advise on how to get over this feeling, I am also asking what did I ever do to deserve loosing two of my children, I am 68 and should have been the one to die. I am definitely not perfect but the boys were my life. Two made it through college and one served in the Navy. I didn't date or go out. All the extra money went to them, I wish I could find some peace in his death but all I feel is failure on my part. The hurt is so deep that my heart actually feels like it is breaking, Any help you might give will be appreciated, I have no one that lives near me to talk too.
Kendra

Rhonda - posted on 09/22/2013

8

0

0

Yes Michele,
My 31 yr old healthy daughter went out on a sat nite only to be killed in a automobile by her drunk boyfriend. So I saw her leave never to come back home. I'm so devastated I don't know what to do. I feel like doing nothing but crying

D - posted on 09/16/2013

7

0

0

Hi Elizabeth,
I have been told that time is a great healer. I'm not sure how much time though. For you, 2 years and you still don't feel like getting up? Has anything helped, is there any advice you can give? It's been 5 1/2 months for me and I still have uncontrollable breakdowns. Recently I was buying a birthday card for my eldest son and all I could think of is that I will never be buying a card for my son that died. They both have/had their birthdays in the same month. Have you developed any strategies, or read anything that has helped you? Has anyone on this site had grief counseling. My friends think that would help? I would appreciate any suggestions that someone has tried and found some comfort. I am soooo sad as are all the moms on this site. May God bless us all and give us strength because we certainly do need it.

D - posted on 09/13/2013

7

0

0

Hi Rhonda
I don't have any answers, but I find that people just don't know what to say, they are so scared of saying the wrong thing, that they just avoid talking about the big elephant in the room. Close friends and family just feel sorry for you and there really is nothing they can do or say to take our pain away although they would like to. I just try to go through my daily routines, hoping one day I can really feel like I am normal. That's the part I play. I would like to recommend a book that's helped me, Proof of Heaven. It's written by a prominent American neurosurgeon, not a quack! Educated and taught at Harvard and came from a very affluent family. It will hopefully give you hope. I too find getting up in the morning; I think to myself what is the point, but we need to preserve and hope to see the light at the end of this dark tunnel. I know a woman who lost her child in a car accident (she was driving), and she has been able to go on. She can now smile at her daughter's picture, instead of crying for what could have, should have been. That gives me hope. I pray for strength and I hope one day my prayers will be answered.
D

Elizabeth - posted on 09/11/2013

1

0

0

For ALL of us, MOMS, who have lost a child as I have. Please don't feel alone. I'm right here with you...with all of us. It's been 2 yrs. and I still don't care about waking the next day. Late at night or when a certain song plays I become overwhelmed with anxiety and deep sadness. I pray to ward off dark thoughts. I hope we can collectively pray for each other for a while. Maybe we won't feel so alone and not understood. GOD BLESS YOU ALL!!

Rhonda - posted on 09/10/2013

8

0

0

What part are we to play? I want to know so that I can start because I can't function.

Rhonda - posted on 09/10/2013

8

0

0

I recently lost my 31 year old daughter,to a horrific car accident where the person driving her had a scratch over his eye. My point is I lost my best friend,and any future grandchild that I may have had. Most of all I miss her so much I want to die.The pain in my heart is unbearable ! I feel sick all the time my smiles when I'm focused is fake,I cry all the time. Don't want to move. I'm on antidepressant it helps somewhat, I'm told she's in the best hands and we will be reunited again. In the mean time what tye of life is this?People shy away after a while no one wants a sad person.

D - posted on 09/08/2013

7

0

0

I lost my son in March of this year, suddenly. I got a call from a doctor telling me he was being transferred to a trauma center. He had a massive brain bleed. He was 25 years old, healthy, worked out everyday at the gym and was getting into organic foods. He was a Child & Youth worker for the school board as well as for residential treatment. A good soul. He was brain dead when I met him at the hospital. I was numb. He was my baby. With the best bear hugs ever, he told me how much he loved me every time I saw him. I am so completely devastated. I am also a nurse. I understand the medical component but I can't understand why? A priest told me don't ask why cause you will never get an answer. Just know he said how many lives he has touched and will touch without my ever knowing. I miss him so much!! I just pretend to be okay with friends and family but inside, I am dead. No one can understand what it means to have this kind of loss. Both my parents are deceased, and the grieving and heartache that I feel now has no comparison. I can totally relate to all the mothers out there who have lost a child. We have all lost a part of our hearts that we will never get back. There is no time limit. We live with sorrow and play the part we are expected to.

Michelle Marie - posted on 07/02/2013

2

0

0

I feel your pain Misti, my daughter was healthy and so full of life. She had just turned 17 , 20 days prior her death and I also feel cheated. She died in an accidental house fire. I've been doing a lot of reading online and finding people in situations like ourselves. I keep reading and it is helping. It's not easy and I know I'll never be the same. It's only been 4 months my baby is gone and I feel so lost. She was one of my best friends. Our pain is one no parent should have to endure, I'm so sorry for your loss. I wish you a better day tomorrow:)

Misti - posted on 06/29/2013

1

0

0

I lost my 26 year old daughter a year ago in a farming equipment accident. She was my only daughter. I have 3 boys as well. Although she was married and beginning her adult life she was still my baby girl. We talked daily and sometimes a couple of times a day. In fact, I had just spoken to her 30 minutes before she was killed. I received the phone call a few hours later from her husband. I am having such a hard time with her death. I still catch myself even a year later for a split second think of something I want to tell her and I reach for the phone. I will never see her babies which she wanted to badly. She was also my care taker. When I needed her or had surgery or anything of the kind she was always there for me. My boys are married but their wives are a bit selfish and I cannot rely on them for anything. I am a single woman and now feel like I am all alone in the world. For the first time in my life...I feel alone. I have had anxiety issues over her death. Have been to the hospital 5 times over the year with heart rate and blood pressure issues. I try to change my mind set but night times are the worst. I feel like I have to hide my feelings because it makes everyone around me uncomfortable. I feel so cheated....I know God has a purpose in everything...and I know there is one in this BUT I just can't see it. It is so unfair. I cannot hardly take pictures of all the kids together because there is a huge hole without her in it. I try to keep that to myself because of my boys. I do not want them feeling that I do not care about them I keep thinking if she had been sick or something like that it would have been easier. BUT the fact that this was so sudden. I am better somewhat emotionally BUT I will never be the same. How can I get passed this???

Joanne - posted on 06/26/2013

1

0

0

Hi,
I lost my only son suddenly 4 yrs ago on 6-29-09. He was 23. I've to much to say about what this loss has done to me to be writing here about that but..... What bothers me the most..(.and I'm speaking of my self but I suspect that others must feel the same way) is that we Moms live every day with our loss, we deal privately within ourselves the emotions we have over our loss every day because we want to appear normal to our friends and family, we know that if we keep "bringing it up" people seem to move further away.
Michelle...I feel your pain and still need support myself. It's hard to find a true support group. If you care to look me up on facebook. My name is Joanne Barden-Timbeross. I would love to get a faithful support group together somehow!

Michelle Marie - posted on 06/25/2013

2

0

0

I recently lost my 17 year old daughter Stephanie in an accidental house fire. I'm devastated beyond words. I'm online to find support, I've never been so heartbroken in my life. She was one of my best friends and I feel so lost. I'm trying to find ways to cope with the pain. Sorry for all parents out there feeling the pain of losing their child.

Jessica - posted on 06/22/2013

1

0

0

I tragically lost my 5 year old daughter 3 years ago. Today is her birthday, and she would have been 9. She was hit by a car as she came out of a school bus right in front of our gate. For 2 years, I never thought I would be normal again. Its true what they say about time being the healer. Today I managed to take flowers to her grave without shedding a tear. I always feel like someone just chopped off my limb without an explanation, and there is nothing I can do about it. One day I dreamed she was telling me not to look for her because she wanted to sleep with here friends downstairs. I cried all day and could not get out of bed. I have since learnt to live with my pain, and have drawn a lot of my strength from the word of GOD, and the assurance that I will see my daughter again. Charleen liked reciting Isiah Chapter 61 verse 1 - 3, and it has strengthened me so much, and helped keep memories of my daughter flowing.

Shelley - posted on 05/29/2013

4

0

0

my son, aged 15 died last year. He had what looked like a mild cold and 36 hours later he had died from viral encepahiltis. No warning. No symptoms. I feel quite sick at the suddenness and shock of it.

Joyce - posted on 04/20/2013

1

0

0

IM SORRY FOR U I LOST KIMMIE AT AGE 24 IT BEEN 2 YEARS AND STILL CANT GET THUR A DAY MAYBE U CAN HELP ME NO ONE UNDERSTANDS ME MY LIFE WENT WITH HER JOYCE

Jennifer - posted on 04/11/2013

1

0

0

I am very sorry for your loss. I know what it is like to lose a child unexpectedly as well. My daughter was 1 week from her 14th birthday when she passed away in 2009. She was healthy and active and just full of life one day....and then she had a seizure, fell into a coma, and died 3 weeks later. It is still devastating to this day. The anniversary of the seizure is May 8th, the coma May 10th, her death May 29th, her burial June 2nd, and her birthday June 5th. It is a month of pure hell every year!

Mandy - posted on 04/10/2013

8

21

0

I lost my brother suddenly 21 years ago - he was a drunk driver. There isn't a day go by that I don't think about him, and wonder what kind of relationship we would have had as adults. My father has passed, but my Mum is still around, but I have days when I still feel very alone, even though I am married with a beautiful daughter. So there's the thing...my daughter is 5 now, and in January got hit by a car on a main road and was very lucky to only have a sore bottom due to the fantastic skills of the driver. I am so very nervous of her near roads now, even though I believe my brother was there to help stop the car, how do I not wrap her up in bubble wrap? I had a complete melt down when we got home from the hospital and don't know how I would cope with losing her! I'm so sorry to hear all the ways everyone has lost their babies - no matter what age they are they are still our babies!

Shawn's - posted on 04/10/2013

6

0

0

I posted 6 months ago when my 22 year old son Shawn died of a heroine overdose. He was only home from rehab for 3 days when my son, Nicky found him unresponsive on the kitchen floor. He couldn't be revived. It was the day of Nicky's 24th birthday. April 8 was the day Shawn would have been 23 years old. We celebrated his life at the gravesite with lots of his friends, confetti, signs, pictures, streamers and released 23 balloons into the air with messages for him. I haven't been ok since that day. I could not stop crying all day, the day of his birthday and am finding myself very sad and depressed. It's as if I have been in shock for the past 6 months and now its hit me like a ton of bricks that he was not here to celebrate his birthday and he's really gone. It's making me sick and I'm starting to blame myself that this happened to him. I really miss him. He was so lovable and loyal...everyone's best friend. He had the most contagious laugh in the world. He was famous for it. He won best laugh in the yearbook. And now he's gone. And I feel empty.

Roe - posted on 04/10/2013

2

0

1

My beautiful eldest daughter Alexis was taken from us suddenly at the age of 25 on 22nd Nov 2012.
It is just over 4 months and my heart is broken. I still wake up thinking it is a bad dream. My fears and anxieties have trebled and sometimes they even feel irrational but cannot be shaken.
I will relate her story when feel I can and hope it will help someone else.

Hugs to all of you mums, no matter your age, no matter your child's age, no matter how it happened. We are all grieving mums and it hurts no less regardless of the circumstances.

Marisol - posted on 03/24/2013

6

0

0

yes,Michelle I lost my son 30 years old he was old enough but the pain is the same no matter what age they are,it change your life forever my heart go with you and only God will give us some strengh to go on with life is coming soon the first annyversary april 28 and already know that is going to be hard he died in a car accident.God bless.

Alison - posted on 03/24/2013

14

0

2

Mary , I'm so sorry to hear that , how sad you have lost your wonderful son in such an awful way , the killer should rot in jail is my view x Ali

Alison - posted on 03/24/2013

14

0

2

my beautiful caring son 28yrs commit suicide June 30 2012 , I miss him so much :(

Mary - posted on 03/15/2013

1

0

0

My son Auston James wells 19 years old ! Shot to death by a 22 year old at the time shot with a 38 2 times through the heart no trail they let the killer plea bargin he was sentence to 14 years but can ask for judicial release after serving 5 years! He was my baby of two boys!

Marisol - posted on 02/25/2013

6

0

0

yes, I lost my son 30 years old and April 28 2012 since that day my life has change and I live an agony deeply sad,nothing is same anymore every holiday is a nightmare so I simpathise with all the way God bless my heart go with you.Maria

Beckie - posted on 01/28/2013

2

0

0

My son died of a drug overdose at the age of twenty he was my oldest and my youngest also overdosed that same night and survived.. Neither were drug addicts they just wanted to try something new.... I am having a hard time dealing with all of this and it has been two and a half years...

Carol - posted on 12/14/2012

18

0

0

My son Keith, came to me, I guess it was in a dream, he knelt by my bed and I opened my eyes and he was kneeling next to my bed looking at me, he told me not to cry anymore, that he was ok.
I will never forget it, but, I don't know if I was dreaming or if it was real , but I woke crying. I miss him so much each and every day, it's 5 years now, but time doesn't mean anything. I only wish I could have him come to me again, it felt so real, I don't know. I miss him so, he has an identical twin that is also a wonderful son,, and I have 2 older sons and a daughter and 3 grandsons. My life would be complete if I had my Keith, and I know you all have the same feelings, what can we do, cry, and dream of what it could have been? Keiths fiance married and is now having a child, bitter sweet, but I know I should be happy for her and her new family, but very very difficult. I love you Keith, Mommy

Shawn's - posted on 11/30/2012

6

0

0

Rusties Aunt Kimmi

My heart is with you. Both our boys went to Heaven on the same day. My beautiful son Shawn also died on September 30, 2 months ago today. We have to consider ourselves blessed that we got the chance to share their lives with them. That we were there for all of their happiness, joys and milestones. We are truly blessed that they were ours. I am so thankful that I was Shawn's mom.

Susan - posted on 11/30/2012

7

0

0

Rusty's Aunt Kimmi...Your words of grief are definitely from the heart of a mom. Many things can bond one close to a child and it sounds as if Rusty was heaven blessed with two wonderful moms. Your words of loss grabbed at my heart so.



As Dec. 22nd approaches I realize that my 26 year old son Adam will not celebrate his 27th birthday this holiday season. A careless driver cost him his life in April this year. It's as if a dark tornado spins within constantly when one whom we lovingly and joyfully invest our whole hearts in is snatched away. Our human instincts yearningly ache to see, feel and hear their voice again and if anguish could make it so...Our loved one would be certain to rematerialize.



This pain or carving out of the soul as it feels - is so undeserved, so hard to grasp and understand how one is to carry on to be in a world that seems to have estranged & violated every trust or sense of reason one may've ever had in this world. Like the highest insult is thrushed into one's spirit and soul to challenge both purpose and sanity. I somehow know that God understands and is okay with the anger one may feel - Even toward Him when our heaven on earth has been shattered by an emotional nuclear bomb.



I've said a prayer for you, Rusty's mom and those who will always love him. I don't think he's far from you guys 'cause deeply bonded love just cannot - will not EVER DIE and this is what will always keep him near. I, myself can only accept and believe that love's true purpose is to return each of us to those we deeply love. In all of my suffering grief and deep anguish...Even that cannot lessen the beauty and glory of being allowed that gift of experiencing the life of my own son. I'd even agree to do it all over again knowing the price would be high with his unexpected loss. We love them, we may lose them - But we will never lose their mutual love and that's how I've come to feel they're able to somehow stay near us in some way.



May you and yours be more blessed with much deserved peace and comfort in your days of mourning.



Adam's mom

Kimberly - posted on 11/30/2012

1

0

0

YES......My nephew, Rusty, was 24 years old. He was going thru the police accademy, and was accidently (?????....it is still being investigated) shot by a fellow student. He was shot in the leg, and severed the 2 main arteries in his groin. He died in 6 minutes. Now, I know I am not his mom, but I watched this child be born. I was at every birthday party, every ball game, every prom. He stayed at my house with my only child, as much as he stayed at his.(They only lived a mile down the gravel road) He was my sons closest cousin. I watched him fall in love, get married, and become a father. He was killed 2 months ago today. My heart is shattered. Not only for my sister, who is so lost and devestated, but I miss him so much. I just can't seem to go on with anything. It feels like my life just stopped when that call came at 1am that morning. Now the holidays are so close, and our whole family will be here. Except Rusty. I am angry, with God, with the boy who shot him, with the hospital who couldn't save him, with life. Our whole family is in deep greif, a place we have never been before. And we don't know how to react to this so new and black place. We have lost others, our dad died 18 yrs ago, at 49. That liked to have killed us all. But there was some thing more normal to that. You bury your parents. Not your children. Now my mom and my 2 sisters must face the holidays without one of our babies. For the first time. Please, pray for us. For my sister. This is the 3rd child she has lost. (Two little babies, born at 9 months, but never took a breath. They were born 14 months apart.) We mourned for them, of course, but we had a history with Rusty. Now he will never see his little boy, Asher, grow up. I know it is done, that life goes on, after the death of a child. But this is so new, so raw, that it seem almost impossible. I am so glad I found this site. Like I said, I was not his mom, but he was like my own. And she is my sister, and therefore one third of me. We 3 sisters, and our mom, loved that child. He was one of 4 boys in the family, and it just dosen't seem real, that he is gone. It helps so much to read these posts on here, and I can't wait to show this to my sister. Thank You all for your heartfelt and heartwrenching honesty. My heart goes out to each and every one of you. God Bless, Rusty's Aunt Kimmi.

Susan - posted on 11/27/2012

7

0

0

Dear Michelle,

Circumstances may differ among most of us here but it bears the same horrific impact when we lose a child. The world seems to stop where we stand while it continues to turn for seemingly most everyone else. It's been 7 months since I lost my son but my brain still questions how I breath while he does not. My sweetest memories of him still weigh an overwhelming heaviness in my chest but they remain every one an exceptional treasure I'd never part with. I know he's still with me though and it's those time when I feel the heaviness become lighter and easier to bear.

Since losing your sweet and so young son, I do hope life is beginning to feel a little kinder to you by now. Though I realize you've been redirected down a new path that will always require day to day strength there are others like myself that send you healing wishes for all days to come.xxx

Susan - posted on 11/27/2012

7

0

0

Camille,

I realize more struggles and tests of strength lie ahead for each of us. I share in sorrow for your tremendous loss of a physical lifetime of love cut short. I regret the cause of what brings any of us together here but I am grateful that we can share that we are not alone. A hug and a prayer to both you and another mom's recent post, Shawn’s Mom.

Susan - posted on 11/27/2012

7

0

0

Shawn's Mom,

Warm thanks for your reply...Bet our combined burdens and tears could fill oceans but they would no doubt sparkle in living beauty. After all, isn't the most beautiful diamond created under the most tremendous pressure?

Camille - posted on 11/27/2012

12

0

1

Susan,



I'm so sorry for your loss, my 16 year old son died instantly in a car crash also in April. I can't even begin to explain how I felt when I read your post. As my heart aches so much and at times the pain is unbearable I continuously fight and try harder every day for my beloved son as well as my 14 year old daughter. What you wrote to your son brought to mind a little phrase that a friend of mine in the same situation often says "Heart Strings to Heaven". All of us mothers know that nothing can break the bonds between us and our children and that just gave a little bit of peace to my heart. My thoughts and prayers are with you.



Camille

Shawn's - posted on 11/27/2012

6

0

0

Dear Susan,

Wow! You have touched the heart and the soul with your beautiful words about your beloved son. I have posted only recently about the devastating loss if my 22 year old angel, Shawn who left us on September 30 of this year, just 2 months ago. Shawn was also taken suddenly, even though he struggled with addiction, he had just come out of a 45 day rehab program, where he was doing so well . He was only home for a few days when he relapsed and was taken away from us by a relapse. My son, Nicky, his older brother found him unresponsive on the kitchen floor. It was the day of Nicky's 24th birthday. I try to hold it together because I can't imagine the hurt that Nicky is living with and will live with for the rest of his life. Shawn is on my mind 24 hours a day. I exist in a fog, going through the motions of what is left of my life. I worry what were his last thoughts as he took his last breath, what is he doing now, is Heaven really better than earth for a 22 year old who never got the chance to enjoy and live his life to the fullest. It makes me sick to think that he will never be a father or an uncle or best man at his brother's wedding. Susan, the words you wrote we're so beautiful. You really touched on a grief and sadness that only another mother in our shoes can feel.

God Bless You and stay strong

Shawn's Mom

Susan - posted on 11/27/2012

7

0

0

Hello to All,

There is no more vicious attack realized upon the very core of one's spirit than the loss of a child. It seems as if the world has ejected us from motherhood into an unknown dark universe even when one may still have other children they love dearly as my son left behind an only sibling a dear sister.

As this would be his 27th birthday this December I've returned to thinking of my son Adam most every moment of the day. He was a victim of a careless driver and died on the scene of a traffic accident in April of this year. Though they were able to briefly restart his heart at the hospital, his spirit left his body while an angel of a stranger held his hand at the scene while he lay on the ground for she told me she'd witnessed his last breath.

When the pain feels absolutely unbearable I ask myself if I would accept this pain as a price for each moment I was blessed to share with my beautiful spirit of a son and the answer is always...YES! I do not deserve this torture through which I now live as do not others that suffer through such but it isn't a question of deserving is it or I may not have ever known the grand blessing of being his mom.

Within an hour of his death and even in all my anguish I became quite certain that a spirit so wondrous and glorious as he held just "could NOT be completely gone!" I also know that if it were me that had suddenly been taken from him that I would not want him to suffer so as I now do and that he'd be very upset knowing I suffer so. Nonetheless, we are humanly mothers and we feel life to be very cruel in creating the empty space that challenges our every wit and desire to see, hear or touch their sweetness once more.

Each day I continue to breath is a day that I know I do him proud for he was far too exceptional for me to do less than I'd have him do if our circumstances were reversed. Many days remain ahead for me to struggle emotionally but my son's loving goodness is far too grand for me to blemish by not honoring what I know he'd have me do. He was very strong while he lived through many circumstantial disappointments not of his own doings and by my continuing I remain an example of his own strength.

My heartfelt wish to each of you enduring this anguish is that you somehow know that though human life has never been permanent nor a promise of any length of time, we will again see our loved one...I know this somehow even when it feels as if wild dogs ravage at my heart.

I leave now sharing a little something I wrote as I've learned to cope by often venting this way...



To my beloved son Adam W. B.:

Bond of Mother and Child is truly Heaven paying visit upon the physical world. When a child passes to an unseen world the anguish of the unknown is a dark force to be reckoned with. It may seem there’s a sort of umbilical cord being torn from the heart itself. Instead though, it is being painfully pulled and stretched all the way to heaven needing new growth to keep it attached. The growth is painful, laborious and requires much lasting endurance. It then becomes a rebirth, a new one in spirit. One of which time holds no influence upon the continued bond of love between a Mother and her child.

With Everlasting Love,

Mom (Written by: Susan B. Murdock)



God bless you all and may a little added peace find its way to you on this very day as my own journey continues.xxx

Leesa Desiree' - posted on 11/26/2012

2

0

0

Dearest Sarah Beth's mommy, I am so touched by your post...as it relates very closely to my own experience...Candi was my pride and joy. We were so close. We were always together and had so much in common. I knew how much she and I admired each other. It was a joy being her mother. She also had a son that was 2 years and 1 month exactly, the last day she was alive. It has been the hardest thing knowing how to respond to him when he asks, where did mommy go? And seeing his sadness at watching the Dora and other children's shows that talk about their mommy's. He literally turns his lip down in a pout. I just tell him his mommy died. And that she would be here with him if she could and she loves him so much. But, I realize that he doesn't understand what that means yet. I completely know how you feel about how can we go on living our lives without our beloved daughter's in them...I have to stay strong in front of her 24 year old sister and my precious grandson, Noah. But, in my true heart of hearts, I am beside myself with pain and despair...

Leesa Desiree' - posted on 11/26/2012

2

0

0

Yes, Dear Michelle, I am at a loss for the zest and happiness I once had in my life...as my beautiful 25 year old daughter died suddenly and most unexpectedly in her bed on May 24th 2012.

She had been in stomach pain for the entire day of the 23rd...something she had been experiencing on and off for several months. I had even taken her to the hospital on two occasions, only to be told they could not find any real problem there and diagnosed it to be a stomach flu and said to stay in bed and drink fluids till the pain subsided. This worked on approximately 4 or 5 bouts and then the ultimate result of death, ruled Cardiac Hypertrophy ( a mildly enlarged heart ). I believe that the stress and anxiety from the intense pain probably created a strain on her heart and sent it into a rapid heartbeat. She just couldn't hang on and died in her bed at approximately 2:54 am. She left behind a precious 2 year old son as well as her 24 year old sister and her father and me, her doting mother. My life has been shattered. We were such close companions. I loved and worshiped her. She made me so happy with her beautiful, joyful personality. I am deeply broken...

Kavita - posted on 11/20/2012

4

0

0

Dear Linda White even people tell me also not to question the god but i too keep asking why my daughter-Alisha who was just 9 years and was waiting to see the world with lots of ambitions in her tiny mind.Your daughter went away leaving behind her small daughter to whom she got after so much of prayers and gap of 10 years.She is left without mother and here iam left without daughter.These type of instances force us to ask god why this?Give my lots and lots of love to dear Sarah's daughter,Zoe Jane and prayers to you.

BECKY - posted on 11/08/2012

2

0

0

3 years ago, my middle (34) son committed suicide, had no warning, it was so sudden. I am just now getting over it, then two weeks ago, my baby boy passed due to an anurysim. He was 33. No warning, it was devastating. I am not handling it well at all. I am so lost, so hurt, so empty, depression doesn't even come close to how I feel. I have my oldest, left, but he won't be home until July. If crying helped, I would be over it by now. I have a great dr he put me on Zoloft 3 years ago, it helped. I've dug in my yards, redecorated my home, you name it, I've done it to keep my mind and body busy, but I am truly about at the end of my rope. My mind tells me it has to get better, but I can't see it, does any one have any suggestions?

Slowly dying in Alabama

Gayle - posted on 11/06/2012

1

0

0

Hello Michelle

I know it is never good to compare deaths but I too was faced with two children deaths recently one was Samantha my very best friends daughter who we fought to keep alive for two years our Sammy passed from leukemia aged 19 in 201 the biggest shock came when my son Sheldon 'slife was stolen on 09 march this year. My Sheldon was also shot during a house robbery and he fought off the intruders giving his wife and daughter time to escaped. Sheldon would have been 31 in August And just like you say this is so difficult because we had no time to prepare and are still dealing with how all this happened each day is a constant battle of fighting off our grief as well as the constant follow ups with our local police. Our family is going thru hell and feel extremely bitter towards our country laws. We continually think of reasons why these thugs killed our beloved son and why could they not just have left him unconscious and taken his cell and left him alive. I absolutely offer all my prayers to you and your family. Do you have other children I would love to hear your advice

Mandy - posted on 11/05/2012

8

21

0

I know I'm not the Mum of the child killed, but I am the sister......my brother was killed in a car accident 20 years ago - at the age of 24......



Since then Mum and I are so much closer than we were, I'm sad that it took my brother's death for that to happen! 20 years on we still have our good and our bad days......the sounds, songs and smells are all still around, but not as much as they were in the beginning...



I am now a mother or a 5 year old and could never imagine having to bury her - my heart goes out to all you mums who have had to bury their child!



I am glad there is a forum like for you to be able to find support as 20 years ago there was nothing like this and we had to deal with it all on our own.

Camille - posted on 11/02/2012

12

0

1

I am new to the site, I would like to start off by saying how sorry I am for your loss. It is so sad to see how many moms feel the same way I do. I continuously say “my life couldn't get any worse” and then I read posts from mothers that lost more than one child and then I realize my life can get worse. I couldn't bare to lose another child.



My son Adrian was killed in a car accident on April 5, 2012, he was 16. In a matter of minutes my entire world was crushed, my life was turned upside down, and part of me died on that day and I will never be the same person again. Thursday morning was a typical morning, Adrian woke up got ready for school made up his bed, had breakfast and prepared for school. He told his little sister Devon bye and his dad and I of course made sure he had everything hugged and kissed him goodbye several times before he left. We walked him to the door and I still yelled “have a good day, I love you! Text or call me once you get to school” and we watched him drive away. The last goodbye felt weird I got that worried knot in my stomach once again. About 30 minutes later my sister-in-law told us there was an accident on Paseo Del Volcan and asked if Adrian was ok….. My husband started calling him immediately because we hadn’t heard from him yet but no answer or response. He then called his co-workers because he is a police officer and they confirmed there was a serious accident. We immediately drove to the highway which was 5 minutes away but felt like an eternity. Of course they wouldn’t allow us to go up and held us back only to send Car 1 down. My husband knew immediately it was bad if Car 1 was coming to talk to us. Adrian was only gone from my house for approximately 5 minutes when the accident happened.



My worst fear came true and my nightmare began, we were told Adrian was in a head on crash and did not survive. Unfortunately our 13 year old daughter witnessed it all, while my 19 year old step-daughter had just returned to College and had no clue what was going on. The police report states there was no communication through phone or text, from witness statements they determined he was not passing nor speeding. For some odd reason his car just drifted over to the left lane. The death certificate only states that the cause of death was from “Multiple Blunt Force Injuries”. I still have so many questions why didn’t they try to help him, why didn’t they try to revive him? What really happened in the car that morning and why was he taken at such a young age? Why didn’t I drive him to school that day I wasn’t working? Why didn't I realize that he hadn't text or called to let me know he got there safe? Adrian started driving on his own the last week of February. I love and miss him so much, I cry every single day and I don’t know where to go from here. I feel so lonely and lost……………

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms