Trying again after a loss at 35 weeks

Karen - posted on 05/12/2009

That is wonderful. I am actually finishing my seventh week right now and am a wreck. I thank God every single day for the gift of being able to be pregnant number one, and for another day of this pregnancy and of course thanking him in advance for my future children. But like you said, I know it is going to be a LONG road as I lost my daughter at 35 weeks....they caught my incompetent cervix early and put me on bed rest last time. One day at a time. Just wish there was a magic pill that would let you see the future so I could enjoy the present a little more. :)

Billie - posted on 05/12/2009

I lost a child at 20 weeks to an incompetent cervix. I will never recover from that lose as long as I live. Lena was my first child and I had no clue nothing was wrong until the day I went to the doctor and found out I was 4CM dilated. I was total devastated the day I lost her.

Then 18 months later God bless me again. I got pregnant with my son, Nate. Every day of that pregnancy, I worried. I was stressed to the max, worring that something was wrong. Every little movement or pain I worried that I would go into labor. Only the good Lord kept me sane. I prayed every day of my pregnancy for the safety of my son. God helped me through it all.

Kayte - posted on 05/11/2009

I am starting the same journey over again as well. We lost Annabelle at 26 weeks...but it was because I was sick and they had to take her. Since I have found out what's "wrong" with me and am hoping to be able to have a successful pregnancy. It's hard to start the journey, we are currently TTC...and it's scary, exciting, overwhelming all at the same time. I joined this GREAT site for moms TTC, pregnant etc and have had some great support...makes it easier.

Davina - posted on 05/10/2009

so sorry to see you had a miscarrage i also lost a baby at 35 weeks and went on to lose 4 more at different stages,but did end up having a healthy boy and already had 2 older children.I was so sad after my loses and new i had to have another baby i didnt tell anyone i was trying ect my husband as it was a joint desition .It was such a stressful time but so worth it in the end i hope you also get a happy ending take care

Karen - posted on 03/31/2009

thank you kerri...that gives us hope for happiness just like you.  I know that when I am pregnant that I too will be monitored very closely as I was also on bed rest for Averi with a different condition (that didn't cause her death).  I'm so happy for you and I can't wait to be in your shoes!!!

Trisha, first of wow, I admire you as I can't even imagine what you went through with your son.  I never held Averi in my arms alive which I guess when you think about it neither one is a situation anyone would want to be in.  But anyways, thank you so much for your comment.  None of my friends have even been close to what I have gone through and don't know what to say to me.  Its hard to find people who have miscarried let alone burried a child and then miscarried.  I find myself once again alone and yet taking comfort from others like you somewhere out there that actually understand me.  The miscarriage was so difficult because for the first time I felt happy again because I was on the road to being a mom.  (Not that I am not, my child is just in Heaven of course, but you know what I mean).  Please let me know when you find out if you are pregnant...I would love to pray for you!!!

Danielle - posted on 03/31/2009

Its hard losing a child at any stage especially when u get to see and hold lil 1, I lost my angel at 26wks after a difficult pregnancy, but keep ur chin up and I promise u u'll b ok, I now have another healthy boy now ( had a boy b4 we lost r angel) I had alot of mixed emotions, still do but I take comfort from the fact I do have another child whom I love to bits though he never was to be a replacement to his sister, just listen to ur body and heart once in awhile even if it means letting it all out, and remember u'll always have us here at mum's community if u need a chat x

Kerri - posted on 03/31/2009

hi karen, in april 2007 i lost my daughter ella-rose at 40 weeks [full term] and like yourself we had no reasons she was a healthy weight,there was just no expanation,it was and still is so hard,but like you i still felt i wanted a big family i already had 2 other children and wanted more,so in september 2007 i found out i was expecting again,i was happy but very very scared.the hospital moinitered me very closely from 16 weeks i had to have a scan every week,it was very emotional for both me and my husband,and finally in june i had my daughter eden by c section.eden is now 10 months and amzing,you will never forgret your daughter averi and she will be in your heart forever, i  wish you all the happiness im sure you will have it..xx

Trisha - posted on 03/31/2009

Hi Karen,

I'm so sorry that this is happening to you. A micarriage on top of the loss of your daughter is heartbreaking. I lost my son to SIDS on September 2, 2008. I found out I was pregnant on January 2nd and had a miscarriage and d&c in February. It is not your fault, and it was not too soon. I had a blighted ovum, which has nothing to do with my body's ability to hold a pregnancy. When we miscarry, it's because there were probably chromosomal problems. It doesn't make it any better, but just know it's not because of anything you did. I will find out in a couple of weeks if I am pregnant. My huisband and I are in good spirits, and are hoping for a little Christmas miracle! Don't listen to the people that are telling you it's too soon. You have every right to be desperate for a baby, and you will have one. Sending love and hugs, Trisha

Karen - posted on 03/30/2009

So I found out last week that I was pregnant but miscarried yestereday.  It has only been three months since I delivered my daughter...anyone think that maybe it was just too soon?  I know I have to have one more cycle before I can try again....goodness I want to be pregnant SOOO bad it's heartbreaking.

Debbie - posted on 03/14/2009

I know what your feeling. I had several miscarrges and a still born and when I got preg. with my little girl that is now almost 2 . I had mixed feelings like how can I go thew that again. and at the same time I was happy cause god gave me another chance. I went day by day with her. going to the doc. once a week till I hit 16 weeks then they finaly let me go nornaml once a month till I hit 8 months then i was 7 months I started back going 2 times a week alot of bed rest.  I think the most of the one that was still born(she was born at 7 months) all the time. the miscarrges are hard but those never went far the most was 2 months. Its hard and with my little girl now I am always afaid somethings going to happen. good luck

Rachel - posted on 03/11/2009

I lost my first Son, Joseph at 35 weeks. That was 5 years ago now. I have a son who is 4 this month and a month old baby. I will never get over it but it gets easier. Pregnancy after a stillbirth was one of the most difficult times I will ever go through (I was pregnant 3 months later) but it was so worth it - try try try - my kids are everything to me. It will feel like the worst thing and the best thing all at the same time and no one (no matter how much they tell you they do) can understand exactly what you are going through. Hang in there.

Kristy - posted on 03/11/2009

Hi Karen, I am so sorry for your loss.  I had lost by baby son two and a half days after he was born (full term).  I still mourn him everyday but I feel I have to move on if I want more children, and I do.  I found out today that I am pregnant again, just over four months after Blake died.  I am really excited and feel that I will be more connected with this baby.  I also am very scared that I will constantly worry as the pregnancy progresses that I may loose this baby as well.  I don't have any advice, but I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone.  May God see us through and help us have normal healthy babies.  Godd luck!!!

Chantelle - posted on 03/11/2009

i had a little girl,who died whithout reason in jan 07.even now its it hard 2 bear.i feel pregnant 8months after i had her,i said if it happened it happened,never really thinking it was ganna happen (in my own mind).but it was a long hard road,the worry the stress,alwasy up the hospital ect ect.the best thing i found was buying a doppler not a £30 from mothercare but by going online and getting the same one a doctor uses there about £120 but i tell u this they are worth every pennie.u can pop it on at 8 weeks and its amazing i used it twice a day and when i was 27 weeks gone i notice my babys heartbeat was out of sort,i went up the hospital and i had a c-section as his heart-rate was going down when i waas having a small contraction.i wish you all the best hunny xxxx

Lisa - posted on 03/09/2009

Hi Karen. My heart goes out to you. I never got to meet my baby. I miscarried at 7 weeks. Yes it is scary but if your doctor said it was ok to ttc you should be ok. You are still very young women are having babies in their 50s and 60s. I will keep you in my prayers.

Lisa

Lisa - posted on 03/09/2009

Hi Karen, I know exactly how you feel, and it does get better with time, not better but easier.. I too back in 95' lost my first son, due to an incompetent cervix, my water broke at 21 weeks and I held him til 23 weeks but then i became infected and they had to induce me otherwise I would have become infected and septic, I was only 25 at the time and the only one to go thru what I had to endure, all my friends were sympathetic but had no idea what i was going thru, it is hard and thank god my husband was understanding, it has made us much stronger thru the years....right away i became pregnant within 3 months of losing him, but that did not work out for me either, this time i wound up with an ectopic and lost the tube.. what chances.. i then waited a year because i needed a break (i had been pregnant 3 times by then 1st one ended early before 8 weeks) after the year i became pregnant with my son Nicholas who was born at 31 weeks a preemie, but thank god was okay...he is now going to be 12 in 2 weeks... I recently was pregnant this past Oct 2008, the first time since Nick was born, being 38 I was scared and thrilled, I had an amazing dr. but for some reason in my 5th month my water broke and I too lost my 3rd son... this one is really harping on me, i don't know why, maybe my age, maybe knowing it was probably my last chance, t took 11 years for me to become pregnant... i am debating on going back to my Peri to see what he thinks... just have faith in ourself, there is so much more out there now.. instead of an OB go to a Perinatoligist first, they monitor you on a week to week basis, and after everything you went thru it does make you feel more taken care of, and you still see your OB on a monthly basis... they deliver you but the Peri is the one that helps the baby while inside.... I wish you all the best.... :)

Lisa - posted on 03/09/2009

You're right, you cannot hurt more than you are already. It is the worst thing that could ever happen to a women, & you do feel immense loneliness at this time. Jealousy is only natural too, I couldn't leave the house for fear of seeing families, & pregnant women, & breaking down on the spot. It will get easier but it does take time. Don't shut others out, as that is what I found myself doing. Lean on your husband, family, & good friends & they will help you through the toughest times. Don't be afraid to get your hopes up either, keep trying and you will hopefully be blessed with a beautiful child like I was!! All the best to a brave lady, stay strong & positive as best you can.

Karen - posted on 03/08/2009

Thank you to everyone who has sent me a message!!! I am so sorry that all of you have had to go through what I wen through, but at the same time, it has been so helpful for me to know that I am not alone. I don't know about the rest of you, but for me, all of my friends are having healthy pregnancies and healthy babies rigtht now, and I am the only one to have gone through a loss beyond an early miscarriage. I have felt so alone these past few months because no one can relate to me but a few older teachers that I work with (I am a high school teacher and coach). I can't help but be jealous of all of the beautiful babies that everyone seems to be receiving which makes me sad but also makes me feel so different from everyone else. I know that I don't know you guys, but I am very thankful for all the kind words in a very difficult time of my life. I sure hope that I am like some of you and can get pregnant soon....like hopefully this month. But everyone keeps telling me not to get my hopes up...which I understand that they don't want me to hurt anymore, but how could I not!!!

Holly - posted on 03/06/2009

Karen I am so happy you had a chance to hold Averi.  I am sure it is a memory you will treasure for ever.  I would say to remain optamistic and do not get anxious about being blessed with another child.  When you are relaxed and trying to be as happy as possible it will happen.  I lost my son, Grandy,  in August and have been "trying" since then and as of yet have been unsuccesful.  I am 38 and would love to have at least 2 more children.  I do understand the crunch.  As a mother you have infinate ability to love all your children.  Averi will always be your first born.  How does your husband feel about having another child?

Lisa - posted on 03/05/2009

Hi Karen,
I lost my daughter Gracie on 4th April 2006, her heart just stopped at 35 weeks, and all results said she was a normal healthy baby too. I felt just as you did and wanted to try again straight away. My second pregnancy was terrifying, with every twinge or strain causing me to ring the doctors, but with the support from them & my partner I now have a beautiful son, who was 2 yesterday. A new child doesn't replace the loss of our daughters, but my son has definitely helped me to heal. I wish you all the luck in the world on future pregnancies. Feel free to stay in touch & talk about things if you like.
Love to you & family

Chrystal - posted on 03/04/2009

My daughter had what is called an inseflacil(SP). The skull did not grow around her brain. She had a very low rate of survival according to the ultra sound pics and died at 23 weeks. I too had to deliver and got the oportunity to hold my precious baby girl. Six weeks later I was pregnant with my three year old Parker. I took four milg of folic acid everyday for thirty days prior to getting pregnant. I was told by the geneologists that since the 70's it has been proven that birthdefects that are not genetic have a 90% deduction when the mothers take atleast 4 mg of folic acid. This can be found in most multivitamins for old people.

My son was born perfect and as far as the physical portion of the pregnancy it was a breeze. Emotionally it was awful. I knew all of the doctors and nurses in our matunity ward because every little twinge I was in being checked. I was constantly worried.

It was all worth it.

My suggestions are make sure that you have a good hospital that is aware of what happened so they understand why you jump at every little thing. Be sure your husband is ready for a way moodier person this time around.

I also suffered from post partam after Parker was born. When I finally came to this realization 1.5 yrs later my shrink told me that due to back to back pregnancies, even if I had not lost a child, your hormones are out of wack for a long time. You may want to discuss your mental heath options with your OB so that you are ready when the next one is born.

Also be ready for the body changes. I was also told these are very common. I gained ALOT of weight and my body is having a very hard time getting back into a cycle. This I was told was from the loss and subsequent quick pregnancy.

Again it was all worth it. If I had to do it over I would not change anything.(as far as getting pregnant right away_

Stephanie - posted on 03/04/2009

Karen,

Pray and trust in God. 

I am having my baby in 15 days after losing my daughter Kaleigh at 37 weeks in Sept of 2007.  I am now 36, which causes additional monitoring of the baby, but I have been doing non stress tests 2x/week since 28 weeks.  It has not been an easy time, this one.  More headaches, stomach flu, physical therapy.  I got into an accident and went into a ditch when it was icy, so I have been seeing my chiropractor as well. 

Through it all I have prayed and asked God to take care of me.  I am now past the point where I lost Kaleigh, and feel that this baby is going to be just fine.  I do miss my daughter a lot as I get closer to delivery, and pray even more.  When I first got pregnant and was so conflicted, I literally got on my knees and cried out to God to take my fears/worries away.

I pray God will touch you with healing thoughts.  Blessings to you and your husband and congratulations.

Libby - posted on 03/04/2009

I lost my daughter on December 3rd, 2008.  I was on bedrest because of bleeding and then she lost all of her fluid and was stillborn at 20 weeks.  I didn't have any tests done on my daughter, but I had tests done on myself b/c I had a complicated pregnancy before her, which resulted in my son being born 10 weeks early.  My tests came back ok, and thankfully so because I found out a couple weeks ago that I am pregnant again.  I didn't think in a million years I would be pregnant again so soon.  It took us two years to get pregnant with her and we even had help with infertility that didn't end up working.  But we got pregnant and the first trimester was great.  But the entire 2nd trimester was horrible.  I too was on bedrest for about two months before we lost her.  My husband had to take care of me, the house and two little boys, plus go to work.  It was a lot on him and I often felt guilty for that.  But when he said he wanted to try again, it just eased my mind so much.  I had felt the same but I was afraid after having a preemie and then losing a child that he would be too afraid of what might happen the next time.  Well, the next time is now, and it just seems so unreal.  It has only been 13 weeks since Trina's been gone and here we are again thinking about baby #4.  It is still hard to bare.  I think it will always be hard.  I am afraid of this journey.  I am afraid of losing another child.  But the advice I would have is to go for it if that is what you want.  Make sure hubby is on board too because we know he is hurting too.  And moms and dads don't always hurt in the same way, so it may be harder for him to try again than it would be for you.  Or it might be harder for you to be pregnant again than it is for him.  Or he might feel pretty helpless that there's nothing he could do to have changed the outcome of your last pregnancy and he knows there's nothing he can really do the next time either.  So, just realize his fears too.  Perhaps this is a good time to start going to a support group or grief counseling if you haven't already.  I went to a support group last week for the first time and I loved it!  It was really nice to be around other people (besides my husband) who knew almost exactly how I felt!   Good luck on this journey.  Keep us posted!

Lauren - posted on 03/03/2009

Hi Karen firstly i am so sorry for your loss of your precious little girl.. I too am in the same situation as you i lost my first baby a little girl Abby on the 21 December 2008 at 40 weeks and 4 days gestation, with no explination as to why she passed this making harder to come to terms as to why a much loved and wanted baby was taken..
The only advice i can give you which i have given myself is that when the time is right our angels will let us know and will be with us to help keep their brother or sisters safe...
Take care Karen if you ever would like to talk please add me to your friends list..
God Bless our darling Angels
Love to you and your family

Halie - posted on 03/03/2009

Karen: i know the feeling of losing a child i've losed 4 and everyone was around 20 weeks and the doctors couldn't find out what was causeing it to happen but i kept trying and praying that one day that i would have a child to hold in my arms and not have to say good bye again. and god blessed me and my husband a beautiful baby girl on june 20 2009 and i was also on bed rest cause the doc thought that she was going to come out very early. but things went back to normal.she's the light in our eyes. when i found out that i was pregant the5 time i was nervous and exited afraid i thought here we go a again but it all work out i went to the doc once a week i was so sick of driving and seeing the doc every week but we took it day by day and talked to many people and they help me though the nine months.i just hope that you have great family and friends behined you and your husband when you get pregant again. i hope for the best for you and your husband. ( i know that i'll always remember everyone of them they are in my heart everyday and i think about them watching over my little girl)