MARGARET - posted on 12/26/2009 ( 1 mom has responded )
My son, Thomas Jones died this past April in a car wreck. It was his fault. It was an accident. There are things that I will never forget. The sound of the sirens pass by my car as I went to look for him. He was 20 minutes over due at home. The knowing that something was wrong, long before the sirens came. Seeing him lying on the stretcher while my co-workers performed CPR, all crying as they did it. His peaceful body with one scratch on his face, yet his neck was broken his skull fractured. I am a nurse, so I did the last thing I could for my child. I removed all the tubes and bathed away the blood. I examined him so closely because I knew this would be the last time. His soft large hands, his birth mark on his ankle, his thick hair, his beautiful white teeth, his golden eyes were the things I remember. I put my finger in his blood and I licked my finger. I wanted some small part of him to be incorporated in my body. So, here I am eight months later and still grieving as hard and as painfully as the day it happened. The thought that a little blood was going to make him a part of me is laughable now. Daily, I am reminded how much a part of me he was. When I wake up in the morning and have no child to ready for school, no morning reminders to brush your teeth, no morning hugs and I love you mom. When I cook and have no one snacking on the food before it makes it to table and all the left overs. No one to get the late night snack with me and laugh and hug and share his dreams and give advice. He was a great person and loving. He was so loving. So eight months later, it hurts deeply.