the 'meaning of your life"...changing..

Ericka Lyn - posted on 03/15/2010

My son was 19 & had Down Syndrome.Your child chose YOU to be their parent,no matter how long or short their time here.What our children bring to us in that time makes us better people.I always thought I was here for my son,but he was really here for me to give my life focus.I have 6 other children and love them all equally but Danny needed me the most and that kept my head steady even in the worst of time's.My son died from DKA at onset of juvenile diabetes,I now advocate for more awareness of JD.Not to tell you what to do but maybe go back to school,they are always in need of good Special Education teachers=).You do have a reason for being,just as I do and that's to live in a way that makes our children proud{{{hugs}}}

Steph - posted on 03/13/2010

Hey there,
Just wanted to know that I've been thinking pretty similar thoughts.
My twin sons died last August, and although I feel I've gotten through the part where the grief is so in-your-face, on your mind every second of the day, I still feel pretty stumped when I think of what might be next. It sounds like you're such a fantastic, dedicated Mum. It sounds as if you'd made such a commitment to your baby to take care of him and be the best person you could for him. It's completely understandable that now that you're a mother without a child you feel lost.
I find myself wondering what there possibly can be out there left to do that has meaning to rival being a mother to my boys. I'm young too, and I've had a lot of encouragement to start back up at Uni, but it seems so so trivial that I don't know how I could stand it.
I'm still working on it, but I have decided that this September I'm going to apply to study to become a Midwife/Obstetrician. I have no idea if this is a terrible decision. All I know is that by the end of things I'd met zillions of midwives, and all of them without exception were so caring, and calm and in control, and absolutely full of love for their patients. I'd really like to be a person like that. It helps me a bit when I'm feeling lost to try to find things to do that might lead me to become a person my sons could look up to.

Hope this helped. I'll let you know if I ever find an answer ^.^
And it really, really sucks you lost your little boy.

Lora - posted on 03/08/2010

I am sorry for your loss. I lost my daughter 17 years ago and it took me a long time to find my way afterward. I realized after many failed relationships and 3 more children that i had died with her and needed to in a sence create a new me. I will forever be lost in that part of my life, but i truely feel that my loss was to have a purpose. I am still searching but have found I am able to help others because I feel their pain. I had noone to feel mine, all I had was a loving family whom decided I needed to be protected in a way. They treated me differantly which made me feel lost, confused, i felt I caused their pain, and it made me feel there was something wrong with me. I dont want others to feel this. So maybe the life I have had and all my losses ( I have since burried my mom, dad, and husband) were to make me a stronger, independant, loving mother to my 3 living children. After all, if there is no purpose, than what?

Heather - posted on 02/17/2010

For one I am sorry about your sons passing.My daughter which was my first child past away 10-10-2009 and she was 9 minths and 4 days old.She was my special little girl because she had a life threatening disease called Spinal Muscular Atrophy Type 1.We knew she only had a life expectancy of 2 yrs but I thought I had more time then i did.I would have done a lot less cleaning and spent more time looking at her beautiful little face.Holding her more instead of worrying about cleaning the floors.I just wish i had more time with her.She was and still is my everything.It is hard at times but I know shes no longer in pain and then my pain goes away.What i did was got out of the house as much as possible at first because it was hard seeing her room and her pictures on the wall.But after awhile all i wanted to do was stay home where she was because even though she wasnt there with my physically I felt she was there in spirit and I still feel this way.I got a job to help with the grieving as well and I know she would be proud of me for going back to work.I sleep every night with her little stuft cow and it helps me sleep better at night knowing i ahve that comfort in her toy.But as hard as it is you just remember the times you had with your child.I look at her pictures from the day she was born until the week she past away.I also watch her videos to remind me at times she was real and i always see how much she loved me in those videos! I miss her so much but atleast i have that to hold on too.My husband and I did go see a counselor a couple times and it was helpful for us and it just made me realize that my daughter would want us to continue on with our lives and be happy.She has forever changed our lives and everyone she met along the way! I hope this was somewhat helpful.Our angels are living the lives they deserved in heaven and watching over us everyday!



Heather~Kaydens Mommy

Renae - posted on 02/16/2010

Im so sorry for your loss. I completely understand what you're saying. My son Daniel died in a truck accident Nov. 27, 1997 he was 16yrs old. You still have purpose, get you GED & make your little boy Owen proud of his Mommy! You're a strong woman or you wouldnt have made it this far. You have dealt with the infantile spams disorder, help other mothers learn from your experience. You would be surprised how good you can feel just by helping others. I also felt i had lost my whole life but i still had a daughter who was 13yrs old at the time & she needed me too. My daughter has given me 3 beautiful grandsons since then. When my son passed away i just wanted to die. I attempted suicide twice. But thank God i didnt succeed. I would never of had a chance to see my grandsons. Suicide is never an option. I have been on antidepressants for 12yrs now, im not suicidal anymore but i still grieve for my son even after 12yrs. Dont give up on yourself. My life changed forever in an instant also & it will never be the same again but my life still has meaning. I like to think that my son Daniel would be proud of who i am. Your life has meaning too. If you think you need antidepressants to help you then ask your Dr.

Natasha - posted on 02/16/2010

Dear Tony



It is only now that I realised that Owen James was 8 months old when he passed away. I am so sorry to hear that. I can't imagine what you are going through. My son passed away when I was 33 weeks pregnant. They don't know why, how or when it exactly happened. I was feeling sick. I contacted the doctor. They could only schedule an "emergency appointment" 2 days later, because he was to busy. And then it was too late. My son was already gone. Which I had my poem here, so that I could share it with you. But I will go look for it tonight when I am at home. I will say a prayer for you!! I can't imagine what you are going through. Although I also lost a son, I didn't see my son breathe, cry ect. Because he passed away before his actual birth. I will be thinking of you!! Hang in there. If I could help in any way. Even if its just an ear or a shoulder, feel free to contact me!!